"Friend level" = friendzone?

[Ckowalsky]

After having rebound sex with a woman, and 3 days later mid-conversation she says (exactly): "I'm wondering that we should keep it at a friend level for now. Especially that youre (me) just leaving a three year relationship"

What could this mean? Does this necessarily mean that i am in the friendzone? If so, has all sexual attraction and feelings vanished all of a sudden?

Also note that she admitted still being hung up on her ex who was an a-hole.

I know I may be too naive here, but at the moment I am too in my head and maybe in denial and need some guidance or a reality check. I appreciate all criticisms and suggestions, guys. Thanks in advance.

 

[pancakepalace]

Say 'sorry, I'm interested in more than friends. If you change your mind, call me.' then leave and go no contact.

 

[Ckowalsky]

Say 'sorry, I'm interested in more than friends. If you change your mind, call me.' then leave and go no contact.

Doing this, would it not come across as needy though?

 

[lizardking82]

Take it as an advice from me personally, mate: her saying her ex was an arsehole is a red flag to me. Why? If he was an *******, it was a wrong choice on her side and women who choose assholish boyfriends have a tendency to have a streak on these people. On the other hand, she blaming another person for what was probably her fault, too, unless she fully explains what happened (they almost never do).

For your own sake, tread lightly and almost no feelings for this one.

 

[Ckowalsky]

If you've already had sex with her, it could be that she is concerned about it becoming a serious relationship soon. And she is putting the breaks on that - trying to make things less pressurized.

I don't think you should be avoidant - using full no contact. Depending what the set is like, I might go with it. Keep her in orbit, getting her out occasionally and having sex. Keep any hint of seriousness out of things.

Arsehole ex is always going to be trouble though.

If you feel it's a legit friendzoning or rejection of you sexually, then politely but firmly reject it back. But if the problem is that she thinks you want to ltr, then you'll just come across as rigid and high-strung.

Depends on what you think about where you two are, I suppose.

True. Thing is, she was not too pleased during sex, we had too much position adjusting, getting comfortable, i bit her too much (she did not like it), eventually i was getting distracted. Embarrassing. The only time/s she may have enjoyed was when i proceeded to finger a few times. Everything got too in my head, from the get go.
It is embarrassing for me to admit, but there it is, my mistakes.
She was irritable dropping me off back to my place the next morning, and freezed me out the whole day until I re-engaged.
Knowing this, has all my initial value and her attraction to me vanished afterwards?
Even after getting that intimate at least?
Any insights and things I could have done different?

 

[Ckowalsky]

If you've already had sex with her, it could be that she is concerned about it becoming a serious relationship soon. And she is putting the breaks on that - trying to make things less pressurized.

I don't think you should be avoidant - using full no contact. Depending what the set is like, I might go with it. Keep her in orbit, getting her out occasionally and having sex. Keep any hint of seriousness out of things.

Arsehole ex is always going to be trouble though.

If you feel it's a legit friendzoning or rejection of you sexually, then politely but firmly reject it back. But if the problem is that she thinks you want to ltr, then you'll just come across as rigid and high-strung.

Depends on what you think about where you two are, I suppose.

Also, what do you mean by 'politely rejecting it back?' on the friendzoning?

 

[Ckowalsky]

Typically, I've gotten away with sh*te sex much more so from women looking to ltr. Women who's ex has game and still has hand over her often just want to take their mind off of stuff.

Seems like she might be considering a rejection. But what can you do? Don't worry about it. Don't let the mistakes make you over-invest to try and compensate. You still might be able to get her out again.

Makes sense. What did you mean by she might be considering a rejection? Me rejecting during sex? Or her rejecting after sex?

 

[Thorninmyside]

Given the timing of the conversation, I'd say the sex isn't working for her and she's using other excuses. Go bang other girls and get more experience.

 

[Ckowalsky]

Given the timing of the conversation, I'd say the sex isn't working for her and she's using other excuses. Go bang other girls and get more experience.

Agreed. The actual sequence of events were:
1. Friday = she wantes to hang, I come over, no condoms, no sex, only make out.
2. Saturday = she wanted to hang out again and asked mw to bring condoms, we had sex at night and morning.
3. Sunday = morning, she was irritated and wanted to take me home asap.
4. Monday she freezes me out all day and posts a meme on facebook mocking going back into dating (funny animation of a man tripping/falling over jump rope). I had to reengage convo that night. She was distant ever since.
5. Small talk/chat, and wednesday was the conversation per my original post.

