In my 5 years on DJ this has been the hardest two days

[Billtx49]

Emotional abuse is the other side of the coin. Equally destructive and can massively damage self-esteem over the long-haul. Women can't hurt us typically with their bodies so they attack us psychologically.

Yes, they use different methods to get their disorder into high gear. Depends on her physicology and background.
Some use their mouth, some use their fists. The true monsters use both…

 

[captain55]

Honestly guys I just want to get to the point that when I hear she is "****ing so and so" I don't care.

 

[Billtx49]

Honestly guys I just want to get to the point that when I hear she is "****ing so and so" I don't care.

When you get to that mindset and actually feel sorry for her next man, you will know the detraction process inside you is complete.

 

[resilient]

@captain55, my best advice is to get so focused on your life, education, career, hobbies, etc. that way when someone drops her name in conversation, she's a brief passing thought. Saying silently to yourself "Oh yeah.... her."

You're not cold and heartless.

You wish these ex's well, with a short brief word in conversation and you move onto the next topic.

Until that moment passes, throw yourself into a passion that calls to you 100-300%.

I generally recover fast from messy breakups where I was overly attached easily because I turn all of those obsessive unfocused thoughts onto a passionate hobby.

My latest has been six months of playing the guitar daily. I show no signs of slowing down and it's a big and mighty world in music that's endless to explore.

There are hobbies and interests out there that can do that to you if you follow your passion. Having plates is an added perk in a breakup, yet if you're not racking up plates yet, take the time for yourself and be awesome.

 

[Red Legg]

You're not cold and heartless.

Yes OP is not cold and heartless.. this is why this will never work with the woman in question.You see OP " relationships" with emotionally "damaged" women can be loads of fun,but you simply do not fit the bill with all of your "feels" your feels and neediness turn her off,so I say it's the OP's fault here,he will have problems with all women.

 

[captain55]

Yes OP is not cold and heartless.. this is why this will never work with the woman in question.You see OP " relationships" with emotionally "damaged" women can be loads of fun,but you simply do not fit the bill with all of your "feels" your feels and neediness turn her off,so I say it's the OP's fault here,he will have problems with all women.

What a truly moronic, insensitive post most likely coming from a little boy that either lacks experience or hasn't been unfortunate enough to really hurt someone .

1. Relationships with emotionally damaged women can be fun in the beginning while you play with their head (and I did that at times)..that's is until she tried to kill herself and I had to rush her to the hospital. Not realizing that the games I was playing with her head may of had something to do with it.

2. If you **** a girl right long enough and consistantlly enough you can get away with being needy. Not saying I was, but never underestimate the power of oxytocin.

3. Don't confuse not giving a **** with being hard. A man that let's a woman do what she wants while remaining exclusive to her is a *****. If I commit to a chick it's my way or the highway and if she doesn't respect me she's out. Obviously I should of just made this chick a ****buddy, that's where I screwed up and i take fault for that

 

[Roober]

What a truly moronic, insensitive post most likely coming from a little boy that either lacks experience or hasn't been unfortunate enough to really hurt someone .

1. Relationships with emotionally damaged women can be fun in the beginning while you play with their head (and I did that at times)..that's is until she tried to kill herself and I had to rush her to the hospital. Not realizing that the games I was playing with her head may of had something to do with it.

2. If you **** a girl right long enough and consistently enough you can get away with being needy. Not saying I was, but never underestimate the power of oxytocin.

3. Don't confuse not giving a **** with being hard. A man that let's a woman do what she wants while remaining exclusive to her is a *****. If I commit to a chick it's my way or the highway and if she doesn't respect me she's out. Obviously I should of just made this chick a ****buddy, that's where I screwed up and i take fault for that

I may have to agree with @Red Legg on this one, but not to the extent he suggested. Now I am not trying to be offensive, but this is very direct...

