Help! Marry GF? Going Crazy - Need Life Help!

[Reyaj]

So no I'm not about to off myself or anything to that extreme but I really need to get help figuring life out. To put it bluntly I don't know WTF I am supposed to be doing...

I'll start this thread off with my current girlfriend who I have been in a relationship for 2 years wants to get married. She is 27 and I am 38. I started seeing her 3 years ago when she was 24 and i was 35. Before I was with her I was in a previous relationship for 4 years with a woman I lost attraction too This woman was BPD and while my current GF does not have these bad qualities I am noticing some similarities.. however I now believe these similarities are just traits that most women exhibit.

I think what I'm getting at is I might be the problem here. I guess I'll start this thread with background tidbits about me and then some more info about my ex and current gf.

So ever since I was young I've always been infatuated with women. I'd get distracted in grade school checking out all the hotties in class. I never had the ballz to do anything though.. I'd see my classmates and what not all have girlfriends and all I did was dream about having one with one of the hot chicks I'd be into. So this continued for me through middle school and into high school. I didn't have my first girlfriend till the end of my senior year of high school and this was some girl I met online. Anyway I was in love with this girl.. In love to a crazy point where I was obsessive.. Our relationship lasted into our sophomore year of college when I finally had the courage to break up to her after she said some crazy shvt to me. So after that I was single again trying to figure out how to get girls... I'd have some girls in classes check me out but I was too shy and scared of rejection to ever try anything. It was around this time when I discovered this forum. I started reading a lot of anti dump and others and I developed a hard attitude towards women. Basically any indicator of non interest they showed me I called them out on it and nexted them. After a while of doing this I realized that this approach wasn't really getting me anywhere either. So I switched it up, experimented (still continue to do so) and long story short I ended up having a little more success.. But I still couldn't shake the early foundation of not tolerating BS from girls that none of my relationships really stuck... Anyway after finishing college I ended up meeting another girl online who became an LTR of me for 2 years. She was barely 18 and I was 25, and I was the 2nd guy she had been with sexually. She actually said the guy she lost her virginity too it only happend that one time (who knows if that's true and who cares, she actually turned into a huge slvt after me but found a sucker to settle down with). Anyway this girl was demanding and basically put on weight while seeing me (this seems to be a trend for me) but regardless of that I became unattracted to her after and eventually started looking at other women and made out with another girl in a club once. I still was possessive though and I ended up breaking up with her because she didn't answer her phone or call me back one night she went out with her girlfriends to a club.

Now let me add a little something here, as I guess it's a good a place as any. My father is a womanizer and so is my grandfather. At some point early on in life I found that cheating was something natural to do. I also saw the destruction it can do to a family so I equally found that doing it stupidly and getting caught has terrible consequences.

Anyway after breaking up with 2nd girlfriend I wrote the thread that's in my signature. Since I've always been shy with approaching but wanted to hook up with women I started the approach journal. It wasn't easy for me to do at first as you can see, but after a while I got more comfortable and I did it! This was one of the great personal accomplishments I have. This isn't a tangible degree I can show someone, but it's something I did for myself and overcame a fear I had. While the results and the reality about women I learned wasn't as expected at least I learned.

While I still get shy and have approach anxiety, it is because of the approach journal I am able to do it at times. - So it is because of this I am able to always encounter new prospects (well online too)

Ok I think I'm rambling too much so let me try to get to the focal point of this thread. I ended up approaching an attractive girl several years ago outside of a venue, I got her #, and after much time I finally got her out. Things went well and long story short again, she has been my gf for the past few years. Overall things have been going well.

Here are her good points:

• Sexually pleases me - She wants it more than I do, and she'll even take care of me when she has her period.
• She is Pretty
• Comes from a good family, parents are still together - Has that mindset
• Saves Money
• Very Chill - Can enjoy nights at home just relaxing instead of being out on the scene
• A lot younger than me - Although apparently 27 is expiration date for a female
• Good cook
• Conducts herself well
• Very much into me, rather spend time with me than going out with her girlfriends

Here are her bad points (nobody is perfect please don't say next over something stupid here!)

• Has a propensity to gain weight and right now this is showing. She does excercise but this may be genetic. When I was first dating her she looked a lot better. Actually maybe it is cause she is 27 now and past her shelf life??
• Can be a little too frugal with money.. She doesn't mind me spending money of course but when it comes her our own she can be a little tight. Just a little though.. my last 2 girlfriend were generous so maybe it's just in comparison to that.
• Likes to keep tabs on me - sometimes a little controlling
• Gets drunk when she drinks - She isn't alcoholic, she doesn't drink all the time but when she does she definitely puts them down. I have told her about this and she's gotten better, but there are times when she does over do it.
• She is not a virgin - Yes I've recently learned this is a flaw.

