it's almost impossible to screw up with a girl unless you never really had a shot.

[devilkingx2]

If @devilkingx2 thinks sending racy pictures and responding to booty calls is what makes a woman fun, then he is obviously dumpster diving. A smart woman who cares about her reputation does NOT put pictures out for consumption which are racy in nature. Those pictures have a nasty habit of turning up years later and biting you in the ass. We see them when vetting potential employees. We don't hire people who exhibit that sort of indiscretion. It would reflect poorly on the organization if we did.

you respond to criticism about you not being fun by talking about professional employment prospects? lmfao. good to know that we can count on you not to embarass the company, but what I want to know is if I have to leave you at home when I go to vegas lol

being uptight and/or self-righteous about anything makes you a buzzkill, not a classy lady. and you my dear @BeExcellent are both.

is that how you sell yourself to men? "I don't do things you could get from other girls and getting less bang for your buck makes me a great catch?" like you're really betting a lot on whether or not all girls who do things you don't are worse than you.

 

[sazc]

IDK I always try to give a new guy the benefit of the doubt. Yes, neediness is a turn off - but it may just be a sign of nervous excitement. As long as he understands not to be impatient if I match him texting, I usually decide to perceive it as nervous excitement and feel flattered, give him the benefit of the doubt and wait and see how spending real time with him 'hits' me. I will know better after the first date.

 

[Macaframalama]

i dont quite agree with the OP im afraid ive had plenty of instances where women have been all over me highly invested and the transfer of one misunderstood text/word has sent that interest plummiting

example one i referred to playfully and said GOOD DAY LOVER!! this followed with a rant from her on us being friends with benefits

then i must have said the words "treat my woman well" in another text and she balked at the relationship words

there never happy at all

That honestly does sound kind of like something a creeper would say. I once drunk messaged a chic the first four lines from "Slob on my knob" by 3-6 Mafia and ended up with a date after it was all said and done, but I would question ever saying this. "Lover" and "My" could feel like you were trying affix a label on her and box her in.

 

[sazc]

If @devilkingx2 thinks sending racy pictures and responding to booty calls is what makes a woman fun, then he is obviously dumpster diving. A smart woman who cares about her reputation does NOT put pictures out for consumption which are racy in nature. Those pictures have a nasty habit of turning up years later and biting you in the ass. We see them when vetting potential employees. We don't hire people who exhibit that sort of indiscretion. It would reflect poorly on the organization if we did.

That's a little unfair. His profile states he's 20. That's probably a large part of his existence right now and what girls around his age are willing to do - so he is accustomed. I would guess as maturity and wisdom (time) hit him he will continue to augment his beliefs.

 

[devilkingx2]

That's a little unfair. His profile states he's 20. That's probably a large part of his existence right now and what girls around his age are willing to do - so he is accustomed. I would guess as maturity and wisdom (time) hit him he will continue to augment his beliefs.

you know how there are "nice guys" who try to sell themselves on how nice they are and how they're not like assh0les who are exciting and interesting, they're instead nondescript nice guys who are so much better than a bad boy doing a wheelie on a motorcycle in a leather jacket with sunglasses.... because they said so.

that's generally what the girls who try to sell themselves by saying "they're not that kinda girl" are like. they try to make you think that girls who are actually interesting are all slvts and you should date a girl like her instead.

it's an enormous red flag when someone tries to say what they DON'T do rather than selling you with what they do do. if they start with don'ts they don't do **** but are trying to convince you that everyone else is worse

it's the difference between "the least unhealthy soft drink on earth" and "the best stuff on earth", I wanna drink the best stuff on earth, wtf kinda selling point is "we won't harm you as much as the other drinks do" though.

 

[sazc]

you know how there are "nice guys" who try to sell themselves on how nice they are and how they're not like assh0les who are exciting and interesting, they're instead nondescript nice guys who are so much better than a bad boy doing a wheelie on a motorcycle in a leather jacket with sunglasses.... because they said so.

that's generally what the girls who try to sell themselves by saying "they're not that kinda girl" are like. they try to make you think that girls who are actually interesting are all slvts and you should date a girl like her instead.

it's an enormous red flag when someone tries to say what they DON'T do rather than selling you with what they do do. if they start with don'ts they don't do **** but are trying to convince you that everyone else is worse

it's the difference between "the least unhealthy soft drink on earth" and "the best stuff on earth", I wanna drink the best stuff on earth, wtf kinda selling point is "we won't harm you as much as the other drinks do" though.

