What is your weakness?

[Roober]

I will be the first to admit I have some things I need to work on internally. And I will be the first to point out those weaknesses. By admitting our weaknesses, we acknowledge that we still have opportunity to grow and learn. That's really what this is all about, becoming better men, better lovers, and more successful in life. Let's hang it all out and illustrate what we are doing to fix them. So here are mine...

1. Insecurity in my relationships. If I feel any bit of distance in a relationship, I get this sinking feeling. This could be something as small as her not texting for a couple hours, and I don't mean not responding to me, but just not texting. It is absolutely ridiculous, I understand that. It could be prompted by not getting a good morning or good night text. Its like I have these expectations and if they don't get met, I feel like I turn into a baby. I imagine it stems from my experience with my exgf and that being how it started. May be also from growing up without a mom for most of my life.
Fixing the problem: just try to ignore it or just distract myself with other things. Although, this doesn't always work.

2. Leading is tough! I can plan things about 70% of the time. Sometimes, I just can't think of anything to do, or often times a plan may change or get messed up and I can't get back on track.
How to fix it: often times, when this happens, I find that I have several things I want to get done, then have trouble on deciding which one while I weigh all of the pros and cons. For example, I wanted to go to Yosemite last weekend but couldn't leave till Sat morning and had to be back sunday. 4 hour drive each way, so not really practical. Then I wanted to hit a pumpkin patch and take my boys to a indoor play area. Ended up running errands for half the day... And I was a bit bothered. Sometimes, I just need to be more decisive but I just... Can't...

Well, now I've divulged too much and I'm sure an onslaught of comments will follow, but I recognize these things about myself and I think we could all benefit from sharing our shortcomings... or not... Its up to you...

What are your problems? And what are you doing to fix them?

 

[Urbanyst]

I will be the first to admit I have some things I need to work on internally. And I will be the first to point out those weaknesses. By admitting our weaknesses, we acknowledge that we still have opportunity to grow and learn. That's really what this is all about, becoming better men, better lovers, and more successful in life. Let's hang it all out and illustrate what we are doing to fix them. So here are mine...

1. Insecurity in my relationships. If I feel any bit of distance in a relationship, I get this sinking feeling. This could be something as small as her not texting for a couple hours, and I don't mean not responding to me, but just not texting. It is absolutely ridiculous, I understand that. It could be prompted by not getting a good morning or good night text. Its like I have these expectations and if they don't get met, I feel like I turn into a baby. I imagine it stems from my experience with my exgf and that being how it started. May be also from growing up without a mom for most of my life.
Fixing the problem: just try to ignore it or just distract myself with other things. Although, this doesn't always work.

Be careful here.

Are you insecure in your relationships or have you just learned that women are generally unreliable? lol.

I don't consider myself to be insecure if I'm in a bear cage and afraid of getting my arm chewed off. Its not insecurity.. its more having the knowledge to know that a bear is very likely to chew your arm off. Just like a woman is very likely to lose interest without warning.

And this is not just personal experience. Its watching what my buddies go through. Its watching what celebrity men go through. Women are just flat out unreliable. That's the world we know live in.

2. Leading is tough! I can plan things about 70% of the time. Sometimes, I just can't think of anything to do, or often times a plan may change or get messed up and I can't get back on track.
How to fix it: often times, when this happens, I find that I have several things I want to get done, then have trouble on deciding which one while I weigh all of the pros and cons. For example, I wanted to go to Yosemite last weekend but couldn't leave till Sat morning and had to be back sunday. 4 hour drive each way, so not really practical. Then I wanted to hit a pumpkin patch and take my boys to a indoor play area. Ended up running errands for half the day... And I was a bit bothered. Sometimes, I just need to be more decisive but I just... Can't...

Well, now I've divulged too much and I'm sure an onslaught of comments will follow, but I recognize these things about myself and I think we could all benefit from sharing our shortcomings... or not... Its up to you...

What are your problems? And what are you doing to fix them?

Leading is not tough at all. Not for anyone.

What's tough is knowing your sh*t so you have the ability to lead.