I am sure there are others but those are what comes to mind right now.

Here are the parallels I see with her and my previous relationship before her:

• Both want to get married and get angry when I joke or avoid the question
• Both have gained weight
• Both I have lost sexual attraction too (although this one is still decent looking at least. My prior LTR turned into a whale)
• Both I get bored with after spending too much time with and I want to hunt new pvssy
• Both want me at their family or friends events

This girl wants to get married is being more and more vocal about it. I think I will need to make a decision soon. I just think that I would eventually get bored with any girl I am with and always want to bang some new piece of azz on the side... this is why I say I'm more the problem.

I know most of you are going to say not to do it, I know this forum is inherently against marriage.. But what if I do want a family, children... etc...? She is actually in a better financial situation than I am right now so I don't think I have as much to lose either if it doesn't work out. Feel free to ask me more questions about the relationship. I don't want to be the 50 year old guy at the bar no offense to any of you..

Is having a family and having people care about you later on in life really a bad thing?

 

[exhausted]

So no I'm not about to off myself or anything to that extreme but I really need to get help figuring life out. To put it bluntly I don't know WTF I am supposed to be doing...

I'll start this thread off with my current girlfriend who I have been in a relationship for 2 years wants to get married. She is 27 and I am 38. I started seeing her 3 years ago when she was 24 and i was 35. Before I was with her I was in a previous relationship for 4 years with a woman I lost attraction too This woman was BPD and while my current GF does not have these bad qualities I am noticing some similarities.. however I now believe these similarities are just traits that most women exhibit.

I think what I'm getting at is I might be the problem here. I guess I'll start this thread with background tidbits about me and then some more info about my ex and current gf.

So ever since I was young I've always been infatuated with women. I'd get distracted in grade school checking out all the hotties in class. I never had the ballz to do anything though.. I'd see my classmates and what not all have girlfriends and all I did was dream about having one with one of the hot chicks I'd be into. So this continued for me through middle school and into high school. I didn't have my first girlfriend till the end of my senior year of high school and this was some girl I met online. Anyway I was in love with this girl.. In love to a crazy point where I was obsessive.. Our relationship lasted into our sophomore year of college when I finally had the courage to break up to her after she said some crazy shvt to me. So after that I was single again trying to figure out how to get girls... I'd have some girls in classes check me out but I was too shy and scared of rejection to ever try anything. It was around this time when I discovered this forum. I started reading a lot of anti dump and others and I developed a hard attitude towards women. Basically any indicator of non interest they showed me I called them out on it and nexted them. After a while of doing this I realized that this approach wasn't really getting me anywhere either. So I switched it up, experimented (still continue to do so) and long story short I ended up having a little more success.. But I still couldn't shake the early foundation of not tolerating BS from girls that none of my relationships really stuck... Anyway after finishing college I ended up meeting another girl online who became an LTR of me for 2 years. She was barely 18 and I was 25, and I was the 2nd guy she had been with sexually. She actually said the guy she lost her virginity too it only happend that one time (who knows if that's true and who cares, she actually turned into a huge slvt after me but found a sucker to settle down with). Anyway this girl was demanding and basically put on weight while seeing me (this seems to be a trend for me) but regardless of that I became unattracted to her after and eventually started looking at other women and made out with another girl in a club once. I still was possessive though and I ended up breaking up with her because she didn't answer her phone or call me back one night she went out with her girlfriends to a club.

Now let me add a little something here, as I guess it's a good a place as any. My father is a womanizer and so is my grandfather. At some point early on in life I found that cheating was something natural to do. I also saw the destruction it can do to a family so I equally found that doing it stupidly and getting caught has terrible consequences.

Anyway after breaking up with 2nd girlfriend I wrote the thread that's in my signature. Since I've always been shy with approaching but wanted to hook up with women I started the approach journal. It wasn't easy for me to do at first as you can see, but after a while I got more comfortable and I did it! This was one of the great personal accomplishments I have. This isn't a tangible degree I can show someone, but it's something I did for myself and overcame a fear I had. While the results and the reality about women I learned wasn't as expected at least I learned.

While I still get shy and have approach anxiety, it is because of the approach journal I am able to do it at times. - So it is because of this I am able to always encounter new prospects (well online too)

Ok I think I'm rambling too much so let me try to get to the focal point of this thread. I ended up approaching an attractive girl several years ago outside of a venue, I got her #, and after much time I finally got her out. Things went well and long story short again, she has been my gf for the past few years. Overall things have been going well.

Here are her good points:

• Sexually pleases me - She wants it more than I do, and she'll even take care of me when she has her period.
• She is Pretty
• Comes from a good family, parents are still together - Has that mindset
• Saves Money
• Very Chill - Can enjoy nights at home just relaxing instead of being out on the scene
• A lot younger than me - Although apparently 27 is expiration date for a female
• Good cook
• Conducts herself well
• Very much into me, rather spend time with me than going out with her girlfriends

Here are her bad points (nobody is perfect please don't say next over something stupid here!)

