Ask Amy: I’m hot for my girlfriend’s daughter, and now she’s 18

[MatureDJ]

http://www.mercurynews.com/2017/09/13/bc-ask-amy-0913-tca/

DEAR AMY: My girlfriend “Wendy” and I have been living together for seven years. She has a daughter, “Ariel,” 18, who recently graduated from high school. Ariel and I always got along great. I liked her more than I liked her mother, and I feel terrible about it.
A few years into our relationship, Wendy started neglecting her health and hygiene, put on weight, wouldn’t exercise, and after a while I was no longer attracted to her.

All the while, Ariel started to look great, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

I saved all my passions for Wendy, but honestly I was thinking about Ariel the whole time.
Ariel and her mother never got along at all. Her mother was jealous of our relationship.
When Ariel was 15, I suggested sending her to boarding school. She loved the school, and I hate to say it, but another reason I wanted her to go there was because I wanted to have a relationship with her, and I hated myself for it.

I visited Ariel a few times at school. Wendy was very jealous and suspicious of Ariel for dressing provocatively.

I was visiting Ariel at her school right after she turned 18, and she came on to me. Now that she is 18, she’s been telling me that she wants to have sex with me before she goes off to college.

I confess, I am almost ready to take her up on it. I’d be breaking no laws. If I left Wendy, I wouldn’t suffer.

Would it ruin Ariel’s life or cause her trouble later on if we have this relationship now? We won’t be living together or dating, and she’s looking forward to heading out of state to go to college soon, and I expect she’ll be dating a lot when she gets there.

Not Really Stepdad

My opinion: If a man is considered desirable enough that lasses his girlfriend's daughter's age are interested, he needs to trade up.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Before I even click the link, let me guess, the woman who writes the column will say it will scar Ariel permanently and that the guy is a sex-hungry chauvinist for even thinking this and should feel ashamed of himself.

ETA: What do you know! Of course she derides the guy for being a guy and feeling sexual attraction to a young woman in her prime. Take a wild guess if this woman hit the wall herself.

My advice to this guy is to bang this young girl, teach her what it's really like to feel complete sexual fulfillment and even though she'll ride the carousel for the next few years, she'll keep coming back to him because he knows what he's doing. If he plays this right, he'll have a damn nice plate for a while.

 

[AJ84]

I don't know. Like the first guy posted if he realizes he can get hotter younger chicks go for it but sleeping with the daughter of the woman he lived for the past 7 years, so since the daughter was 11, is creepy. Too close to home and will potentially destroy whatever relationship the daughter and mother have.

If he's no longer attracted to the mother best bet is to move out, move on and build on the momentum of attracting younger women.

 

[zekko]

My opinion: If a man is considered desirable enough that lasses his girlfriend's daughter's age are interested, he needs to trade up.

An interesting take on it. Only thing is, he can't really replicate his relationship with this girl with other women because he had a unique relationship with her. Sounds like he was kind of her defacto stepfather. I think her attraction is more about that than any innate sexual appeal the guy has.

This story is a good example of how men can be attracted to young, fertile women. I don't see anything wrong with that, but I'd be lying if I said this situation didn't sound a little messed up. I don't see anything technically illegal here, but he could easily be accused of grooming the girl while she was still underage. That threat alone would be enough for me to walk away from it, even though I'm sure it's tempting.

 

[Desdinova]

but sleeping with the daughter of the woman he lived for the past 7 years, so since the daughter was 11, is creepy.

I'm going to touch on this...

The last GF I had was in her 30s and had an 11 year old daughter. Most of the single moms I've dated had kids that are either around my son's age, or they had boys. The 11 year old daughter was a different experience for me. I started noticing some interesting things; Things that I usually notice from women who are interested in me. The girl would initiate kino in identical ways that an interested woman would. If she was sitting in my vicinity, she would lean an arm or a leg against mine. Eventually, the kino changed even moreso. She started resting her legs on mine. This is something I would expect a GF to do, not a GF's daughter.

You can blame the man for being "creepy" all you like. If the man is a guy who has no trouble attracting women, he's going to attract girls who have entered puberty as well, regardless of age. Just because 18 is the legal age for sex, it doesn't mean that the girl won't be attracted to older men or won't want to fvck before she reaches that age.

