Advice please

[finality]

Just wondering how I should handle the situation.

I lost all frame, control and I'm pretty reactionary/impulsive/emotional

- broke up with ex a few months ago.. i tried to get her back even though I was the one that broke up with her.

- broke up with her because I still had feelings for my previous ex who I was still sleeping with while I was with current ex

- i still want to get her back but its causing me a ton of stress.. basically competition anxiety.. probably why I want her back more than anything else.

She told me last week she still loves me.. misses me ect.. but when it comes to hanging out she has been pretty flaky. I feel for my own sanity that I probably need to move on.

I chased her pretty hard the past couple months so I know that I screwed myself a bit in that aspect.

I've been doing most of the initiating (i know bad idea)... basically when I ignored her she reached out and started texting me but when I ask to hang out she goes cold again.

1. I want to get her back to at least bang her one more time.. feel like I need this to justify the time I put in the last 2 months.

2. My frame is messed up so I end up falling for her bread crumb texts.

3. Part of me knows I should just go NC but she owes me some money that I lent her last week. (Just 200.. i know I probably should not have lent her money but it is what it is).

If I move on is it best to just go NC or do I send a text asking for my money back because I am done with her bullshyt flakiness.

Asked her to hang out today and she didn't even respond.. obviously I am not thinking straight.. look we have all been there at some point in time.. just looking for advice here.

 

[Red Legg]

It's best to just forget about the 200 bucks....chances are she won't give it to you or worse make you beg for it or hang it over your head.Do not respond to any more "probing texts",go NC on this flake.

 

[finality]

It's best to just forget about the 200 bucks....chances are she won't give it to you or worse make you beg for it or hang it over your head.Do not respond to any more "probing texts",go NC on this flake.

I can get the 200 back. I lent her 400.. she paid be back 200 today.

Options are to send ''i don't see the point of me putting in any more effort so can you send me the rest of my money'

or just NC

I still want to fuk her though..got a bj from her a few days ago but its the entire situation is causing me anxiety because I have onitits and she is out with other guys... she used to freak out all the time that she put in all the effort and i had a dont give a fyk attitude but the tables have been turned. She has taken the power ugh

 

[Red Legg]

She has taken the power ugh

Yup,that means you lost frame by being needy.impatient,go NC and don't mention the money..try to take back the momentum.

 

[finality]

Yup,that means you lost frame by being needy.impatient.

yeah, guilty of this for sure.. I've asked her to see her like 15 times when she has asked to see me like once since the breakup..obviously a mistake but when she texts stuff like "why arent we trying to work things out" or "i miss my family {me and my dog} it makes me think she wants to see me..

 

[Billtx49]

'I was the one that broke up with her'
'I still want to fuk her though'

Get your mind right Luke

 

[finality]

She went 2 years without even talking to her dad.. so I didn't think NC would be as effective on her as other exes.. she is obviously stubborn or just doesn't care about anyone other than herself.

 

[finality]

'I was the one that broke up with her'
'I still want to fuk her though'

Get your mind right Luke

I'm sure lots of people made a decision they regret or changed their mind about... there were some red flags about her..I also had a thing going with my previous ex but as soon as things ended with the current the previous one dropped me..

 

[finality]

I feel like her attraction level is now in the 50-60 range while there is probably some other guy in the 80 range so i dunno.. just wondering if I blow it all up.. call her out on all the BS (shows im butthurt but will still evoke emotions)

do I just ghost and lose the 200

or let her know im done this game and send me my money

 

[Billtx49]

In the overall span of your life $200 is nothing. You dumped her, now walk away and work on your inner self.

 

[finality]

She texted me breadcrumbs.

I want this chick but its causing me grief.

 

[Red Legg]

She texted me breadcrumbs.

I want this chick but its causing me grief.

Your obsessed..get a grip on yourself and your emotions.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Let me use this opportunity to tell you a story because I relate to your situation as I've been there before with some women.

Your beliefs tell you that you should leave her alone and be done with her as she's no good in the long run.

Your actions of texting her, thinking about her, posting this thread, wanting to have sex with her contradict your beliefs.

This is called cognitive dissonance my friend.

The inconsistency between beliefs and actions creates mental discomfort to force consistency and harmony.

Usually cognitive dissonance is quickly solved in our day to day life many times by changing our beliefs or our actions without discomfort.

Your situation like many men involves a factor involving sex and it's drug like effects, especially with women we are emotionally invested in.

This variable prolongs cognitive dissonance when you battle leaving a girl due to bad behaviours which make you unhappy - flaking, flirting, cheating, lying, ignoring, abuse etc.

