BPD GIRL CUT ME OFF / MET ANOTHER BPD / GENERAL SADNESS

[PokerL]

you had flashbacks of what

Nothing bad, mostly just our time together when things were good. I seem to only remember the good when I'm alone with my thoughts. I find it easier to be detached when I've worked myself up and feel annoyed at her, but when i let things simmer in my head and just reflect on the few months I spent knowing her its mainly just happy memories which in turn makes me miss her. Idk if that made sense

 

[sosousage]

Nothing bad, mostly just our time together when things were good. I seem to only remember the good when I'm alone with my thoughts. I find it easier to be detached when I've worked myself up and feel annoyed at her, but when i let things simmer in my head and just reflect on the few months I spent knowing her its mainly just happy memories which in turn makes me miss her. Idk if that made sense

its ok bro. do you have any hobbys or life or school/job

 

[PokerL]

its ok bro. do you have any hobbys or life or school/job

I play poker full time, mainly online MTTs. I tend to leave the house 1-2 nights a week to play live at the local casino but it's a fairly small cash game so it's just to be social. No real good friends but some friendly aquaintences I've been trying to get back in contact with

 

[sosousage]

I play poker full time, mainly online MTTs. I tend to leave the house 1-2 nights a week to play live at the local casino but it's a fairly small cash game so it's just to be social. No real good friends but some friendly aquaintences I've been trying to get back in contact with

Do you live off poker or live with parents

 

[PokerL]

Do you live off poker or live with parents

I live off poker but have very little expenses, just pay my parents a fairly small amount for rent and some food shopping.

 

[Fruitbat]

You KNOW she is BPD.

You don't want her back.

Hit the horizon. Trust us. trust us.

 

[Infern0]

i dont think saying women has bpd will help. they are just irresponsible. to be honest, if you DONT get attached, then you CANT get hurt no matter the quality of the chick. why there were drugs at your home. she has keys? why would you give her them. maybe dont share keys with strangers.

and stop calling "another bpd" damnnn if they show bpd behavior maybe they just dont respect you. i could say my exes did illogical hurtful things towards me and the same things they did towards their exes but thats not BPD, that rather was lose of respected towards boyfriend, and then justifying any ****ty behavior. meaning she could cut off your leg but tell police you attacked her and think the same in her head. sure thats crazy but damn A LOT of woman do that

This is true. There isnt anything in the OP that would classify as full on personality disordered behaviour. Things like that would be self harming or threatening suicide or extreme gaslighting. And a total disregard for anyone elses safety etc. True bpd behaviour is shocking. Op describes standard bitchiness.

A LARGE percentage of women show bpd traits and may even have a loose diagnosis but wont be truly disordered.

 

[PokerL]

This is true. There isnt anything in the OP that would classify as full on personality disordered behaviour. Things like that would be self harming or threatening suicide or extreme gaslighting. And a total disregard for anyone elses safety etc. True bpd behaviour is shocking. Op describes standard bitchiness.

A LARGE percentage of women show bpd traits and may even have a loose diagnosis but wont be truly disordered.

I think I chose to leave things out that didnt directly impact me as I tried to keep short as possible she has various self harm scars on arms / legs but as far as I'm awar no longer cuts. One night we had a great dinner and she asked to stop in this car park on the seafront where she broke down, punching the cliff etc to the point where her knuckles looked pretty bad i got hold of her in the end but she started throwing stones at the public toilet window until some slight cracking. Not sure what that was about to this day but she made her hands bleed. She would also make herself sick after most evening meals.I remember once in my garden she was begging me to let her do it and in the end I did which was cowardly I guess but I didnt feel I could stop her, and if I did she'd just do it at home later anyway. But yeah she often reminded me of how sad she felt that I let her do it practically in front of me.

 

[MrOctober]

Yea they always leave it hanging...

