I can't get out a victim/defeatist mentality with dating

[bigdave17]

I seriously feel like I'm destined to be alone and die alone forever, that no matter what, I can't make somebody want to go out with me that I would like to be with also.


I've had this mentality pretty much forever - I thought for a long time that maximizing things like looks, money, fashion, cars/houses, lifestyle, social circle would make these feelings naturally disappear but I've completely dominated all superficial areas and I still can't seem to approach dating with any sort of a healthy attitude. I'm in the top 1-10% in all areas that men get judged on (looks, money, social circle, etc...) but I still can't even make myself attempt online dating because I feel like it's so hopeless. I go to the gym and any cute girl I see, I tell myself a very long story about why she would never want to be with me. It's not even that I tell myself I am incompetent, it's that I tell myself women have completely impossible standards and want somebody who is perfect beyond belief. This just bleeds into all my behavior - I go out to bars and any girls I see, I automatically assume they are there with a boyfriend.


What's the answer to this problem? Why is dating so difficult in my head??

 

[PokerStar]

its your mind set bro. it seems that you mentally preparing yourself not to lose. it also seems that you are scared to take chances. like you are not willing to risk it all. If you fail so what? failing is apart of the overall game. so go out and fail and be proud of it. so that one day you will appreciate the win that much more.

 

[corrector]

I seriously feel like I'm destined to be alone and die alone forever, that no matter what, I can't make somebody want to go out with me that I would like to be with also.


I've had this mentality pretty much forever - I thought for a long time that maximizing things like looks, money, fashion, cars/houses, lifestyle, social circle would make these feelings naturally disappear but I've completely dominated all superficial areas and I still can't seem to approach dating with any sort of a healthy attitude. I'm in the top 1-10% in all areas that men get judged on (looks, money, social circle, etc...) but I still can't even make myself attempt online dating because I feel like it's so hopeless. I go to the gym and any cute girl I see, I tell myself a very long story about why she would never want to be with me. It's not even that I tell myself I am incompetent, it's that I tell myself women have completely impossible standards and want somebody who is perfect beyond belief. This just bleeds into all my behavior - I go out to bars and any girls I see, I automatically assume they are there with a boyfriend.


What's the answer to this problem? Why is dating so difficult in my head??

If you are in the top 1-10% of all areas that men get judged on, then you must be getting hits like crazy all over the place or attraction. Would that not, in and of itself, boost your own confidence now that you are getting all of that attention? If you are not getting that attention out there then maybe you are not in the 1-10% that you are claiming to be? Maybe more average.

 

[bigdave17]

If you are in the top 1-10% of all areas that men get judged on, then you must be getting hits like crazy all over the place or attraction. Would that not, in and of itself, boost your own confidence now that you are getting all of that attention? If you are not getting that attention out there then maybe you are not in the 1-10% that you are claiming to be? Maybe more average.

not really

I get approached by women who are 15 years older than me or who are overweight. Quality women don't ever approach anybody, that's a bunch of bull****

I go out with my 2 closest friends and it's not like any of us have women hitting on us. All 3 of us are various levels of having a very attractive face, awesome super muscular physique and extremely successful.

 

[bigdave17]

Try stop the big baby whining Dave. That may help.

lol

 

[The Duke]

Big Dave, I see this one of two ways.

#1
Its up to you. Sounds like your ego is trying manufacture reasons to keep you out of "perceived" harm. If you force yourself out of your comfort zone enough times eventually everything becomes comfortable.

#2
You aren't as good as you think you are. This starts with self-awareness and being honest with yourself.


The first flaw I see is what you think about online dating. You have never tried it, yet you have already formulated a conclusion that may or may not be true. Why not prove it to yourself first!

Its no different than your thought pattern regarding seeing a cute girl at the gym and assuming she doesn't have any interest in you. Start talking to her and see where it goes. Prove it to yourself first!

I used to have a buddy that was totally against trying to game girls in $trip clubs. He had a mindset like yours. He had spent very little time in them, and already formulated conclusions that all those girls want is your money and you couldn't possibly date any of them. He was dead wrong. LOL, the first time he ever went with me we snagged two HB8 Brazilians. Spent the entire afternoon with them and when they got done with their shift we all went out on a double date. He ended up dating that girl for a few months. We ran the strip club racket for a few years. Both dated several Strippers and had a blast doing it. He later thanked me for showing him it could be done.

I approach life like this and it serves me well:

-Regardless of what everybody else thinks and tells you.....always try it out for yourself. Your results may be different than theirs.

-Every time my ego or hamster in my head starts telling me not to do something, I stop and ask myself what happens if I do it anyways? What do I have to loose here? Most of the time you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

-Those who take the biggest risk, get the best rewards. Play it safe, then end up like the rest of the sheeple in this world. Go home empty handed and live without.

I've never been naturally good at anything. I suspect you have? As a result of having to struggle, figure it out on my own, and work harder than most, I have developed a tremendous amount of confidence in myself in a lot of facets. Confidence is the ultimate weapon in reaching success regardless if its business, sports, or girls. But you only gain true confidence thru action. By not following thru, you show weakness in your level of confidence.