• Has a propensity to gain weight and right now this is showing. She does excercise but this may be genetic. When I was first dating her she looked a lot better. Actually maybe it is cause she is 27 now and past her shelf life??
• Can be a little too frugal with money.. She doesn't mind me spending money of course but when it comes her our own she can be a little tight. Just a little though.. my last 2 girlfriend were generous so maybe it's just in comparison to that.
• Likes to keep tabs on me - sometimes a little controlling
• Gets drunk when she drinks - She isn't alcoholic, she doesn't drink all the time but when she does she definitely puts them down. I have told her about this and she's gotten better, but there are times when she does over do it.
• She is not a virgin - Yes I've recently learned this is a flaw.

I am sure there are others but those are what comes to mind right now.

Here are the parallels I see with her and my previous relationship before her:

• Both want to get married and get angry when I joke or avoid the question
• Both have gained weight
• Both I have lost sexual attraction too (although this one is still decent looking at least. My prior LTR turned into a whale)
• Both I get bored with after spending too much time with and I want to hunt new pvssy
• Both want me at their family or friends events

This girl wants to get married is being more and more vocal about it. I think I will need to make a decision soon. I just think that I would eventually get bored with any girl I am with and always want to bang some new piece of azz on the side... this is why I say I'm more the problem.

I know most of you are going to say not to do it, I know this forum is inherently against marriage.. But what if I do want a family, children... etc...? She is actually in a better financial situation than I am right now so I don't think I have as much to lose either if it doesn't work out. Feel free to ask me more questions about the relationship. I don't want to be the 50 year old guy at the bar no offense to any of you..

Is having a family and having people care about you later on in life really a bad thing?

wow we have similarities, i am 38 and my just recent ex is 29 and pushed for marriage and all that too, we were tog over 3 years. Why I was reluctant is because my girl was in debt, makes killer money but would not be able to contribute for a bit and had not improved upon her financial irresponsibility over the last year, she was all talk and no action about a future.
however, my girl is npd and a crazed psychopath honestly.

I do not see anything too wrong with your girl except being a bit controlling and the weight gain. weight can be lost with effort, controlling , all women are controlling to an extent, mine was to an abusive level, how bad is yours? just wants to know what bars you will be at? that is understandable, unless she wants pics of evidence all night long.

it is understandable she wants to get married at this age.

as far as *****, i am 38 and have had well enough ***** for 3 life times, to have one and continue to build a connection with her is more rewarding to me at this point.

depends on your mindset.

maybe u will always be ***** crazy and arent marriage material......

 

[sazc]

Dont marry her. You've already cheated on her. Do the humane thing and end it

 

[exhausted]

Dont marry her. You've already cheated on her. Do the humane thing and end it

i agree, if you did cheat on her.

 

[Fzatf]

I'm not as picky as most so her list of positives would definitely put her in ltr territory for me. If the weight gain is minor and she works on it, and she's not too controlling I'd try to seriously imagine what life would be like if you stuck with her. Figure out a list of positives and negatives for marrying vs splitting and decide what you want.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Cheating is natural for guys if you ask me. It's not politically correct but that's what our urges are.

I say don't marry the chick because what is that piece of paper with a business stamp going to do to you? How does it benefit you?

 

[Thorninmyside]

Don't marry anyone who isn't the best version of themselves.

 

[exhausted]

Cheating is natural for guys if you ask me. It's not politically correct but that's what our urges are.

I say don't marry the chick because what is that piece of paper with a business stamp going to do to you? How does it benefit you?

I would say lusting after hot women and wanting to bang them is natural, going through with it and sneaking around like a scumbag is not natural.
if you plan to cheat dont marry, that is actually the opposite of the point of marriage.

 

[ubercat]

Comes down to you doesn't it. Can you control your desire to cheat. The fact that you're considering this seriously means maybe you're maturing. You do have to be realistic on the weight thing she is going to balloon to a certain extent if she has kids. If you have Fitness things you do toether then it becomes easier to encourage her. Marriage is mainly about companionship. Is she good to be around and will you take care of her. If it doesn't work out well plenty of split families raising children. As long as you're a good father to the kids so be it.

 

[Reyaj]

wow we have similarities, i am 38 and my just recent ex is 29 and pushed for marriage and all that too, we were tog over 3 years. Why I was reluctant is because my girl was in debt, makes killer money but would not be able to contribute for a bit and had not improved upon her financial irresponsibility over the last year, she was all talk and no action about a future.
however, my girl is npd and a crazed psychopath honestly.

