How do bpd women move on so quickly

[Red Legg]

Yeah...One does not need to be a professional to know batsh!t crazy when they see it,I once knew a woman who would get a "glazed" over look and start speaking to me in a "child like voice" Strangely enough this only happened in the bedroom.... Only women I ever met that could give me a run for my money in "freakdom"

 

[Sneaky Pete]

The thing is like I said when I had her I didn't really want her. I didn't really go out of my way to do anything to keep her. I never respected her in the two years I was with her and had no real reason to. I loved her absolutely, but I knew I fell for the wrong girl.

Sounds like 2 yrs wasted to me.

 

[AJ84]

I would agree, but she did try a fake suicide attempt the first time I left her four months ago. She said she was gonna kill herself if I left to make me live with the pain. She had a falling out with coworkers, family, and friends and had an alcohol issue. She was manipulative beyond belief. Gaslighting etc. I know BPD well and She had every single trait of a BPD woman but IMO was also a narcissist.

What happened was I felt like she was losing interest in me the last few months of the relationship because I lost respect for her and started treated her like **** and not really putting in the effort anymore. The only thing I did was **** her.

I know she is a ****ty woman and not healthy for me, because when I had her I wasn't happy with her. So I don't know why part of me misses her right.

Can BPD and NPD coexist? I know she moved on rapidly from the last guy she dated before me. She dated him 8 months and told me "I almost loved him" which definitely set off the red flags but I ignored. How can you date someone 8 months and almost love them lol

Yes they can. Symptoms can overlap.

You said it bothers your ego that she seems to have gotten over you. Perhaps it's that that's bothering you, not wanting her back but a bruised ego. I think you are in a better place not being with her and with time you will move on from this. Start chatting up other girls so that time gets here soon.

 

[AJ84]

Y

I think some of it has to do with their splitting and black and white thinking. Once they split you black, you're done. I've only dated one bona fide BPD woman (more like "little girl"). We were on and off for a while, then started having sex and enjoying each other's company. We went on some really fun dates; hiking, whitewater rafting, paddle boarding, Cirque Du Solei. Then we had a major blowout at the dog park when I casually glanced in the general direction of another woman (no eye contact, gesturing, staring, talking---nothing. Just glanced). The BPD had a nuclear meltdown for the ages. Yelled and embarrassed me in public. It escalated during the walk home and when arrived at my home and she changed into nicer clothes and walked out of my house into the night saying "I'll have no problem finding a ride," lol (from a beta male orbiter I'm sure). I just let her walk, as a DJ would. That was 4 months ago and I haven't heard a peep. I've been total NC. I was white as snow up until that day but now I'm black as coal. There is no in-between with BPDs.

Black and white thinking for sure. That is a common symptom.

When they know they can't get past your boundaries despite many attempts they will move on to who ever else they can manipulate.

The OP later mentioned she did threaten suicide when he tried to break up with her in the past. That's a BDP trait so who knows if she has it and wasn't able to manipulate him anymore she may have moved onto to someone who she could.

They can't cope on their own, they need someone.

Again, a lot of sh*tty behaviour is just sh*tty behaviour but one way to determine if she really has BDP is to see how she is with other people in her life.

It's such a messed up disorder. they really, really don't know how to cope so they suck the life out of friends family partners etc and they rarely have the insight into their issues because it's everyone's fault but theirs.

 

[derby1]

Once they split you black, you're done

this^^, made some real good memories with a bpd proper good times!, week in week out!! she would have dropped paracetomol into the antarctic for me.......then we miss communicated over something and she painted me black , all the great respectful times meant FFFF ALLL to her, she was gone JUDGE JURY EXECUTIONER

 

[cityboy989]

"Out of sight, out of mind" is a trait of the disorder. They are able to detach themselves emotionally when you are not around, even while still in the LTR, which is what makes cheating so easy.

And it's not so much that she is really detached, but rather has achieved bpd relationship nirvana - the satisfying abandonment she feels after driving you away. That abandonment need is the core of the disorder.

Satisfying abanonment? I find Cluster B's are the most common to recycle men.

 

[captain55]

Y


Black and white thinking for sure. That is a common symptom.

When they know they can't get past your boundaries despite many attempts they will move on to who ever else they can manipulate.

The OP later mentioned she did threaten suicide when he tried to break up with her in the past. That's a BDP trait so who knows if she has it and wasn't able to manipulate him anymore she may have moved onto to someone who she could.

