BPD's can control their behavior…they choose not to

[mrgoodstuff]

Good point I could never understand why my ex treated me so terribly and everyone else except for family so well when I did more for her in every way.

Its like they treat their companion as punching bags to take everything out on.

What are they without a punching bag?

 

[exhausted]

What are they without a punching bag?

I suppose. I just dont get the mistreatment. Of course i use reason and logic so it does not compute for me.

Mental illness is hell for everyone

 

[051AV]

You better believe I was the punching bag, she could be vicious, I seen the worst of her when I tried to cut her off she wanted to see me pay. Holy schit how can you be so Fin cold I treated you like a princess I was there for you when you were going through the rough patches when she wanted to commit suicide. When she latched onto another guy she was still close to me she would take her unhappiness out on me it was my fault she wasn't happy with her new man. I got her out of my life completely 2.5 years ago I still think about the crap she put me through.

Our last big fight she started claiming I was abusive to her which is BS I wasn't ever abusive to her, she wanted to fight dirty I exposed her secrets people started knowing about her mental illness her suicide attempts. People started to see she wasn't the sweet charming young woman she portrayed they realized she's nuts. I hated to expose her secrets, when someone wants to fight dirty with me I don't with hold any punches its a grudge match. I'm just lucky she didn't get the cops involved that would have been ugly.

 

[exhausted]

You better believe I was the punching bag, she could be vicious, I seen the worst of her when I tried to cut her off she wanted to see me pay. Holy schit how can you be so Fin cold I treated you like a princess I was there for you when you were going through the rough patches when she wanted to commit suicide. When she latched onto another guy she was still close to me she would take her unhappiness out on me it was my fault she wasn't happy with her new man. I got her out of my life completely 2.5 years ago I still think about the crap she put me through.

Our last big fight she started claiming I was abusive to her which is BS I wasn't ever abusive to her, she wanted to fight dirty I exposed her secrets people started knowing about her mental illness her suicide attempts. People started to see she wasn't the sweet charming young woman she portrayed they realized she's nuts. I hated to expose her secrets, when someone wants to fight dirty with me I don't with hold any punches its a grudge match. I'm just lucky she didn't get the cops involved that would have been ugly.

Yep that is a huge sign when they are verbally and emotionally abusive.
Ive also learned the mentally ill have a lot of trouble comprehending small things we say or situations. Like they are unintelligent altho they aren't.
U find yourself explaining very simple things to them. Like...if i was to cheat on u why would i cheat when im out with my own mother? Why would i want my mom to think so low of her own son???? Who would do that?

 

[exhausted]

If you find yourself explaining very basic normal human behavior especially anything based on empathy or ethics, you can be sure you're dealing with someone with sociopathic traits (or autism).

Yes definitely narcissistic. Some of the most ridiculous fights I would just sit back looking at my phone thinking how in the world are you making a problem out of this or do you not understand it. It was very very disturbing the lack of comprehension at certain times

 

[btownbuck2012]

It was very very disturbing the lack of comprehension at certain times

So the one I was with was similar.

A few years ago I had to get a gum graft on the upper front 5 of my teeth. I have no idea why, but my gums were receding and I needed to get this surgery done.

Well long story short this girl I was dating forced her way to this appointment. I had only been with her a few months and told her it wasn't necessary but she kept insisting..."I know I don't have to go, I WANT TO GO!"....

"K..." I thought.

Well day of the appointment I get there about 10 minutes til 9 AM because the appointment was at 9:15 I believe. Well she's there already waiting outside the building. This was on a Saturday morning.

After the surgery I come out into the waiting room and may face is so swollen I look like I should be in a freak show act. I found out from the front desk that my insurance isn't paying for as much of this as I thought they were going to. What I thought was going to cost a few hundred dollars was now going to cost a few thousand..I was livid and in a-lot of pain....and this girl just stares at me.

It was one of these situations where I was trying to be tough or whatever and just deal with the problem but it was a very tough situation in the moment and I could have really used a "there there" hand on my shoulder or hug from her but it was as if she didn't know how to comfort me in that situation so she just shut down. I finally asked her why the hell she was even there and she angrily snapped back "Well what do you want me to do? Call your insurance company?" I couldn't believe it. I literally had to tell her "I want you to give me a f*cking hug and tell me this will turn out OK". Just unbelievable.

To me this was a good example of the idealization vs. actual caring and intimacy. Anything beyond a very high level, superficiality is impossible for them when it comes to actual closeness and connection with others - when it gets to that point is where you really see the disorder show itself. And it can be a lightswitch type of thing. fascinating to ponder from a-far, absolutely devastating to experience firsthand.

