Girl dumped me on second date for escalating too fast. What to do?

[Dash Riprock]

Bottom line is she went into the date not sure how she felt about him. Him introducing the idea of sex answered her question. The idea of having sex with him turned her off more than it turned her on. It happens. He shouldn't take it personal, and he should just move on.



Yes. And i learned that women can't handle rejection because they aren't used to being rejected. Every single woman that blew their chance with me lost their minds when i said no.

Funny how that works. The hotter they are, the more they DO lose their mind when YOU dump them or go NC. They usually hook up with their #1 beta male orbiter for the ego boost as they cannot stand being alone or "losing."

Hail to the man with SELF RESPECT!

 

[Asasione]

@lizardking82 I knew that you weren't really implying the acceptance of an invitation to his house meant sex. And I do not disagree that 80% of the time a female coming over to your place has the intention of sleeping with you if things progress that way.

In some cases she will come over as a form of a 'value test'. Will you ask/imply to have sex and, if she says no, do you pressure? If you dont respect her boundaries she knows that you dont respect her, and there's nothing of substance to be found here, so she goes ghost and moves along.

In this case, I think that she felt like a slut the next day, and knew that he would expect sex on date 3 and, for whatever reason, she decided to opt out, rather then have to say 'no' again.

If I had to guess I would say that she felt like she had already blown the chances of this progressing into something meaningful b/c he was going to expect/pressure for sex moving forward. It's simply easier to nip it early rather than have to endure the pressure of escalation and constantly saying no - b/c he would ghost her eventually because of being denied.

This happened a long time ago to me when I was 16 but you don't escalate when a girl comes to your house she will feel insulted. Like she isn't attractive enough, damned if you do damned if you don't. You might as well go full throttle and if it fails move to the next girl than deal with that grief

 

[dungonnon]

Thanks man, I'm starting to think actually that I dodged a bullet here.

There's a few things about the date that I didn't mention...

1. She asked me how many "foreign" girls I slept with, major no win question. In my own way, I said I "shifted" (Irish colloquialism, aka, kissed) a few (lie, I've slept with a few, though years ago). I've been celibate of late but I could sense she was sussing me out to see if I was man slut, which I probably am.

2. She was emphatic about things she hated. A certain colour, a certain vegetable and other things I can't remember, but remember that she seemed to really, emphatically hate.

3. She's into death metal, which I don't have a hell of a lot of time for, I'm more an alt/indie lad. I would feign to put up with it but it wouldn't sit well with me, musical incompatibility.

Maybe my unconscious had me **** it up, so that I did dodge said bullet, experience the depression that I need to in order to shift my beliefs and perception so as to let go of it, and also learned mofo **** from you dudes here and grow too. Triple whammy.

She dumps you over that, she dumps you over anything. Very petty.

Next. But take a few things people have said about smoother escalation into the next. Because asking a woman repeatedly if she wants to go in the bedroom is little dodgy.

I've gotten away with far more than that little bit of clunkiness. She's just being fvcking petty and childish. Not worth worrying about too much.

 

[devilkingx2]

As a date he offered to cook dinner for her, that is why she was at his house. She accepted that offer and Im sure she also wanted to get to know him. Are you saying that by accepting his invitation to dinner in his house she is automatically agreeing to fvck him? I dont follow this - how does one thing actually mean another?

I get that this is what the dude hopes will happen, but just because she accepted dinner at his house doesn't mean she also accepted his sausage for desert.

if you don't want to do something why would you put yourself in the easiest possible position for it to occur? this is the reason that a girl letting you be alone with her/isolate her is a sign of interest

if someone claims they had no intention of getting drunk last night and you go "where did you go last night?" and they say "oh I went to this bitchin' house party with an open bar!" you're not gonna believe them

Sometimes some of y'all really do not get how important a woman's reputation is to her. Are there girls that throw caution to the wind if they are all hot and bothered? Yes and those are your first night/first date or second date lays.