They can't cope on their own, they need someone.

Again, a lot of sh*tty behaviour is just sh*tty behaviour but one way to determine if she really has BDP is to see how she is with other people in her life.

It's such a messed up disorder. they really, really don't know how to cope so they suck the life out of friends family partners etc and they rarely have the insight into their issues because it's everyone's fault but theirs.

Yes she did threaten suicide and actually ended up swallowing multiple pills. She had terrible relationships with her family and her own sister told me she was abusive. She also had a very black and white way of thinking. Her dad told me the mom was crazy and manipulative and bpd has been linked to the mother. She grew up bouncing around from shelter to shelter with a mom that stripped for a living ...the dad was not around. All a very possible
Environment for bpd to manifest itself.

I remember within two weeks of knowing me I overheard her in the kitchen telling her family that she liked me because i “knew who i was”. This seemed strange to me considering she barely knew me...idealization perhaps?

 

[Roober]

You don't need a professional to diagnose someone with BPD when you know enough about their background, childhood, and live with them for two years. Especially when you dated one in the past. She had all 9 of the 9 traits...to be BPD you only need to be diagnosed with 5.

Would you agree that the traits of a bpd are highly subjective?
Several breakups and you still kept going?
Broken heart?

So an opinion of a dude who has bitterness towards an ex, clouding his judgement, self diagnoses a woman who he submitted to and failed multiple times, thereby opening himself to further scrutiny is supposed to hold weight?

I was educated in science and Your putting the horoscopes page in front of me. You will continue your struggle with women until you work on your internal game and not focus solely on those external factors. Don't be one of those guys! There is plenty of them around these parts.

Putting a label on someone to push your agenda is... Well... Frankly not worth me typing any more.

 

[captain55]

Would you agree that the traits of a bpd are highly subjective?
Several breakups and you still kept going?
Broken heart?

So an opinion of a dude who has bitterness towards an ex, clouding his judgement, self diagnoses a woman who he submitted to and failed multiple times, thereby opening himself to further scrutiny is supposed to hold weight?

I was educated in science and Your putting the horoscopes page in front of me. You will continue your struggle with women until you work on your internal game and not focus solely on those external factors. Don't be one of those guys! There is plenty of them around these parts.

Putting a label on someone to push your agenda is... Well... Frankly not worth me typing any more.

No...Didn’t break up with her until i saw symptoms of bpd. After i had my suspicions she was a borderline the illusion of having kids and a family with her fell apart. I still wanted to keep her around to **** though. Never said anything about a broken heart i left her....what hurt was knowing i fell for a borderline.

 

[wifehunter]

When orbiters are 'on sale' for 50% off... the choice is easy.

 

[captain55]

When orbiters are 'on sale' for 50% off... the choice is easy.

She didn’t have orbiters we lived in the middle of nowhere lol... She genuinely just fell out of love with me at least i think so....reason is I wouldn’t put up with her bull****. She would do or say something so idiotic and i would give it to her. The mistake i made was not leaving the relationship sooner and I️ take fault for that. Borderlines and narcissists are intelligent in some ways but there inability to see things from other people’s perspective makes them impossible to communicate with. She would have her own friends backing me up on things and still didn’t see where she was wrong lol

 

[wifehunter]

She didn’t have orbiters we lived in the middle of nowhere lol... She genuinely just fell out of love with me at least i think so....reason is I wouldn’t put up with her bull****. She would do or say something so idiotic and i would give it to her. The mistake i made was not leaving the relationship sooner and I️ take fault for that. Borderlines and narcissists are intelligent in some ways but there inability to see things from other people’s perspective makes them impossible to communicate with. She would have her own friends backing me up on things and still didn’t see where she was wrong lol

If that's the case, then you dodged a bullet.

Upward and onward!!!

 

[marmel75]

"Out of sight, out of mind" is a trait of the disorder.

That describes me to a T...sometimes I think there is something wrong with me.

 

[wifehunter]

i stay away from ever referring to BPD as its a medical term. we can assume many things but its dangerous to just chalk something up to BPD because we dont udnerstand someones behavior which is what i think a lot of guys are doing here.

Yes, just call her an 'evil b!tch'!