 

[exhausted]

Thats a great example. They will go to EXTREME lengths to invest in you(love bombing) but then can't react correctly in the moment because its not natural to them.

Hell at least that girl pretended to care and showed up to pretend to give support. My ex wouldn't even spend time with me on the 3-year anniversary of my dad passing away where I just wanted to have a nice easy fun day. She decided to go mow the yard instead and then hang out later and could not understand why I was disconnected. I don't ask for much and I carry myself very well but a day like that it's nice to have someone be there to have a good day not to be ****tty. If I wasn't available for her if she was having the most ridiculous I need you time with something so simple she would be mad at me but for one day year I asked for a decent day she's off to another ***** and was actually mad at me because I was unhappy she chose to go mow instead of Hangout these women that are narcissistic harmine vial cvnts.

 

[exhausted]

The narcissist is so detached and vile that when they wronged you and you are unhappy about it they are mad at you and punish you that you don't tolerate their misbehavior. It is like living in the Twilight Zone

 

[btownbuck2012]

Hell at least that girl pretended to care and showed up to pretend to give support. My ex wouldn't even spend time with me on the 3-year anniversary of my dad passing away where I just wanted to have a nice easy fun day. She decided to go mow the yard instead and then hang out later and could not understand why I was disconnected. I don't ask for much and I carry myself very well but a day like that it's nice to have someone be there to have a good day not to be ****tty. If I wasn't available for her if she was having the most ridiculous I need you time with something so simple she would be mad at me but for one day year I asked for a decent day she's off to another ***** and was actually mad at me because I was unhappy she chose to go mow instead of Hangout these women that are narcissistic harmine vial cvnts.

This dentist appointment this girl came to was very early on into me knowing her. I'd only know her 5 months at that point. Did this girl ditch you early on or was it later into things?

 

[MrAddiction]

Thats a great example. They will go to EXTREME lengths to invest in you(love bombing) but then can't react correctly in the moment because its not natural to them.

Absolutely right. There were two times I had to go to hospital in the 7yeaes WE were together. And when I had to go to Hospital that was not a normal stay, it always could be livechanging/ending. We phoned every day and she told me how much she missed me. One Weekend she visited me, what happened: instead of being Overall caring WE had a fight over some bullshxt....like always that did not last long before she had to leave everything was ok again. I then asked her to come the next weekend and she replied due to the fact that it is a 200 Miles Trip, she probably will not due to the costs. I just thought wtf no Money for gasoline for a Second visier but money for expansive Jeans and all the other things you have got. you can be sure I did nit bring that one up because it would have resulted in another fight. So much for walking on eggshells. She Even told me, so that you are doing fine no Need to come again.
She finaly came the best Weekend together with my Patents but for sure complaint how Bad the Trip was and what a good Girl she is that she did that just to see me.

They do not know what enpathy is and how to comfort you.

 

[MrAddiction]

The narcissist is so detached and vile that when they wronged you and you are unhappy about it they are mad at you and punish you that you don't tolerate their misbehavior. It is like living in the Twilight Zone

Same patterns all over. Due to the fact that I am doublelungtransplated I celebrate the transplantationdate aus kinda second birhtday with my closest Friends and family. One time she did not want to make it wen I complained about that and told her that it is important to me. She told me: yes, but I had to Understand her that it is not important to her, because when that happend(the transplantation) she was not with me yet.
Sounds sociopathic? It is!

 

[QuadDeuces]

My borderline ex worked a ****ty job in a call centre would show up at work 45 minutes before she actually had to start and would work on some newsletter or something. Also volunteered to organise afterwork events and parties, would talk about her coworkers all the time when we were together like they were part of a family.
All to be liked I suppose.

 

[MrAddiction]

You know what was really sh!tty, my last one actually did say the right thing to comfort me once (for the first and only time the whole relationship btw) and I clung to that like a complete moron through another 2 months or so of extreme low interest expressly undoing the comfort she gave. That's actually a pattern of wishful thinking in relationships that I have, I am very good at reframing everything in HER favor.