I think get it. So you prefer the females who are open and on the table about who they are, and not trying to sell themselves by comparing themselves to (their perception) of the 'bad girl'. And you are 20, and that is exactly what you should be doing rght now.
With experience comes wisdom, there is just no other way. Get out there, have fun, experience everything you can.

I agree with you. When you run into a person who needs to sell themselves at someone elses expense, you need to consider that a red flag. why do they need to down someone else to raise themselves up? Their value should not need to be artificially lifted, it should stand on it's own.

 

[BeExcellent]

you respond to criticism about you not being fun by talking about professional employment prospects? lmfao.

no matter what it is whether mini skirts or racy pics or going to parties or anything else at all under the sun, one thing holds true. being uptight and/or self-righteous about anything makes you a buzzkill, not a classy lady. and you my dear @BeExcellent are both.

(those specific examples are some of the flavors of "I'm better than other girls because I am less interesting and less appealing but keep the ego of other girls" I've heard over the years.)

I assure you I exude class and furthermore I assure you I am fun.

@BeExcellent curious, none of my business but are you sleeping with the man you are dating? Do you sleep with the men you 'date'? Do you 'date' more then one man at a time and, if you do, are you open to sleeping with all of them while you are dating them?

Again, none of my business but, I would drop 3 month man. Those are no-go qualities for me. I'm looking for longevity in a partner. Financial mismanagement gives me anxiety and someone who has no problem lying in front of you to someone else, will have no problem lying TO you. Better to set yourself free and be available for a higher quality man IMO

I do date various people concomitantly but I do not enter into a sexual relationship lightly or casually. Currently I'm not sleeping with anyone as I prefer an exclusive arrangement (but once in a while I may take on a non-exclusive lover if I am comfortable enough and have known him well enough or long enough. That was the case with the man I saw for about 18 months a while back - it was about 6 months before things got sexual and we were involved for a year after that and still are friendly.)

I agree the things I've observed recently from 3 month man are concerning. Like you I make the assumption that if he will lie to a close friend he will have no issue lying to me.

I too look for longevity. My highest priority right now is rearing my kids so honestly dating is secondary. I've seen women who get so wrapped up in dating that their children suffer for it. I don't think that is the right thing to do. So I figure that if I meet someone who I really like well enough, have compatibility with and with whom things look like they have potential to really go somewhere, then weighing the questions of whether or not to get sexual and whether or not to rearrange my life for that person become more a focal point as things evolve, but not unless and until that time comes do those questions come into focus.

It's quite rare for me to meet someone who REALLY appeals to me on all cylinders. I've met only 2 since my divorce, the current guy and the 18 month guy. So the recent things I've seen with the current guy are disappointing tbh. I meet great guys constantly but often after a few dates typically I'm just not that interested, and so I withdraw. I do tell them I'm not interested so they know to move on. I know the type of man who appeals to me exists, so I'm patient and keep sorting. If I come across one that appeals, then the screening for compatibility and character starts in earnest. It's a process.

 

[Urbanyst]

Oh you guys crack me up. Believe whatever you like. If it saves @Urbanyst's ego to think I'm not who I say and I don't have the social abundance that I do, that's just fine if that makes him FEEL better. It doesn't have any affect on my reality, which is as I've stated. If @devilkingx2 thinks sending racy pictures and responding to booty calls is what makes a woman fun, then he is obviously dumpster diving. A smart woman who cares about her reputation does NOT put pictures out for consumption which are racy in nature. Those pictures have a nasty habit of turning up years later and biting you in the ass. We see them when vetting potential employees. We don't hire people who exhibit that sort of indiscretion. It would reflect poorly on the organization if we did.

Sure I was no fun at all. I married a nightclub owner. I therefore must be totally boring. Sure

When you are a hot sought after woman, top guys are competing for you. That's the way it is, was, has been and always will be. That's the way it was in my teens and 20s and that's the way it is now. That's what you see on here, guys competing for the best women they can get.

