Need some perspective

[Spinach]

Short background, been with this redhead for 9 years off and on. Incredible physical relationship, great fun to be around when relationship is going well. She is a mother and grandmother, but 20 years my junior. Kids and grandkids are always a priority. And I can deal with that as it gives me the freedom to do what I want to do in the other aspects of my life. She currently lives in an apartment, I have a home with acreage 50 miles from her place. She still has 15 years to work, I am retired. Here is the rub, she of course needs more of a commitment....as in me selling my place, moving in with her in a fu*cking mobile home. It has basically come to the point of do this or I am gone! My initial reaction is bye-bye. But how to do it without all the drama that usually comes with ending a long term relationship as I am getting to old for this sh*t. I also know that she will move on in a heartbeat as she has a constant supply of guys hitting on her. Seems every guy wants to sample that ginger *****! Trying hard to be outcome independent, but jealousy does haunt me when it comes to her... I have kept her at bay by agreeing to look at various properties but I know damn well I do NOT want to leave what I have and move into a trailer court. So what say you?

 

[dude99]

Short background, been with this redhead for 9 years off and on. Incredible physical relationship, great fun to be around when relationship is going well. She is a mother and grandmother, but 20 years my junior. Kids and grandkids are always a priority. And I can deal with that as it gives me the freedom to do what I want to do in the other aspects of my life. She currently lives in an apartment, I have a home with acreage 50 miles from her place. She still has 15 years to work, I am retired. Here is the rub, she of course needs more of a commitment....as in me selling my place, moving in with her in a fu*cking mobile home. It has basically come to the point of do this or I am gone! My initial reaction is bye-bye. But how to do it without all the drama that usually comes with ending a long term relationship as I am getting to old for this sh*t. I also know that she will move on in a heartbeat as she has a constant supply of guys hitting on her. Seems every guy wants to sample that ginger *****! Trying hard to be outcome independent, but jealousy does haunt me when it comes to her... I have kept her at bay by agreeing to look at various properties but I know damn well I do NOT want to leave what I have and move into a trailer court. So what say you?

Tell her just that. I am not moving to a trailer court. If she bocks then goodbye. You make it clear what you want. You lay it out on the table. You lead she follows.

You're the man. Be the man. If she doesn't respect that then tscűss!!! Auf wiedersehen. !!

 

[Spinach]

Yup that is the only option I see. Damn, going to miss her!

 

[Rainman4707]

Sounds to me that she is wanting everything her own way.

My gf has told me twice in the past that she wants more commitment. She has threatened to end the LTR a few times if I didn't propose. My response was :- I told her that I loved her, but it wasn't the right time for more commitment. We are still together.

Explain to your girl that you like her, but not ready yet. Maybe if she likes you enough she would'nt end it. I know it would take a hell of a lot for my girl to end things with me.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Why can't you compromise on the living space... as in buy a comfortable house near where she lives?

 

[marmel75]

So are you opposed to moving in with her or just opposed to moving in a trailer court? Would you offer her to move in with you? Would you offer to move to a neutral place with her?

9 years is a long time, so if you aren't willing to take it seriously in her eyes then she is probably feeling like she is wasting her time...and honestly I'd say she probably has a valid point, no offense.

 

[dude99]

Sounds to me that she is wanting everything her own way.

My gf has told me twice in the past that she wants more commitment. She has threatened to end the LTR a few times if I didn't propose. My response was :- I told her that I loved her, but it wasn't the right time for more commitment. We are still together.

Explain to your girl that you like her, but not ready yet. Maybe if she likes you enough she would'nt end it. I know it would take a hell of a lot for my girl to end things with me.

I had an ex do that as well. After about 7 or 8 months she started with the pressure she wanted a ring and for me to propose. I didn't budge because i wasn't ready for that at that point. After about 2 months of pressure she gave me the ultimatum to have a ring on her finger by the end of the year or it was over.