Man, no Need to be ashamed on yourself. i had a seven year relationship with mine. Now i realize that the Last Five years of it was just hanging on to the things she did the first two years.
I am out now a year and seem to be mostly over it. I can Drink again without getting emotional about her. I stopped any drinking totally due to this fact for half a year.
Crazy thing is that I knew sosuave and BPD before but she played it good and a lot of her misbehavior I treaded as ****test. Without knowing sosuave I would not kept her that long but would have suffered way more than I did. and I still suffered a lot. Not to Imagine what those evils will do to a really loving while Knight who things he found his soulmate and has ablsolutely NO boundaries.

 

[exhausted]

You know what was really sh!tty, my last one actually did say the right thing to comfort me once (for the first and only time the whole relationship btw) and I clung to that like a complete moron through another 2 months or so of extreme low interest expressly undoing the comfort she gave. That's actually a pattern of wishful thinking in relationships that I have, I am very good at reframing everything in HER favor.

You were just looking for and hanging onto the good in her u thought she finally possessed and showed you.
Nothing to beat yourself up about.

 

[exhausted]

The narcissist takes and takes and takes and gives NOTHING, yet when you ask to receive anything you get severely destroyed for it.

The narcissist is a cold blooded leech that sucks the life out of you then blames you for everything.

 

[btownbuck2012]

The narcissist takes and takes and takes and gives NOTHING, yet when you ask to receive anything you get severely destroyed for it.

The narcissist is a cold blooded leech that sucks the life out of you then blames you for everything.

The only thing I would add is that they take, take and take REAL stuff. Real emotions, real intimacy, real time, effort and energy, etc. They do give a-lot, only it's shallow fake sh*t. They'll give gifts, sex and their time but none of it is truly meaningful. When you start pushing for more of THAT kind of stuff, the real stuff that bonds people, is when you get destroyed. That's why it's hard to identify them except in retrospect really.

 

[exhausted]

The only thing I would add is that they take, take and take REAL stuff. Real emotions, real intimacy, real time, effort and energy, etc. They do give a-lot, only it's shallow fake sh*t. They'll give gifts, sex and their time but none of it is truly meaningful. When you start pushing for more of THAT kind of stuff, the real stuff that bonds people, is when you get destroyed. That's why it's hard to identify them except in retrospect really.

EXACTLY.
They spend time when it benefits them.
If it benefits only you they refuse selfishly and even admit it with no dignity or respect.
Only they matter.

 

[btownbuck2012]

EXACTLY.
They spend time when it benefits them.
If it benefits only you they refuse selfishly and even admit it with no dignity or respect.
Only they matter.

That's actually what love bombing is. It's selfish. That's the difference between high interest level and love bombing is that love bombing is literally them stepping over and intruding in on your boundaries but since love bombing generally consists of lots of sex, gifts and attention none of us mind...but they're the same person in both the love bombing and discarding phases - just totally selfish.

 

[exhausted]

That's actually what love bombing is. It's selfish. That's the difference between high interest level and love bombing is that love bombing is literally them stepping over and intruding in on your boundaries but since love bombing generally consists of lots of sex, gifts and attention none of us mind...but they're the same person in both the love bombing and discarding phases - just totally selfish.

Well explained.
Crazy how they mesh them both.

 

[Fruitbat]

I have a BDP mother and unfortunately I am a quiet borderline. I have self harmed, had severe substance abuse problems and generally been unhappy, a lot. However, I cover the whole thing up and generally take it out on myself. I can function AOK 99% of the time.

All I can say is, that when you feel a threat, the emotions and crazy come out. People that you feel are fair and non threatening, you do not feel this way.

If someone is messing with you, you literally could kill them. Yet, you could talk to someone else and be totally nice.

NOBODY wants this. Look at the suicide and self harm rate. Borderlines,bad borderlines, are the hardest to deal with.

However, NARCICISTS and SOCIOPATHS are the utter **** of humanity. These people don't work on emotion,but a lack of. They find borderlines to torture. People who look to their needs and their needs alone. Borderlines can feel intense compassion, narcs and sociopaths don't. They know what they are doing.

Sadly, the narc is fashionable these days and boy do narcs score the chicks, If you have come up against one, you will have everything you do and say twisted. They are serial killers, child molesters, mass murderers and rapists. Borderlines are rarely these things,but they are crazy as hell, and can do terrible things in the moment.

Be aware borderline is very different to full on narc or sociopath. The difference is borderlines struggle to control their raging mind, narcs and sociopaths made a choice in childhood to screw over everyone and cause them pain where possible.

Borderline is like being on a crazy train of fear. narcs enjoy torturing people for their amusement, and putting others down at all costs to become the leader or most powerful. If I see this in people, I run a mile. I just need an hour alone to get sane. Narcs are never sane.