How to avoid getting flaked on

[Fobous18]

Hey gents,

I need your advice with this 10 that I’ve recently started talking with.

A little background on me:
Been in a relationship for 10 years, finally calling it quits. I’m fine with it, but my pua skills have gone down the ****ter.

She reached out to me and asked me to go to her brothers birthday party. At the party everything went really well. I DHV’ed and got her friends number and her other friend was completely digging me. Her parents really liked me and it was all around a good time.

So we texted back and forth and decided to meet up again. This time it didn’t go so well..
We hung out during a small get together and things didn’t go that well... I didn’t build enough attraction, and pretty much never made it to the comfort stage. There was very limited kino, most of which was one sided- initiated by me.

So I decided to try to salvage things and didn’t follow any of the sacred pua rules :/ and texted her that same night

Here is how it went,

Me: Hey, sorry for the abrupt ending to our night out :/ Thanks for taking __ and I out. We had a good time tonight.
Me:Though I would have liked to hang out with you more. if you’re open to spending some more one-on-one time with me, let me know. I’ll take you out somewhere pretty let me know
Her:Its okay I know we didn’t have much time! Thanks for coming all the way from oc i loved seeing u
Her:Yea definitely we should
Her: Good night, sweet dreams
Me: goodnight

The next day, around 12:30pm
Me: Hey ___, what’s your day looking like? Let’s hang out for a bit before I leave
Her:Hi __ sorry I just wokeup:/ i wish i could but my class mates are coming over at 2pm to study
Her: when you leaving?
Me: haha ok sleepy head, do you think you would finish by 6? I’ll pick you up
Her:Aww I don’t think ill be done by then, they usually stay till night time
Her: We can plan for next weekend well meet somewhere half way
Me: Aww lame :/ well good luck studying! Yes let’s plan for next weekend then, I’ll text you during the week to start planning
Her: ok sounds good XD

I think if I followed up with her at this point, she would definitely respond but eventually would flake on getting together.

After reading through a bunch of PUA material and realizing all the ways I ****ed it up, I’m surprised she is still responding. But I also think that it’s due to the fact that her family is acquaintances with mine. So she may just trying to be nice.

I need advice on what direction I should head this in. Plan a date/meet up? What kind of date?

Here are some options I’m thinking of :

1.) I’ll call her to set up plans instead of doing it through text. (Any phone routine you guys can advise on to build attraction would be greatly appreciated) calling will build a better connection and it will be harder for her to blow me off after speaking on the phone. Timing is important, thinking about a wednesday or Thursday night call?

2) I don’t contact her for a week and follow up with some DHV story about why I didn’t reach out to her.

3) I try to run some text game, and follow through by making plans to meet her.

Not sure if at this point what kind of date or meet up I should be aiming for? I still need to build attraction and finally move into the comfort phase.

All of this may be a moot point, and she may have already lost interest, what are your opinions?

 

[resilient]

Hey man. I'm going to be blunt. The problem in reading your text game is that you come off as too available, desperate, and needy. All of which to surmise are attraction killers and she will judge you as having a lower SMV or least a few points lower than your perceived status of her being a 10.

Responses in italics blue.

Me: Hey, sorry for the abrupt ending to our night out :/ Thanks for taking __ and I out. We had a good time tonight.
Why did you start off the text convo with an apology? That makes you submissive and femine. Don't do that.
Me:Though I would have liked to hang out with you more. if you’re open to spending some more one-on-one time with me, let me know. I’ll take you out somewhere pretty let me know
By saying "open to spending" it sounds like you are asking for permission. Men don't ask for permission. They invite the woman into his world. You have to act. "Hey listen, my schedule is busy with ___ [insert what you do]. I have an evening opening up this Thursday. Let's get together for some drinks at The Whisky Barrel. I can meet you there at 7pm.
Her:Its okay I know we didn’t have much time! Thanks for coming all the way from oc i loved seeing u
Good man. She validates your effort to drive out there. Though...a little unsure if she was just being nice, because it wasn't more specific beyond "loved seeing u"
Her:Yea definitely we should
Her: Good night, sweet dreams
Me: goodnight
Goodnight is ok, though... I wouldn't added the emoji at the end personally.

