TheMonkeyKing
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2014
- Messages
- 2,337
- Reaction score
- 1,427
It's quite apparent that some guys who come here do not really know what to look for when it comes to vetting women for quality and eligibility. In fact, a lot of people do not seem to engage with the screening process whatsoever, then come here in an emotional state of confusion as to why they got flaked on/dumped again by some 'sl*t'.
[I will be making a counter thread to this, assuming the point of view of the female, as to demonstrate what guys themselves are also probably doing wrong; thus again, disqualifying themselves.]
This will also serve as good revision material for some of the so-called 'Master Don Juans', those who consistently come in, spouting emotive about how 'AWALT' etc etc etc.
If you're not looking out for some of these blatantly OBVIOUS warning signs for yourself, then you do not deserve to come here crying, asking help from others.....
In the world of research, we have what are known as 'Eligibility Criteria' as part of a protocol. These criteria are considerations that indicate whether a potential participant can be included or should be excluded from a research project. The exact same format can be applied to the dating game, and we can essentially customise these lists, owing to personal preference. But I'll start with some essentials, and hopefully others will chime in.
Exclusion criteria
-Any apparent lack of interest either via phone, or in person - for example, spending excessive time on phone during dates.
-Blaming of other people for her situation. Never apologetic. Especially regards ex-partners.
-Excessive emotional reactions.
-Entitlement - for example, certain strains of neo-feminism: 'I'm a woman, therefore I expect x, y and z to happen.'
-Neediness - she wants to see you more than once a week, every week, immediately after a first date. Suggests you will be filling a massive void somewhere in her existence, but maybe only temporarily.
-Excessive gossiping/b!tching about others. Excessive pessimism. These are external representations of her internal state.
-Flaking = lack of interest. Especially twice in a row, or twice in the space of a month. People who like and respect you will make time and not waste yours.
-Excessive volume / screeching / argumentative - significant of lacking self-control.
-Turbulent / broken immediate family dynamics.
-Excessively judgmental of others, especially appearance - significant of projecting own insecurities.
-Violence/aggression, physical or verbal.
-Overly emotional about insignificant things - if you think it's insignificant, it probably is.
-Tight with money, even though she earns enough.
-Inconsist or excessive behaviour, in almost any respect.
-Excessive amounts of make up - hiding something or just plain insecure.
-Seems bored - if she seems it, she probably is.
-Narcotics.
-Martyrdom.
-Excessively over or under weight, or clearly lacking exercise of any kind.
(Exclusions are not always permanent, but usually require some immediate intervention of time and space of at least a week, time for reflection by both parties)
Inclusion criteria
-Little or no make up, and doesn't need it.
-Chipper demeanor, but in a happy way, rather than a people-pleasing way.
-They have a vocation/profession, rather than just a job; jobs change more often than professions, much like their occupants.
-Paying you adequate attention and interest and recalls previous conversations.
-Seem to have stuff going on in their lives - friends, family, activities.
-Physically available.
-You genuinely entertain each other without external/chemical stimulus.
-Likes animals, but doesn't treat them like surrogate children.
-Able to socialise/engage with others when you date, but keeps focus firmly on you.
-Reads books.
Yellow flags (these are potential exclusion criteria, but really need more evidence to make an executive decision)
-'She's not ready'. Cool off, back off, maintain fun.
-Excess emphasis placed on friendship groups at detriment of family, or vice versa.
-Physically unavailable, or excessively coy.
Regardless of anything else a man does, if he's not screening and re-screening in this manner, for the first six months of getting to know someone, he's setting HIMSELF up for failure; and, has no right to blame the woman for is own lack of observation; and, frankly, I have no sympathy for him. This is what I always refer to when I talk about taking personal responsibility.
[I will be making a counter thread to this, assuming the point of view of the female, as to demonstrate what guys themselves are also probably doing wrong; thus again, disqualifying themselves.]
This will also serve as good revision material for some of the so-called 'Master Don Juans', those who consistently come in, spouting emotive about how 'AWALT' etc etc etc.
If you're not looking out for some of these blatantly OBVIOUS warning signs for yourself, then you do not deserve to come here crying, asking help from others.....
In the world of research, we have what are known as 'Eligibility Criteria' as part of a protocol. These criteria are considerations that indicate whether a potential participant can be included or should be excluded from a research project. The exact same format can be applied to the dating game, and we can essentially customise these lists, owing to personal preference. But I'll start with some essentials, and hopefully others will chime in.
Exclusion criteria
-Any apparent lack of interest either via phone, or in person - for example, spending excessive time on phone during dates.
-Blaming of other people for her situation. Never apologetic. Especially regards ex-partners.
-Excessive emotional reactions.
-Entitlement - for example, certain strains of neo-feminism: 'I'm a woman, therefore I expect x, y and z to happen.'
-Neediness - she wants to see you more than once a week, every week, immediately after a first date. Suggests you will be filling a massive void somewhere in her existence, but maybe only temporarily.
-Excessive gossiping/b!tching about others. Excessive pessimism. These are external representations of her internal state.
-Flaking = lack of interest. Especially twice in a row, or twice in the space of a month. People who like and respect you will make time and not waste yours.
-Excessive volume / screeching / argumentative - significant of lacking self-control.
-Turbulent / broken immediate family dynamics.
-Excessively judgmental of others, especially appearance - significant of projecting own insecurities.
-Violence/aggression, physical or verbal.
-Overly emotional about insignificant things - if you think it's insignificant, it probably is.
-Tight with money, even though she earns enough.
-Inconsist or excessive behaviour, in almost any respect.
-Excessive amounts of make up - hiding something or just plain insecure.
-Seems bored - if she seems it, she probably is.
-Narcotics.
-Martyrdom.
-Excessively over or under weight, or clearly lacking exercise of any kind.
(Exclusions are not always permanent, but usually require some immediate intervention of time and space of at least a week, time for reflection by both parties)
Inclusion criteria
-Little or no make up, and doesn't need it.
-Chipper demeanor, but in a happy way, rather than a people-pleasing way.
-They have a vocation/profession, rather than just a job; jobs change more often than professions, much like their occupants.
-Paying you adequate attention and interest and recalls previous conversations.
-Seem to have stuff going on in their lives - friends, family, activities.
-Physically available.
-You genuinely entertain each other without external/chemical stimulus.
-Likes animals, but doesn't treat them like surrogate children.
-Able to socialise/engage with others when you date, but keeps focus firmly on you.
-Reads books.
Yellow flags (these are potential exclusion criteria, but really need more evidence to make an executive decision)
-'She's not ready'. Cool off, back off, maintain fun.
-Excess emphasis placed on friendship groups at detriment of family, or vice versa.
-Physically unavailable, or excessively coy.
Regardless of anything else a man does, if he's not screening and re-screening in this manner, for the first six months of getting to know someone, he's setting HIMSELF up for failure; and, has no right to blame the woman for is own lack of observation; and, frankly, I have no sympathy for him. This is what I always refer to when I talk about taking personal responsibility.
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