I do not see anything too wrong with your girl except being a bit controlling and the weight gain. weight can be lost with effort, controlling , all women are controlling to an extent, mine was to an abusive level, how bad is yours? just wants to know what bars you will be at? that is understandable, unless she wants pics of evidence all night long.

it is understandable she wants to get married at this age.

as far as *****, i am 38 and have had well enough ***** for 3 life times, to have one and continue to build a connection with her is more rewarding to me at this point.

depends on your mindset.

maybe u will always be ***** crazy and arent marriage material......

I'm actually the one in debt so she is in a better financial situation than me. I think the weight gain can be mitigated, unlike my ex before her she actually tries to stay active. The controlling thing I worry about the most, right now we don't live together so I get my space but if we did I think I might have some challenges. Still I would lay all this out to her clearly before I did get married. She has mentioned things like having a family phone plan and bs like that which I am already opposed to.

Dont marry her. You've already cheated on her. Do the humane thing and end it

Yawn... you're a female right?

i agree, if you did cheat on her.

Why? I could cheat on anyone. You think Donald Trump never cheated? Julius Caesar? Wayne Rooney? Kobe Bryant? Most great men throughout history???

I'm not as picky as most so her list of positives would definitely put her in ltr territory for me. If the weight gain is minor and she works on it, and she's not too controlling I'd try to seriously imagine what life would be like if you stuck with her. Figure out a list of positives and negatives for marrying vs splitting and decide what you want.

Yeah she definitely is LTR material. But as I say most quality girls want marriage, at least in the 25-35 age bracket.

Cheating is natural for guys if you ask me. It's not politically correct but that's what our urges are.

I say don't marry the chick because what is that piece of paper with a business stamp going to do to you? How does it benefit you?

Well if I want to have a family I believe it has benefits, mainly its a commitment both her and I make and the fact that it has legal ramifications would help encourage both of us to work at it. There are also tax advantages I believe, and we also could get on each other's health insurance plans if one of us loses our job. Basically need to look at it as being a team.

But yeah cheating will be difficult, so I'd really have to change my mindset. The thing I objectively think is that having a family is a more productive life than just trying to bang girls my whole life. But damn I sure love it!

Don't marry if you're going to cheat

Yeah.. I mean I'd need to change my mindset and outlook on life I suppose. As I said above having a family sounds like it's more of a productive use of life, but damn women sure are fun!

Don't marry anyone who isn't the best version of themselves.

Fair enough.

I would say lusting after hot women and wanting to bang them is natural, going through with it and sneaking around like a scumbag is not natural.
if you plan to cheat dont marry, that is actually the opposite of the point of marriage.

That sounds like a contradiction.. If it's natural to lust after hot women why wouldn't you want to bang them? lol It's like having your cake and eating it too... Shvt I got cake wtf I'm supposed to do? - Jay Z

Don't do it. You're here asking, which means you're unsure. Remember my story? Lol. Same thing. I posted the exact same fears and uncertainties. Most people said "don't do it." I did it. Three years later - you know the rest.

I'm not saying your life will be ruined if you marry her. It may very well turn out grand. But you have this uncertainty. There is nothing wrong with lusting after other women. I was like you, bad with women in high school and even college. I feel like I lost out on a lot of good action. What's more, I LIKE the seduction phase, a lot. It's fun. LTRs are fun too.

Understand she will make her case emotionally and with much guilt tripping and pleading. All I can tell you is be true to yourself.

Sam you're definitely someone who can relate to my mindset, at least a lot of it as everyone is different to a degree. I went through this with my last ltr though... Then I met someone I was happier with and now I got bored... The thing is I think this can/will happen with any girl. And the girls that it won't aren't LTR material as they will play mental games with you which is even worse.

But yeah Sam I love the seduction phase! I love the chase! I love the novelty of a new relationship, that's the best feeling honestly... The early goings with someone new when things seem to be going well... That's the feeling that excites me and makes me feel alive. However the same pattern will happen, and chasing this is almost like a junkie looking for his next heroin fix... It will lead to a lot of waste... Unless I'm wrong please convince me otherwise

I know she'll do what you're saying... it's starting to happen now and it's similar to what I experienced with my last gf so I believe this is a woman thing..

Sam what is your end goal with women? Are you going to just continue with seduction into your 50s? Do you want children? Do you think you just haven't met the right girl? Like I've stated I think relationships see to have the same cycle, at least this has been the case for me. We have to look at it from our side also, naturally we get comfortable too don't we?

Comes down to you doesn't it. Can you control your desire to cheat. The fact that you're considering this seriously means maybe you're maturing. You do have to be realistic on the weight thing she is going to balloon to a certain extent if she has kids. If you have Fitness things you do toether then it becomes easier to encourage her. Marriage is mainly about companionship. Is she good to be around and will you take care of her. If it doesn't work out well plenty of split families raising children. As long as you're a good father to the kids so be it.