Your trapped I can tell. I'm lucky I had solid experienced with these things too friends around to help me see **** clear. Leave it alone. Disappear. I remember reading advice just like you when it was still going on. I got desperate and afc but I must admit not exactly like how she had you. Every tale is a little different but the end is the same.

 

[PokerL]

Yea they always leave it hanging...

Your trapped I can tell. I'm lucky I had solid experienced with these things too friends around to help me see **** clear. Leave it alone. Disappear. I remember reading advice just like you when it was still going on. I got desperate and afc but I must admit not exactly like how she had you. Every tale is a little different but the end is the same.

I mean I do realise it could be much worse, we're now well over 2 weeks since original blocked me on everything and went NC. It's just quite unlucky the other girl went away I guess

 

[MrOctober]

I mean I do realise it could be much worse, we're now well over 2 weeks since original blocked me on everything and went NC. It's just quite unlucky the other girl went away I guess

It's like you just played Jumanji. I don't know about you but I already played Jumanji and this **** doesn't end well. If you put that piece on the board again.... just be glad it's over and she did block you. Mine never did. I pushed her close a few times too.

 

[Infern0]

Also to the OP this will go on as long as you let it.

I broke up with my BPD over 3 years ago and I'm STILL having to deal with little remnants of fallout from it.

Had i just moved on after the breakup the damage would have been quite limited but as i learned they never really go away forever and post breakup i was still dealing with her on and off for 18 months trying to make it work.

I ended up losing a very good job due to my actions when i was putting myself through extreme stress with her, and I'd estimate the financial loss i went through as a result as close to 50,000.

I also lost my car, my home and even my pets. Thank god i managed to avoid ending up living under a bridge or jumping off one, but fair warning, the end game can be a lot worse than a touch of depression. (My exes boyfriend after me killed himself)

 

[Billtx49]

but as i learned they never really go away forever

Yes, she is like an emotionally super curious child or teenager depending on exactly when in her life the damage was done that stopped her emotional growth. The real problem with the disorder is it leaches into her conscious actions and words then you think they’re coming from her real mindset, but they’re not.

 

[PokerL]

Also to the OP this will go on as long as you let it.

I broke up with my BPD over 3 years ago and I'm STILL having to deal with little remnants of fallout from it.

Had i just moved on after the breakup the damage would have been quite limited but as i learned they never really go away forever and post breakup i was still dealing with her on and off for 18 months trying to make it work.

I ended up losing a very good job due to my actions when i was putting myself through extreme stress with her, and I'd estimate the financial loss i went through as a result as close to 50,000.

I also lost my car, my home and even my pets. Thank god i managed to avoid ending up living under a bridge or jumping off one, but fair warning, the end game can be a lot worse than a touch of depression. (My exes boyfriend after me killed himself)

I guess one thing is due to my ridiculously childish / pathetic behaviour I can probably bank on the fact that she'll be out my life forever, given that she's blocked me on everything and gone to the police about something a random " hey how are you" seems unlikely

 

[Polysix]

Yes, she is like an emotionally super curious child or teenager depending on exactly when in her life the damage was done that stopped her emotional growth. The real problem with the disorder is it leaches into her conscious actions and words then you think they’re coming from her real mindset, but they’re not.

Can confirm this. Last time I saw my BPD-Ex incidentally about half a year after our breakup, I approached her and we had a short conversation. She was like another girl and insecure. During our chat she suddenly out of nowhere was asking me for a date. I mean her voice changed as if there was a flash from her unconscious mind commanding her to ask me out. It was awkward and creepy as hell. I think she somehow realized her strange beheaviour afterwards but had no control about it. The sad thing is, I was feeling and looking like a BOSS that day and it was like somebody telling her: 'Oh, he is happy again, he´s not fully broken like your other Ex-guys, you are not ready yet, your game ain´t over yet. You´ve got to bring him down." There is a term in psychology it´s called perpetrator introject. Being mostly out of the FOG then already this day, I realized, how broken she really is, beyond repair. Even more sad is, I realized it was all about control and power for her, never about love, because she never learned what true love is. But it´s just the way it/ she is, and there is nothing I can do to change it and I didn´t caused it neither. Never met her again since then.
@OP Move on man and go NoContact forever with both girls, for your own sake, staying in contact can cause so much damage, the longer you stay the worse it gets.