Why that bothers some of you is fascinating to me.

Doesn't "bother" any of us.

I just don't buy that you have all these high VALUE men who want relationships with you. I believe you have a lot of men chasing you who find you SEXUALLY attractive and that's it. Which is common for most women who are over a 5 in looks. Welcome to the club.

You take that male attention and add more meaning to it than what is there. It strokes your ego to assume you have your pick of men. But you really don't.

 

[Urbanyst]

I assure you I exude class and furthermore I assure you I am fun.

What is the most "FUN" thing you did in the last month?

 

[devilkingx2]

I think get it. So you prefer the females who are open and on the table about who they are, and not trying to sell themselves by comparing themselves to (their perception) of the 'bad girl'. And you are 20, and that is exactly what you should be doing rght now.
With experience comes wisdom, there is just no other way. Get out there, have fun, experience everything you can.

well, they usually think they're saying "my car doesn't explode like other cars do" which is like, if you think that's a bad thing, and that cars which explode are gutter trash, why are you implying that being a level above that is a good thing? lol

if anything compare yourself to someone you think is great and talk about how your boobs are even bigger than kate upton's and your accent is even sexier than sofia vergara's or something. I wanna date a girl who is a level above kate upton, sign me right up for that fam

although in my experience they're usually saying "my knife never needs sharpening! (ignore that it's too brittle to sharpen and would break if you tried)" which 9 times out of 10 is "I don't do this because i'm insecure but I spin it to be about my class and chastity"

HOWEVER there are other reasons girls do it, it's not just insecurity (I've seen a few girls who either have mountain sized egos and think that a queen does not worry about pleasing her servants, or a few others who say that they want to get men without using their bodies or sex appeal... but they can't take a joke or hold a conversation so there's nothing else to like about them lmfao)

I agree with you. When you run into a person who needs to sell themselves at someone elses expense, you need to consider that a red flag. why do they need to down someone else to raise themselves up? Their value should not need to be artificially lifted, it should stand on it's own.

glad we could agree I'd also say that their value should be actual value not PR spin.

 

[sazc]

@BeExcellent Im also curious, exactly how do you meet 4-5 high quality men per month? I look at my life, child rearing, work, domesticity, etc and wonder how you find all the time to meet so many potential suitors as well as date? Maybe my work environment is different but everyone maintains themselves on a professional level, so there's no potential there. And, when I go out, I do see men, and have the occasional day approach, but not 4-5 per month. It's hard to believe that your social circle is so large that you meet 4-5 new men per month?

 

[BeExcellent]

That's a little unfair. His profile states he's 20. That's probably a large part of his existence right now and what girls around his age are willing to do - so he is accustomed.

Agreed. My view is different than that of the men here young enough to be my sons. So I do think some of it is generational. I try and help my daughters understand the consequences of indiscretion because some irresponsible thing on Instagram or Facebook or sending naughty pictures cannot be undone. I've seen men share naughty pictures some girl sent them (my ex works at a boarding school - he sees this frequently...and if the girls knew, they'd be embarrassed.) That's a huge topic of conversation I have with other parents of teens. Its SCARY the possibilities but its the landscape of the day. Brave new world indeed. I understand that the young guys don't have the perspective I do, they can't, although some are quite insightful. I also realize my frame of reference seems stodgy to some of the young guys but truly human nature isn't any different than its ever been.

@BeExcellent Im also curious, exactly how do you meet 4-5 high quality men per month? I look at my life, child rearing, work, domesticity, etc and wonder how you find all the time to meet so many potential suitors as well as date? Maybe my work environment is different but everyone maintains themselves on a professional level, so there's no potential there. And, when I go out, I do see men, and have the occasional day approach, but not 4-5 per month. It's hard to believe that your social circle is so large that you meet 4-5 new men per month?