It will be a challenge that's for sure. But in order to control my desire to cheat I'll first have to believe it's wrong and I don't feel this way presently. To me desiring other women is natural, and if something is natural why shouldn't it be fulfilled? And Yeah I'm thinking if she does have kids she can balloon up. She is good to be around and I think we would take care of each other and focus on our kids.

I'm just not sure if I want kids.. I am 50/50 I am just so happy the way my life is right now... but I know it can't stay this way so I will need to change my line of thinking I guess?

 

[Desdinova]

I'll start this thread off with my current girlfriend who I have been in a relationship for 2 years wants to get married. She is 27 and I am 38. I started seeing her 3 years ago when she was 24 and i was 35.

When women reach age 27, their biological clock starts to tick louder. I honestly believe that a man needs to make a decision when a woman turns 27. He either has to decide whether to commit to her, or kick her out the fvcking door. You are now at that point.

This is yet another reason I encourage men to date women in the 18-23 age range. That way, you have a few years to make the decision of whether or not you should commit to her before she starts noticing that ticking biological clock.

She is not a virgin - Yes I've recently learned this is a flaw.

How many men was she with before you?

This girl wants to get married is being more and more vocal about it.

Have you brought up the idea of having a wedding without the signing of a marriage certificate? What about doing pre-nups? If she's fine with that idea, then she's more interested in being with you than being princess for a day. If she's anal about signing the legal documents, then I'd seriously consider ending the relationship.

 

[Reyaj]

End goal? No idea. Does there need to be one? Right now I don't want children, but with the right girl, maybe I'll have them.

I'm of two minds about all of this. On the one hand, I think if you like seduction, and don't want to get married, then you should be true to yourself and do what you want. On the other hand, you describe it as a junkie seeking a fix and that can be valid. It depends on, I suppose, whether you're truly enjoying the process or just treating women like disposable items. I'm sure there are men around here with higher notch counts than me, but I can say that most every one of my sexual partners has been memorable in some way, and sometimes I enjoy just thinking about them when I'm bored. (Not in that way, ha.) I'm not someone who needs to go out and chase skirts every night; I'm perfectly happy spending time alone. So I don't think I'm a pu$$y junkie or a game junkie. I just enjoy the fun parts of it and yes I do get bored with the same woman after a while.

If I'm waiting for the right woman, maybe it's one that I can still see being a relative sexpot when I'm 60 or 70. Maybe that's irrational. My ex-wife was close - she had the whole South American thing going on.

You know what I really think? I think guys like you and me and everyone else on the Mature Man forum are going through a second puberty. When you get to be 35 or so, and especially if you've swallowed the red pill, you suddenly have the male equivalent of a great rack and a nice a$$. You know as well as I do that women in their teens and early 20s are trouble simply because of the attention they get. Well, that's what an established, experienced, game-learned man is like to women. You're not getting cat called on the street, but you are attracting women probably better than when you were 18 and just wanted to bangbangbangbangbang. And in this society, we've unleashed young women and older DJs and look what we've got...a country ripe for takeover by ISIS.

Anyway, back to you. There are two things to think about. What do you want now, because life is short, and what do you want later, because odds are you'll live to about 82. Can you accept not having a brood? Or a wife? Most of us die alone...my great uncle married a woman 20 years younger and she just died - he's hanging on at 97. Probably not what he thought would happen!

So you don't want children now, but you're saying with the right girl you would... So that sounds like you're saying you haven't met a girl you want to settle down with, right? I just want to make the distinction because there's a difference in not wanting to settle down versus wanting to settle down but with the right person... I think when it comes to kids having calculated moves could be beneficial.

I like the fun parts of the game too but honestly it is rough as hell overall.. There are so many shvt women out there . But yeah I do reminisce on the good times with women and yes in that way too lol For me to meet a quality woman I have to go through a ton of shvtty ones, thus I appreciate what I have.

You're asking me what I want... honestly I love my life how it is now... I see my gf on the weekends, and have tons of free time. This won't be how it is when I'm married though... The whole lifestyle change is what scares me... I also can't try and hook up with other girls on the side either..

Sam what was your upbringing like? Are your parents still alive? Did they stay married? Did you grow up Christian? You seem to have a living in the moment type attitude.. I do the same... but time goes by so quick.. Do you really want to take up at 50 and be alone? This is no offense to those who are, and like the example with your uncle there's things that happen outside of our control... But I think if a family is something you may want, you need to look at it realistically... For all the talk on this forum, I don't know how easy it would be for a man in his 50s to pull 20 year olds.. barring being wealthy in which case they are only with him for security. This is why I asked about your upbringing. If your parents aren't together or got divorced or whatever not I can see how you have a hollow view of marriage and a life partner.

