Handle your relationship

[Paradiddle]

Hello everyone,

I have been following this forum for 4 years already. My life has drastically changed since then. I have improved a lot and still improving in so many aspects of my life. Currently, I am in a relationship. Things are going fine. We have amazing sex, she respects me a lot, she gives me the space I need and I do the same to her. However, I sometimes feel like I behave in a beta way by reacting and you all know that reacting is beta. When she talks highly about some other guys, I react. And when I say react, it also means that my facial expression changes and she immediately knows that I am annoyed by what she said. Not every time but I am worried if the respect she has for me might go down someday because of this habit. I really try to not react but I do impulsively. This is my biggest problem. Can anyone help me on this? When I'm reacting, does it mean that I am insecure or jealous?

Thanks.

 

[Fruitbat]

Feel your pain. I am more annoyed with them for bringing it up to get a reaction.

It's lose-lose when they do this. However, they are doing it so you want them more, so it isn't all bad

 

[Paradiddle]

Feel your pain. I am more annoyed with them for bringing it up to get a reaction.

It's lose-lose when they do this. However, they are doing it so you want them more, so it isn't all bad

I feel she is testing me when she brings up a guy in our conversation. And I try to act nonchalant but sometimes, things can't be controlled. However, I am trying my best not to react.

 

[Julian]

When she does this DO NOT LET IT PHASE U

Do this: "oh thats cool, yeah that actually reminds me of this girl i knew awhile back she was an AMAZING dancer/athlete blabla etc. Basically whatever she says about a guy, use the same thing but flip it on her an talk about another girl.

Let that kunt know two can play that jealousy game

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

Be the Superior man and don't let complacency set roots in your relationship

1. Always court and date your woman
2. Be your own man the Don Juan (Grooming and taking care of yourself)
3. If she is bringing up another guy it means she is comparing you. (Better check her interest levels and what you are doing to turn her off)

 

[sosousage]

tell her to invite him for threesome, that should show you are the man and arent scared of anything

 

[soulforge]

don't let it bother you man.. If you give her a reaction, she will play on that, and continue more with that kind of behaviour..

However if she is doing this deliberately to get a reaction from you to pizz you off.. Then I think you have some problems ahead..

If you call her out, it will show weakness.. If you let her continue like this, she may behave worse further down the line.. This is a lose lose type of situation.

I am going with JULIAN on this one.. Give her a taste of her own medicine, bring up another woman, and say some positive things about her..

Do this in a jokey none serious way..

This should be enough for her to get the message, and she may realise what a complete nob she is being!

 

[soulforge]

tell her to invite him for threesome, that should show you are the man and arent scared of anything

I dealt with this exact situation with a chick I was dating.

I was at supermarket with her buying some alcohol, and this handsome dude in a suite walked by.

Chick - He smelt nice, good looking guy too mmmm

ME - Yeh good looking guy, I should invite him over, so we can both smash you at the same time

HER - Embarrassed look on her face, and she just shut the fcuk up.

Just give her the impression you absolutely give no fuks

 

[Paradiddle]

Thank you for the replies, brothers.

 

[Elias.Barbarian]

Be the Superior man and don't let complacency set roots in your relationship

1. Always court and date your woman
2. Be your own man the Don Juan (Grooming and taking care of yourself)
3. If she is bringing up another guy it means she is comparing you. (Better check her interest levels and what you are going to turn her off)

I believe this is good advice.

But:

I have experienced it so often that girls tell me that I am too aloof and that they felt like I don't care about them at all.
This could be a real danger if you want an LTR to last. Women will bring up stuff to see if you get jealous. Not to torture you or anything I don't think, but rather to see where they are at with you. Often this is not really a conscious **** test I believe, but rather they just tell you some story, you do not react with jealousy and them just retroactively realise that they would like you to get jealous. I hope that makes sense? I just think that women often do not do this intentionally (although they definitely do) but rather are just very sensitive to your emotional responses in conversations.

I think you need to strike a balance in being absolutely sure that you are better than any guy she might bring up in conversation, and simultaneously ensuring her that she is valuable to you.
If she gets the impression that you are not interested in her - she might get the feeling that she is wasting her time, as she will not be able to hold you. Also, time is much more relevant for women.