Take for example the CEO of any company. He/she is the "leader of the company right?" But what happens if you take that CEO, put them in a hospital and tell them to LEAD an open heart surgery? They break down into a bubbling moron pretty fast don't they?

So its about knowing your sh*t and knowing what needs to be done. That's the hard part. The leading itself is easy. Most people are followers anyway.

 

[Roober]

@Urbanyst. Appreciate the feedback. Due to the nature of this forum, I was a bit hesitant to share the first one. When a woman doesn't text to say good morning every single day, not sure I would define that as women being unreliable. Another example would be when she didnt get out of bed to make me lunch at 4am, she only got up held me tight and told me how much she loved me and stood at the door until I was out of sight. It gave me that same sinking feeling and it was ridiculous.

What are your faults?

 

[Urbanyst]

@Urbanyst. Appreciate the feedback. Due to the nature of this forum, I was a bit hesitant to share the first one. When a woman doesn't text to say good morning every single day, not sure I would define that as women being unreliable. Another example would be when she didnt get out of bed to make me lunch at 4am, she only got up held me tight and told me how much she loved me and stood at the door until I was out of sight. It gave me that same sinking feeling and it was ridiculous.

What are your faults?

My main fault is I make a terrible therapist.

I also suck at responding well to emotional arguments and I'm not romantic at all. Like AT ALL.

You know.. stuff like V-day being important. For me V-day means Netflix and chill.

 

[Billtx49]

Any mans weakness lays in his emotions and his inherent ability to control or not control them. Everything else is easy.

 

[lizardking82]

I try to reason with people too much. I got this fatherly sense, for some reason, I care about the wrong people sometimes. About people who if would be in the same power position that I am, would kick me out without much thinking probably.

 

[John Constantine]

I will be the first to admit I have some things I need to work on internally. And I will be the first to point out those weaknesses. By admitting our weaknesses, we acknowledge that we still have opportunity to grow and learn. That's really what this is all about, becoming better men, better lovers, and more successful in life. Let's hang it all out and illustrate what we are doing to fix them. So here are mine...

1. Insecurity in my relationships. If I feel any bit of distance in a relationship, I get this sinking feeling. This could be something as small as her not texting for a couple hours, and I don't mean not responding to me, but just not texting. It is absolutely ridiculous, I understand that. It could be prompted by not getting a good morning or good night text. Its like I have these expectations and if they don't get met, I feel like I turn into a baby. I imagine it stems from my experience with my exgf and that being how it started. May be also from growing up without a mom for most of my life.
Fixing the problem: just try to ignore it or just distract myself with other things. Although, this doesn't always work.

2. Leading is tough! I can plan things about 70% of the time. Sometimes, I just can't think of anything to do, or often times a plan may change or get messed up and I can't get back on track.
How to fix it: often times, when this happens, I find that I have several things I want to get done, then have trouble on deciding which one while I weigh all of the pros and cons. For example, I wanted to go to Yosemite last weekend but couldn't leave till Sat morning and had to be back sunday. 4 hour drive each way, so not really practical. Then I wanted to hit a pumpkin patch and take my boys to a indoor play area. Ended up running errands for half the day... And I was a bit bothered. Sometimes, I just need to be more decisive but I just... Can't...

Well, now I've divulged too much and I'm sure an onslaught of comments will follow, but I recognize these things about myself and I think we could all benefit from sharing our shortcomings... or not... Its up to you...

What are your problems? And what are you doing to fix them?

I have the exact same problem as your number one, I'm repeating ''No big deal'' in my head and I try to rationalize.

 

[That_dude]

I've made mistake #1 many of times as well. I have a bunch of weaknesses and a lot to learn. A lot to improve on personally. I'd say my biggest downfalls have been insecurities and oneitis. In the past I was blind to this. Being self aware is the first step

 

[ubercat]

Mine is paralysis by analysis. I see all the sides and options and viewpoints. And sometimes that gets in the way of my having the single minded drive to push a project through to completion no matter who or what stands on my way.