Look around, successful people are always confident.

 

[sph21]

I go to the gym and any cute girl I see, I tell myself a very long story about why she would never want to be with me. It's not even that I tell myself I am incompetent, it's that I tell myself women have completely impossible standards and want somebody who is perfect beyond belief. This just bleeds into all my behavior - I go out to bars and any girls I see, I automatically assume they are there with a boyfriend.


What's the answer to this problem? Why is dating so difficult in my head??

Because you're over-thinking it. Your belief is limiting you to actually experiencing what she really wants from you. Some girls do actually have impossible standards. Some girls are immature. Some girls are fun to be with. Some girls are a huge pain in the a$$. What you want to do is to filter them out based on what you expect from your girl. You must paint in your head of what kind of qualities you want from your girl and after that, you must become the man of your dreams to attract the women of your dreams.

Nobody is perfect. If a girl want to be with a perfect guy, then she maybe doesn't know anything about that fact or she's crazy. If a girl don't want to accept your weaknesses (do not confuse it with your insecurities), then find someone else who will tolerate them.

Just because a girl has a boyfriend, that doesn't mean she's not bored with the relationship and looking for someone new. Getting a girlfriend is a number game. You might meet some low quality girls before you can get together with a very high quality girl.

not really

I get approached by women who are 15 years older than me or who are overweight. Quality women don't ever approach anybody, that's a bunch of bull****

I go out with my 2 closest friends and it's not like any of us have women hitting on us. All 3 of us are various levels of having a very attractive face, awesome super muscular physique and extremely successful.

So basically, you're a passive guy. You want girls to approach you because you have the muscles, money and look? No wonder you're having difficulties of getting a girl to like you. Your job as a man is to lead. You must always lead from the start (which is approaching) to the end (whatever it is that you want from the relationship).

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Yeah it's your mindset and the vibes you are putting out. Don't ask me how they know but broads can sense that shït a mile away and they will run.

"I'm in the top 1-10%."

They don't want to date Mr Perfect and possible fück up his life. They don't want the responsibility of having to be Mrs Perfect. Because guess what 1000% would fail your expectations.

Confidence not pessimism!

 

[wifehunter]

DJ's don't have these silly problems.

 

[bigdave17]

Big Dave, I see this one of two ways.

#1
Its up to you. Sounds like your ego is trying manufacture reasons to keep you out of "perceived" harm. If you force yourself out of your comfort zone enough times eventually everything becomes comfortable.

#2
You aren't as good as you think you are. This starts with self-awareness and being honest with yourself.


The first flaw I see is what you think about online dating. You have never tried it, yet you have already formulated a conclusion that may or may not be true. Why not prove it to yourself first!

Its no different than your thought pattern regarding seeing a cute girl at the gym and assuming she doesn't have any interest in you. Start talking to her and see where it goes. Prove it to yourself first!

I used to have a buddy that was totally against trying to game girls in $trip clubs. He had a mindset like yours. He had spent very little time in them, and already formulated conclusions that all those girls want is your money and you couldn't possibly date any of them. He was dead wrong. LOL, the first time he ever went with me we snagged two HB8 Brazilians. Spent the entire afternoon with them and when they got done with their shift we all went out on a double date. He ended up dating that girl for a few months. We ran the strip club racket for a few years. Both dated several Strippers and had a blast doing it. He later thanked me for showing him it could be done.

I approach life like this and it serves me well:

-Regardless of what everybody else thinks and tells you.....always try it out for yourself. Your results may be different than theirs.

-Every time my ego or hamster in my head starts telling me not to do something, I stop and ask myself what happens if I do it anyways? What do I have to loose here? Most of the time you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

-Those who take the biggest risk, get the best rewards. Play it safe, then end up like the rest of the sheeple in this world. Go home empty handed and live without.

I've never been naturally good at anything. I suspect you have? As a result of having to struggle, figure it out on my own, and work harder than most, I have developed a tremendous amount of confidence in myself in a lot of facets. Confidence is the ultimate weapon in reaching success regardless if its business, sports, or girls. But you only gain true confidence thru action. By not following thru, you show weakness in your level of confidence.

Look around, successful people are always confident.

why the **** would you want to date a stripper? That's disgusting. I want to date a girl who works as a corporate manager or maybe a dentist or something - a serious, professional and intelligent job.


but anyways, you make a good post. I have always made dating out to be this impossible obstacle in my head and I've made myself believe that women have impossible standards. I thought, by maximizing all aspects of myself, that these ideas would naturally disappear and they haven't. I have self improved and self improved and self improved and self improved and yet dating is the one part of my life that has been a miserable failure (compared to everything else that has been a huge success)

 

[bigdave17]

I'm like a 8/10 max and i get approached...c'mon now.

