Couple's Counseling BS... or Beneficial for a Daddy Dom?

[va2000]

My babygirl is doing therapy for her PTSD, and hopefully it is beneficial, but whenever she gets angry or frustrated she mentions that we need couples therapy "to learn to communicate" or something.

At face value, I would choose not to waste time or dollars on a counselor when I could invest the same on being a better man (and of course she would benefit from that... I'm not a cruel or thoughtless man).

The dilemma is that she does have mental struggles that I have compassion for but don't fully understand, and I can definitely see the benefit in having a third party who can explain what's going on in her head. Thoughts?

 

[Desdinova]

Whenever I hear of a couple needing to attend "therapy" or "counselling", I know that the relationship is basically over. Attending something like that just drags out the ending. The only person it benefits is the therapist or the counsellor, much like how divorce only benefits the lawyers.

 

[resilient]

Agree. I did couples counseling with the ex-wife for years while we struggled. It was such a waste of time. For one, the ex lacked introspection.... so everything was always my fault. I don’t think I ever heard a sincere “I’m sorry... how can I make it up to you?” Or “how can we look at this situation differently as a couple and improve to meet each other’s needs?”

What you’re dealing with here is one maybe two things:

One: She wants your empathy/sympathy for PTSD symptoms and experiences and up until now hasn’t genuinely felt you caring.

Two: Low-interest. Somewhere along the way, things got messed up. You didn’t support her when she needed your strength, went beta, stopped leading as a man or a myriad of other reasons. Hence the blame games and fights start.

I think you have the right idea though... take care of yourself like a true Don Juan. Earn your own self-respect wherever your attention is needed smile shrug laugh when/where it’s appropriate.

If the ship doesn’t turn around... you have a firm and better standing on where you’re going with your DJ growth.

 

[Julian]

this thread makes me sick on multiple levels

 

[CMNILS87]

Does counseling ever work for couples or is it absolutely pointless?

 

[highSpeed]

Agree. I did couples counseling with the ex-wife for years while we struggled. It was such a waste of time. For one, the ex lacked introspection.... so everything was always my fault. I don’t think I ever heard a sincere “I’m sorry... how can I make it up to you?” Or “how can we look at this situation differently as a couple and improve to meet each other’s needs?”

What you’re dealing with here is one maybe two things:

One: She wants your empathy/sympathy for PTSD symptoms and experiences and up until now hasn’t genuinely felt you caring.

Two: Low-interest. Somewhere along the way, things got messed up. You didn’t support her when she needed your strength, went beta, stopped leading as a man or a myriad of other reasons. Hence the blame games and fights start.

I think you have the right idea though... take care of yourself like a true Don Juan. Earn your own self-respect wherever your attention is needed smile shrug laugh when/where it’s appropriate.

If the ship doesn’t turn around... you have a firm and better standing on where you’re going with your DJ growth.

wow, and I thought it was just me. My "wife" has suggested counseling on a number of occasions and freely admits to wanting to go in there to grind axes, which is not even the f*cking point of counseling. So the whole session would essentially devolve into a bunch of finger pointing and me good, you bad type of thinking. I get the leading thing but c'mon man, that's like saying you should be perfect all the time. If you have a woman who's expecting you to be perfect and lead all the time, there's no point in even getting into a long term relationship. Eventually, you're going to do something she perceives as weak or not leading and then it's all downhill anyway. No one can be perfect all the time man.

 

[highSpeed]

Does counseling ever work for couples or is it absolutely pointless?

maybe but do you want to hope to be the one percent or expect to be the99%?

 

[va2000]

I tend to agree with this input, but I'm not oblivious to the fact that some people need clinical input.

If I choose to ignore it completely, what is my best reason? She will follow my direction, but if she believes deeply there is a clinical need, she may never see refusal as being dominance or leadership, but rather irrational ignorance on my part.

 

[resilient]

wow, and I thought it was just me. My "wife" has suggested counseling on a number of occasions and freely admits to wanting to go in there to grind axes, which is not even the f*cking point of counseling. So the whole session would essentially devolve into a bunch of finger pointing and me good, you bad type of thinking.

