Listen
@Tenacity I understand where you are coming from. I get it. But here is what you must understand about WHY I am electing to this for him. There are a number of reasons why and here they are:
1. We have 3 minor children together. For the next 10 years some or all will be living in the parental homes and will require financial support. My youngest child has a physical disability, which increases costs to take care of her. My ex husband and I remain a solid team as co-parents and our children are extraordinarily well adjusted as children from a divorced home. After they all graduate high school I am the one paying for college. If we have children who live in the parental home while attending university I do not want them to experience undue hardship because of financial duress. So reason #1 is because this puts the children first.
2. My ex husband could have stripped me of 500K or more worth of cash, retirement accounts and income producing assets during our divorce but he didn't. My portfolio was worth around 1M when we split. Because he didn't strip the assets I have been able to double the portfolio due to opportunities that came along during and after the divorce and increase my net worth to over the 1M mark with assets around 2M. I see this as a gift. So I am going to support him because I recognize that he didn't clean my clock when he could have. I didn't have to recover financially from my divorce. That is worth a great deal to me and I think it deserves reward. Basically in not taking my assets in the short term I am going to use those assets to support him in the long term. I think that is a fair thing to do, and it gives him peace of mind that he will be financially OK as he ages.
3. My ex husband could have sued me not only for assets but also for spousal support and child support as he was the stay at home parent for more than 10 years while I traveled extensively on business. In not doing this I retain flexibility to ebb and flow according to my current income stream which varies a bit based on vacancy rates, client load, etc. So if I have a tight month where I have less income I'm not bound by a hard and fast court mandate to pay "X" amount.
4. My ex still assists me with my property portfolio a fair amount when I am gone on business. I trust him explicitly to handle specific tasks that I assign him. He was lazy in the marriage but he has proven loyal since and he understands that our financial fortunes remain tied together (although admittedly in a rather unconventional way) through the income properties. It is in his best interest to help me with managing assets that create the income stream that will support both of us in the long term.
And I'm not supporting him in some lavish lifestyle. Eventually the lifestyle I am able to enjoy will be at a different level than his, but that will happen over time. He will end up with a paid off home, a reasonably new car of his choice within reason, and a financial safety net for income and retirement. Do I have to do all this? No I don't. I just think given the gift I got out of the divorce in the sense of remaining financially intact I will do it to repay him. I got my million on the front end if you will. Because of that I'll be able to give him his on the back end over time from the residual income stream. I deeply appreciate his trust in me, his loyalty and how the divorce ended up (whether he did it for altruistic reasons or not, the result is the same.)