I ran into the same wall for a couple months (and still do from time to time).
Two possible factors:
- You're actually 'not enough of a player.' Somehow (probably based on your career success) you're sending conflicting signals. Wait, is @BeTheChange the guy I can have quick, hot, exciting, consequence-free sex with? Or is he the guy I need to lock down longterm? If he's a provider he'll be turned off that I'm too much of a slvt. But he's turning me on like a lover. Fvck, I slept with him--fvck, fvck, fvck. And she goes cold.
- You are too much of a player. You're not conveying enough of your personality for her to be able to rationalize not feeling like a slvt. You're not qualifying her hard enough to feel like she's more than a warm hole to her.
Sound a little confusing & paradoxical? It totally is. But waiting for sex wasn't the solution for me lol (still lost the girls, since they were like
WTF I thought this was the hot exciting guy who could make things happen for me). Here's what (my work in progress) adjustments look like:
- Being super open about my views on sex, nonmonogamy, telling stories about other girls I've seen or am seeing. This sends a super clear signal of what I'm about and can expect from me. Girls can get down with any frame--but they have to have a solid sense of what that frame looks like going in (congruence).
- Qualifying her heavily. Statements like, 'I love how you [whatever]. Most girls [opposite of qualification]. But I do this honestly--if a girl doesn't really have much to offer or I have no intention of keeping her around longterm I emphasize attraction and mention disqualifiers to let her know I can't stick around.
- Disqualifying yourself as a provider. I tell girls I work at fastfood or have a gambling problem--this is very tongue-in-cheek. It's obvious (usually) that I'm not those things, but it sets the frame. I make fun of the guys who buy them drinks or slide in their DMs or fall madly in love with them. Again, I'm setting expectations.
- Getting them to invest. My current pull is inviting girls over to help me make my bed. But you can also just buy a painting and tell her you're working on redecorating your apartment but you're not sure about it and need the advice of a fashionable girl. Talk about things you might not be good at but that she seems like she might be. This gives her the chance to display her value--if she feels like she could possibly be a valuable asset to your life, then it will make up any value differentials where she feels like you're just going to sleep with her and then treat her like a dirty towel or whatever.
- Be super persistent. If you know you have tons of value, if girls generally like you, etc., then chances are she sees you as high value--and if she's flakey--she probably sees you as too high value--and is afraid that you'll just pump and dump her and make her feel even lower value. So if I meet a girl I like and she doesn't respond or is super distant--cool--I'll send her a value-offering text in a week or two. And then another one a week or two after that. And then another a week or two after that. This displays a super high degree of confidence, which is attractive. It shows my frame is nonreactive to hers (high value). And it shows that I'm going to be the same @fastlife whether she gets on board or not--and that even though we both know I'm seeing other girls, she left enough of an impression on me that I still welcome her into my life. Zero expectation. Zero butthurt. What generally happens is she'll start chasing at some point and then I'll push for a meetup. She'll probably flake. And I'll text her again in a week or two.
I met a beautiful girl (by
@fastlife standards and not what you see thrown around SS lol) about a month ago. It was at a super unconventional place--and I only had about 15 minutes. I could tell she really liked me but was also super nervous and probably didn't have much experience with guys like me; she's also 18, so I knew going in that she'd be flakey. So I pushed for a meetup that week; she ghosted me. I teased her the next day; a little back & forth, she ghosted. Texted her a week later, she ignored it. Texted her a week after that--she starts chasing super hard. Reluctant to meet up. Texted her a week after that--nothing. Invited her over this week to help me make my bed lol--she was super responsive, she starts pushing for a meetup, she starts investing, she starts bringing up obstacles on her end that I help her solve (i.e. that I'm not a kidnapper or whatever). As of right now, she's coming over tonight. I'm not counting on it, but I think there's about a 75% chance she comes through. All upside, no downside.
Now, is it possible she's been seeing other guys this past month? I mean, probably--but it's nothing personal, since I know she doesn't really know me yet. Is it possible she flakes out? Yeah. But I'm seeing what kind of texts work & what don't for future situations. I'm building my tool-set. In fact, I had a very similar experience with a very similar girl last summer (except she was out of town for a month after I got her number)--and I got too reactive when she flaked and teased her a little too hard when she had already decided to submit.
But I know I'm not pathetic; I know I'm not creepy; I know I'm good in bed; I know girls like me; I know I'm probably the best guy she'll meet in the next 5 years; I know she'll love me once she gets to know me; I know I'll meet other comparable girls in the future.
I know all this, so what does it matter if I chase a little bit on the front end or she ends up thing l'm a loser with no options? A text costs me very little; far less costly than the time investment it'd take on my end to meet another girl on her level (well, actually I've met a couple since I met her and closed with one and have another that is circling--but they don't grow on trees lol).
A good article on the subject:
http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2013/10/24/being-too-much-player/