I'm just rambling man... Looking forward to hearing more about how your outlook on life and women evolved.

When women reach age 27, their biological clock starts to tick louder. I honestly believe that a man needs to make a decision when a woman turns 27. He either has to decide whether to commit to her, or kick her out the fvcking door. You are now at that point.

This is yet another reason I encourage men to date women in the 18-23 age range. That way, you have a few years to make the decision of whether or not you should commit to her before she starts noticing that ticking biological clock.

You're right.. She is getting more vocal about this, it almost led to a fight this weekend too. I'm starting to hear comments about whenever one of her friends gets engaged. I've witnessed this with my ex, I know how this story goes. I was dating this girl since she was 24 so I have been with her nearly 3 years. It's more of I love my life how it is now type thing.. But I know I won't be able to keep her unless I give her the marraige and kids. And you know what.. I think a woman has a right to want security and children. For all the shvt we talk on here, I bet if we had daughters we'd sing a different tune. I notice most of the posters on here don't have daughters do they?



How many men was she with before you?

I don't know... It's not something I ever asked or really want to think about. For what it's worth though, she hasn't done anything bad to me or has shown any red flags which would tie to sexual relationships she's had prior.


Have you brought up the idea of having a wedding without the signing of a marriage certificate? What about doing pre-nups? If she's fine with that idea, then she's more interested in being with you than being princess for a day. If she's anal about signing the legal documents, then I'd seriously consider ending the relationship.

No, she wouldn't go for this. She wants to get married in a church and have it be a family affair. She comes from a decent household, not a broken home, parents are still together and this is seen as the progression. Regarding the legal documents.. she is actually in a better financial position than me. I have debt and she has assets, so I don't think I'd really be taking a risk there right?

Des answers are in BOLD

 

[Masculinity]

So no I'm not about to off myself or anything to that extreme but I really need to get help figuring life out. To put it bluntly I don't know WTF I am supposed to be doing...

I'll start this thread off with my current girlfriend who I have been in a relationship for 2 years wants to get married. She is 27 and I am 38. I started seeing her 3 years ago when she was 24 and i was 35. Before I was with her I was in a previous relationship for 4 years with a woman I lost attraction too This woman was BPD and while my current GF does not have these bad qualities I am noticing some similarities.. however I now believe these similarities are just traits that most women exhibit.

I think what I'm getting at is I might be the problem here. I guess I'll start this thread with background tidbits about me and then some more info about my ex and current gf.

So ever since I was young I've always been infatuated with women. I'd get distracted in grade school checking out all the hotties in class. I never had the ballz to do anything though.. I'd see my classmates and what not all have girlfriends and all I did was dream about having one with one of the hot chicks I'd be into. So this continued for me through middle school and into high school. I didn't have my first girlfriend till the end of my senior year of high school and this was some girl I met online. Anyway I was in love with this girl.. In love to a crazy point where I was obsessive.. Our relationship lasted into our sophomore year of college when I finally had the courage to break up to her after she said some crazy shvt to me. So after that I was single again trying to figure out how to get girls... I'd have some girls in classes check me out but I was too shy and scared of rejection to ever try anything. It was around this time when I discovered this forum. I started reading a lot of anti dump and others and I developed a hard attitude towards women. Basically any indicator of non interest they showed me I called them out on it and nexted them. After a while of doing this I realized that this approach wasn't really getting me anywhere either. So I switched it up, experimented (still continue to do so) and long story short I ended up having a little more success.. But I still couldn't shake the early foundation of not tolerating BS from girls that none of my relationships really stuck... Anyway after finishing college I ended up meeting another girl online who became an LTR of me for 2 years. She was barely 18 and I was 25, and I was the 2nd guy she had been with sexually. She actually said the guy she lost her virginity too it only happend that one time (who knows if that's true and who cares, she actually turned into a huge slvt after me but found a sucker to settle down with). Anyway this girl was demanding and basically put on weight while seeing me (this seems to be a trend for me) but regardless of that I became unattracted to her after and eventually started looking at other women and made out with another girl in a club once. I still was possessive though and I ended up breaking up with her because she didn't answer her phone or call me back one night she went out with her girlfriends to a club.

Now let me add a little something here, as I guess it's a good a place as any. My father is a womanizer and so is my grandfather. At some point early on in life I found that cheating was something natural to do. I also saw the destruction it can do to a family so I equally found that doing it stupidly and getting caught has terrible consequences.

Anyway after breaking up with 2nd girlfriend I wrote the thread that's in my signature. Since I've always been shy with approaching but wanted to hook up with women I started the approach journal. It wasn't easy for me to do at first as you can see, but after a while I got more comfortable and I did it! This was one of the great personal accomplishments I have. This isn't a tangible degree I can show someone, but it's something I did for myself and overcame a fear I had. While the results and the reality about women I learned wasn't as expected at least I learned.