 

[051AV]

You are going to go through a recovery phase, you will be confused and trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, trying to put the answer to WTF just happened. It took me nearly a year to recover, I'm fully recovered I wouldn't ever talk to my ex again, I do think about her. Once you've purged yourself of the toxicity she put into you, life will be back to normal. You have been now programed with a crazy meter, once you've been with a BPD you can see the triggers, you can spot the crazy before getting involved with them. When I encounter women I try to find out what their family life is/was when she grew up if I don't like what I hear I quit getting to know the woman.

BPD women can be "F"in vicious, my ex locked horns with me she wanted to see me pay for breaking up with her she wanted to ruin my reputation she caused me a lot of trouble I'm just glad I never ended up behind bars. The good times we shared, the things I did for her etc it was all gone she forgot all about that. She's with a NPD guy he's got issues, she "claims" to love him, after being with her for 3 years he's a wreck.

I don't think BPDs ever forget about you they are like a bad rash that never goes away. BTW my ex claimed she tried committing suicide, she would go see a shrink.

 

[Bucko]

Answer this: Would you prefer a toxic woman stick around in your life? Or would you thank your lucky stars they moved on quickly.

 

[Masculinity]

I broke up with my borderline X less than a month ago at the time she was still trying to be intimate with me and still hitting me up. I left her because of her drinking issues mostly and she started disrespecting me. I contacted her yesterday to see where she was at mentally and she sounded completely over it, uncompassionate, almost like she threw two years down the toilet.

What doesn’t make sense is I’m the one who left her twice over the two years we dated but still am not completely over it 100%. If Truly wanted her I feel like I would still have her ....Even though I knew it was the right choice in my heart and I can do better.

1. Is this my ego playing tricks on me now?
2. How do bpd and or narcissistic women move on so quickly and become cold so suddenly?
3. I was with the girl two years and it’s been about a month should I be getting over it by now?

To be clear. I don’t want to back but the idea that she doesn’t want me anymore bothers my ego

They move quickly because there's something inherently wrong with their mental health.

 

[captain55]

Answer this: Would you prefer a toxic woman stick around in your life? Or would you thank your lucky stars they moved on quickly.

Good point.

-I guess it’s a combination of her moving on so quickly and the idea of her not being in love with me anymore that bothers me. When i left her the first time, and wanted me back I didn’t want to go back to her. It was clear why i left her.

-She is a bpd and narcissist for sure...but i can’t deny that i have some ego issues. I moved out and stopped putting any effort into the relationship once i lost respect for her. Can’t expect a woman to stay in love with you for long when you stop trying.

- I’m just glad she wasn’t some amazing woman...that would be harder for me to get over. As ****ed up as she was I do feel bad for leading her on and telling her i wanted a family with her when i already knew early on that she wasn’t the one. This woman wanted my kid at one time and was really in love with me and i should of ended it three months in when I had my doubts. Saved us both some time

 

[Roober]

How much evidence do you need though?

It is much easier to place labels on someone that looking inward. It is essentially justifying their actions and removing all of your own fault. Then being involved for two years, being weak or AFC, then blaming the woman, or labeling her? That is just silly, and ridiculous.

It reminds me of the kids I used to murder relentlessly in Mortal Kombat. "You use that damn net so much. It's cheap. Not fair." They blamed the game and the character I used. They blamed the system, and didn't blame themselves for sucking. Shall you be the guy that complains about the system, or the guy that improves enough to beat the system?

Placing labels and/or writing off women as crap, trash, or any other nonsense is an excuse to shelter one's own fragile ego. Last time I checked, we are not here to shelter our egos, we are here to grow and improve ourselves...

The proof is in the pudding when you read posts on this thread. When a guy complains about her moving on so quickly, he is obviously still stuck... and bitter... and looking for a cause... the problem is he isn't looking in the right places

 

[captain55]

I think this is a strawman, I have never met a man who went through one of these experiences that refused to look inward. In fact, once you have been gaslit and blame shifted to hell, that is all you are doing! It's literally a feature of the experience to try to dig yourself out of the inward feedback loop.

The guy doesn’t seem to get it. I made it very clear that i suspected bpd and that’s why i walked away.... he’s making it sound like I’m putting a label on her AFTER we split.

Was i weak for staying with her two years and being a slave to good sex? Yes. But that has nothing to do with a girl being bpd or not. I knew she was npd...thought i could handle that. Bpd? I was out of there

I mean The girl only overdosed on painkillers when i tried to leave her and said her death would be to “hurt me”.....that’s what emotionally healthy women do right?