But lots of women DO value their reputation and won't allow themselves to be pushed into a sexual situation EVEN IF and sometimes ESPECIALLY IF they really like the guy and care what he thinks and how his opinion affects her reputation. This shouldn't surprise anybody.

It takes two people to tango. It's not all on the guy the just escalate, escalate, escalate. The message that gives the woman is that the sex act itself is more important than the woman and her comfort level. This can be extremely off-putting. I'll toss a guy for over escalation and pushiness (and I date sexually aggressive men). The balance is in the man escalating but then if it's a hard "no", "not yet", "not tonight" or whatever...the woman is watching (consciously or sub consciously) to see if the man respects her enough to respect that boundary.

Smart women wait to see if the man has an actual interest in HER, rather than just her pants. And women never want to be the subject of the guy's night out tall tales. Yikes.

if a woman is still using rational thought and logic that in and of itself is the reason you're not getting laid, the precursor to sex is definitely not well reasoned logical discourse and eloquent internal monologue... most of the time

 

[devilkingx2]

lizardking82 I knew that you weren't really implying the acceptance of an invitation to his house meant sex. And I do not disagree that 80% of the time a female coming over to your place has the intention of sleeping with you if things progress that way.

In some cases she will come over as a form of a 'value test'. Will you ask/imply to have sex and, if she says no, do you pressure? If you dont respect her boundaries she knows that you dont respect her, and there's nothing of substance to be found here, so she goes ghost and moves along.

In this case, I think that she felt like a slut the next day, and knew that he would expect sex on date 3 and, for whatever reason, she decided to opt out, rather then have to say 'no' again.

If I had to guess I would say that she felt like she had already blown the chances of this progressing into something meaningful b/c he was going to expect/pressure for sex moving forward. It's simply easier to nip it early rather than have to endure the pressure of escalation and constantly saying no - b/c he would ghost her eventually because of being denied.

I think the male equivalent to a woman feeling like a slvt after doing something with a guy is when a guy has sex with a 300 pound woman because she's easy and he's desperate but then feels guilty and ashamed because of how low he has sunk

now, assuming the aptness of the comparison, that would mean that a woman who'd feel slutty for doing something with you thinks of you the way you'd think of a 300 pound woman... probably not an indicator of high interest if she thinks so lowly of you imo

but I suppose it depends on if a woman feels slutty after having sex with someone like leonardo dicaprio: a rich, good looking and talented man who normally only has sex with victoria's secret models and such

1. She asked me how many "foreign" girls I slept with, major no win question. In my own way, I said I "shifted" (Irish colloquialism, aka, kissed) a few (lie, I've slept with a few, though years ago). I've been celibate of late but I could sense she was sussing me out to see if I was man slut, which I probably am.

are you sure she isn't a racist? "how many brown people have you slept with?" is an eyebrow raising question to me lol

 

[devilkingx2]

What @TheGambino is referring to may apply to s*lutty immature "girls" but not a woman of value who's worth dating or LTR material. Women of value will generally make you wait exactly for the reason OP described. They DON'T want to be seen as easy or slutty and most of all they want to make sure you're into them, the person, not just their p*ussy. This happens a lot if a guy pushes too fast too soon. It also communicates the guy has very little depth, panache, and game.

not wanting to have sex with you is an indicator of value and quality because only slvts actually wanna have sex with you?

Her exact answer was: "If I had given in too soon, you would have been gone and I didn't want that." And she was right. I most likely would have seen her like every other chick I banged on the second or third date (a s*lut) and would have moved on.

so you DO subconsciously think that women who want to have sex with you are slvts and the only reason a high quality woman would want to have sex with you is to lock down your resources

bruh that's a real downer way to look at things

You can always go too fast. You can never go too slow.

this is the opposite of the truth

rarely is a guy's problem going too fast unless you're constantly going for first date/same night lays then moving on if it doesn't work out or asking girls out within 30 seconds of meeting them

the rest of the time, it's going too slow that fvcks you over. think of it like this: the pizza delivery guy can't be too fast he can only be too slow, whereas the assassin your rival hired to kill you can only be too fast not too slow, so are you her assassin or her pizza delivery guy?