Does anyone else have any experience with this?
Do you reckon if you just court her enough and show her your interest this way, you can get away with never showing any jealousy whatsoever?

Best,
E.

 

[That_dude]

Don't sweat that chit at all playa

 

[Glassguy]

The few times a chick has done this to me, I acted indifferent.

Within a few days of it I made sure to bring up some wonderful woman that I encountered, worked with, etc.

Fight fire with fire. That shuts them up really quick and puts them back into chase mode instead of princess mode.

 

[MrJack]

I dealt with this exact situation with a chick I was dating.

I was at supermarket with her buying some alcohol, and this handsome dude in a suite walked by.

Chick - He smelt nice, good looking guy too mmmm

ME - Yeh good looking guy, I should invite him over, so we can both smash you at the same time

HER - Embarrassed look on her face, and she just shut the fcuk up.

Just give her the impression you absolutely give no fuks

LMAO. I'm totally using that line.

 

[MrJack]

Hello everyone,

I have been following this forum for 4 years already. My life has drastically changed since then. I have improved a lot and still improving in so many aspects of my life. Currently, I am in a relationship. Things are going fine. We have amazing sex, she respects me a lot, she gives me the space I need and I do the same to her. However, I sometimes feel like I behave in a beta way by reacting and you all know that reacting is beta. When she talks highly about some other guys, I react. And when I say react, it also means that my facial expression changes and she immediately knows that I am annoyed by what she said. Not every time but I am worried if the respect she has for me might go down someday because of this habit. I really try to not react but I do impulsively. This is my biggest problem. Can anyone help me on this? When I'm reacting, does it mean that I am insecure or jealous?

Thanks.

I get what you mean, it's not so much the fact that I'm jealous it's more so I don't really care about her story that happened with another guy so therefore I have no input on it.

I feel like it comes off like I'm annoyed but most times I'm not.

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

don't let it bother you man.. If you give her a reaction, she will play on that, and continue more with that kind of behaviour..

However if she is doing this deliberately to get a reaction from you to pizz you off.. Then I think you have some problems ahead..

If you call her out, it will show weakness.. If you let her continue like this, she may behave worse further down the line.. This is a lose lose type of situation.

I am going with JULIAN on this one.. Give her a taste of her own medicine, bring up another woman, and say some positive things about her..

Do this in a jokey none serious way..

This should be enough for her to get the message, and she may realise what a complete nob she is being!

I agree with that bold statement soulforge

However I disagree on the underline statement

Most women are emotional and if you give her a taste of her own medicine t it could all start an argument.
Would a Don Juan want to bring women joy or pain?

Ask yourself what would James Bond Do?
007 would smile it off with the confident that he is superior

 

[The Duke]

You know what the problem is today.......men care too much. Our expectations are not high enough. We give in too easily and tolerate too much. As a result the damn woman is in the drivers seat and gets away with way too much. My grandfather and great grandfather never worried about stuff like this. They both lived life on their terms. They also had women that didn't push this self entitled agenda.

The older I get the more I agree.....Fight Fire with Fire. Play the same games they play. They all have 5 guys awaiting their chance. They have 10 more que'd up on social media. Start playing the game the way they do. There are plenty of them out there. Nobody is making long term relationships work these days. We are a throw away society.

Your attention is your #1 weapon in keeping her in check, use it to your advantage. They only get the message and become compliant when you take it away.

 

[Fruitbat]

I do NOT agree with fighting fire with fire.

You do not fight fire with fire. You fight it with water. Or possibly C02. The right extinguisher is essential.

The truth is. When you are screwing around on a chick, do you bring the ho up? NO! Neither do they. An altogether different set of behaviours come out in this scenario. The dudes are being brought up because she wants a reaction from you in some way. Someone reminded me of amused mastery and this is the key. Just smile and let her know you've clocked what she is up to!

She's like the 4 year old daughter who says "Stacey's dad lets her stay up to ten. I like Stacey's dad!"

Silly girls, silly games. Stay out of them.

Fighting back with the same thing shows you are not in control of yourself or her.

I find it hard, really hard to reign in my emotions fellas. I recently lost my shyt over some dude tapping up my girls phone.

However, I learned and I am a better man for this experience. Yes, she sucked up a little attention. I still watch p0rn. Nothing happened, and the BIG stuff....the fact she spends every waking moment being good to me, planning our future and making me happy in bed etc.....I forgot all that.