 

[Von]

1. Lack of self-discipline... need outside stimulus ... but I've been doing great in a certain routine now and be in it longer than anything ever (swimming and martial arts are the only routine I've been able to keep year long... now this life routine is the same)
2. Some lack of confidence in interpersonnal relations
3. Too much self-impose pressure

 

[JesusJones]

Inability to see a weakness. I am great.

 

[FMCSMT]

Great post, OP!

I'm a bit shallower because I have experienced looks is what gets me in the door. Inner game gets me the rest.

So.. I hear too often from the younger ones "he had tight abs and big arms".

What am I doing to fix it?

Well my arms are huge but I don't really train them directly so the last few weeks have brought in some more focus training on them and I have been getting more iois and even a bit more respect from the guys.

Abs have always been an uphill battle but I continue to train them harder as well.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Mortality.

 

[Macaframalama]

I will be the first to admit I have some things I need to work on internally. And I will be the first to point out those weaknesses. By admitting our weaknesses, we acknowledge that we still have opportunity to grow and learn. That's really what this is all about, becoming better men, better lovers, and more successful in life. Let's hang it all out and illustrate what we are doing to fix them. So here are mine...

1. Insecurity in my relationships. If I feel any bit of distance in a relationship, I get this sinking feeling. This could be something as small as her not texting for a couple hours, and I don't mean not responding to me, but just not texting. It is absolutely ridiculous, I understand that. It could be prompted by not getting a good morning or good night text. Its like I have these expectations and if they don't get met, I feel like I turn into a baby. I imagine it stems from my experience with my exgf and that being how it started. May be also from growing up without a mom for most of my life.
Fixing the problem: just try to ignore it or just distract myself with other things. Although, this doesn't always work.

2. Leading is tough! I can plan things about 70% of the time. Sometimes, I just can't think of anything to do, or often times a plan may change or get messed up and I can't get back on track.
How to fix it: often times, when this happens, I find that I have several things I want to get done, then have trouble on deciding which one while I weigh all of the pros and cons. For example, I wanted to go to Yosemite last weekend but couldn't leave till Sat morning and had to be back sunday. 4 hour drive each way, so not really practical. Then I wanted to hit a pumpkin patch and take my boys to a indoor play area. Ended up running errands for half the day... And I was a bit bothered. Sometimes, I just need to be more decisive but I just... Can't...

Well, now I've divulged too much and I'm sure an onslaught of comments will follow, but I recognize these things about myself and I think we could all benefit from sharing our shortcomings... or not... Its up to you...

What are your problems? And what are you doing to fix them?

Man, I almost posted this same exact thread a few hours ago. I'm glad you did and hope this turns out to be a good one! One of my weaknesses is being judgemental about certain things. I'm working on it and trying to see that different perspectives are just that and it's not really a valid reason to think they are worthless. Or is it? Some people's rationale is dangerous imo. Another weakness is lack of confidence if I'm not in the "zone" or currently aware. Example, yesterday after working over the road and driving close to 4hrs round trip, still in work clothes, dirty and smelly I pulled through a drive thru in my home town to get dinner. Made long eye contact/grin with a hot, little cutie and i broke it as she was walking from inside to outside. Make long eye contact/smile as she walks outside, right in front of my truck to deliver food to someone else and I break contact. Same story as previously, as she walks back, but huge smiles from both. As she makes my ice cream cone literally 4ft away I noticed her making glances, but I don't make eye contact. She then hands it off to the server next to her. I felt she probably would have handed to me herself if it hadn't been noticeable I was intimidated. Being tired and not in the mood/expecting really isn't an excuse to blow an opportunity like that. Something tells me that if I'm not putting my best foot forward at certain times that I'm already at a disadvantage. I've got to kill that noise. I've got to be aware that opportunity can present itself at any time and not GAF wether I'm dirty or sweaty from my job.

 

[resilient]

Good thread, @Roober.

Weakness: Supplication or seeking external validation for attention online/offline...

I don’t even know where this behavior comes from... perhaps self-esteem issues as a result of being ignored by my family or others growing up for being a semi-introvert.

I feel certain this is one of the leading flaws I struggle with and why plates high tail it after a month or two of dating. My approval of myself is what should matter for a healthier frame not a fickle plate.