I remember that feeling. When unresolved fights get saved for counseling session after the build up... it doesn’t seem to help the point to communicate marital issues in private.

Mine used to like to to pick public parking lots or crowded restaurants where people gave me uncomfortable stares even though she was the one raising her voice at me. It was like they were each looking at me like “yo... keep your woman respectful of our environment” like I was in control of her behavior

I get the leading thing but c'mon man, that's like saying you should be perfect all the time. If you have a woman who's expecting you to be perfect and lead all the time, there's no point in even getting into a long term relationship. Eventually, you're going to do something she perceives as weak or not leading and then it's all downhill anyway. No one can be perfect all the time man.

I get it. Its not realistic and not objective for us DJs to have a impenetrable frame. We do our best and we’re only human. Unfortunately, interest level has no sympathy for “slip ups”. Lol.

 

[exhausted]

It can help if the woman is open to receiving criticism and taking blame and making a change to be better.

Of she is not it is a waste.

Us men are programmed to want to be better and do better in life, women are programmed to be right.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

My babygirl is doing therapy for her PTSD, and hopefully it is beneficial, but whenever she gets angry or frustrated she mentions that we need couples therapy "to learn to communicate" or something.

At face value, I would choose not to waste time or dollars on a counselor when I could invest the same on being a better man (and of course she would benefit from that... I'm not a cruel or thoughtless man).

The dilemma is that she does have mental struggles that I have compassion for but don't fully understand, and I can definitely see the benefit in having a third party who can explain what's going on in her head. Thoughts?

Getting involved with a woman who has "mental struggles" and PTSD?

Step back for a moment and think about what you are getting into and what you'll have to deal with when you're involved with a woman who has mental problems.

99% probability that her issues will always plague your relationship.

-Augustus-

 

[Bible_Belt]

Nobody posting to this thread has noticed that the OP has a fetish/**** relationship.

Sub space is legit PTSD therapy, right? The beatings will continue until morale improves.

edit: The acronym blurred out is Bondage Domination Sadism Masochism. It is apparently a dirty word as a acronym.

 

[highSpeed]

I remember that feeling. When unresolved fights get saved for counseling session after the build up... it doesn’t seem to help the point to communicate marital issues in private.

Mine used to like to to pick public parking lots or crowded restaurants where people gave me uncomfortable stares even though she was the one raising her voice at me. It was like they were each looking at me like “yo... keep your woman respectful of our environment” like I was in control of her behavior
I get it. Its not realistic and not objective for us DJs to have a impenetrable frame. We do our best and we’re only human. Unfortunately, interest level has no sympathy for “slip ups”. Lol.

Well my interest level (and d*ck) has no sympathy for big guts, small tits and a flat *ss

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Nobody posting to this thread has noticed that the OP has a fetish/**** relationship.

Sub space is legit PTSD therapy, right? The beatings will continue until morale improves.

edit: The acronym blurred out is Bondage Domination Sadism Masochism. It is apparently a dirty word as a acronym.

I had actually noticed the Dom reference. However, I think that getting involved in a D/s relationship with someone who has PTSD and mental struggles could be, um... Problematic.

Then again, I would imagine that many subs have some mental issue, it's just a matter of type and degree.

-Augustus-

 

[va2000]

OK, so what would you say? I need to say something because she brings it up often now, likely thinking I'm close to giving in and setting it up... I want to cue the big ****/comfort storm so we can move past this expectation.

I jotted down a short statement but is it detrimental to say this much?

after what seems like a year of reading I realize that a "couples therapist" is not going to fix anything. The relationship is the link between two people... I am improving myself and that's the best thing for me to do.

Would you just say I've decided therapy is not the answer, and say nothing more?

 

[highSpeed]

I remember that feeling. When unresolved fights get saved for counseling session after the build up... it doesn’t seem to help the point to communicate marital issues in private.

