Canceled second date, advice?

[BernieTrump]

Met with a girl for drinks yesterday, and it went well I thought...we had a great conversation, etc. I asked her for a second date and she seemed excited about it. I suggested Friday for dinner, but she said she was busy (sister visiting for the weekend) and suggested Wednesday. After the date she texted me that she "had a great time with me and couldn't wait until Wednesday."

Tonight, I texted her asking her what time she wanted for the date tomorrow, and she said that she "hasn't been feeling well today to be honest" and "would it be ok if we postpone dinner?" Something tells me that this is the oldest excuse in the book, but I wanted to ask for your thoughts. But I'm confused because nothing happened between yesterday and tonight...

My response to her was "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, and of course I understand" but am prepared to move on if this is a sign of no interest. What should I do?

 

[Glassguy]

Met with a girl for drinks yesterday, and it went well I thought...we had a great conversation, etc. I asked her for a second date and she seemed excited about it. I suggested Friday for dinner, but she said she was busy (sister visiting for the weekend) and suggested Wednesday. After the date she texted me that she "had a great time with me and couldn't wait until Wednesday."

Tonight, I texted her asking her what time she wanted for the date tomorrow, and she said that she "hasn't been feeling well today to be honest" and "would it be ok if we postpone dinner?" Something tells me that this is the oldest excuse in the book, but I wanted to ask for your thoughts. But I'm confused because nothing happened between yesterday and tonight...

My response to her was "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, and of course I understand" but am prepared to move on if this is a sign of no interest. What should I do?

"let me know when you're free and I will see if I can get away from this busy schedule of mine right now".

Then wait. She will reach out if she is in fact as interested as she said.

Actions>Words

 

[BernieTrump]

"let me know when you're free and I will see if I can get away from this busy schedule of mine right now".

Then wait. She will reach out if she is in fact as interested as she said.

Actions>Words

But do you think that this initial cancellation is a bad sign? or could it be that she truly is sick?

 

[dustmuffin]

But do you think that this initial cancellation is a bad sign? or could it be that she truly is sick?

It doesn't matter. Who cares if she is lieing. Do what glass guy said. Throw the ball to her and move along. If she initiates great. Try to game other women. She is not the only girl on the bus.

 

[Glassguy]

But do you think that this initial cancellation is a bad sign? or could it be that she truly is sick?

Play it cool and disappear and you'll soon find out my man.

Dont play it cool and even if she is sick, she will lose interest.

You're supposed to be giving off the vibe that you have options and are playing the field....remember? So go do that and if she catches up so be it!

 

[resilient]

My two cents:

Personally, I wouldn't ask for the second date in the same week as the first week. To me, that screams too available (and lacks options). Especially for a Friday night. IMO, Friday nights are usually reserved for a main plate that you've been hooking up with for a while.

For new plates, I like Tuesday or Thursday night once a week for the first few weeks until increased chemistry and physical escalation has happened.

I agree with Glass and dust, I would continue your line that you understand and reaffirm your busy schedule and go radio silence for a bit. Set up another date when she comes back or an one last go around text.

Maybe go beyond your typical dinner and drinks date for something more exciting. For example, I like activity dates like surfing and going to concerts, so my date offer might go like this:

"Hey HB, I'm going to surf ___ on Thursday after work till sunset, how about we go for a surf session at 6pm."

If the date goes well, you can venue change up to local place for tacos/drinks. Escalate while all this happening. Push/pull, make it so she has to qualify and invest herself in the date. If she doesn't have to do any work, she won't see the value in the date besides exchanging lines in a dialog.

What's her personality like or better yet, what do you like to do for fun and entertainment?

She can tag along for that -- that way she enters your world and she's auditioning for a stable plate in your stable and not for main plate from the getgo.

 

[BernieTrump]

My two cents:

Personally, I wouldn't ask for the second date in the same week as the first week. To me, that screams too available. Especially for a Friday night. IMO, Friday nights are usually reserved for a main plate that you've been hooking up with for a while.

