Beta or Human?

[logicallefty]

Looking for honest feedback here, from men who have dated women age 35 and over.

I recently got out of a LTR. As LTRs go I was pretty satisfied overall through most of it. Until the last few weeks she started changing and being all b|tchy and disrespectful. I called her out on this, told her I wanted to take a 1 x week break hoping it would set her straight. We had planned a trip together and i told her she could go alone and I would take my own trip somewhere else with my daughter. This backfired and I got dumped! For the first time since 2007. Lefty dumped! I was sad for 2-3 days but quickly recovered. Decided I was gonna take a break from relationships and hook back up with my old FWB. Made contact with her and we scheduled some time tomorrow. So all good. Until last night, I got an Email from my recent ex. She was extremely respectful and cool. She has had some health problems which I was privy to. I even took her to several doctor appts so I knew what was going on up until last night. But last night she Emailed me and said its worse than she thought and really could become fatal. She is having some bad issues with her liver. Similar to what ended up killing my dad in 2002. After I heard that I kinda started to slip. I started thinking about our relationship and questioning how I may have wronged her. Felling kinda bad. Reflecting on if I was too this or didn't do enough that with her. Again, All triggered by her news of her health last night which I believe 100% because I know what has lead up to it the past year or so. Had she not given me that news I would have just gone and nailed my FWB tomorrow night and moved on.

I'm kinda wondering now, am I just being decent human being by giving a sh|t or am I slipping back to betaland a little bit? She's an ex. I should move the fvck on, right? I don't want back with her, but I sure as he|| don't want her to have fatal health issues. Nothing like that at all. She is a good person we just didn't work out.

 

[Fruitbat]

Looking for honest feedback here, from men who have dated women age 35 and over.

I recently got out of a LTR. As LTRs go I was pretty satisfied overall through most of it. Until the last few weeks she started changing and being all b|tchy and disrespectful. I called her out on this, told her I wanted to take a 1 x week break hoping it would set her straight. We had planned a trip together and i told her she could go alone and I would take my own trip somewhere else with my daughter. This backfired and I got dumped! For the first time since 2007. Lefty dumped! I was sad for 2-3 days but quickly recovered. Decided I was gonna take a break from relationships and hook back up with my old FWB. Made contact with her and we scheduled some time tomorrow. So all good. Until last night, I got an Email from my recent ex. She was extremely respectful and cool. She has had some health problems which I was privy to. I even took her to several doctor appts so I knew what was going on up until last night. But last night she Emailed me and said its worse than she thought and really could become fatal. She is having some bad issues with her liver. Similar to what ended up killing my dad in 2002. After I heard that I kinda started to slip. I started thinking about our relationship and questioning how I may have wronged her. Felling kinda bad. Reflecting on if I was too this or didn't do enough that with her. Again, All triggered by her news of her health last night which I believe 100% because I know what has lead up to it the past year or so. Had she not given me that news I would have just gone and nailed my FWB tomorrow night and moved on.

I'm kinda wondering now, am I just being decent human being by giving a sh|t or am I slipping back to betaland a little bit? She's an ex. I should move the fvck on, right? I don't want back with her, but I sure as he|| don't want her to have fatal health issues. Nothing like that at all. She is a good person we just didn't work out.

OK.

I had my longest lTR with a woman who always had slight mental health issues.

As we progressed, we started arguing a great deal and a lot of the love was lost anyway.

We eventually fell completely out of love and I dumped her. I was the big earner and she was broke.

She then developed full blown psychosis because of the shock. She spent 2 years becoming worse and worse, losing touch with reality often. I had to bail her out over and over financially until she finally became homeless, unemployable and unable to live in shared acconodation.

I then took her in for a long time and eventually she went to her family.

NEVER feel guilt for things which aren't your fault. Yes, I broke up with her. Yes, it led to her illness, but breaking up with people isn't a natural cause of illness. it would happen anyway. You have to have a hard shell otherwise it will ruin your life too,

How about being friends with her? You don't need to run back but you can be her friend, like I would for a friend who I fell out with who then got ill.......just treat it like an ex-mate.

 

[TheProspect]

Looking for honest feedback here, from men who have dated women age 35 and over.

I recently got out of a LTR. As LTRs go I was pretty satisfied overall through most of it. Until the last few weeks she started changing and being all b|tchy and disrespectful. I called her out on this, told her I wanted to take a 1 x week break hoping it would set her straight. We had planned a trip together and i told her she could go alone and I would take my own trip somewhere else with my daughter. This backfired and I got dumped! For the first time since 2007. Lefty dumped! I was sad for 2-3 days but quickly recovered. Decided I was gonna take a break from relationships and hook back up with my old FWB. Made contact with her and we scheduled some time tomorrow. So all good. Until last night, I got an Email from my recent ex. She was extremely respectful and cool. She has had some health problems which I was privy to. I even took her to several doctor appts so I knew what was going on up until last night. But last night she Emailed me and said its worse than she thought and really could become fatal. She is having some bad issues with her liver. Similar to what ended up killing my dad in 2002. After I heard that I kinda started to slip. I started thinking about our relationship and questioning how I may have wronged her. Felling kinda bad. Reflecting on if I was too this or didn't do enough that with her. Again, All triggered by her news of her health last night which I believe 100% because I know what has lead up to it the past year or so. Had she not given me that news I would have just gone and nailed my FWB tomorrow night and moved on.