 

[Ckowalsky]

She's likely going to try and keep you around.

You should prioritize others, and be low-investment with this one.

Still a chance you could be getting her out again - regardless. Girls with ex problems are usually all over the place.

Ok. So you do think there is a chance for friends with benefit? Even if she says "friend level?" I am confused with the term.

 

[Dingo]

 

[pancakepalace]

Say 'sorry, I'm interested in more than friends. If you change your mind, call me.' then leave and go no contact.

Doing this, would it not come across as needy though?

Why do you think this is needy? You clearly explain what you want (a sexual relationship, not a friendship) which = confidence. Then you tell her to call you if she changes her mind. Nothing needy about that.

 

[devilkingx2]

sounds like you're wasting your time on this one, one and done. time to find the next girl. she just wanted to bang you and get rid of you, weirdly masculine of her.

 

[devilkingx2]

Doing this, would it not come across as needy though?

if she thinks you're needy for wanting to get laid then she looks at you with disdain most likely

 

[Thorninmyside]

Ok. So you do think there is a chance for friends with benefit? Even if she says "friend level?" I am confused with the term.

No. She didn't like the benefits.

 

[Glassguy]

FWB- always make sure there are more to the benefits than the friends part.

 

[pancakepalace]

if she thinks you're needy for wanting to get laid then she looks at you with disdain most likely

I don't think telling a girl know you want a relationship (with sex) and not a friendship is being needy to get laid.

 

[Ckowalsky]

View attachment 817

Thank you, good sir

Why do you think this is needy? You clearly explain what you want (a sexual relationship, not a friendship) which = confidence. Then you tell her to call you if she changes her mind. Nothing needy about that.

Ah. I see what you mean.

After what you said: bad sex, irritable and got rid of you asap, dissed you over Facebook, was cold with you after, then brought up the friends thing (over messaging? Your first post made it sound like a conversation).... looks dead.

If you do try anything else with this girl, do it from a position of self-amusement and giving seriously zero fvcks.

Youre right.. and that conversation in the original post was three days later. I sort of forced that out somehow. She did not want to mention anything about what happened.

I agree, at this point my only resort is aelf-amusement vibe. But how do I even do that with no contact? We are stil facebook friends though. She did not delete me.

sounds like you're wasting your time on this one, one and done. time to find the next girl. she just wanted to bang you and get rid of you, weirdly masculine of her.

I agree lol. Shes been single for 4 years after first marriage. She said that her ex bf is the 2nd guy shes had feelings for, who just wanted to get in her pants without committment.

 

[Ckowalsky]

Actually here's the correct sequence of events (sorry for the inconvenience guys):
(Note that before all this, I was somewhat aloof and honestly did not have too much interest in hanging out with her. Mostly due to the ex issue. It was all chit chat bantering and she was enjoying it. She said in the beginning that she wanted to ''chat soon??"
Before we hung out she also mentioned that her date might flake on her for the weekend. And i was aloof with that as well. I just said "ooh. Must be an emergency."
Not sure if her date mention is true or a ploy or just a set up to frame her 'fling' mode. But at the time it did NOT really bother me.)

1. Friday = she says her plans fell off, so she wanted to hang with me, I first said I migh be someplace and she can tag along, she says shes not sure she can drive that far, i said wanna just chill at hwr place? She says yes, i come over, no condoms, no sex, only make out.

2. Saturday = she SOMEWHAT DESPERATELY wanted to hang out again and asked me to bring condoms, we had sex at night and morning.

3. Sunday = morning, she was irritated and wanted to take me home asap. Her words were 'bye' as I kissed her and got out of the car. She freezes me out all day and posts a meme on facebook mocking going back into dating (funny animation of a man tripping/falling over jump rope). I had to reengage convo that night. She was distant.

4. Monday = she messages me "good morning sunshine", we chatted, small talk. I 'no contacted' for hours, then at night I posted a status update on facebook about me being in band rehearsal. She reengages "hows it going", and "hows band", we chatted, small talk.

5. Tuesday = i said goodmorning, we chatted short, shes already distant

6. Wednesday = freezeout all day, but i messaged her at night and hence the 'friend level' conversation.

I am shuddering with the thought, and very disappointed at myself. But I wonder if i was at least being a challenge in the beginning and if she at least remembers that part. Or if at least I am remembered as an attractive guy and not just some tool.

 

[RangerMIke]

She gave you a try but there is no chemistry. I would just move on to the next one.