So, next time, I will just do the James Bond, as above.

 

[Roober]

I struggle with this as well. It is not frequent, but will be in casual conversation. I mean, I bring up things with other women too. For example, I work with mostly women in my department, so most of my work stories are with women. I am really not sure the best approach. I know I tend to get a little snarky and that is certainly not the best approach.

It almost seems that the more you spend time with someone, the more these opportunities rise. More time, equals more stories, more sharing, and learning more about each other. We have to face that we are not the only man that our lady has spent time with. She had great experiences before you and will certainly have great experiences afterward.

@Fruitbat Like you, mine is similar, she wants to spend every second with me, always treats me well, rockin sex, and just a generally good woman. And her comments are more of sharing than a "oh man, he is hot" or comparing or any of the other BS...

Now I am not sure if it comes from a place of insecurity on my part or what. But it is certainly something I need to work on. I guess the biggest adjustment for me is that my exwife had zero friends, certainly no guy friends and very few girl friends. The girl friends she did have were more of work acquaintances. My lady now has probably 5-6 female friends she talks to nearly daily, her ex-husband whom she is on good terms with, her family (brothers and cousins) who she texts regularly, and a bunch of high school friends that will hit her up randomly every now and then to say hello...

I know the classic "don't worry about it" is easy to say... not so easy to put into action...

 

[Fruitbat]

I struggle with this as well. It is not frequent, but will be in casual conversation. I mean, I bring up things with other women too. For example, I work with mostly women in my department, so most of my work stories are with women. I am really not sure the best approach. I know I tend to get a little snarky and that is certainly not the best approach.

It almost seems that the more you spend time with someone, the more these opportunities rise. More time, equals more stories, more sharing, and learning more about each other. We have to face that we are not the only man that our lady has spent time with. She had great experiences before you and will certainly have great experiences afterward.

@Fruitbat Like you, mine is similar, she wants to spend every second with me, always treats me well, rockin sex, and just a generally good woman. And her comments are more of sharing than a "oh man, he is hot" or comparing or any of the other BS...

Now I am not sure if it comes from a place of insecurity on my part or what. But it is certainly something I need to work on. I guess the biggest adjustment for me is that my exwife had zero friends, certainly no guy friends and very few girl friends. The girl friends she did have were more of work acquaintances. My lady now has probably 5-6 female friends she talks to nearly daily, her ex-husband whom she is on good terms with, her family (brothers and cousins) who she texts regularly, and a bunch of high school friends that will hit her up randomly every now and then to say hello...

I know the classic "don't worry about it" is easy to say... not so easy to put into action...

My ex wife was a sever ditto to that mate. She had no-one other than me, and a few work mates and like 2 girls who lived miles away.

My current girl, she has friends but I trust them, they are not the wrong type of girls from what I know.

However, we met on OLD and there are quite a few men out there wtth her number who hit her up from time to time. Obviously it's tempting for her to not block them and enjoy the pursuit. Also there is risk present. However, she's already wanting to plan kids and maririage so keeping in context is key. I also know that it can change on the head of a pin.

Just tired of stressing about it. I have blown my jealousy fuse. I realise I can't control shyt. I cannot control what she wants or does. All I can do is decide. If I sense something is up, I can go. Until this happens, I'll enjoy my time with her, she can plan away, yet I know that nothing is certain and just take each day as it comes.

 

[sosousage]

My ex wife was a sever ditto to that mate. She had no-one other than me, and a few work mates and like 2 girls who lived miles away.

My current girl, she has friends but I trust them, they are not the wrong type of girls from what I know.

However, we met on OLD and there are quite a few men out there wtth her number who hit her up from time to time. Obviously it's tempting for her to not block them and enjoy the pursuit. Also there is risk present. However, she's already wanting to plan kids and maririage so keeping in context is key. I also know that it can change on the head of a pin.

Just tired of stressing about it. I have blown my jealousy fuse. I realise I can't control shyt. I cannot control what she wants or does. All I can do is decide. If I sense something is up, I can go. Until this happens, I'll enjoy my time with her, she can plan away, yet I know that nothing is certain and just take each day as it comes.

I think women that once tasted OLD are more likely to be broken and game aware. They are also more likely to switch partner if something is wrong than these women that never touched OLD