For new plates, I like Tuesday or Thursday night once a week for the first few weeks until we've developed more chemistry and physical escalation.

I agree with Glass and dust, I would continue your line that you understand and reaffirm your busy schedule and go radio silence for a bit. Set up another date. Maybe go beyond your typical dinner and drinks date for something more exciting.

For example, I like to activity dates like surfing and going to concerts, so my date offer might go like this:

"Hey HB, I'm going to surf ___ on Thursday after work till sunset, how about we surf for a session at 6pm?"

If the date goes well, you can venue change up to local place for tacos/drinks. Escalate while all this happening. Push/pull, make it so she has to qualify and invest herself in the date. If she doesn't have to do any work, she won't see the value in the date besides exchanging lines in a dialog.

What's her personality like or better yet, what do you like to do for fun and entertainment?

She can tag along for that -- that way she enters your world and she's auditioning for a stable plate in your stable and not for main plate from the getgo.

Her passion is photography, so maybe I could suggest a fun photography date in our city or something along those lines.

But advice taken. I'll start lining up other dates/options. Maybe I did come off as too available, but in the moment it was difficult not to ask for the second date.

 

[dude99]

Met with a girl for drinks yesterday, and it went well I thought...we had a great conversation, etc. I asked her for a second date and she seemed excited about it. I suggested Friday for dinner, but she said she was busy (sister visiting for the weekend) and suggested Wednesday. After the date she texted me that she "had a great time with me and couldn't wait until Wednesday."

Tonight, I texted her asking her what time she wanted for the date tomorrow, and she said that she "hasn't been feeling well today to be honest" and "would it be ok if we postpone dinner?" Something tells me that this is the oldest excuse in the book, but I wanted to ask for your thoughts. But I'm confused because nothing happened between yesterday and tonight...

My response to her was "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, and of course I understand" but am prepared to move on if this is a sign of no interest. What should I do?

Wait a week. Ask one more time. If it's a yes she may have not been feeling well. If its a no or an excuse then you have your answer.

 

[dude99]

But do you think that this initial cancellation is a bad sign? or could it be that she truly is sick?

You will never knoe until you witness more of her actions

 

[BernieTrump]

My two cents:

Personally, I wouldn't ask for the second date in the same week as the first week. To me, that screams too available (and lacks options). Especially for a Friday night. IMO, Friday nights are usually reserved for a main plate that you've been hooking up with for a while.

For new plates, I like Tuesday or Thursday night once a week for the first few weeks until increased chemistry and physical escalation has happened.

I agree with Glass and dust, I would continue your line that you understand and reaffirm your busy schedule and go radio silence for a bit. Set up another date when she comes back or an one last go around text.

Maybe go beyond your typical dinner and drinks date for something more exciting. For example, I like activity dates like surfing and going to concerts, so my date offer might go like this:

"Hey HB, I'm going to surf ___ on Thursday after work till sunset, how about we go for a surf session at 6pm."

If the date goes well, you can venue change up to local place for tacos/drinks. Escalate while all this happening. Push/pull, make it so she has to qualify and invest herself in the date. If she doesn't have to do any work, she won't see the value in the date besides exchanging lines in a dialog.

What's her personality like or better yet, what do you like to do for fun and entertainment?

She can tag along for that -- that way she enters your world and she's auditioning for a stable plate in your stable and not for main plate from the getgo.

Also, regarding the Friday thing, I don't live in the US and here Friday nights are considered more "chill" nights. A Tuesday night here would be like a Friday night in the US.

 

[That_dude]

"let me know when you're free and I will see if I can get away from this busy schedule of mine right now".

Then wait. She will reach out if she is in fact as interested as she said.

Actions>Words

Bingo. You follow actions and not words

 

[RangerMIke]

Her passion is photography, so maybe I could suggest a fun photography date in our city or something along those lines.

