How do bpd women move on so quickly

[captain55]

I broke up with my borderline X less than a month ago at the time she was still trying to be intimate with me and still hitting me up. I left her because of her drinking issues mostly and she started disrespecting me. I contacted her yesterday to see where she was at mentally and she sounded completely over it, uncompassionate, almost like she threw two years down the toilet.

What doesn’t make sense is I’m the one who left her twice over the two years we dated but still am not completely over it 100%. If Truly wanted her I feel like I would still have her ....Even though I knew it was the right choice in my heart and I can do better.

1. Is this my ego playing tricks on me now?
2. How do bpd and or narcissistic women move on so quickly and become cold so suddenly?
3. I was with the girl two years and it’s been about a month should I be getting over it by now?

To be clear. I don’t want to back but the idea that she doesn’t want me anymore bothers my ego

 

[btownbuck2012]

I broke up with my borderline X less than a month ago at the time she was still trying to be intimate with me and still hitting me up. I left her because of her drinking issues mostly and she started disrespecting me. I contacted her yesterday to see where she was at mentally and she sounded completely over it, uncompassionate, almost like she threw two years down the toilet.

What doesn’t make sense is I’m the one who left her twice over the two years we dated but still am not completely over it 100%. If Truly wanted her I feel like I would still have her ....Even though I knew it was the right choice in my heart and I can do better.

1. Is this my ego playing tricks on me now?
No - it's not your ego playing tricks on you. It's a normal, very human thought/response to have in your situation.

2. How do bpd and or narcissistic women move on so quickly and become cold so suddenly?
From what I can understand, the pain they do feel is so intense that it isn't even allowed for. They have developed ways, very early on in their lives, to deal with this. Going completely cold, changing their identity completely, etc. It's disassociation from a type of pain and hurt that is so intense and overwhelming that it is foreign to most of us. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not making excuses for their behavior. But in order to get over this and heal you have to understand where they are coming from. In fact, from what I have read, the more severely they disassociate from you would indicate they cared for you quite a bit. Take that with a grain of salt but it's a theory that floats around about these people.

3. I was with the girl two years and it’s been about a month should I be getting over it by now?
Of course not. It'll take some time. That's a normal, human experience to have after being with someone in a romantic context for two years.

 

[icantgetlaid]

There was this BPD plate that i had ... for almost a year she tried to win me over into a serious relationship ... we saw each other weekly ... and she made me feel like a god ... i was as important to her existence as the air in her lungs ...

Then she started seeing some guy who she's now in a relationship with ... i had never been dropped so swiftly and coldly in my life. It was like her interest level went from 110% to 0% in a 24 hour period. These chicks are cut throat and crazy.

 

[Bible_Belt]

"Out of sight, out of mind" is a trait of the disorder. They are able to detach themselves emotionally when you are not around, even while still in the LTR, which is what makes cheating so easy.

And it's not so much that she is really detached, but rather has achieved bpd relationship nirvana - the satisfying abandonment she feels after driving you away. That abandonment need is the core of the disorder.

 

[captain55]

"Out of sight, out of mind" is a trait of the disorder. They are able to detach themselves emotionally when you are not around, even while still in the LTR, which is what makes cheating so easy.

And it's not so much that she is really detached, but rather has achieved bpd relationship nirvana - the satisfying abandonment she feels after driving you away. That abandonment need is the core of the disorder.

What doesn't make sense is the day that I broke up with her and ended it in the car with her she starts to try and make out with me and was crying. Two weeks later she said she's not in love with me and had been falling out of love with me for a while. I asked her why she would make out with me the day we were both ending the relationship and she responds "IDK"...three weeks later I don't seem to exist and she's over it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

That's because getting dumped is hot! It turns her on. You could keep the girl forever if you just dumped her every other day.

"Border line" is where she wants you. She needs a man that she is right on the cusp of losing. You being over her is equally as uninteresting as you being in love with her. If you're not on the border, she's not going to be into you.

 

[Red Legg]

I love borderlines because of the twisted rough sex,never ever ever catch the "feels" for one or you are an emotional goner...I have dealt with many of them and most come back in a hoovering attempt in which I just smash them for as long as possible until they cycle out.One of my BPD exes still hoovers me 26 years later ! I am convinced she will never go away.If you gave her great sex she will be back borderlines are extremely sexual creatures.

 

[derby1]

what red legg said if you give her good sex theyll be back, but you need to be more of a cold fish than she is

 

[AJ84]

I have counselled many BDP clients and a lot of what is being described here doesn't match what I see in people actually diagnosed with the disorder, except for the sex thing that is so true and also substance use.

But BDPs do whatever they can not to have someone abandon them and rarely do the abandoning themselves. They will try to keep people in their lives even if that person isn't healthy for them. I'm talking cutting themselves and threatening to kill themselves. They don't usually just stop contact and they don't get over relationships quickly.

This disorder disrupts all aspect of their lives not just romantic relationships: family relationships, friendships, school, work. It's a very debilitating disorder.

I notice guys throw this diagnosis around a lot and I'm sure that some of you have dealt with actual BDP girlfriends but being disrespectful and getting drunk isn't BDP behaviour that's just someone being an ahole.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I broke up with my borderline X less than a month ago at the time she was still trying to be intimate with me and still hitting me up. I left her because of her drinking issues mostly and she started disrespecting me. I contacted her yesterday to see where she was at mentally and she sounded completely over it, uncompassionate, almost like she threw two years down the toilet.

What doesn’t make sense is I’m the one who left her twice over the two years we dated but still am not completely over it 100%. If Truly wanted her I feel like I would still have her ....Even though I knew it was the right choice in my heart and I can do better.

