Question about relationships and sex

[ubercat]

Relationships do need input. I m surprising my g/f with a night at a hotel with a spa bath. We ve both had winter bugs and the odd small bump in life lately. Need a pick me up. Withdrawing attention if she s being a sh1t is one part of the equation. Generating all those positive relationship affirming emotions is another. After you ve had a few live ins u ll know where the balance lies.

 

[bigneil]

 

[bigneil]

I m surprising my g/f with a night at a hotel with a spa bath. We ve both had winter bugs and the odd small bump in life lately. Need a pick me up. Withdrawing attention if she s being a sh1t is one part of the equation. Generating all those positive relationship affirming emotions is another. After you ve had a few live ins u ll know where the balance lies.

Men should do more of this. My last relationship was about 2 dozen dates like this one you describe - and nothing else. We had sex on the first date and the last date. Then it ended instantly. Months later I realize I created perfect memories, perfect events that can never be undone. Every date should be a complete, balanced microcosm. The key is to focus on how you make her feel. Then, when she leaves you, these memories will haunt her forever. We tend to look at the past through rose colored glasses, we only remember the good memories. Create more of them.

 

[Juanto]

Men should do more of this.

Gathering the best bits of the people here and what Neil wrote on the quote, I think a good way to go about it is to prevent it from happening in the 1st place by continuing to do fun stuff, unexpected things and keep her guessing a little bit.

Having said that, it may still happen that the sex may dry up a bit either by the length of the relationship or because she met someone else.

 

[bigneil]

The sex may dry up a bit either by the length of the relationship or because she met someone else.

The last time I saw my last girlfriend I was inside her. I walked her to her car and she texted as sparkly heart, and we planned a cross country trip, and somehow I never saw her again. That was nearly 3 months ago. You never know when things will change, so savor every moment.

"Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's too late
Tonight
To drag the past out
Into the light
We're one
But we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
We hurt each other
Then we do it again

You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You asked me to enter
But then you made me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt"

- U2

 

[nismo-4]

Often it means another man is willing to put up with her BS more than you are, so she is trying to leverage more control over the relationship.

A woman will often leave a man who she cannot control and choose a man who she can control. It doesn't mean he had better game, quite the opposite. This is why we must have principles and hold to them regardless of what she does. Sometimes we'll win and sometimes we'll lose.

They say for every woman, there is at least 1 man who is sick of putting up with her ass.

On the same token, there are at least 100 men who can't wait to start putting up with her ass.

Sure you can't be controlled, and she'll get a beta orbiter. Too much alpha does this. Too much beta gets you friendzoned.

It's all about what her needs are at the time you ask her out. And what she sees you as at the time too i.e. if she has an alpha, but needs beta attention

 

[mrgoodstuff]

They say for every woman, there is at least 1 man who is sick of putting up with her ass.

On the same token, there are at least 100 men who can't wait to start putting up with her ass.

Sure you can't be controlled, and she'll get a beta orbiter. Too much alpha does this. Too much beta gets you friendzoned.

It's all about what her needs are at the time you ask her out. And what she sees you as at the time too i.e. if she has an alpha, but needs beta attention

Doesn't matter what she needs we need to get what we need according to our standard.

 

[beforeimgone]

Doesn't matter what she needs we need to get what we need according to our standard.

Exactly, worrying about her needs leads to following her lead on a subconscious level. Her needs shouldn't be on your mind because she will make it blatantly obvious for you when she needs something

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Exactly, worrying about her needs leads to following her lead on a subconscious level. Her needs shouldn't be on your mind because she will make it blatantly obvious for you when she needs something

You nailed this point. I know the way I do things bring value to the life of those I interact with. Shutting me down on intimacy is a no go and a dismissible offence. It's binary like you said.

 

[beforeimgone]

Women don't make much blatantly obvious. Otherwise none of us would probably have washed up here.

I like the term "spinning plates". There is an element of comedy about the idea. Like a guy trying to keep them upright in the circus. But that's what dealing with women really is. It's keeping a plate spinning (even just one), and the moment you stop - it falls and breaks.

The skill is in making it look effortless. But even in my best sets, it's still been like a duck seeming smooth on the surface and feet paddling underneath.

The concept of not giving a sh*t about her needs, is pure idealism. Like anything in life, you get back what you put in. I find the real crux to be managing how you invest - trying to do it more astutely. Game, basically.

When their needs are not being met they don't try to manipulate. They'll come to you humbly and ask you to meet their need ie babe I know you're busy but I need you right now. If I sense any attempted manipulation at all I respond with game. If not, I meet the need.

Not all of us washed up here. Some of us are good with women and genuinely want to help the men still caught in the matrix.

The spinning plate analogy is pretty clever but I tried to reveal some light on how to make it more effortless. Sunken cost theory. I live by that and have gotten women to get tattoos of my name just because they love me so deeply. I honestly feel like I'm doing them a favor by running my game on them.

I disagree with getting back what you put in. Women live in a different world, brah. Their world is colored by emotions. If you know how to build and manage their emotions then you win forever. You could use and abuse or love and build them. This is what I mean by not giving a shvt about their needs. It is much more sinister than what you previously may have thought.

If you could constantly hit the love button to make them fall deeper and deeper in love with you, would you do it or would your morals stop you?

I don't put shvt in but my attention and I ask them for the world.

 

[beforeimgone]

You get back what you put into any endevour in life.

So, you are spinning 2 plates. You know that you are seeing plate 1 on Wednesday and Saturday as is your typical rotation for a steady plate. Keeps her reliable, wanting to escalate the relationship. You have plate 2 who you want to see next week, but you feel the set needs some attention over messaging, basic pull.

This is understanding and playing off women's needs for my benefit. And I got really quite good at it.

If you don't understand a woman's needs, then you can't understand your value either. It's a reliance on fool's mate - albeit a slightly more masculine version.

I hear what youre saying. You have a steady plate and see her regularly. You also have a second plate that you want to see soon so you warm her up with some text messages. That's cool and all brah but you aren't hearing me.

I'm talking about making a woman fall so deep in love that she worships you like a god. So deep that anyone who mentions your name in a bad light she will stop associating with them.

The ball is forever in your court. The woman is forever waiting for your cues. It may not seem that way sometimes because women are very good at playing off of cues but it's a fact.

 

[beforeimgone]

No, I agree with you on that aspect. I prefer to initiate, and to have them waiting on initiation. That is a position of power and choice.

My disagreement is on the suggestion that we switch off our conscious capacity to game. Which Is how I spent the first 25 odd years of my life. During which time, I had women falling in love with me. I had a HB8 scratch my initials into her arm permanently before sex (I've posted her picture before, I think); I had a HB7 ex that I walked back into her life and she dumped her boyfriend the next day, and alienated her entire family - just for me to leave again a month later. It was all fool's mate though. And I was sleepwalking around from one situation to the next.

Never stop using the grey matter on b*tches, I say. Understand her needs, and understand her thumbscrew - as the law of power goes.

I never proposed turning off your consciousness. That would be a huge mistake.

What I'm saying is if It truly matters to them then they will mention it without trying to manipulate you in any way whatsoever. It will be crystal clear. Until they do this, then the need does not matter. Once they bring it to your attention without trying to play any games or use any loaded words, that's the time to acknowledge the need and fulfill it.