Is an LDR ever acceptable?

[LimaBean]

Woman -
HB7
Redhead(maybe why I give her a 7, if not partial to redheads I would say 6-6.5)
Masters degree from reputable college
Athletic body

Backstory:
A year ago I back into this girls car at the lake, she was friends with the people I went with so she was at the same cabin. Cute red head, both of us flirting back and forth but nothing transpires at the lake. We chat a bit over the phone, but because of distance and not really knowing each other we never went out on a date, I break contact.
Fast forward to a little over a month ago and find out she's coming to the lake again this year. Contact her - obviously some sexual tension building up in anticipation of seeing each other.
First night at the lake she stays with me, casually kissing in bed, tells me she plays hard to get and we probably wouldn't have sex that night. Fast forward 3.5 minutes she's examining the speckles on my RV's ceiling. Every night she can't keep her hands off of me, shows an incredible ammt of interest that I haven't received from any woman in my life.
Lake trips over and she sets up several days to come see me. She goes through with the plans and last week she stayed for 5 days. Things have never gone as well with anyone as they did with this one. Dates were on point, she always initiated sex, cooked all the meals when we didn't go out, funny, respectful, intelligent conversations, etc. I've been in several LTR's, but never in an LDR. Typically, I would just let contact dwindle away and move on. However, this seems like one I can't just move on with and think that it may be worth a try.
Thoughts?

 

[LimaBean]

Not 7+, too many options. You didn't say how far it is by the way. 1.5 hours is doable.

3 hours, she just took an athletic training position with a college football program.
As far as not being 7+ I'm not particularly worried. Tired of women not having anything to offer other than their looks. I'm only 25 and I've gone through too many women since my last LTR that have absolutely nothing to offer than being good in bed and a cute face.

 

[LimaBean]

I understand the sentiment in the quoted text but it really is irrelevant to this issue. 7+ mean she has a lot of options, not that you're settling. .

3 hours is way too long.

Are you really 3 hours better than her next option? I promise you she is not.

Is there downside to her pursing those options?

My experience is a 3 hour ldr and a 1.5 hour ldr for a total of 3 years, as well as a few cross-country Flings.

I can't argue with your reasoning.
Also, i work 12 hrs/day 7 days a week until my job is done- this can be from 1 week to 3 months straight with no time off. It destroyed my last relation****, albeit she was a c*nt towards the end anyways.
I guess my thoughts behind this is that I'm extremely busy as is and even if I had a girl 30 minutes away I would probably see her as much as I would a girl 3 hours away.

 

[LimaBean]

I had the exact same mindset and situation both times. The problem is she does not is my guess. Even if she did then why would she want to waste her precious free time driving(or even waiting for you to drive!).

Wisdom I came across being in the same situation you are as far as work is the following: you need to date people that work just as much as you you so that they appreciate the sacrifice you make and say that they want to spend free time relaxing and doing laid back stuff just like you. I assure you that the average hyper stimulated under-employed or unemployed woman looks to her time spent with you for you you to be her dancing monkey and entertain her and excite her more than she could do so on her own or with other guys.

I actually do know one relatively successful long-distance relationship, the girl was in medical residency and the guy was working 40 hours a week and dutifully travelled 3 hours per weekend(each way!) to see her. It's the opposite of your situation and mine for that matter. Some of these American women were telling my exes "he works all the time he won't have time for you" trying to break us up...the entitlement.

I would not be doing the traveling, I just simply don't have time for it. Even when not at work I train almost every day for 2 hours, do photography work on the side and also do personally training for a few clients on occasion. I suppose solace can be found in that she also stays busy with the colleges she has worked for and semi competitive Sports teams she plays for. But, regardless it would be difficult and i completely understand that.
As of now, with obvious room for change, she plans to travel as much as possible. I suppose no harm in atleast seeing where this leads. I still have several plates to keep interest in case things deteriorate.

 

[cola]

I wouldn't make things official.
Keep her as your main plate if you'd like but I would definitely have a chick or two on the side.
Three hours isn't absurdly far, the potential is there to see each other fairly often..

If the topic of being exclusive comes up and its something you want as well, alert her she would need to move closer.


She could be of high moral standing, but as @LARaiders85 already stated, the odds of her getting tired of the commute and finding someone just as qualified as you that is local are pretty high.

If she is really feeling you in 6 months to a year she'll move.
For now just show her a good time when she's in town and when she isn't keep it pimpin', playa.

 

[LimaBean]

I wouldn't make things official.
Keep her as your main plate if you'd like but I would definitely have a chick or two on the side.
Three hours isn't absurdly far, the potential is there to see each other fairly often..