I’m getting more involved in expanding my social circles so I don’t lean too heavily on one social circle, text, or bother someone too much for advice. Learning to trust myself and my intuition is helping. This forum has provided a great deal of wisdom and is a significant source for my maturity and depth over the last decade as a man.

One disclosure though: I try to not too take it all too seriously all the time as you’ll see i’ll drop a meme or an image in a thread commentary because laughter is an awesome medicine when looking too deep or too seriously into the issues we have to deal with in early-mid-long term dating game in this modern age with OLD and social media.

Also, working hard on my own hobbies so I can cultivate stronger confidence and sense of purpose is always at the forefront of my mind.

I can’t control whether or not a plate monkey branches. I’m seriously over and exhausting trying to be an exclusivity clown these last two years. I can, however, control how much i’m willing to invest in myself and my future.

 

[Roober]

Man, I almost posted this same exact thread a few hours ago. I'm glad you did and hope this turns out to be a good one! One of my weaknesses is being judgemental about certain things. I'm working on it and trying to see that different perspectives are just that and it's not really a valid reason to think they are worthless. Or is it? Some people's rationale is dangerous imo. Another weakness is lack of confidence if I'm not in the "zone" or currently aware. Example, yesterday after working over the road and driving close to 4hrs round trip, still in work clothes, dirty and smelly I pulled through a drive thru in my home town to get dinner. Made long eye contact/grin with a hot, little cutie and i broke it as she was walking from inside to outside. Make long eye contact/smile as she walks outside, right in front of my truck to deliver food to someone else and I break contact. Same story as previously, as she walks back, but huge smiles from both. As she makes my ice cream cone literally 4ft away I noticed her making glances, but I don't make eye contact. She then hands it off to the server next to her. I felt she probably would have handed to me herself if it hadn't been noticeable I was intimidated. Being tired and not in the mood/expecting really isn't an excuse to blow an opportunity like that. Something tells me that if I'm not putting my best foot forward at certain times that I'm already at a disadvantage. I've got to kill that noise. I've got to be aware that opportunity can present itself at any time and not GAF wether I'm dirty or sweaty from my job.

Being judgemental is tricky. I find myself do that too, but not nearly as much any more. If you feel a negative comment surfacing, just keep it inside. Think about the consequences of what you will say. Will it help the situation and/or person at all? If not, then it is better left unsaid.

Approaching! It's hard man. How do we get rid of that noise? It is often complete nonsense. You can tell yourself 100 times over that it is ridiculous, but it is like you never believe yourself. You just have to do it and fail... I have a lady but I want to keep my approach game going. I also had an opportunity yesterday and I didn't jump on it. I should have. Getting those first words out is the hardest part, you just have to commit to it. Grow a pair!

1. Sustaining creativity long term
2. Don't enjoy the game at all anymore so kind of half ass it
3. Introversion, I put myself out there a lot but I am not as quick-reactive to IOIs in the moment as I should be, I have to be in the right mood and I lose probably 2 opportunities per week from this.
4. Poor dancer
5. Cardio could be a lot better
6. Sexual escalation in clubs unless I already have rapport with her
7. Too intellectual
8. Spoiled by past experiences
9. Low energy from overwork
10. Zero appeal to women on OLD for some reason

Those all seem very fixable. Looks like a good goal list. What are you doing to fix them? Set your some actual goals with timelines! S.M.A.R.T. goals

1. Very difficult. I work in instructional design and create new training content daily. Keeping those creative juices flowing is tricky. Try changing your environment, go for a walk, go to a coffee shop, there is lots of things you can do to get creative juices flowing.
2. Why? Not getting much success?
3. I think many guys on here struggle with this... myself as well... approaching... is... hard... maybe @deesade can chime in on how he gets past it?
4. totally fixable! Take some lessons. Acknowledge that it takes time
5. Don't talk, act on it! I have started taking 24-hour classes. GRIT strength is good as it combines weights and cardio. Find something you enjoy. TONS of people run in SF. Don't like it? I used to be the same way.
6. How can you fix it?
7. This is often how we justify not talking to certain people, or not engaging in good conversations. I read an article on this, and I know try to focus more on BS talk, and actually have quite fun with it
8. Not sure what you mean here?
9. Can make things difficult for sure. How many hours do you work? Do you have to?
10. Lots of tips to improve this on here. There is a go-to thread on SS that you should study. Do you have professional photos?