The next day, around 12:30pm
I would have waited 2-3 days to let her reach out first, make her chase you. If she doesn't, drop your offer for a date.
Me: Hey ___, what’s your day looking like? Let’s hang out for a bit before I leave
I don't know about this bro. It sounds like you're trying hard to see her and it gives off a vibe that she's going to run off with an orbiter, especially if she's a 10 and you're not a 10 yourself. 10s can sniff this desperation a mile away.
Her:Hi __ sorry I just wokeup:/ i wish i could but my class mates are coming over at 2pm to study
She sounds annoyed that you reached out to her so early after just seeing her last night. Also, who wakes up at 12:30?? I get that she's in college, but 12:30 is late man. Another point, she posits that her study buddies are coming over soon. I can't imagine them having a study session that's going to last all day and night. It's suspicious. My guess is she has a date or an event lined up for the evening already and is giving you the brush off... Letting you down nicely. She hasn't had the chance to miss you yet.
Her: when you leaving?
Me: haha ok sleepy head, do you think you would finish by 6? I’ll pick you up
Smh. This looks too thirsty, you need to back off here and let her pursue you man. Again, if she's a 10. You need to be a 10. If you're a 10, you're fighting off plates left and right -- not hungry right out the gate chasing her away.
Her:Aww I don’t think ill be done by then, they usually stay till night time
Her: We can plan for next weekend well meet somewhere half way
Leary of this one. She says next weekend but her response is vague at what time and place. It's a kind gesture, but be wary of being pushed off or that she's just trying to be polite. I'm not getting the vibe that she's attracted or has a higher interest level needed to pursuit. Just my two cents.
Me: Aww lame :/ well good luck studying! Yes let’s plan for next weekend then, I’ll text you during the week to start planning
Woe. "Text you during the week the start planning" that's needy and relationship talk and void of any mystery. Where is the fear in her that you're not going to run off to the sunset with your other plates? It makes you sound like you're on standby waiting for her to text you, so you can text her back in a microsecond. I'm being harsh here because you got to learn this lesson early if you want to continue batting in the major leagues with the 8-10s.
Her: ok sounds good XD

Bottom line:
TL DR... Option 2 so far... You want to convey more value. She has to recognize and see that in you. Right now, she has her doubts based on your pursuing thirsty behavior. Does she have access to your social media? Be wary there as well. She needs to pursue you. You need more options so you're not so thirsty bud. Get out there and get more numbers and plate options until your 10 becomes a viable option and desires you....she doesn't fear losing you.

 

[lizardking82]

Hey man. I'm going to be blunt. The problem in reading your text game is that you come off as too available, desperate, and needy. All of which to surmise are attraction killers and she will judge you as having a lower SMV or least a few points lower than your perceived status of her being a 10.

Responses in italics blue.

Me: Hey, sorry for the abrupt ending to our night out :/ Thanks for taking __ and I out. We had a good time tonight.
Why did you start off the text convo with an apology? That makes you submissive and femine. Don't do that.
Me:Though I would have liked to hang out with you more. if you’re open to spending some more one-on-one time with me, let me know. I’ll take you out somewhere pretty let me know
By saying "open to spending" it sounds like you are asking for permission. Men don't ask for permission. They invite the woman into his world. You have to act. "Hey listen, my schedule is busy with ___ [insert what you do]. I have an evening opening up this Thursday. Let's get together for some drinks at The Whisky Barrel. I can meet you there at 7pm.
Her:Its okay I know we didn’t have much time! Thanks for coming all the way from oc i loved seeing u
Good man. She validates your effort to drive out there. Though...a little unsure if she was just being nice, because it wasn't more specific beyond "loved seeing u"
Her:Yea definitely we should
Her: Good night, sweet dreams
Me: goodnight
Goodnight is ok, though... I wouldn't added the emoji at the end personally.