Mine used to like to to pick public parking lots or crowded restaurants where people gave me uncomfortable stares even though she was the one raising her voice at me. It was like they were each looking at me like “yo... keep your woman respectful of our environment” like I was in control of her behavior
I get it. Its not realistic and not objective for us DJs to have a impenetrable frame. We do our best and we’re only human. Unfortunately, interest level has no sympathy for “slip ups”. Lol.

And I'm not beating up on you here but this is where I get extremely frustrated, even with other DJs, who say this type of stuff. So what I'm hearing you say is, "She's waiting for you to f*ck up so she can hold sh*t against you." You know that's flawed logic right? You might as well not even get into the relationship then. If you have the type of woman who's expecting you to lead 100% of the time and waiting to hold crap against you, she's not relationship material. There's no amount of counseling, leading or anything else that you are going to do to change that. You could literally do everything right and she'd still find crap to grind an axe with you on. That's certainly no way for a true DJ to live man.

So why do we perpetuate this leading crap? Yes, I get it, you should lead as much as possible. It's silly though, to expect that you're going to be this strong, virile, manly man all the time. If you or anyone else is expecting that of you, that's setting you up for failure. It'd be like you expecting here to be this sex kitten all the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Not going to happen right? Should it happen most of the time? Sure, she should be pretty much as available to you as you would like but that's never going to happen 100% of the time. So expecting that of her is going to put a serious strain on the relationship right? Same thing with her expecting you to lead all the time.

 

[va2000]

OP, if YOU feel you need counseling, book private sessions first with a different therapist. Maybe do couples counseling down the road after that if you still think it's necessary.

I don't think it's necessary at all. She has a therapist helping her with her childhood, but I honestly don't see any communication failure, which is what she constantly focuses on.

Typically she spins a playful or teasing comment of mine (which she will explicitly admit she knows I meant good-naturedly), and say that I don't listen to her when she says certain words or attitudes make her feel bad or whatever. She says the problem is we don't communicate well and need a therapist to help bridge the gap, essentially.

I have mentioned that I'm not selectively listening but that certain things are just not a priority (I realize that was way over-sharing), but the result is she thinks that counseling is the proper way to have a healthy relationship (whether it's that I don't listen or choose to ignore her she would probably say that it's unloving or something). She feels there's a clinical or at least learning opportunity to communicate better and if I am brutal about never trying therapy it's not manliness it's willful obstinacy to something plenty of literature will likely tell her is a healthy solution.

I have no problem telling her bluntly that I don't believe it's worth it, but I want to be sure I'm not missing anything before I draw a hard line on this one.

 

[Dingo]

PTSD from what ?

 

[va2000]

Childhood stuff

 

[sazc]

I don't think it's necessary at all. She has a therapist helping her with her childhood, but I honestly don't see any communication failure, which is what she constantly focuses on.

Typically she spins a playful or teasing comment of mine (which she will explicitly admit she knows I meant good-naturedly), and say that I don't listen to her when she says certain words or attitudes make her feel bad or whatever. She says the problem is we don't communicate well and need a therapist to help bridge the gap, essentially.

I have mentioned that I'm not selectively listening but that certain things are just not a priority (I realize that was way over-sharing), but the result is she thinks that counseling is the proper way to have a healthy relationship (whether it's that I don't listen or choose to ignore her she would probably say that it's unloving or something). She feels there's a clinical or at least learning opportunity to communicate better and if I am brutal about never trying therapy it's not manliness it's willful obstinacy to something plenty of literature will likely tell her is a healthy solution.

I have no problem telling her bluntly that I don't believe it's worth it, but I want to be sure I'm not missing anything before I draw a hard line on this one.

Sounds like she doesnt think you 'hear' her.

try the IMAGO dialogue therapy, you can apply it on your own

http://imagoworks.com/the-imago-dialogue/steps/

I googled IMAGO dialogue to find that. Google if you need more info

You can do this on your own, without needing outside therapy. And you need to do it together. This means that you both need to commit to dialog-ing this way , all the time. No more nasty fighting.

If she pushes back, tell her to ask her therapist about IMAGO therapy to get an idea of how valuable it is. If she still pushes back, you are actually dealing with someone who thinks only YOU need to change. That's a no bueno in a relationship.