I'm an executive and consultant in business development/upper management in healthcare. A large part of my professional endeavors involve building relationships between various organizations at a high level. So I meet tons of people and have tons of contacts doing that. In addition I have real estate businesses in several states and I'm involved in charity organizations, all of which have social functions and which also have lots of social contacts. I mentor other real estate people and I speak before real estate groups on occasion. So I get plenty of exposure. I also frequently get approached when I'm out having dinner by myself (which I do often when I'm at my secondary residence because why mess up the kitchen for just me.) The man I have a date with Saturday night met me at the fall event put on recently by my health club where I went with some real estate friends. I've been approached at Whole Foods, at dinner, while hitting golf balls, at events, at Starbucks...people come over and introduce themselves.

 

[BeExcellent]

What is the most "FUN" thing you did in the last month?

1. Went impromptu to Las Vegas because a girlfriend was there for a business conference and had a double room. So myself and two other friends, went, had dinner at my very old friend's venue, and caught up with our mutual friend who was there on business. We missed the shooting by a week.

2. Went to a gallery opening for an artist friend of mine in Southern CA. The artist and the gallery owners are friends of mine. After the event about 20 of us went out for late dinner and drinks. Stayed at my friends home and hung out with their kids in the pool, which has a 180 degree view of the Pacific. Next evening hung out with their family.

Did movies a couple of times and dinner out a number of times, and attended my advanced salsa class several times, as well. I go to class and go dancing at least once a week when I am at my secondary residence. I've danced ballroom. Latin and country for many years. It's social, its fun and its great exercise so I do that with some frequency.

Later this month I've been invited to go see Kid Rock on a date. I've been invited to come to Maui if I choose to go (really I don't have time to do that in the near term.) It doesn't matter what I do or don't do. I answer because I'm happy to share. I'm happy to share because there ARE people who do well, have full lives and are enjoying the journey. Some of y'all need to get out and live your lives rather than dissing me for living mine.

Some of y'all ask questions with the specific intent of turning things around and twisting things. Think bigger and get over yourselves. When people PM me with personal problems here I try and give good advice and feedback. I don't BS and I don't sugarcoat and I'm proud of who I am and what I've acccomplished, failures, faults and all. If you don't believe what I say, if you think I am something other than what I represent, so what. Read my posts here. They are highly consistent. That's because they are the truth. Nobody could make this stuff up and keep it all straight for 2 years running.

But if y'all need to go poking around at me, go right ahead. Clearly its more entertaining that whatever else you have going on.

Cheers!

 

[Sal]

Agreed. My view is different than that of the men here young enough to be my sons. So I do think some of it is generational. I try and help my daughters understand the consequences of indiscretion because some irresponsible thing on Instagram or Facebook or sending naughty pictures cannot be undone. I've seen men share naughty pictures some girl sent them (my ex works at a boarding school - he sees this frequently...and if the girls knew, they'd be embarrassed.) That's a huge topic of conversation I have with other parents of teens. Its SCARY the possibilities but its the landscape of the day. Brave new world indeed. I understand that the young guys don't have the perspective I do, they can't, although some are quite insightful. I also realize my frame of reference seems stodgy to some of the young guys but truly human nature isn't any different than its ever been.



I'm an executive and consultant in business development/upper management in healthcare. A large part of my professional endeavors involve building relationships between various organizations at a high level. So I meet tons of people and have tons of contacts doing that. In addition I have real estate businesses in several states and I'm involved in charity organizations, all of which have social functions and which also have lots of social contacts. I mentor other real estate people and I speak before real estate groups on occasion. So I get plenty of exposure. I also frequently get approached when I'm out having dinner by myself (which I do often when I'm at my secondary residence because why mess up the kitchen for just me.) The man I have a date with Saturday night met me at the fall event put on recently by my health club where I went with some real estate friends. I've been approached at Whole Foods, at dinner, while hitting golf balls, at events, at Starbucks...people come over and introduce themselves.

Not for nothing but you are a name dropping lame. You need to attach yourself to things you deem $$$ or "high value" as if those same things haven't been there, done that or like any deluded cult follower of some run of the mill self-help "guru" can't Google and pretend like they've "done it all". Newsflash: Many have seen your type. Like the Amway salesmen who SWEAR they are multi-millionaires but are broke AF but use delusion and fantasist nonsense as a coping mechanism to defend against reality.

And in between all that wonderful life you lead you manage to find the time to post long drawn out posts daily on SS.