 

[stovepipe]

Thank god i managed to avoid ending up living under a bridge or jumping off one, but fair warning, the end game can be a lot worse than a touch of depression. (My exes boyfriend after me killed himself)

Myself and a few other members from other groups almost ended up like the guy after you. It happens more often than you think, its just never brought into the spotlight. I just don't think the media or Dr's have a clue how much damage these women cause. A buddy of mine I met through recovery told me the guy who dated his ex before him blew his head off with a shotgun. If I posted a pic of this women it clear as day she is a psychopath. Glad you are still here man, and yes, it can take years or a lifetime to get over it. The emotional and mental pain I went thru post break up was unlike anything I ever thought was possible for a human to experience.

 

[Infern0]

Myself and a few other members from other groups almost ended up like the guy after you. It happens more often than you think, its just never brought into the spotlight. I just don't think the media or Dr's have a clue how much damage these women cause. A buddy of mine I met through recovery told me the guy who dated his ex before him blew his head off with a shotgun. If I posted a pic of this women it clear as day she is a psychopath. Glad you are still here man, and yes, it can take years or a lifetime to get over it. The emotional and mental pain I went thru post break up was unlike anything I ever thought was possible for a human to experience.

Its a tough one. I started dating mine in my mid 20s, was developing very well in my career and considered one of the future leaders of the company. We had only been dating a short time when i got offered a big promotion that would require me moving a few hours away. Her abandonment fears kicked in and i decided to stay.

Within 6 months i had gone off the rails so bad i was given a demotion to lesser duties and i never regained my old form.

Coming out of the whole thing aged 30 and realizing that I'd thrown so much away for nothing was a bitter pill to swallow, and i can understand how guys kill themselves over this stuff as if you are vulnerable to it these girls break you down and leave you feeling emasculated, broke and feeling hopeless.

I got lucky in the end after i got fired from my job my savings were down to the last few $$$ and i found a new job but it was so bad i had to walk an hour to and from work for a few days because it was food or gas.

If i hadnt nailed that interview i honestly dont know where I'd be or what I'd be doing now.

BPD by the way will NEVER get that close to the edge, they are survivors and will always be able to manipulate a guy into taking care of all their needs

 

[Red Legg]

Dude... They are poison. You know that....

No Contact and move on with your life.

IF you are emotional yes....to smash no IMO

 

[stovepipe]

Its a tough one. I started dating mine in my mid 20s, was developing very well in my career and considered one of the future leaders of the company. We had only been dating a short time when i got offered a big promotion that would require me moving a few hours away. Her abandonment fears kicked in and i decided to stay.

Within 6 months i had gone off the rails so bad i was given a demotion to lesser duties and i never regained my old form.

Coming out of the whole thing aged 30 and realizing that I'd thrown so much away for nothing was a bitter pill to swallow, and i can understand how guys kill themselves over this stuff as if you are vulnerable to it these girls break you down and leave you feeling emasculated, broke and feeling hopeless.

I got lucky in the end after i got fired from my job my savings were down to the last few $$$ and i found a new job but it was so bad i had to walk an hour to and from work for a few days because it was food or gas.

If i hadnt nailed that interview i honestly dont know where I'd be or what I'd be doing now.

BPD by the way will NEVER get that close to the edge, they are survivors and will always be able to manipulate a guy into taking care of all their needs

What a story man. I don't think I would have been strong enough to stick around after all that. Your last statement really got me thinking. BPD has the highest suicide rate of any mental disorder. If I'm not mistaken it's 1 or 2 out of ten commit suicide.