Anyway, I think you are suffering from a lot of anxiety.

an 8/10 is an extremely good looking man dude. You're making yourself sound like you're average when you're in the top 3% of men lmao

on the face alone, I'm probably about a 7-8 but my "presentation" (my body, fashion sense, grooming, posture, body language) is a 10/10. I still don't have any mildly decent looking women make themselves available to me in terms of giving me easy signs of interest

 

[marmel75]

Then you are writing your own story and your mind is ensuring a way of leading you to that ending.

Enjoy the ride because until and unless you change that mindset nothing is going to change no matter what you do.

 

[corrector]

not really

I get approached by women who are 15 years older than me or who are overweight. Quality women don't ever approach anybody, that's a bunch of bull****

I go out with my 2 closest friends and it's not like any of us have women hitting on us. All 3 of us are various levels of having a very attractive face, awesome super muscular physique and extremely successful.

What's your score on hotornot?

 

[bigdave17]

What's your score on hotornot?

I tried that like 8 years ago and I think my score was 9.2

but that's a bunch of BS. I'm Armenian so I look slightly ethnic. If I lived in Armenia or a middle eastern country or even a Latin American country, I would be considered a 8-9/10 but for white obsessed America, I'm probably more like a 7 in the face. I do what I can in terms of dressing extremely nice, having a great physique, having the fancy car and big house but it doesn't seem to mean much. I would probably do better with women being a very broke loser but being a 10/10 pure white boy

 

[corrector]

I tried that like 8 years ago and I think my score was 9.2

but that's a bunch of BS. I'm Armenian so I look slightly ethnic. If I lived in Armenia or a middle eastern country or even a Latin American country, I would be considered a 8-9/10 but for white obsessed America, I'm probably more like a 7 in the face. I do what I can in terms of dressing extremely nice, having a great physique, having the fancy car and big house but it doesn't seem to mean much. I would probably do better with women being a very broke loser but being a 10/10 pure white boy

Why don't you change your eye colour to deep blue with coloured contact lenses and put dirty blonde die in your hair and cut it really short if it's not straight? If what you are saying is true then that would be your jackpot.

 

[Reykhel]

He answers his own question here

 

[Trainwreck]

Op I’m a black guy the same boat but the reality is that amerikkka is a racist ass country. The only things you can focus on are what can YOU do about it? Funny thing is that I have an Armenian friend and he has resorted to ****** divorced moms lol.

1). Move! Go to a part of the country where it isn’t as bad for Armenians. For example, since I’m black I need gtfo of the southeast because it’s the worst region for me.

2). Adapt if you can. Try and imitate the Armenians that do have success with women.

3). Accept reality. If you look too ethnically Asian or Latin then you are ***** our of luck because women in the states do not like that. They’ll take light skinned latins and white looking Asians but if you look Mayan, Dravidian, or mongoloid af then you are screwed. The only race that can get away with that I feel like are black dudes.

 

[ubercat]

Oh great whiners club is in session. For fux sake you ask for advice then rebut it. People bond by finding commalities. Your problem is your immature negative attitude which leads you to highlight differences and points of contention from the get go..

Patrick King covers this well in his books. They r cheap and instantly available on Kindle.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Hey umm..

I'm not gonna beat you up on how you feel.. because I've been stuck there for half my life as well, to ordinary people it looks absolutly pathetic and what else is there to do but keep complaining about it?

watch the newest rsd video about social conditioning, it's pretty dead on.

the hottest woman you will cut your arm off for are being led to the slaughter by rappers and drug dealers. physcotic men are getting the top pvssy and ass now.

complete, utter degenerate tattoo covered drug attics are fvcking and dumping the girls you want so bad.

these girls cry themselves to sleep at night because guys like lil pump and "Mac miller" ran a train on there pvssy in a Vegas hotel.

and guys like you who are well off, healthy, good hearted are being completely chit on, lied to, taken to the cleaners in divorce court, laughed at.. spit on.. all because you just wanted a nice girl to love.

not gonna happen.

read this article everyday and get to pimpin..


http://bristollair.com/2008/inner-game/nature-reality/the-truth-about-women/

I seriously feel like I'm destined to be alone and die alone forever, that no matter what, I can't make somebody want to go out with me that I would like to be with also.


I've had this mentality pretty much forever - I thought for a long time that maximizing things like looks, money, fashion, cars/houses, lifestyle, social circle would make these feelings naturally disappear but I've completely dominated all superficial areas and I still can't seem to approach dating with any sort of a healthy attitude. I'm in the top 1-10% in all areas that men get judged on (looks, money, social circle, etc...) but I still can't even make myself attempt online dating because I feel like it's so hopeless. I go to the gym and any cute girl I see, I tell myself a very long story about why she would never want to be with me. It's not even that I tell myself I am incompetent, it's that I tell myself women have completely impossible standards and want somebody who is perfect beyond belief. This just bleeds into all my behavior - I go out to bars and any girls I see, I automatically assume they are there with a boyfriend.


What's the answer to this problem? Why is dating so difficult in my head??