Personally, I have a bit of trouble with the whole legal age limit. It's not because I want to fvck teenage girls, it's because nature has dictated that women are ready to procreate well before they turn 18. Not only that, many girls will enter their adult years already being alpha-widowed and are therefore damaged when it comes to pair-bonding.

Society may have become more sexualized over the last few decades, but the laws haven't exactly changed to reflect it. If more open sex is being promoted in society, then the legal age of consent should be lowered to reflect it. It hasn't. Girls who are having sex before age 18 are currently not shamed for doing so. Instead, birth control and condoms are being promoted so they can embrace their sexual desires and activities. So why the fvck is it still illegal for an older guy to fvck girls under the age of 18? It makes no sense.

I believe that there should still be a legal limit to avoid destroying the lives of children, but age 18 is too high. A more suitable age would be 15. At this time, girls have either already started or are interested in starting to have sex, and their bodies have dictated that they're ready for procreation. Feel free to disagree with me if you like, but the fact remains that there are lots of girls who have been damaged for pair-bonding by the time they're 18.

 

[AJ84]

I'm going to touch on this...

The last GF I had was in her 30s and had an 11 year old daughter. Most of the single moms I've dated had kids that are either around my son's age, or they had boys. The 11 year old daughter was a different experience for me. I started noticing some interesting things; Things that I usually notice from women who are interested in me. The girl would initiate kino in identical ways that an interested woman would. If she was sitting in my vicinity, she would lean an arm or a leg against mine. Eventually, the kino changed even moreso. She started resting her legs on mine. This is something I would expect a GF to do, not a GF's daughter.

You can blame the man for being "creepy" all you like. If the man is a guy who has no trouble attracting women, he's going to attract girls who have entered puberty as well, regardless of age. Just because 18 is the legal age for sex, it doesn't mean that the girl won't be attracted to older men or won't want to fvck before she reaches that age.

Personally, I have a bit of trouble with the whole legal age limit. It's not because I want to fvck teenage girls, it's because nature has dictated that women are ready to procreate well before they turn 18. Not only that, many girls will enter their adult years already being alpha-widowed and are therefore damaged when it comes to pair-bonding.

Society may have become more sexualized over the last few decades, but the laws haven't exactly changed to reflect it. If more open sex is being promoted in society, then the legal age of consent should be lowered to reflect it. It hasn't. Girls who are having sex before age 18 are currently not shamed for doing so. Instead, birth control and condoms are being promoted so they can embrace their sexual desires and activities. So why the fvck is it still illegal for an older guy to fvck girls under the age of 18? It makes no sense.

I believe that there should still be a legal limit to avoid destroying the lives of children, but age 18 is too high. A more suitable age would be 15. At this time, girls have either already started or are interested in starting to have sex, and their bodies have dictated that they're ready for procreation. Feel free to disagree with me if you like, but the fact remains that there are lots of girls who have been damaged for pair-bonding by the time they're 18.

The creepy aspect for me is not the fact that she's 18, it's the fact that he was basically a father figure to her since she was 7 as he lived with her for that long. That's what's creepy. It's also creepy from her end to be trying to initiate something from her stepdad. A bit of a red flag no?

Imagine having an 18 yr old son who your wife helped raise in some way since he was 7, and finding out your wife and he are having secs. Or your 18 daughter is having secs with your life long buddy who has known her since she wa a baby. Too close to home.

I don't disagree with you that a lot of 18 year olds have been damaged by pair bonding, but you know that even if the legal age was 15, the vast majority of those 15 year olds will not be pair bonding with older men. You're right, just because the legal age is 18 doesn't mean a girl won't be attracted to an older man, and we know that under age girls do hook up with older men despite the laws.
However lowering the legal age isn't going to lead to more younger people wanting to have relationships with older people. I don't think the lack of legal status is the main deterrent in girls or boys not wanting to be with older men or women. I think it is the fact that teenage girls and boys don't want the kind of relationship that older people have. 15 year olds, despite being biologically ready to procreate, don't want to become parents. They don't want to get married and have a mortgage and pays bills and go to Home Depot on Saturdays and all the boring stuff us older folks do hahaha.

They may want to have secs with an older person but what are the changes of that becoming something other than another casual sexual experience that adds to this erosion of the ability to pair bond, as you mentioned?

 

[zekko]

Personally, I have a bit of trouble with the whole legal age limit. It's not because I want to fvck teenage girls, it's because nature has dictated that women are ready to procreate well before they turn 18.