More often than not, beliefs adjust to the actions we take.

Example:

***My non smoker life :
Belief : Smoking kills and I don't want to kill myself so I won't smoke.
Action : No smoking
Result: Consistency and no cognitive dissonance

Tried smoking- cue cognitive dissonance

***Just before smoking the first time :

Belief : Smoking kills in the long run but not in a couple of cigs
Action: Smoked a couple of times, slowly got addicted without realising it
Result: Consistency and no cognitive dissonance

Tried to quit, felt withdrawals, smoked again to relieve them - cue cognitive dissonance.

***Started smoking heavily

Belief: Smoking will kill me in the long run if I stay addicted, I don't want to kill myself so I'll quit soon.
Action : Continued heavy smoking to feed my addiction.
Result: Consistency and no cognitive dissonance

The only way to quit smoking that worked was to SIMPLY QUIT SMOKING and face the withdrawals
- head on
- or use alternatives like vape or nicotine gum


TL;DR
Analogically resort to NO CONTACT and face the withdrawals
- head on
- or using alternatives like GFTOW
- better yet also focus your energy on a big self improvement goal

You'll be looking back and laughing at yourself. It's all gonna be fine.

 

[finality]

i reached out saying 'so much for hanging out this weekend"

pretty much the most beta thing I could do.. chasing her even further away.

I need help guys.... like this is a girl that I BROKE UP with more than one time.. just because I knew I could get better.. but now that she is so indifferent towards be I have developed limerence.. i have no self control, self respect has gone.. literally she is stuck in my head 24/7... been on 3 dates so far but she has infected my mind.

I need someone to take me under their wing and build me back up.. seriously..

I deleted her number from my phone but i dont have the power to block her.

 

[finality]

Let me use this opportunity to tell you a story because I relate to your situation as I've been there before with some women.

Your beliefs tell you that you should leave her alone and be done with her as she's no good in the long run.

Your actions of texting her, thinking about her, posting this thread, wanting to have sex with her contradict your beliefs.

This is called cognitive dissonance my friend.

The inconsistency between beliefs and actions creates mental discomfort to force consistency and harmony.

Usually cognitive dissonance is quickly solved in our day to day life many times by changing our beliefs or our actions without discomfort.

Your situation like many men involves a factor involving sex and it's drug like effects, especially with women we are emotionally invested in.

This variable prolongs cognitive dissonance when you battle leaving a girl due to bad behaviours which make you unhappy - flaking, flirting, cheating, lying, ignoring, abuse etc.

More often than not, beliefs adjust to the actions we take.

Example:

***My non smoker life :
Belief : Smoking kills and I don't want to kill myself so I won't smoke.
Action : No smoking
Result: Consistency and no cognitive dissonance

Tried smoking- cue cognitive dissonance

***Just before smoking the first time :

Belief : Smoking kills in the long run but not in a couple of cigs
Action: Smoked a couple of times, slowly got addicted without realising it
Result: Consistency and no cognitive dissonance

Tried to quit, felt withdrawals, smoked again to relieve them - cue cognitive dissonance.

***Started smoking heavily

Belief: Smoking will kill me in the long run if I stay addicted, I don't want to kill myself so I'll quit soon.
Action : Continued heavy smoking to feed my addiction.
Result: Consistency and no cognitive dissonance

The only way to quit smoking that worked was to SIMPLY QUIT SMOKING and face the withdrawals
- head on
- or use alternatives like vape or nicotine gum


TL;DR
Analogically resort to NO CONTACT and face the withdrawals
- head on
- or using alternatives like GFTOW
- better yet also focus your energy on a big self improvement goal

You'll be looking back and laughing at yourself. It's all gonna be fine.

I don't know man. I think I have a personality disorder maybe... I have such a hard time letting go. Call it beta.. being a bytch whatever but I just get obsessed.

 

[finality]

These are some of the other chicks that I was dating that I ended the relationship.

Its not like I can't get hot women.. but i literally cannot take it when I women walks away... she idolized me and then a week later I was garbage.. i just dont know how to take it.

 

[finality]

Going out with this one tonight but still cant stop thinking of ex.. makes me want to kyll myself... fuk man.

I HAVE LOST ALL MY POWER.

Guys how to do I get my power back

 

[finality]

I just can't get over her abandoning me man.. she doesn't even have a job.. no place to live... like 30k in debt.. red flags all over the place.. but for some reason I have limerence

 

[darksprezzatura]

 

[narcissist]

View attachment 923
I HAVE LOST ALL MY POWER.

Guys how to do I get my power back

100 days 100 sets and you'll be over her.