1. Your woman is not damaged, she is just a woman. Don't write her off as "damaged" to protect ego.
2. Don't agree one bit. There is too many other things in relationships to consider.
3. You broke up with her multiple times, moved out, and went back.

From what I can tell, you
a) didn't handle her well or couldn't handle her waves of emotions ("dealing" with a woman's emotions or ignoring is not the same as handling)
b) compromised your standards. Breaking up several times, moving out, then letting her back? You attempted a power play and failed several times, she had the power

You have been hear over 4 years, yet still succumbed to many AFC/beta behaviors. Time to pick up the pieces, work on yourself, and learn from it! Don't get weak again, but also don't close off your heart.

 

[captain55]

I may have to agree with @Red Legg on this one, but not to the extent he suggested. Now I am not trying to be offensive, but this is very direct...

1. Your woman is not damaged, she is just a woman. Don't write her off as "damaged" to protect ego.
2. Don't agree one bit. There is too many other things in relationships to consider.
3. You broke up with her multiple times, moved out, and went back.

From what I can tell, you
a) didn't handle her well or couldn't handle her waves of emotions ("dealing" with a woman's emotions or ignoring is not the same as handling)
b) compromised your standards. Breaking up several times, moving out, then letting her back? You attempted a power play and failed several times, she had the power

You have been hear over 4 years, yet still succumbed to many AFC/beta behaviors. Time to pick up the pieces, work on yourself, and learn from it! Don't get weak again, but also don't close off your heart.

You clearly did not read my posts. Your telling me a woman that tries to kill herself in the bathroom to get her boyfriends attention by overdosing on painkillers (after a minuscule fight with her boyfriend) is emotionally healthy? She almost died and I had to take her to the hospital. She also....
- tried to fight my best friend
- had the cops called on us twice
- punched our neighbor
- punched a valet guy
- gave me a black eye
- admitted to me she hit her ex with a car and tried to kill him
- had a falling out with at least 10 friends and family members in the two years I was with her
- did cruel things like slashed people's tires who dissed her
- got fired from two jobs
- ruined her relationship with my parents
- would drink 10-15 drinks a night sometimes to mask the pain she was feeling. 3-5 drinks a day At least...


I do agree with number 3, I failed by taking her back. Every time I left she promise she would change and manipulated me with amazing sex. Which is why I left for good this time even after she tried to get back with me. Taking her back all those times was beta for sure . It took me a while to realize that the good behavior was all a manipulative act to suck me back in and stab me in the back later on.

I felt like i was getting addicted to the drama and pain as well, the idea of a normal woman just felt boring to me. Read up on trauma bonding. Ivd dated a TON of women, even a girl with bpd and she made this girl look somewhat normal. Every chick I'm around now that is fun, considerate and responsible just feels weird to me...almost like it "too good to be true". Because I haven't felt what it's like to be with a normal girl in so long.

 

[soulforge]

Op my ex is an angel compared to how you have described this unstable female.

I agree with some of the other posts on here.. People will only treat you like garbage if you allow it to happen.

Once a female sniffs out that you are willing to take chit from her, then her crappy behaviour will only increase!

This does not mean she has a mental disorder.

This is just the nature of a lot of woman and how they operate!

I have been in a similar situation as you. My ex was disrespectful to me on several occasions, but I took her back even after I dumped her.

I let her get away too easily with several rude incidents.. You have to deal with disrespect RUTHLESSELY

When a female treats you bad, you do not let her get away with it. Don't even give an inch.

Serious incidents of disrespect, should be an immediate DUMP!!!

I know how hard it is to walk away, when the sex is great, she is good looking, or in my case good looking and successful.

You also fear being alone, scarcity mind set, you feel like a failure.

By not walking away you are undermining your values, your self-respect, and your self-esteem will take a heavy hit.

I know for a fact I will never be allowed to be treated like that ever again. Learn from this important lesson.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I think sometimes we are a bit too hard on cluster B women.

Nope.

They are PURE evil.