 

[Roober]

Boom. Sh1t test failed. It wasn't the escalation--it was your lack of confidence in your right to escalate. Never apologize for an authentic action. A lot of girls reject you to see how you react and your reaction was to tuck tail, go back on your intent, & to basically admit to her that you aren't entitled to or accustomed to girls of her caliber.

Also, asking a girl to your bedroom is way too overt & uncalibrated (unless a girl is 100% into you or low inhibition). Next time, use plausible deniability--Oh, come look at my stamp collection or just pick her up & carry her in that direction while you're making out. She will make it very clear if she doesn't want to, in which case you just back off & wait for her to reinitiate anything physical.

This right here!

-Don't ask, you just ask!
-If she seems offended, never apologize for BEING A MAN.
-If she says no, just back off, and try again in different ways
-Accept that some women are turned off by men that escalate too quickly.

 

[djthiago1]

not wanting to have sex with you is an indicator of value and quality because only slvts actually wanna have sex with you?



so you DO subconsciously think that women who want to have sex with you are slvts and the only reason a high quality woman would want to have sex with you is to lock down your resources

bruh that's a real downer way to look at things



this is the opposite of the truth

rarely is a guy's problem going too fast unless you're constantly going for first date/same night lays then moving on if it doesn't work out or asking girls out within 30 seconds of meeting them

the rest of the time, it's going too slow that fvcks you over. think of it like this: the pizza delivery guy can't be too fast he can only be too slow, whereas the assassin your rival hired to kill you can only be too fast not too slow, so are you her assassin or her pizza delivery guy?

Going too slow on purpose shows your self-control and makes you more of a challenge thus making women want you more. One of the biggest complaints women have about men is that they wear their hearts on their sleeves; they want to go from buddy to husband in a month.

Your comparisons are dumb.
You don't want to deliver the pizza, you want her to come and grab it herself from you.
The assassin who's impatient makes the wrong move, you lure the target to YOU, you don't chase him, romantic love isn't some car chase, in romantic love you're supposed to stimulate the curiosity of the cat, turn your head the other way and the cat will come to you.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

She didn't like you enough. That's why.

Why didn't she like you enough? I have no idea because I don't know you.

 

[devilkingx2]

Your comparisons are dumb.
You don't want to deliver the pizza, you want her to come and grab it herself from you.
The assassin who's impatient makes the wrong move, you lure the target to YOU, you don't chase him, romantic love isn't some car chase, in romantic love you're supposed to stimulate the curiosity of the cat, turn your head the other way and the cat will come to you.

the point is that she wants her pizza to show up as fast as possible because she actually wants the pizza

whereas she doesn't want her death to show up as fast as possible because she wants to live

so are you the delivery guy that brings her what she wants most right now? or are you the assassin that fvcks up her day?

the point is that if she likes you having sex with you is something to look forward and work towards not something to be delayed and put off like it's her math homework

unless your goal is screening for lukewarm interest or girls who don't like sex

you can go as slow as you want or as fast but it probably won't benefit you to go slower or faster as long as you're properly calibrated

 

[djthiago1]

the point is that she wants her pizza to show up as fast as possible because she actually wants the pizza

whereas she doesn't want her death to show up as fast as possible because she wants to live

so are you the delivery guy that brings her what she wants most right now? or are you the assassin that fvcks up her day?

the point is that if she likes you having sex with you is something to look forward and work towards not something to be delayed and put off like it's her math homework

unless your goal is screening for lukewarm interest or girls who don't like sex

you can go as slow as you want or as fast but it probably won't benefit you to go slower or faster as long as you're properly calibrated

Nope. Women like to chase, the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be. The patient lion is the one who gets the zebra.