I tend to agree with you. I have no intention of banging any girls who are under 18. But the whole age limit thing is something that is imposed by the society and culture we live in. As you say, it isn't natural.

I believe that there should still be a legal limit to avoid destroying the lives of children, but age 18 is too high. A more suitable age would be 15.

In a lot of places the age of consent IS 15 or 16, but only if the guy is within a certain age range. I think those are called Romeo laws. For example, it might be illegal for you or I to have sex with a 16 year old, but legal for an 18 year old guy to have sex with her. Such guys are likely to be within her social circle, go to her high school, or whatever.

I can see how they don't want older guys to take advantage of relatively innocent, inexperienced young girls.

The creepy aspect for me is not the fact that she's 18, it's the fact that he was basically a father figure to her since she was 7 as he lived with her for that long. That's what's creepy. It's also creepy from her end to be trying to initiate something from her stepdad. A bit of a red flag no?

Yeah, I agree that's the creepiest bit. Reminds me a bit of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, who ends up dating her step brother. Weird stuff, but technically okay I guess.

I still think there is a good chance for this guy to be labeled as a sexual predator, even if they did wait until she was 18. All creepiness aside, I wouldn't touch her.

 

[Desdinova]

but you know that even if the legal age was 15, the vast majority of those 15 year olds will not be pair bonding with older men.

Why wouldn't they? If the legal age limit and the social stigma of it being "gross" is eliminated, I'd bet that it would happen more often.

I think it is the fact that teenage girls and boys don't want the kind of relationship that older people have.

Are you defining "older people" as boring? Women aren't attracted to boring men anyway. If the man remains interesting and fun, I don't think it would matter.

15 year olds, despite being biologically ready to procreate, don't want to become parents. They don't want to get married and have a mortgage and pays bills and go to Home Depot on Saturdays and all the boring stuff us older folks do hahaha.

They don't have to become parents at age 15. My point is that puberty has hit them, and their hormones are making them sexually active. They can hold of having babies for another decade.

Paying bills? Home Depot? I never mentioned them getting married and moving in together. Even if that were the case, it should be the man's job to deal with all that 5hit. Why couldn't they date for five years before moving into an apartment together? Apartments generally don't require trips to Home Depot.

 

[AJ84]

Why wouldn't they? If the legal age limit and the social stigma of it being "gross" is eliminated, I'd bet that it would happen more often.



Are you defining "older people" as boring? Women aren't attracted to boring men anyway. If the man remains interesting and fun, I don't think it would matter.



They don't have to become parents at age 15. My point is that puberty has hit them, and their hormones are making them sexually active. They can hold of having babies for another decade.

Paying bills? Home Depot? I never mentioned them getting married and moving in together. Even if that were the case, it should be the man's job to deal with all that 5hit. Why couldn't they date for five years before moving into an apartment together? Apartments generally don't require trips to Home Depot.

I'm half a** joking about the boring bit but you've met 15 yr olds I assume. Their interests are vastly different than a 30-35 yr old's.

I don't really see a lot of 15 years olds wanting to have a serious relationship with people their own age, let alone someone much older. Even if it was legal. 15 yr olds are not typically attracted to much older men and women for pair bonding, a fling maybe, but I don't see it happening mainstream even if it was legal. I don't think it's just an 'ewww gross' thing, I just think it's just not something they think about due to lack of interest. There is a ocean of difference between a 15 yr old girl and, say, a 35 year old man. Same with a 15 yr old boy and a 35 year old women.

We also live in a age where teenagers are encouraged to go to school, achieve a career etc, find themselves and all that. In order for teenagers and older people to pair up I think other aspects of society would have to change and I don't see that happening.

Maybe back in the day when things were more traditional and there wasn't such an importance placed on education, individuality, independence, career etc it would be more realistic, but not in this day.

I'm sure in poor countries though teenage girls pair up with older men, for financial security etc so those are places where what you describe is more of a reality.

 

[Desdinova]

you've met 15 yr olds I assume. Their interests are vastly different than a 30-35 yr old's.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that common interests don't create attraction. I've dated lots of women that I have nothing in common with.

The bonus with someone younger is that they haven't built themselves a life yet. Your life effectively becomes their life, and that makes for a better relationship instead of two people going two completely different directions.