Good thread, @Roober.

Weakness: Supplication or seeking external validation for attention online/offline...

I don’t even know where this behavior comes from... perhaps self-esteem issues as a result of being ignored by my family or others growing up for being a semi-introvert.

I feel certain this is one of the leading flaws I struggle with and why plates high tail it after a month or two of dating. My approval of myself is what should matter for a healthier frame not a fickle plate.

I’m getting more involved in expanding my social circles so I don’t lean too heavily on one social circle, text, or bother someone too much for advice. Learning to trust myself and my intuition is helping. This forum has provided a great deal of wisdom and is a significant source for my maturity and depth over the last decade as a man.

One disclosure though: I try to not too take it all too seriously all the time as you’ll see i’ll drop a meme or an image in a thread commentary because laughter is an awesome medicine when looking too deep or too seriously into the issues we have to deal with in early-mid-long term dating game in this modern age with OLD and social media.

Also, working hard on my own hobbies so I can cultivate stronger confidence and sense of purpose is always at the forefront of my mind.

I can’t control whether or not a plate monkey branches. I’m seriously over and exhausting trying to be an exclusivity clown these last two years. I can, however, control how much i’m willing to invest in myself and my future.

Sounds like you have a plan. I know you have been working on yourself. Set yourself some S.M.A.R.T. goals. look it up if your not familiar.

Mine is having a piss-poor routine. And when i get in a really good one, the slightest thing seems to throw me off it.

Suppose that can be put under lacking some self-discipline.

What kind of routine? life? work? women?

 

[Roober]

1. Lack of self-discipline... need outside stimulus ... but I've been doing great in a certain routine now and be in it longer than anything ever (swimming and martial arts are the only routine I've been able to keep year long... now this life routine is the same)
2. Some lack of confidence in interpersonnal relations
3. Too much self-impose pressure

2. How so? Can't engage with other people?
3. This is not a weakness. Pressuring yourself and pushing towards your goals is a strength.

 

[Roober]

I try to reason with people too much. I got this fatherly sense, for some reason, I care about the wrong people sometimes. About people who if would be in the same power position that I am, would kick me out without much thinking probably.

There is a couple things here...

Try to reason with people too much? Can you elaborate?
Fatherly sense? This sounds like a good thing. Caring for someone doesn't necessitate that their poor behaviors affect your life.

So what can you change?

 

[Von]

2. How so? Can't engage with other people?
3. This is not a weakness. Pressuring yourself and pushing towards your goals is a strength.

2. A lack of capacities in deepening the relationship or being delivering the expectations vs capacities. For woman and man interactions... I always had it easy but it seems I always scratch only a surface or feel I don't deliver their expectations.. ''expectations vs delivery'' ... maybe its just in my head... but you see what I mean... my heart doesnt open easily, lack sometimes social dynamic understanding... sometimes I will diminish myself voluntary to ''lower expectations'' in hope of a lasting dialogue.

Bonding is hard... approaching is easy

3. Agreed, it's a character of pushing for goals and strength... but with lack of discipline and if ''abused'' it can inner crush you and freeze you.... If you ''over react'' about how much ''goal-duties etc...'' you freeze

For number 3, i've applied my gym training method and its been wonderful help... what's my gym method? Start low and add +10% rep per set per exercise... every week... so I am always progressing

 

[The Duke]

I get accused of not being romantic. I've heard it from a few girls so I'm sure they are right. But I always ask them..."what have you done that's romantic?" lol
Being romantic seems so beta to me. And what has she done to deserve it anyways?

After I've been in a relationship for a while, I get tired of wining and dining them and they always notice that too. I often hear, you were so nice/sweet to me in the beginning. After the biatching starts and they have a few episodes of drama, I start to become less interested.

I really don't care to work on these problems either! I am who I am, they don't deserve perfection! haha