While I still get shy and have approach anxiety, it is because of the approach journal I am able to do it at times. - So it is because of this I am able to always encounter new prospects (well online too)

Ok I think I'm rambling too much so let me try to get to the focal point of this thread. I ended up approaching an attractive girl several years ago outside of a venue, I got her #, and after much time I finally got her out. Things went well and long story short again, she has been my gf for the past few years. Overall things have been going well.

Here are her good points:

• Sexually pleases me - She wants it more than I do, and she'll even take care of me when she has her period.
• She is Pretty
• Comes from a good family, parents are still together - Has that mindset
• Saves Money
• Very Chill - Can enjoy nights at home just relaxing instead of being out on the scene
• A lot younger than me - Although apparently 27 is expiration date for a female
• Good cook
• Conducts herself well
• Very much into me, rather spend time with me than going out with her girlfriends

Here are her bad points (nobody is perfect please don't say next over something stupid here!)

• Has a propensity to gain weight and right now this is showing. She does excercise but this may be genetic. When I was first dating her she looked a lot better. Actually maybe it is cause she is 27 now and past her shelf life??
• Can be a little too frugal with money.. She doesn't mind me spending money of course but when it comes her our own she can be a little tight. Just a little though.. my last 2 girlfriend were generous so maybe it's just in comparison to that.
• Likes to keep tabs on me - sometimes a little controlling
• Gets drunk when she drinks - She isn't alcoholic, she doesn't drink all the time but when she does she definitely puts them down. I have told her about this and she's gotten better, but there are times when she does over do it.
• She is not a virgin - Yes I've recently learned this is a flaw.

I am sure there are others but those are what comes to mind right now.

Here are the parallels I see with her and my previous relationship before her:

• Both want to get married and get angry when I joke or avoid the question
• Both have gained weight
• Both I have lost sexual attraction too (although this one is still decent looking at least. My prior LTR turned into a whale)
• Both I get bored with after spending too much time with and I want to hunt new pvssy
• Both want me at their family or friends events

This girl wants to get married is being more and more vocal about it. I think I will need to make a decision soon. I just think that I would eventually get bored with any girl I am with and always want to bang some new piece of azz on the side... this is why I say I'm more the problem.

I know most of you are going to say not to do it, I know this forum is inherently against marriage.. But what if I do want a family, children... etc...? She is actually in a better financial situation than I am right now so I don't think I have as much to lose either if it doesn't work out. Feel free to ask me more questions about the relationship. I don't want to be the 50 year old guy at the bar no offense to any of you..

Is having a family and having people care about you later on in life really a bad thing?

You're not "supposed" to be doing what society says you're "supposed" to do. Make decisions--especially those involving life-changing events--based on research, facts, independent thought and asking others who went through it. Talk to 10 married men and ask them what they like and don't like about being married. I think you'll have an answer to your question by the end of the interviews.

Marriage is basically a bad deal for men and a great deal for women. Your sex life, finances, friendships, and everyday-life are completely different if you get married. Think tem times and then ten more times before you even consider getting married. Don't do it because it's what "you're supposed to do" like the rest of the human sheep out there.

 

[Desdinova]

No, she wouldn't go for this. She wants to get married in a church and have it be a family affair.

This is the dealbreaker for me. The type of wedding shouldn't matter. What matters is everything that happens AFTER the wedding. That's where the focus should be. When a woman focuses on that, she won't care what kind of a wedding she has, or even if the legal documents are signed. If she's serious about you, she won't care if it's in a church or at a back yard pig roast.

You're the one who's supposed to propose, so you should be calling the shots. If you want a pig roast and she won't have it, then she should get nothing.

It's more of I love my life how it is now type thing..

Women are replaceable. If she's starting to piss you off and you don't want to keep her permanently (or she no longer qualifies at a permanent fixture), then it's time to move on.

 

[Reyaj]

You're not "supposed" to be doing what society says you're "supposed" to do. Make decisions--especially those involving life-changing events--based on research, facts, independent thought and asking others who went through it. Talk to 10 married men and ask them what they like and don't like about being married. I think you'll have an answer to your question by the end of the interviews.

Marriage is basically a bad deal for men and a great deal for women. Your sex life, finances, friendships, and everyday-life are completely different if you get married. Think tem times and then ten more times before you even consider getting married. Don't do it because it's what "you're supposed to do" like the rest of the human sheep out there.

I hear what you are saying loud and clear.. Being alone and lonely isn't too fun either though. I won't have my youth forever.

This is the dealbreaker for me. The type of wedding shouldn't matter. What matters is everything that happens AFTER the wedding. That's where the focus should be. When a woman focuses on that, she won't care what kind of a wedding she has, or even if the legal documents are signed. If she's serious about you, she won't care if it's in a church or at a back yard pig roast.