I ended it right there. She ruined a good thing and i reminded her of that for the next 2 plus years, she spent chasing me trying to get me back. It was a blessing in desguise. Plus i hoped she would learn from her mistake. She didn't.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I had an ex do that as well. After about 7 or 8 months she started with the pressure she wanted a ring and for me to propose. I didn't budge because i wasn't ready for that at that point. After about 2 months of pressure she gave me the ultimatum to have a ring on her finger by the end of the year or it was over.

I ended it right there. She ruined a good thing and i reminded her of that for the next 2 years, she spent chasing me trying to get me back.

Yeah, but from the woman's perspective, you can understand why she wants to lock a good man down.... otherwise she in this 'groundhog day' nightmare of having to run through guys until she finds supposedly Mr. Right. As the system stands now, it seems to favor men.

 

[dude99]

Yeah, but from the woman's perspective, you can understand why she wants to lock a good man down.... otherwise she in this 'groundhog day' nightmare of having to run through guys until she finds supposedly Mr. Right. As the system stands now, it seems to favor men.

Yes she would want to lock a good man down and she tried with me but in order to do that, you must first be a good person yourself. She wasn't. She wanted to lock mw down per say but she didnt even want me to get to know the real her. I am glad i didn't. You don't get to know a person in that sbort of time. She started to harp after thre 7 month mark. So the first 6 months she was on her best behaviour in the honeymoon phase and i knew this. Trying to lock a person into marriage well before the year mark is unreasonable as far as i am concerned.

Plus she helped me dodge her own bullet by her behaviour. After i broke up with her this is her track record :

Cheated on her next bf after 1 month. Got dumped by him.

Attempted to get me back. Failed.

Got engaged to the next guy after 3 months. Cheated on him. Got pregnant by the guy she cheated with, lied and told the guy she was engaged to, it was his. It wasn't.
Tried to take a run at me again whild still engaged to her fiance. Failed again.
Married the poor AFC. Got child support for a kid that wasn't his and took half the equity in his house when she left him for another guy and divorced him. Marriage lasted about 6 months.

Cheated on the next guy she left her husband for. Got pregnant again. I don't know which one the father is. The guy she left for or the BF. She told me she doesn't even know herself because she was banging both daily as she put it.
Attemped to get me back again. Failed again.

Swore off men because as she put it " all men are scum." Weeks later meets new chump. Claims to have found the love of her life and is happy now. After dating this dude for a month , calls me balling and begging to take her back. I again say no.

Marries poor chump after a 4 month dating period, divorced him 4 months later.

Then she vanished off the face of the earth for about 15 years and facebook has given her the chance to bother me again. Today she is blocked.

Her trying to bully me int into a proposal was the opening of my eyes. She saw nothing wrong with her behaviour before and after me. She thought her garbage behaviour was acceptable and any dude would be lucky to have the chance to be with her.

Me. I say thank goodness for gut feelings and small faviours. She was a chick who jumped on the carousel the instant i dumped her. She wanted to get someone / anyone quickly locked down so she could "win the break up."

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I have to admit I feel sorry for women today. The dating world is chaos, they get involved in a few relationships, relationships start taking a toll, and. before you know it, you're looking at an emotional holocaust.....

At least as men, we have the strength to distance ourselves from it all....

 

[dude99]

I have to admit I feel sorry for women today. The dating world is chaos, they get involved in a few relationships, relationships start taking a toll, and. before you know it, you're looking at an emotional holocaust.....

At least as men, we have the strength to distance ourselves from it all....

Don't feel too sorry for the ones that bring it on themselves. I genuinely feel sorry for a girl who wants a real relationship and gets done wrong.

I have zero sympathy for a girl who has an agenda and is looking at a guy to pay her bills and feels entitled to it and is selfish and self centered, and gets dumped by a guy who realizes a future with her would be all bad.

 

[marmel75]

I had an ex do that as well. After about 7 or 8 months she started with the pressure she wanted a ring and for me to propose. I didn't budge because i wasn't ready for that at that point. After about 2 months of pressure she gave me the ultimatum to have a ring on her finger by the end of the year or it was over.

I ended it right there. She ruined a good thing and i reminded her of that for the next 2 plus years, she spent chasing me trying to get me back. It was a blessing in desguise. Plus i hoped she would learn from her mistake. She didn't.