I don't really see a lot of 15 years olds wanting to have a serious relationship with people their own age, let alone someone much older.

And that's fine. However as I've said before, I have a few couples on my Facebook that I went to high school with. They met each other when they were 15-18 years old. The guy's age isn't the one that matters, it's the woman's age. She's the one who's more malleable because she leaves her life open to "fate" and "destiny". Men are the ones who figure their 5hit out and go with it. The younger the woman is, the less fixtures she has in her life. A teenage doesn't have any permanent fixtures.

Maybe back in the day when things were more traditional and there wasn't such an importance placed on education, individuality, independence, career etc it would be more realistic, but not in this day.

Education and careers can still be achieved while you're in a relationship. Individuality and independence are for people who are single and don't live with their parents. There is absolutely no reason why it cannot work as long as both parties are interested.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Depending on the jurisdiction, "grooming" laws can be an issue. Grooming is non-sexual contact with someone underage with the intent of fvcking them when they later become legal.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

There's a movie about this subject. It's gold from the young girl's perspective, and as far as I can tell, it's a "girl power" angle more than a "pedofile' angle.

It's got high ratings both from critics and viewers.

Diary of a Teenage Girl

A teen artist living in 1970s San Francisco enters into an affair with her mother's boyfriend.

It's 1976 San Francisco. Fifteen year old Minnie Goetze (Bel Powley) is overjoyed at losing her virginity to her mother Charlotte (Kristen Wiig)'s boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). They begin a secret affair. Minnie and her friend Kimmie Minter get into various adult situations. Her stepfather Pascal MacCorkill (Christopher Meloni) wants to stay in her and her sister Gretel's lives. She records tapes of her diary and draws inspired by cartoonist Aline Kominsky.

This takes a less conventional look at the sexual coming-of-age story from the female perspective. It is not flowers and puppies. It is highly sexual in nature. It is unflinching. My main problem is that Bel is a little too old to play the fifteen year old. I rather have a younger actress do the role without the nudity. There is a shock with a man having sex with a young girl that is missing in this movie. She looks 20s. I'm reminded of Heather Matarazzo in 'Welcome to the Dollhouse' and the shock of that sexual subject matter. This movie has the same shocking subject.

 

[AJ84]

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that common interests don't create attraction. I've dated lots of women that I have nothing in common with.

The bonus with someone younger is that they haven't built themselves a life yet. Your life effectively becomes their life, and that makes for a better relationship instead of two people going two completely different directions.



And that's fine. However as I've said before, I have a few couples on my Facebook that I went to high school with. They met each other when they were 15-18 years old. The guy's age isn't the one that matters, it's the woman's age. She's the one who's more malleable because she leaves her life open to "fate" and "destiny". Men are the ones who figure their 5hit out and go with it. The younger the woman is, the less fixtures she has in her life. A teenage doesn't have any permanent fixtures.



Education and careers can still be achieved while you're in a relationship. Individuality and independence are for people who are single and don't live with their parents. There is absolutely no reason why it cannot work as long as both parties are interested.

If a young person's life is malleable then that leaves it to be molded to what the older person wants, not what they want.

I get what you're saying and for young people who want that for sure, but a lot of young people don't, not in western cultures anyway.

Our culture, for better or worse, places a very high value on independence, self interests, and individuality and those values are not limited to single people who don't live with their parents. The whole dress how you want/tattoo what you want/ indentify with whatever gender you want or make up your own etc etc etc is an illustration of the whole chart your own path on your terms societal norm that has taken root in Canada and the US. And who is spearheading this the most? Teenagers. They are more socially aware, politically aware, and publicly aware than any other teens from any past age it seems, and they are making their voices heard. I don't even think they're that malleable to be honest.

 

[AJ84]

Depending on the jurisdiction, "grooming" laws can be an issue. Grooming is non-sexual contact with someone underage with the intent of fvcking them when they later become legal.

Now that's creepy. Like how young does the grooming start? Never heard of this will have to look it up wow.

 

[AJ84]

There's a movie about this subject. It's gold from the young girl's perspective, and as far as I can tell, it's a "girl power" angle more than a "pedofile' angle.

It's got high ratings both from critics and viewers.

Diary of a Teenage Girl

A teen artist living in 1970s San Francisco enters into an affair with her mother's boyfriend.