You're the one who's supposed to propose, so you should be calling the shots. If you want a pig roast and she won't have it, then she should get nothing.

Women are replaceable. If she's starting to piss you off and you don't want to keep her permanently (or she no longer qualifies at a permanent fixture), then it's time to move on.

I agree with you 100%. However I also I understand how a girl enjoys something like that and dreams about it ever since they are young. If having a wedding like this won't hinder the future after it then I don't really see the big deal in complying. I believe her family would pay for most if it anyway and we would probably make a few bucks from it.

I know women are replaceable but I equally know it's difficult to find a good one. I think all women will change once you are in a relationship with them as they get comfortable and the novelty wears off. Don't you think there's something to working through things instead of just replacing at first sign of discomfort?

 

[AJ84]

"In order to control my desire to cheat I'll first have to believe it's wrong and I don't feel this way presently." I would suggest not getting married then, until you no longer feel that way. Or maybe not get married at all. Have fun with women and keep it light and simple. There's nothing wrong with being a free single man sleeping with whoever he wants. There is something wrong with hurting someone who has committed to you, and hurting future children, by cheating. There is nothing manly nor honourable about betraying someone's trust like that. How would you feel if she cheated on you because she didn't believe it as wrong, or that she was only following her natural desire for variety? I know there's a lot of talk in the mansophere about the ideal of having a wife and women on the side but the reality is this is a fantasy that tends not to play out so well in real life because human beings tend to have these annoying things called feelings.

 

[Reyaj]

"In order to control my desire to cheat I'll first have to believe it's wrong and I don't feel this way presently." I would suggest not getting married then, until you no longer feel that way. Or maybe not get married at all. Have fun with women and keep it light and simple. There's nothing wrong with being a free single man sleeping with whoever he wants. There is something wrong with hurting someone who has committed to you, and hurting future children, by cheating. There is nothing manly nor honourable about betraying someone's trust like that. How would you feel if she cheated on you because she didn't believe it as wrong, or that she was only following her natural desire for variety? I know there's a lot of talk in the mansophere about the ideal of having a wife and women on the side but the reality is this is a fantasy that tends not to play out so well in real life because human beings tend to have these annoying things called feelings.

It's called keeping it on the DL

 

[AJ84]

That would be exhausting after a while, always covering your tracks etc. It just seems like you want variety and it would be easier to just stay single and do whatever you want and if you ever get tired of it then settle down.

Would you be ok with her sleeping with other guys? Have you talked to her about having an open marriage? When I was a teen my friend's parents had an open marriage. They seemed super happy hahaha.

You seem to care about her, I'm assuming she cares about you. But how would you feel if you married her, trusted her, and found out she was cheating on you? How would that make you feel?

 

[AJ84]

From what you wrote about her she has several of the qualities that men like. If what she is looking for is a husband she can trust who could be committed to her and the marriage, and you can't offer that, don't waste her life. She's young and can find someone who can offer those things. Doing something on the DL doesn't guarantee that she will never find out. Also, purposely doing something that you know would hurt her if she found out doesn't make you a good candidate for a husband, just like it doesn't make a woman a good candidate for a wife. Doing stuff like that just changes a woman from having the qualities you listed to another bitter women with a man chip on her shoulder, the kind of women men here probably try to avoid. You would just be contributing to the decay, so to speak.

Let her be happy with a trust worthy person, and find a woman who doesn't care if you sleep around. I think it's more mature to just be upfront with your intentions and then any woman who sticks around knows what the deal is and if she complains well it's not like you didn't tell her upfront so it's her problem not yours.

 

[Desdinova]

However I also I understand how a girl enjoys something like that and dreams about it ever since they are young.

I think women dream of having both a big fancy wedding and her soul mate. The reality is, most women don't get both in one shot. They generally don't get the man who's at the top of their high score list, so they aim for the next best thing which is a fancy wedding with a man who's "good enough".

Don't you think there's something to working through things instead of just replacing at first sign of discomfort?

It all depends on the woman. If you're getting the sense that the wedding is more important than the relationship, I'd think twice about signing a marriage certificate.

This is the thing that's setting alarm bells off for me:

How many men was she with before you?

I don't know... It's not something I ever asked or really want to think about. For what it's worth though, she hasn't done anything bad to me or has shown any red flags which would tie to sexual relationships she's had prior.

Women don't need to be sexually abused to be damaged. A good ride on the c0ck carousel is enough to ruin a woman.

The amount of sexual partners a woman has before you is going to dictate how she feels about you. A woman pair-bonds best when she's low-mileage. Again, if she wants to keep you for the rest of her life, the type of wedding isn't going to matter. Her desire to keep you will out-weigh the value of the wedding.