C'mon man...7 or 8 months is a lot different than 9 years...OP needs to either show her he is serious at this point or walk away...right now it seems like he is just trying to hold on for easy lays.

 

[dude99]

C'mon man...7 or 8 months is a lot different than 9 years...OP needs to either show her he is serious at this point or walk away...right now it seems like he is just trying to hold on for easy lays.

True. You do have a point. 9 years is, but my reference was more to rainmans post about his gf threatening with an ultimatum. Not the op's.

 

[Rainman4707]

Yes she would want to lock a good man down and she tried with me but in order to do that, you must first be a good person yourself. She wasn't. She wanted to lock mw down per say but she didnt even want me to get to know the real her. I am glad i didn't. You don't get to know a person in that sbort of time. She started to harp after thre 7 month mark. So the first 6 months she was on her best behaviour in the honeymoon phase and i knew this. Trying to lock a person into marriage well before the year mark is unreasonable as far as i am concerned.

Plus she helped me dodge her own bullet by her behaviour. After i broke up with her this is her track record :

Cheated on her next bf after 1 month. Got dumped by him.

Attempted to get me back. Failed.

Got engaged to the next guy after 3 months. Cheated on him. Got pregnant by the guy she cheated with, lied and told the guy she was engaged to, it was his. It wasn't.
Tried to take a run at me again whild still engaged to her fiance. Failed again.
Married the poor AFC. Got child support for a kid that wasn't his and took half the equity in his house when she left him for another guy and divorced him. Marriage lasted about 6 months.

Cheated on the next guy she left her husband for. Got pregnant again. I don't know which one the father is. The guy she left for or the BF. She told me she doesn't even know herself because she was banging both daily as she put it.
Attemped to get me back again. Failed again.

Swore off men because as she put it " all men are scum." Weeks later meets new chump. Claims to have found the love of her life and is happy now. After dating this dude for a month , calls me balling and begging to take her back. I again say no.

Marries poor chump after a 4 month dating period, divorced him 4 months later.

Then she vanished off the face of the earth for about 15 years and facebook has given her the chance to bother me again. Today she is blocked.

Her trying to bully me int into a proposal was the opening of my eyes. She saw nothing wrong with her behaviour before and after me. She thought her garbage behaviour was acceptable and any dude would be lucky to have the chance to be with her.

Me. I say thank goodness for gut feelings and small faviours. She was a chick who jumped on the carousel the instant i dumped her. She wanted to get someone / anyone quickly locked down so she could "win the break up."

Crazy

 

[sazc]

Short background, been with this redhead for 9 years off and on. Incredible physical relationship, great fun to be around when relationship is going well. She is a mother and grandmother, but 20 years my junior. Kids and grandkids are always a priority. And I can deal with that as it gives me the freedom to do what I want to do in the other aspects of my life. She currently lives in an apartment, I have a home with acreage 50 miles from her place. She still has 15 years to work, I am retired. Here is the rub, she of course needs more of a commitment....as in me selling my place, moving in with her in a fu*cking mobile home. It has basically come to the point of do this or I am gone! My initial reaction is bye-bye. But how to do it without all the drama that usually comes with ending a long term relationship as I am getting to old for this sh*t. I also know that she will move on in a heartbeat as she has a constant supply of guys hitting on her. Seems every guy wants to sample that ginger *****! Trying hard to be outcome independent, but jealousy does haunt me when it comes to her... I have kept her at bay by agreeing to look at various properties but I know damn well I do NOT want to leave what I have and move into a trailer court. So what say you?

I would say something along the lines of "we obviously want very different things from life at the moment and it appears that we are not the right people for each other so we should part ways"

The easiest way to explain it is to say what you said here.

For you, this has worked for along time because she has given you freedom and respect. Because of those gifts you found it wast to respect her back. Now your short term futures have shifted and you both want drastically different things. You have love, respect and admiration for her but you know yourself well enough to know that you would become resentful towards her, and the relationship, if you sold your home and moved in with her - and you wold rather part on friendly terms then risk destroying what you have now.

I mean, that's really what you are saying, right?