Some of us see right through the nonsense.

 

[raider87]

Beexcellent is like a female bigniel.

 

[skinnyguy]

As to the OP it absolutely can matter how NEEDY a man comes across. Neediness is a turnoff. Busy people never want to feel like they've got to entertain some other adult or be that other adult's center of attention. That gets suffocating very quickly.

While I recognize the swipe that Urbanyst takes at me, he cannot understand how wrong he is. All men want sex. Duh. All men will move straightaway to sex if a woman allows it, and most men will then judge her afterwards. Duh. So a good woman knows this and always holds out from granting quick sex. The sex only crowd falls away from me quickly. I don't send racy photos EVER, I don't accept invitations same evening and I don't respond to late night booty type calls. I don't "go home" with men I meet at any venue. Plans must be made with me in advance. This absolutely weeds out the pump & dump crowd.

So options beyond that are REAL options.

For example I am dating someone who I like. We are not exclusive and we are open to others. I am extremely patient and pragmatic about this. As things move along (we are about 3 months in) his insecurities are showing more and more. I am not falling all over him panting after him like he is accustomed to. Rather as I get to know him better I keep evaluating whether or not he's good enough for me. For all his good looks and charm I'm very much on the fence about him at this point. I've recently watched him tell intentional lies to one of his better friends, while justifying the lie to me, (I said nothing - just observed) he's revealed his financial habits (which concern me) including his desire to consume well above his own personal means (which are not meager.) It takes time to observe another person and it requires looking at them objectively despite how you FEEL about them. I find this man very sexy and appealing, and we get along effortlessly but I am seeing things that give me pause. So I'm pausing and accepting dates with other REAL options.

And the guy I have a date with set for Saturday night has honestly been texting too much. I'd prefer to chat on the date. Multiple texts a day are for LTR partners, not somebody you haven't met more than once or twice.

Incessant overtexting CAN run off a good woman who has options. I plan to go out with this man because I'd like to have an opportunity to get to know him, but the over texting does come off needy. I'm too busy to be somebody's constant entertainment, just like you guys are. I keep my word and give the benefit of the doubt. I assume the guy is simply excited to meet me (and why wouldn't he be ) and it's not my job to point out his bad habits.

Bad habits are managed via response (or lack thereof.)

Incessant texting turned you off because you weren't that interested in the first place.

I've incessantly texted some girls and they always texted me back. Especially when I made things super sexual.

 

[devilkingx2]

Im also curious, exactly how do you meet 4-5 high quality men per month? I look at my life, child rearing, work, domesticity, etc and wonder how you find all the time to meet so many potential suitors as well as date? Maybe my work environment is different but everyone maintains themselves on a professional level, so there's no potential there. And, when I go out, I do see men, and have the occasional day approach, but not 4-5 per month. It's hard to believe that your social circle is so large that you meet 4-5 new men per month?

I think you'll meet the highest quality men at the squat rack, your opening line should be "what's your one rep max?" if he picks you up, lifts you over his head and squats 3 reps with you, you know you've found a keeper.

trust me, I know what i'm talking about

 

[BeExcellent]

Incessant texting turned you off because you weren't that interested in the first place.

I've incessantly texted some girls and they always texted me back. Especially when I made things super sexual.

Its not that I'm not interested so much as I'm busy. When a guy texts me 5 or 6 times during the day (and I'm tied up in meetings or otherwise occupied) I think Gee, does he have stuff of his own to do? I mean I do respond but I get novels from time to time or successions of 5 or 6 texts before I answer, and that makes the man look needy.

 

[Sal]

Its not that I'm not interested so much as I'm busy. When a guy texts me 5 or 6 times during the day (and I'm tied up in meetings or otherwise occupied) I think Gee, does he have stuff of his own to do? I mean I do respond but I get novels from time to time or successions of 5 or 6 texts before I answer, and that makes the man look needy.

Yet you're not "too busy" to write novel replies to men you aren't dating on SS. And daily no less.

 

[devilkingx2]

I think Gee, does he have stuff of his own to do

be wary that you're not screening for married men that need a little side action lol. I don't know about other guys, but when I don't have time to text a girl, it's because I'm texting a different girl