If a woman is insecure it doesn't really affect her attractiveness

[oc16]

You notice this?

I've noticed if a woman comes off as shy, passive and/or insecure it doesn't really make her any less attractive if she is already cute.

And I'm not talking about insecure CRAZY women either.

I've seen attractive women post needy, insecure things on Facebook and IMHO, it doesn't really negatively affect how attractive I see them.

I guess passiveness, shyness, insecurity comes across as submissiveness which is a feminine quality.

It makes your masculine dominant trait want to come out and protect them.

A confident self assured woman doesn't make a average or borderline ugly woman anymore attractive like it does for a man.

A confident self assured woman can actually make a woman come across as less attractive because it's more of a masculine trait.

Any thoughts?

What does turn me off about a woman is if she is an airhead/ditz or aggressively psycho, but not insecure in a passive way

 

[BeExcellent]

What I often hear from men, for what it is worth is that insecurity is sweet, for a short time. But long term it becomes very annoying and morphs into jealousy and demanding, controlling behavior. Men dislike jealous and controlling/demanding behavior in a woman. I could write a book just about chats with random men on airplanes while traveling about stuff like this.

There are lots of types of presentations out there as far as women go. I am certainly confident and self assured but I am also not afraid to be vulnerable and reveal things about myself in time, which has the same endearing quality as insecurity, without the annoyance. I know and own fully that I am sexy in a sultry, reserved way. Men love that quality so long as the woman exhibits restraint and knows where the line is between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Much of that is body language and non verbal cues.

Men tend to fall for enigmatic women; the mysterious, the quirky, the refreshingly unpredictable, the ones who are not easily obtained.

Sometimes pathologically crazy presents this way, but the "tell" for pathologically crazy is lack of restraint/lack of self control. A woman who seems to need protecting FROM HERSELF. Men fall for pathologically crazy with alarming regularity.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What I often hear from men, for what it is worth is that insecurity is sweet, for a short time. But long term it becomes very annoying and morphs into jealousy and demanding, controlling behavior. Men dislike jealous and controlling/demanding behavior in a woman. I could write a book just about chats with random men on airplanes while traveling about stuff like this.

There are lots of types of presentations out there as far as women go. I am certainly confident and self assured but I am also not afraid to be vulnerable and reveal things about myself in time, which has the same endearing quality as insecurity, without the annoyance. I know and own fully that I am sexy in a sultry, reserved way. Men love that quality so long as the woman exhibits restraint and knows where the line is between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Much of that is body language and non verbal cues.

Men tend to fall for enigmatic women; the mysterious, the quirky, the refreshingly unpredictable, the ones who are not easily obtained.

Sometimes pathologically crazy presents this way, but the "tell" for pathologically crazy is lack of restraint/lack of self control. A woman who seems to need protecting FROM HERSELF. Men fall for pathologically crazy with alarming regularity.

Their inner white knight falls for it, to protect and defend her.

 

[narcissist]

I would sleep with an insecure, shy girl. But that is it.

I only want to surround myself and spend quality time with confident, passionate, and outgoing women.

Plain and simple.

 

[TheProspect]

For me personally, it depends on how a girl handles her insecurity. Most people, to some degree, will have insecurities. These will eventually reveal itself in some shape or form.

If her insecurity manifests in behaviour that gives off any form of negative vibes it instantly makes her less attractive and interesting in my eyes. Couple examples:

- Women who either fish for compliments or insult themselves/point out their own flaws in order to receive compliments or attention.

- Women who become hostile or agitated when teased (assuming the teasing wasn't ill-intended).

- Women who, without valid evidence, go out of their way to find signs of infidelity to accuse their partner of cheating.

- Women seeking validation from anybody and everybody they can whether it's through social media picture whoring or how they dress and carry themselves in public. Most girls (and some guys) engage in this but when it's taken to the extreme I personally find it a turn off.

- Kylie Jenner.

 

[zekko]

I agree, a woman can be insecure without reducing her attractiveness, unlike a man. A woman can show her weakness and vulnerability.

But it's a matter of degree. A little insecurity is endearing. If it's out of control, it will cause big problems.

 

[Glassguy]

Shyness and insecurity are two completely separate things.

Shyness can be overcome. Its an initial state, not an ongoing state. Many times I will get a shy woman to let loose and have fun because I can make them feel comfortable with me rather quickly. The more they are invested in a man, the less shyness is an issue.

Insecurity is a totally different monster. It is a permanent state because insecure women stay that way, regardless of who they date. They more they are invested in a man, the worse it gets. It is a psychotic trait, or something they have picked up along the way of being a pump and dump, cheated on, unstable childhood, etc.

Also, if a woman is insecure, it shows me that she has no other options. Why does she have not other options? Probably because she has other big issues and any man that finds her attractive knows this and has eliminated her from their dating pool.

When guys act insecure with women (over texting, calling all the time, pleading, etc) women run for the hills. Guys should do this too as there are much deeper, darker issues there. Insecurity is a symptom of those issues.

Shyness in my mind is no big deal.

Insecurity is a red flag.

 

[El Payaso]

Insecurity is a red flag and if it doesn't register in your mind and make her less attractive, you deserve the pain coming towards you.

Stop thinking with your little head and start thinking with your big head.

 

[zekko]

Also, if a woman is insecure, it shows me that she has no other options.