1. Is this my ego playing tricks on me now?
2. How do bpd and or narcissistic women move on so quickly and become cold so suddenly?
3. I was with the girl two years and it’s been about a month should I be getting over it by now?

To be clear. I don’t want to back but the idea that she doesn’t want me anymore bothers my ego

I think some of it has to do with their splitting and black and white thinking. Once they split you black, you're done. I've only dated one bona fide BPD woman (more like "little girl"). We were on and off for a while, then started having sex and enjoying each other's company. We went on some really fun dates; hiking, whitewater rafting, paddle boarding, Cirque Du Solei. Then we had a major blowout at the dog park when I casually glanced in the general direction of another woman (no eye contact, gesturing, staring, talking---nothing. Just glanced). The BPD had a nuclear meltdown for the ages. Yelled and embarrassed me in public. It escalated during the walk home and when arrived at my home and she changed into nicer clothes and walked out of my house into the night saying "I'll have no problem finding a ride," lol (from a beta male orbiter I'm sure). I just let her walk, as a DJ would. That was 4 months ago and I haven't heard a peep. I've been total NC. I was white as snow up until that day but now I'm black as coal. There is no in-between with BPDs.

 

[Roober]

Can we quit with the bpd nonsense unless said woman was actually diagnosed?

 

[captain55]

I have counselled many BDP clients and a lot of what is being described here doesn't match what I see in people actually diagnosed with the disorder, except for the sex thing that is so true and also substance use.

But BDPs do whatever they can not to have someone abandon them and rarely do the abandoning themselves. They will try to keep people in their lives even if that person isn't healthy for them. I'm talking cutting themselves and threatening to kill themselves. They don't usually just stop contact and they don't get over relationships quickly.

This disorder disrupts all aspect of their lives not just romantic relationships: family relationships, friendships, school, work. It's a very debilitating disorder.

I notice guys throw this diagnosis around a lot and I'm sure that some of you have dealt with actual BDP girlfriends but being disrespectful and getting drunk isn't BDP behaviour that's just someone being an ahole.

I would agree, but she did try a fake suicide attempt the first time I left her four months ago. She said she was gonna kill herself if I left to make me live with the pain. She had a falling out with coworkers, family, and friends and had an alcohol issue. She was manipulative beyond belief. Gaslighting etc. I know BPD well and She had every single trait of a BPD woman but IMO was also a narcissist.

What happened was I felt like she was losing interest in me the last few months of the relationship because I lost respect for her and started treated her like **** and not really putting in the effort anymore. The only thing I did was **** her.

I know she is a ****ty woman and not healthy for me, because when I had her I wasn't happy with her. So I don't know why part of me misses her right.

Can BPD and NPD coexist? I know she moved on rapidly from the last guy she dated before me. She dated him 8 months and told me "I almost loved him" which definitely set off the red flags but I ignored. How can you date someone 8 months and almost love them lol

 

[Bible_Belt]

They will try to keep people in their lives even if that person isn't healthy for them.

They cling to those relationships because they are not healthy. Loving someone with whom a normal relationship is not possible still pushes the abandonment button. That's why they love abusive men, married men, guys who are always in and out of jail, and guys with their own serious mental and substance abuse issues.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I have counselled many BDP clients and a lot of what is being described here doesn't match what I see in people actually diagnosed with the disorder, except for the sex thing that is so true and also substance use.

But BDPs do whatever they can not to have someone abandon them and rarely do the abandoning themselves. They will try to keep people in their lives even if that person isn't healthy for them. I'm talking cutting themselves and threatening to kill themselves. They don't usually just stop contact and they don't get over relationships quickly.

This disorder disrupts all aspect of their lives not just romantic relationships: family relationships, friendships, school, work. It's a very debilitating disorder.

I notice guys throw this diagnosis around a lot and I'm sure that some of you have dealt with actual BDP girlfriends but being disrespectful and getting drunk isn't BDP behaviour that's just someone being an ahole.

I think OP is describing someone with traits of or full blown narcissism as opposed to BPD

 

[captain55]

what red legg said if you give her good sex theyll be back, but you need to be more of a cold fish than she is

I wouldn't ever sleep with her. I have too much self respect to sleep with a woman after she has been with other people when I dated her. Rather just move on to a new chick.

 

[captain55]

I think OP is describing someone with narcissism as opposed to BPD

Yes she is absolutely a narcissist. But she did show traits of BPD as well....I always knew she was a narcissist very early on but didn't think BPD until a year into the relationship when she tried the fake suicide thing when I was going to leave her. I knew about BPD, but I was blinded and thought NPD all the way....guess she had both. This girl was literally crazy....would jump out of cars

 

[captain55]

Can we quit with the bpd nonsense unless said woman was actually diagnosed?

You don't need a professional to diagnose someone with BPD when you know enough about their background, childhood, and live with them for two years. Especially when you dated one in the past. She had all 9 of the 9 traits...to be BPD you only need to be diagnosed with 5.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Can we quit with the bpd nonsense unless said woman was actually diagnosed?

Most current medical literature says BPDs are often misdiagnosed as something else. They are so unique in their behavior that if you've ever dated one, almost all exhibit 80+% of the classic symptom warning signs. At least the one I dated did. I think she scored 100%.

 

[captain55]

That's because getting dumped is hot! It turns her on. You could keep the girl forever if you just dumped her every other day.

"Border line" is where she wants you. She needs a man that she is right on the cusp of losing. You being over her is equally as uninteresting as you being in love with her. If you're not on the border, she's not going to be into you.

The thing is like I said when I had her I didn't really want her. I didn't really go out of my way to do anything to keep her. I never respected her in the two years I was with her and had no real reason to. I loved her absolutely, but I knew I fell for the wrong girl.

 

[raider87]

I think OP is describing someone with traits of or full blown narcissism as opposed to BPD

So just a regular girl then.