But advice taken. I'll start lining up other dates/options. Maybe I did come off as too available, but in the moment it was difficult not to ask for the second date.

Wrong mindset. You should be planing dates you want to go on, then invite her along. If you start worrying too much about what she might like you are not being authentic and centered.

Trust your gut. If your gut says she has low interest, well your gut is probability right. Ball's in her court now... if she wants to see you again, she'll let you know, otherwise you are onto others.

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

Met with a girl for drinks yesterday, and it went well I thought...we had a great conversation, etc. I asked her for a second date and she seemed excited about it. I suggested Friday for dinner, but she said she was busy (sister visiting for the weekend) and suggested Wednesday. After the date she texted me that she "had a great time with me and couldn't wait until Wednesday."

Tonight, I texted her asking her what time she wanted for the date tomorrow, and she said that she "hasn't been feeling well today to be honest" and "would it be ok if we postpone dinner?" Something tells me that this is the oldest excuse in the book, but I wanted to ask for your thoughts. But I'm confused because nothing happened between yesterday and tonight...

My response to her was "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, and of course I understand" but am prepared to move on if this is a sign of no interest. What should I do?

Well BernieTrump let analyze your plays. I hope you are coach able because if you keep repeating this Beta moves. Guess what you are going to be getting theses responses very often from women


First Beta Male Mistake : You asked her for a second date too second , Today is Tuesday, so based on your post yesterday was Monday
you have not even given her some time to wonder about you and miss you. When a woman is ensure about you ( she will start thinking and missing you and might reach out to you. Besides her interest level in you might be at a 5 out of 10 since you guys don't even know each other

Simple Correction to this mistake: Don't set a second date right after your first date. Wait a week then call her and keep doing that until her interest level increases then she will start reaching out to you. ( You don't even have to call her at that point) when she calls you set the dates
If she is chasing you. She is not dumping you , blowing you off or ghosting you

Second Beta Male Mistake: You are a Don Juan be decisive to the point set a definite date not a maybe date. If she is not able to agree. Tell her to call you when she is available to hang out. Put her on the bench and begin spending tome with other women who want to be the starting star of your team Our time on this earth is limited don't waste it on someone one who does not value it

Third Mistake Read the 1st Mistake and 2 for additional info: You are coming off as a needy guy. you are chasing the cat like a dog. and guess what the cat went up the tree and does not want to come down. Being Needy in the fact you went out on date on Monday night, you are already texting her on Tuesday like she is the last woman on earth. read mistake one and give the cat some time , it will come down from the tree and might purr for attention and could curl around your legs

 

[That_dude]

In my mind placating to their passion in the early courtship phase reeks of desparation/overeagerness to please. Better to risk DISPLEASING them. A drink at a non-expensive local watering hole is absolutely fine. Don't bend over backwards trying to impress them with fancy dates. Listening 80% of the time over a drink or two is the most effective way.

I'm also convinced that asking for a second date while still on the first date is a highly effective way of killing a woman's interest.

This is what I like to hear from them at the end of a first date: "Let's do it again." Make HER express interest in seeing ME. My job is to remain a bit hesitant and give off the vibe of uncertainty.

Agreed:

"I'm also convinced that asking for a second date while still on the first date is a highly effective way of killing a woman's interest"

Even though some dating coaches will tell you to "lock in" the 2nd date.. It came across as desperate a couple times.. Now I prefer to chill and let things unfold

 

[BernieTrump]

Alright thanks guys, there's always room for improvement and I'm trying to get better. I shouldn't have asked for the second date, I realize - We had five drinks together so I was just enjoying the time and that was what I was genuinely feeling, but I see the mistake.

Having said that, she just pinged me asking which day next week would work for me. How should I approach the response?

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

Alright thanks guys, there's always room for improvement and I'm trying to get better. I shouldn't have asked for the second date, I realize - We had five drinks together so I was just enjoying the time and that was what I was genuinely feeling, but I see the mistake.