My ex did mention she to tried to kill herself when she younger by taking a handful of pills. Seeing how much she lied, I only take what she says with a grain of salt. Heck, she lied to me in the beginning saying her liver was failing due to all the alcohol and pill abuse. Then a month later her liver magically healed and she started drinking again when she said shes done with alcohol. Didn't realize any of this till months after it was over, the fog cleared and I educated myself.

I witnessed how little emtions she shows to breakups with guys she supposedly loved or was going to marry. After she cheated on her man with me and left him, she went out with a friend the night she broke up with him, snorted coke, got wasted, cried a little, then the next day it was as if nothing happened. With me, her supposed "soulmate" the man she asked to marry 100 times, she cried in front of me a lot before she moved, then cried for hours before moving. Then the next day I spoke with her it was like I was her worst enemy, zero emtions. Now I know her tears weren't shed for losing me, but more about how I figured out her lies, tears of shame in themselves, how she failed again, not tears for the person they supposedly loved.

They have that switch where they turn you off like you never existed. I can tell you this, if they were able to feel the pain they leave us in, there is no way they could survive it. It's that switch, coupled lack of empathy that keeps them going. They are survivors, my ex destroys every relationship, moves to another state, does it again, rinse and repeat all while blaming everyone but herself.

She lost almost everything after she destroyed our relationship. Racked up $6k in debt, lost 90% of all her belongings, even all her childhood stuff she collected. Moved 1000 miles back to her moms and started a new life like nothing happened. It is kind of amazing how they are able to keep on going after such tragic events. They are chameleons who adapt to any situation. They know their will always be a sucker they can manipulate into their web of destruction by using sex as their #1 tool. To them, sex means nothing, they hand it out like candy. They are unable to make love, just dirty, kinky sex with no emtions.

 

[PokerL]

What a story man. I don't think I would have been strong enough to stick around after all that. Your last statement really got me thinking. BPD has the highest suicide rate of any mental disorder. If I'm not mistaken it's 1 or 2 out of ten commit suicide.

My ex did mention she to tried to kill herself when she younger by taking a handful of pills. Seeing how much she lied, I only take what she says with a grain of salt. Heck, she lied to me in the beginning saying her liver was failing due to all the alcohol and pill abuse. Then a month later her liver magically healed and she started drinking again when she said shes done with alcohol. Didn't realize any of this till months after it was over, the fog cleared and I educated myself.

I witnessed how little emtions she shows to breakups with guys she supposedly loved or was going to marry. After she cheated on her man with me and left him, she went out with a friend the night she broke up with him, snorted coke, got wasted, cried a little, then the next day it was as if nothing happened. With me, her supposed "soulmate" the man she asked to marry 100 times, she cried in front of me a lot before she moved, then cried for hours before moving. Then the next day I spoke with her it was like I was her worst enemy, zero emtions. Now I know her tears weren't shed for losing me, but more about how I figured out her lies, tears of shame in themselves, how she failed again, not the person they supposedly loved.

They have that switch where they turn you off like you never existed. I can tell you this, if they were able to feel the pain they leave us in, there is no way they could survive it. It's that switch, coupled lack of empathy that keeps them going. They are survivors, my ex destroys every relationship, moves to another state, does it again, rinse and repeat all while blaming everyone but herself.

She lost almost everything after she destroyed our relationship. Racked up $6k in debt, lost 90% of all her belongings, even all her childhood stuff she collected. Moved 1000 miles back to her moms and started a new life like nothing happened. It is kind of amazing how they are able to keep on going after such tragic events. They are chameleons who adapt to any situation.

I guess this is the hardest to hear of all, as even though I only knew mine for 6 months it felt so important, more so than anything I've ever experienced and since she blocked me almost 3 weeks ago now I've thought about her non stop almost daily, and well I guess she's barely thought of me. I don't expect her back in my life it just sucks after everything that I can't even say hi occasionally. The last time we went out together we laughed and towards the end of the night she cried non stop but in a good way, weird how a couple of days after that she was able to just cut me out.