The next day, around 12:30pm
I would have waited 2-3 days to let her reach out first, make her chase you. If she doesn't, drop your offer for a date.
Me: Hey ___, what’s your day looking like? Let’s hang out for a bit before I leave
I don't know about this bro. It sounds like you're trying hard to see her and it gives off a vibe that she's going to run off with an orbiter, especially if she's a 10 and you're not a 10 yourself.
Her:Hi __ sorry I just wokeup:/ i wish i could but my class mates are coming over at 2pm to study
She sounds annoyed that you reached out to her so early after just seeing her last night. Also, who wakes up at 12:30?? I get that she's in college, but 12:30 is late man. Another point, she posits that her study buddies are coming over soon. I can't imagine them having a study session that's going to last all day and night. It's suspicious. My guess is she has a date or an event lined up for the evening already and is giving you the brush off... Letting you down nicely. She hasn't had the chance to miss you yet.
Her: when you leaving?
Me: haha ok sleepy head, do you think you would finish by 6? I’ll pick you up
Smh. This looks too thirsty, you need to back off here and let her pursue you man. Again, if she's a 10. You need to be a 10. If you're a 10, you're fighting off plates left and right -- not hungry right out the gate chasing her away.
Her:Aww I don’t think ill be done by then, they usually stay till night time
Her: We can plan for next weekend well meet somewhere half way
Leary of this one. She says next weekend but her response is vague at what time and place. It's a kind gesture, but be wary of being pushed off or that she's just trying to be polite. I'm not getting the vibe that she's attracted or has a higher interest level needed to pursuit. Just my two cents.
Me: Aww lame :/ well good luck studying! Yes let’s plan for next weekend then, I’ll text you during the week to start planning
Her: ok sounds good XD

Bottom line:
TL DR... Option 2 so far... You want to convey more value. She has to recognize and see that in you. Right now, she has her doubts based on your pursuing thirsty behavior. Does she have access to your social media? Be wary there as well. She needs to pursue you. You need more options so you're not so thirsty bud. Get out there and get more numbers and plate options until your 10 becomes a viable option and desires you....she doesn't fear losing you.

I would add that he doesn't need more options of women, he needs more options in the things he is passionate about. He needs to get busy and that will redirect all this energy he has that now falls mainly in this girl. He is too concentrated on one girl, but I rather see it as he is concentrated on one Thing. Never good.

He is tense and she feels it and the more tense he gets, the more she feels the lack of confidence in him and the more she backs away.

 

[marmel75]

There is only one way. Dont ask women on dates.

The people who get flaked on the most are also the ones who get laid the most.

 

[doctor1996]

There is only one way. Dont ask women on dates.

The people who get flaked on the most are also the ones who get laid the most.

Is that so? Not true in my case

 

[Fobous18]

Resilient- Really appreciate the advice and understand the points you make. It’s something that I have to work on, and will be doing starting today.

The things she knows about me, are that I’m successful and definitely better looking than her ex, but not like that matters at all.

I’ll work on the passion thing and will try to line up more dates. So I don’t come across as desperate or needy.

As far as the social media thing, what should I be wary of?

I’m leaning definitely towards not reaching out, how long should I wait ? Until she reaches out to me, or waiting that one week is enough before reinitiating contact.

 

[resilient]

As far as the social media thing, what should I be wary of?

One recent example is from my last ex-main plate.

At one point out on a date, she brought up that she saw the last girl I dated on my Instagram. I thought that was bizarre since all my photos are generally of landscape photography etc. Then when I clicked tagged posts, I saw that a few rows down an ex tagged a picture of us to from international trip I met her on. The crappy thing was this chick was overweight (major DLV in my mind as DJ). She was an in-between plate chick I met while on vacation. We connected emotionally but not physically if that makes sense. I dropped her promptly when I returned to the states.

Other problems would be if you post stupid lame pics that don't DHV your lifestyle. Example: all the people who post pointless vane selfies daily, or pictures of food, coffee, and other beverages. No one cares what you had for a meal 3x/daily unless your a world class chef like Gordon Ramsey, then that's a DHV.