I'm kinda wondering now, am I just being decent human being by giving a sh|t or am I slipping back to betaland a little bit? She's an ex. I should move the fvck on, right? I don't want back with her, but I sure as he|| don't want her to have fatal health issues. Nothing like that at all. She is a good person we just didn't work out.

I'm not going to address this through a DJ point of view.

Assuming you're confident her health issues are not exaggerated for the purposes of manipulation and assuming she was part of your life (and your daughters) for a lengthly amount of time, you should be there for her. You're a human being first, and a Don Juan (or whatever) second. It may be counterintuitive to what is preached around here, but you should treat her like a human being first in this situation and not "just another woman."

This is beyond game and being a DJ, this is being a compassionate human being. If I were in a hospital with a life-threatening health issue, i wouldn't care if it was an ex-LTR or ex-plate that visited me, the fact that someone goes out of their way to see me when I'm potentially facing death would mean something to me.

People can holler about how they don't give a fvck about what others think all they want, but if someone shows you compassion when you're fragile and on the brink of death, it's going to move you in a positive way.

You don't need to be her boyfriend again. Ever. But as a human being, think of it this way Lefty, if a year from now she is dead, what would be on your conscious more? That you were there for her or that you were too alpha to be bothered by a woman's problems who just dumped you?

There is always a higher principle. In this case, the principles of being alpha and being beta are irrelevant. Instead, be human. Your conscious will thank you for it.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I'm not going to address this through a DJ point of view.

Assuming you're confident her health issues are not exaggerated for the purposes of manipulation and assuming she was part of your life (and your daughters) for a lengthly amount of time, you should be there for her. You're a human being first, and a Don Juan (or whatever) second. It may be counterintuitive to what is preached around here, but you should treat her like a human being first in this situation and not "just another woman."

This is beyond game and being a DJ, this is being a compassionate human being. If I were in a hospital with a life-threatening health issue, i wouldn't care if it was an ex-LTR or ex-plate that visited me, the fact that someone goes out of their way to see me when I'm potentially facing death would mean something to me.

People can holler about how they don't give a fvck about what others think all they want, but if someone shows you compassion when you're fragile and on the brink of death, it's going to move you in a positive way.

You don't need to be her boyfriend again. Ever. But as a human being, think of it this way Lefty, if a year from now she is dead, what would be on your conscious more? That you were there for her or that you were too alpha to be bothered by a woman's problems who just dumped you?

There is always a higher principle. In this case, the principles of being alpha and being beta are irrelevant. Instead, be human. Your conscious will thank you for it.

Yes, it's good to remind ourselves that the DJ thing is not a worldview.... just a set of limited skills. There are always times when a higher order of thinking is called for, which we can easily forget when spending an inordinate time thinking about women.

 

[ubercat]

As I've been saying for a long time here, women are mainly just human beings. They have a percentage of preprogrammed behaviours designed to secure resources. And that's what we learn to manage here mainly by controlling ourselves. So humanity first always.

 

[playa99]

There is nothing wrong with caring for another human being who could be fatally ill. You don't have to want to get back with or have any other motive than to care and be there for her! There is nothing 'beta' about that!

I think we have the tendency to take things far too seriously on this website!

 

[Greasy Pig]

I think you can be respectful without opening old doors. Offer an ear, a lift, advice, but I advocate steeling your mind to still meeting new women. She dumped you remember, so she deals with the fact that she excluded herself from your undivided attention and sacrifice.
It sounds cold but I think it's best for you. You're not being an a-hole, you're helping her without emotionally investing.

 

[logicallefty]

Thanks for all of the feedback fellas. Every reply is much appreciated.

So Saturday night I spent some time with my FWB and it was all good. We had some pretty darn good sex actually. Been Emailing back/fourth with my ex. This morning she made her words about as clear as she could make them "Leaving you was a mistake and I really regret it now. ". I told her she needed to take things a day at a time and she would have my full support as a friend. She said its difficult to see me as just a friend but she would work on it. @LARaiders85 I would tend to agree that any women, including her, could use this as a manipulation tactic and not bat an eye. However, I have seen far too much proof that she really has some bad issues going on heath wise and I believe her 100%.

I think I've made the right choice so far. Thanks again for all of the feedback.

 

[speed dawg]

I have to wonder why she didn't blame anything on the medical issues before the break-up.

And even if she does have legit issues, is that what you really want to deal with? Daily? Forever?

 

[The Duke]

And when her medical conditions improve, will she go back to not wanting to be with you? Be careful with what she tells you. When people are dealing with health issues, they tend to make desperate decisions regarding matters of the heart.

She gave you the boot, go do your thing.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Good advice on this thread.

When people are confronted with their own mortality, it is normal to seek out close relationships. Have you ever hung around someone who is dying? You'll be their best friend in about an hour. I recently worked for a lady with cancer. I did one small job, and immediately she told me that I was her guy from now on, and she wanted me to do a lot more work. That lasted about two months until she died.

So don't take this the wrong way, but your ex's regret of dumping you is likely caused by her own fear of death, or dying alone. And I'd guess even she does not realize that, so it's not like she's lying to you intentionally. Don't hold that against her, but just realize what is going on.

 

[Thorninmyside]

You playing it well so far in your own interests as well as the interest of being a good human being. I hope she isn't exaggerating the prognosis to have you back in orbit, knowing full well that you would take it seriously because of the loss of your dad.