If the topic of being exclusive comes up and its something you want as well, alert her she would need to move closer.


She could be of high moral standing, but as @LARaiders85 already stated, the odds of her getting tired of the commute and finding someone just as qualified as you that is local are pretty high.

If she is really feeling you in 6 months to a year she'll move.
For now just show her a good time when she's in town and when she isn't keep it pimpin', playa.

All around solid advice, agree with all of it. I keep my guard up pretty strong with women, feel like this may be one i'll have to do it even more so with because of this right here -

She could be of high moral standing, but as @LARaiders85 already stated, the odds of her getting tired of the commute and finding someone just as qualified as you that is local are pretty high.

We'll just have to see how things go, only time will tell. Thanks bro's. I'll try to post an update on her next visit to see me. I'm rather interested in seeing how this LDR(potential) compares to most others that have failed.

 

[wifehunter]

My expirience is, women usually start spinning plates while the cat's away.

Mice play.

If she doesn't, you struck gold.

 

[LimaBean]

Well. Figured I would be man enough to admit it. The LDR did not in fact work out.
Things were fantastic while it lasted. she came to see me every chance she could, i went down to see her once. But, I knew things were starting to feel different as soon as she moved for her new job. she was previously 4 hours to my south, then moved 3 hours to my north.
I'm not sure if another man was involved, doesn't exactly matter at this point. But i will say she would do things that I would not necessarily say i agreed with. That's when i knew the relationship was done.
It's crazy to think how much a woman can care for you and do everything for you then not see them for a few weeks and almost instantly things are over. I suppose when you don't have that emotional vice on women, you are worthless to them.
I have other plates to spin, so i'm not going to go rogue and pull some oneitis sh7t. But, i will say when it takes 4 years to find a woman worthy of exclusivity and she shats down your throat, it still makes you wince.
Here's your prime example boys, don't do LDR. Save your time, money, and energy. No matter how great she is/seems, it's not going to work out in your favor.

 

[Julian]

too bad you had to figure that out the hard way. never fall for a chick that fast dude, she mesmerized you with her love bombing and giving you the girlfriend treatment just to let it go no problem and hop on another d1ck..these hoes aint loyal. LDR no thanks.

 

[LimaBean]

It was a mistake, undoubtedly. The amount of low to mid level quality women that i've had certainly threw me for a curve ball when I found one in which I would consider(at the time) of high value.

 

[marmel75]

No.

 

[LimaBean]

I forgot to add at the time, LDRs suck because the breakups are even more swift and out of nowhere than regular breakups.

Haha swift is an understatement. I'm adept at noticing when a breakup is coming whether it's from me or the partner. I was considering ending the relationship a week before the breakup occurred. That means we were away for 2 maybe 3 weeks without physical contact. In that amount of time she subconsciously pushed me away until both of us were ready to end it.
And to be fair, there's only two spots I think I went wrong. Over-investment and not ending it on my terms.

 

[beforeimgone]

Woman -
HB7
Redhead(maybe why I give her a 7, if not partial to redheads I would say 6-6.5)
Masters degree from reputable college
Athletic body

Backstory:
A year ago I back into this girls car at the lake, she was friends with the people I went with so she was at the same cabin. Cute red head, both of us flirting back and forth but nothing transpires at the lake. We chat a bit over the phone, but because of distance and not really knowing each other we never went out on a date, I break contact.
Fast forward to a little over a month ago and find out she's coming to the lake again this year. Contact her - obviously some sexual tension building up in anticipation of seeing each other.
First night at the lake she stays with me, casually kissing in bed, tells me she plays hard to get and we probably wouldn't have sex that night. Fast forward 3.5 minutes she's examining the speckles on my RV's ceiling. Every night she can't keep her hands off of me, shows an incredible ammt of interest that I haven't received from any woman in my life.
Lake trips over and she sets up several days to come see me. She goes through with the plans and last week she stayed for 5 days. Things have never gone as well with anyone as they did with this one. Dates were on point, she always initiated sex, cooked all the meals when we didn't go out, funny, respectful, intelligent conversations, etc. I've been in several LTR's, but never in an LDR. Typically, I would just let contact dwindle away and move on. However, this seems like one I can't just move on with and think that it may be worth a try.
Thoughts?

The only way this would remotely work is of you had her drive to see you when you have time off of work.

You like this girl, but chances are there are guys hitting on her a lot and eventually she will cave. Expect it so you aren't hurt about it when it happens. Ldrs are usually a waste but it can be done with a lot of work (on her part)

 

[Billtx49]

LDR's are only mutual emotional masturbation. Requires personal strength, trust, and honesty X 10 from both. Usually not going to happen in this world.