I’m leaning definitely towards not reaching out, how long should I wait? Until she reaches out to me or waiting that one week is enough before reinitiating contact.

Good man. Yeah.... give her a few days to hit you up. If she doesn't text within a week drop the date idea in the text. I'm on the fence about waiting a whole week. I had a plate I did that to this summer when her interest level was high, yet I was busy as hell, she simmered down and lost interest. I eventually got another date with her that I set up. However, it was nearly two weeks from the point of date 1. In my mind, too much time had passed, especially for a summer plate when people are actively dating multiple people. That one crashed and burned.

Anyway, keeping reading this forum and DJ bible. You'll grow and improve your Don Juan spidey sense.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[marmel75]

Is that so? Not true in my case

You arent getting flaked on, the chicks are just ignoring you from disinterest in most of the cases youve posted.

You actually have to get the woman to agree to the date before flaking. A chick ignoring you after you ask her out isn't flaking. Its just a sign of high levels of disinterest.

 

[doctor1996]

You arent getting flaked on, the chicks are just ignoring you from disinterest in most of the cases youve posted.

You actually have to get the woman to agree to the date before flaking. A chick ignoring you after you ask her out isn't flaking. Its just a sign of high levels of disinterest.

I'm working on it. I'll get better eventually.

 

[Desdinova]

What I've noticed is your whole interaction with this woman sounds like you're planning a business meeting. There is absolutely no character in those texts. It's all about setting up a date.

I usually make small, fun chit chat through text before I work at setting up the date. Usually during my in-person interactions, I'll set up some kind of an inside joke with her. I'll tease her about something and then I'll bring it up through our texting conversation. Doing things like that gives a sense of familiarity, history, and really helps reinforce the rapport you've built with her. If you have something fun and familiar to go on, you'll have a much more successful time setting up a date.

Also, quit dating women in group settings. If you still don't know her that well, invite her out on a coffee date and take her on an action date directly after you're done your "coffee".

 

[derby1]

OP gets extremely negative when they dont reply within a very short time frame his words are basically "IM A MAN OF HIGH VALUE THEY SHOULD REPLY STRAIGHT AWAY"

OP... people have lives, people will test you, people have emergencies

women also have radards for these attitudes and she will put 2 and 2 together make 5, and figure that 3 dates in OP is not cool and calm but is an aggressive ****y and arrogant

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Head & Shoulders

 

[RichardTheFrog]

No way you made this joke before me!

 

[marmel75]

What I've noticed is your whole interaction with this woman sounds like you're planning a business meeting. There is absolutely no character in those texts. It's all about setting up a date.

I usually make small, fun chit chat through text before I work at setting up the date. Usually during my in-person interactions, I'll set up some kind of an inside joke with her. I'll tease her about something and then I'll bring it up through our texting conversation. Doing things like that gives a sense of familiarity, history, and really helps reinforce the rapport you've built with her. If you have something fun and familiar to go on, you'll have a much more successful time setting up a date.

Also, quit dating women in group settings. If you still don't know her that well, invite her out on a coffee date and take her on an action date directly after you're done your "coffee".

Maybe, but having fun chit chat isn't going to suddenly make a disinterested women interested. He needs to do a better job in person when interacting. That's the key.

It seems like he is getting their number so they can get rid of him, imo.

 

[Desdinova]

Maybe, but having fun chit chat isn't going to suddenly make a disinterested women interested. He needs to do a better job in person when interacting. That's the key.

It seems like he is getting their number so they can get rid of him, imo.

No, it won't turn an uninterested woman into a panty-soaked horndog. However, it will help keep him off the fence when she's trying to figure out whether to agree to a date.

I agree that she may have given him the number so he leaves her alone.

 

[TheGambino]

Too much discussion, too less lifting and working. Go lift Some weights or grind for money.. Lets All obsess less and approach more When we have time for iT.

 

[nismo-4]

Ditch and move on. You can do better.