The PUA community has long maintained that the more attractive the woman, the more insecure she is. Not sure if I agree with that or not, but attractive women definitely have options. So one of those positions has to be false, either yours or the PUA community's.

 

[RangerMIke]

By and large, men are attracted to youth, beauty, and submissiveness. Men MOSTLY want women that need them. Men, by and large, are not attracted to confident, self-assured behavior. I suspect women who believe men are attracted to masculine behavior are only mirroring what they find attractive. Men do the same thing... many men try to be 'friends' with chicks, talk and talk and talk and share... complaining. Admitting their weaknesses. Many men think that acting like a chick, with get chicks to like them....

It's actually pretty simple. Men that are masculine... will be attracted to feminine traits. Men that are feminine in demeanor -- will be attracted to self-assured, confident women. Women that are masculine in behavior... will attract feminized males.

There are always exceptions... but as a general rule masculine will be attracted to feminine and vis a vis, regardless of the biological gender. So the OP is correct if a women is not physically attractive, MOST men will not be attracted to them... acting like a dude only makes it harder for a chick to get a masculine man... but if she is REALLY more masculine in behavior anyway... she will only be attracted to men that are feminine.

 

[Glassguy]

The PUA community has long maintained that the more attractive the woman, the more insecure she is. Not sure if I agree with that or not, but attractive women definitely have options. So one of those positions has to be false, either yours or the PUA community's.

I would agree with that to an extent.

The most secure women that I have dated were 7s and 8s. They seem to be the happy medium security wise. They know they are attractive but also have very real personalities. They are the less of the attention wh0ring group.

9s and 10s can be very insecure because they can be very shallow. Many of them have nothing going for them BUT looks. They know that once the looks fade or the guy they are attached to gets tired of the looks, they are thrown aside.

I have several friends that are 9s and are super confident and not at all insecure. Of course they are well educated and have much to offer so they arent as shallow.

The 5s and 6s I know are insecure, even well educated, because they arent used to attention from decent looking guys so they always anticipate the guy ghosting them.

If a woman has only looks to offer, I agree 100 with you @zekko . If she is extremely attractive AND well educated, they can be highly secure with themselves and others.

Just my observations from real life experiences.

 

[Glassguy]

By and large, men are attracted to youth, beauty, and submissiveness. Men MOSTLY want women that need them. Men, by and large, are not attracted to confident, self-assured behavior. I suspect women who believe men are attracted to masculine behavior are only mirroring what they find attractive. Men do the same thing... many men try to be 'friends' with chicks, talk and talk and talk and share... complaining. Admitting their weaknesses. Many men think that acting like a chick, with get chicks to like them....

It's actually pretty simple. Men that are masculine... will be attracted to feminine traits. Men that are feminine in demeanor -- will be attracted to self-assured, confident women. Women that are masculine in behavior... will attract feminized males.

There are always exceptions... but as a general rule masculine will be attracted to feminine and vis a vis, regardless of the biological gender. So the OP is correct if a women is not physically attractive, MOST men will not be attracted to them... acting like a dude only makes it harder for a chick to get a masculine man... but if she is REALLY more masculine in behavior anyway... she will only be attracted to men that are feminine.

Agreed and well put.

 

[RangerMIke]

The PUA community has long maintained that the more attractive the woman, the more insecure she is. Not sure if I agree with that or not, but attractive women definitely have options. So one of those positions has to be false, either yours or the PUA community's.

The PUA folks are full of sh!t. Attractive women are not insecure... but it is true that every woman has something about themselves that they find less attractive. Women are VERY self critical, they HATE any flaw, and if you want to be a @ss and close on a chick that might be a little drunk, then yea.... you can focus on that one thing she finds unappealing and bring attention to it (negging), this will make her work harder to get you to like her. Then you can game her and fvck her, but this only works with young, drunk chicks.

 

[AttackFormation]

The PUA folks are full of sh!t. Attractive women are not insecure... but it is true that every woman has something about themselves that they find less attractive. Women are VERY self critical, they HATE any flaw, and if you want to be a @ss and close on a chick that might be a little drunk, then yea.... you can focus on that one thing she finds unappealing and bring attention to it (negging), this will make her work harder to get you to like her. Then you can game her and fvck her, but this only works with young, drunk chicks.

My step brother who women call "king of the dancefloor" once told me what I needed to do when hitting a woman up was to "sink her self-esteem".

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

OP has clearly never been with a truly insecure woman.

 

[RangerMIke]

My step brother who women call "king of the dancefloor" once told me what I needed to do when hitting a woman up was to "sink her self-esteem".

It does work with young drunk chicks, and if all you are interested in doing is just banging nightclub chicks and on to the next one, then sure, this works. But it does not work with quality women. Quality women by and large know when you do this what you are up to and it's a big turn off.

But negging is just lazy, and it only really works if the girl already likes you anyway. Just be your honest self and be genuinely interested in her, and not too needy, and you likely could get with her anyway without being an insulting jack@ss.

 

[devilkingx2]

insecure women are only good if you can manipulate them into doing what you want

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Insecure women just have to be with a guy... all the time. I've known a woman for a year. In that time she has been through four boyfriends/ lovers... that I know of. Yuk.

Semi-shy and demure women I find attractive.

 

[bigneil]

Unlike men, women can grovel for sex and still score.