Having said that, she just pinged me asking which day next week would work for me. How should I approach the response?

She reached out good. She is still interested.
Set a definite date next week based on your schedule and make sure she agrees to it (No Maybe or Call me to reconfirm on the the day of the date ) If she acts iffy or not sure . ( tell her to call you when she is free to hang out - Then Ghost her -until she reaches out)

Cheers

 

[marmel75]

Met with a girl for drinks yesterday, and it went well I thought...we had a great conversation, etc. I asked her for a second date and she seemed excited about it. I suggested Friday for dinner, but she said she was busy (sister visiting for the weekend) and suggested Wednesday. After the date she texted me that she "had a great time with me and couldn't wait until Wednesday."

Tonight, I texted her asking her what time she wanted for the date tomorrow, and she said that she "hasn't been feeling well today to be honest" and "would it be ok if we postpone dinner?" Something tells me that this is the oldest excuse in the book, but I wanted to ask for your thoughts. But I'm confused because nothing happened between yesterday and tonight...

My response to her was "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, and of course I understand" but am prepared to move on if this is a sign of no interest. What should I do?

Too eager...like a little puppy that just saw someone walk into the pet store...you silently told her "I have no options".

Women dont like guys with no options.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Remember that men decide if they like a woman virtually instantaneously. The same is not true for women. They need a lot of time to percolate, but once they decide they really like you, they are all-in, hook, line and sinker.

As the guys have said, your job is to show some nonchalance about the whole thing. You want to project that you are on the fence, but you might be interested if she plays her cards right. You are essentially projecting (not in so many words) that you are evaluating her. Women need and crave a man whom she sees as above her. She cannot date down, and cannot respect a man who she can't look up to. That's why you need to keep her in suspense.

One last thing to remember is that women do not fall in love with a man when she is physically with him. She falls in love while they are apart. She thinks and thinks and fantasizes non-stop and talks herself into loving you while you're absent. You need to give her plenty of alone time to digest everything that's happening to her. For some reason women love (and need) this dramatic game of wondering how you really feel about her. She doesn't want to know that she has you in the bag. She wants to keep guessing. If you let her know you're "all-in", she'll move on. In such a case, she already knows the ending and there's no more excitement left for her.

I would put that photography date on hold for a while. She must earn your approval and attention. Instead, tell her you'd like her to join you in doing this or that. You decide what that is. Never ask a woman if she will go somewhere with you. TELL her the offer is there. For example, "Hey, I'm going to XYZ. I'd like you to join me" or "why don't you join me?" She, as a woman, should be molding herself to your shape, not the other way around.

 

[BernieTrump]

Thanks guys...phenomenal advice as usual. I can already feel the improvements.

So we pinned a firm date for next Wednesday. I sent her the time and place, and she agreed to the meeting.

However, something that bothered me is she also said "I'm feeling sick and I'm ok to work today...but I just can't wait to go home and sleep"

This makes me feel like she's choosing sleep over me (if she's ok to work), because if she were really interested, she would want to go on the date tonight, no?

Should I next her? Or go on the date next Wednesday and see how it goes?

 

[DreamAgain]

Thanks guys...phenomenal advice as usual. I can already feel the improvements.

So we pinned a firm date for next Wednesday. I sent her the time and place, and she agreed to the meeting.

However, something that bothered me is she also said "I'm feeling sick and I'm ok to work today...but I just can't wait to go home and sleep"

This makes me feel like she's choosing sleep over me (if she's ok to work), because if she were really interested, she would want to go on the date tonight, no?

Should I next her? Or go on the date next Wednesday and see how it goes?

I think you should still go. However, her constant complaining is a bit annoying.

Normally now that everything is confirmed I would not text her anymore, but if the date is a week away, maybe throw her a ping text sunday/monday to lighten her mood a bit.