It's 1976 San Francisco. Fifteen year old Minnie Goetze (Bel Powley) is overjoyed at losing her virginity to her mother Charlotte (Kristen Wiig)'s boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). They begin a secret affair. Minnie and her friend Kimmie Minter get into various adult situations. Her stepfather Pascal MacCorkill (Christopher Meloni) wants to stay in her and her sister Gretel's lives. She records tapes of her diary and draws inspired by cartoonist Aline Kominsky.

This takes a less conventional look at the sexual coming-of-age story from the female perspective. It is not flowers and puppies. It is highly sexual in nature. It is unflinching. My main problem is that Bel is a little too old to play the fifteen year old. I rather have a younger actress do the role without the nudity. There is a shock with a man having sex with a young girl that is missing in this movie. She looks 20s. I'm reminded of Heather Matarazzo in 'Welcome to the Dollhouse' and the shock of that sexual subject matter. This movie has the same shocking subject.

There's an old brook shields movie called Pretty Baby. I don't think she was even 18 when she was in it and I think she was topless and the premise was she was a hooker or something with a much older man.

 

[Fruitbat]

So, I'm dating a chick 11 years younger at 24.

All my friends have women basically the same age.

"the group" i.e. the women, questioned me heavily. "What can you have in common?" "Surely you want someone with shared experiences?"

I explained she is prime child bearing age, and I find younger women attractive.

Almost a social pariah now. Avoided by many. I am not sure if the guys are jealous (a lot of them seemed hostile about it - she's talking you for a ride etc).

They seem to think liking a woman a decade younger despite shes almost 25 is paedo.

Methinks there are some hamster wheels spinning. Some of their men are higher value than me and I'm sure the fear is, if fruitbat has done it, they can. Also, many of these women are feminists and have worked their men so they have them by the balls. the group is controlled by a load of bossy women and the guys often aren't "allowed" out.

for years, all these women ruled the roost and now they are hitting walls. I know this sounds horrible but knowing what some have them have been like, I am enjoying it. When the boot was on their foot, things were different. Well, girls, you're going to find out how life was for me and other dudes over the last 15 years.

I exclude some women from this as some in the group are really supportive.

 

[AJ84]

So, I'm dating a chick 11 years younger at 24.

All my friends have women basically the same age.

"the group" i.e. the women, questioned me heavily. "What can you have in common?" "Surely you want someone with shared experiences?"

I explained she is prime child bearing age, and I find younger women attractive.

Almost a social pariah now. Avoided by many. I am not sure if the guys are jealous (a lot of them seemed hostile about it - she's talking you for a ride etc).

They seem to think liking a woman a decade younger despite shes almost 25 is paedo.

Methinks there are some hamster wheels spinning. Some of their men are higher value than me and I'm sure the fear is, if fruitbat has done it, they can. Also, many of these women are feminists and have worked their men so they have them by the balls. the group is controlled by a load of bossy women and the guys often aren't "allowed" out.

for years, all these women ruled the roost and now they are hitting walls. I know this sounds horrible but knowing what some have them have been like, I am enjoying it. When the boot was on their foot, things were different. Well, girls, you're going to find out how life was for me and other dudes over the last 15 years.

I exclude some women from this as some in the group are really supportive.

That's not even a big age difference and she's 24 not a teenager. If you're specifically looking for women in their prime childbearing age, because you want to start a family, well 24 is that age so it makes sense.

Some people are just bitter.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

There's an old brook shields movie called Pretty Baby. I don't think she was even 18 when she was in it and I think she was topless and the premise was she was a hooker or something with a much older man.

Same as she was naked in Blue Lagoon. There is an exemption in child porn laws in our country if the kid is doing work that is considered tasteful. In this case, I'd agree Blue Lagoon was simply showing a nude teenager, nothing sexual.

 

[MatureDJ]

There's an old brook shields movie called Pretty Baby. I don't think she was even 18 when she was in it and I think she was topless and the premise was she was a hooker or something with a much older man.

Shields's character was a 12 year-old daughter of a prostitute, going through puberty, and her virginity was auctioned off at the brothel (pre-1917 New Orleans "Storyville") her mother was working at. There was another man who was concerned about her situation there, and Shields's character came onto him, and they were supposed to get married, but her mother ending up getting married, and Shields's character was depicted as becoming a normal girl thereafter.