Why do females remain "friends" w/ past lovers?

[resilient]

You've never gotten a text from a girl you used to date lonely and wanting to fūck?

I hear about this sometimes from guys on the board that didn't remain needy after a breakup or nexting. They may hoover in between monkey branches and hit you up. I always go full ghost after a breakup and never once hoover. To some that could be considered a "challenge" usually they just don't care because they successfully transitioned to a branch during our breakup anyway.

I would never go back to an ex for a quick lay for old times sake. Better to move on and game new plates.

 

[SmooveMooves]

I would never go back to an ex for a quick lay for old times sake. Better to move on and game new plates.

Hey, sometimes those droughts are real.

 

[lizardking82]

Just to illustrate further why guys, in my opinion, should not keep in contact with even ex-plates. Listen, guys, energy is a real thing. Every person you meet has an aura of energy in them and they give that out to anyone near them. Why I am saying this?

I dated, for about a month, a virgin girl, 23 years old. After noticing that she had no attraction whatsoever to me physically, I ended things and we stopped seeing each other. However, since she works as a receptionist at my cousin's hotel and I sometimes go meet my cousin, I meet her as well since we're not in unfriendly terms overall. Here is the thing: I met her today afternoon and since she was jobless for about half an hour and I had some time to kill after a tiresome day of work, we talked for a couple of things and amidst something I was telling her, she goes "I think I've seen your ex with another guy, holding hands".

First of all, there was no need for her to say that. However, I think she's bitter towards me because I stopped dating her and didn't become desperate or clingy, so I think she kinda tried to "get back at me" and hurt me by telling me about my ex. I had a momentary rush of ego agression since this is the first time someone tells me about my ex and some other, but it is OK overall, it bothers me just a bit and I am aware anyways I am not completely over my ex yet.

What I wanna say with this is that I think we should carefully choose the people we spend our time with and I believe ex-es or even ex-plates are people who either don't want you in their life anymore or that you left and don't want. One way or another, a lot of these people become bitter towards you and believe it or not, will try to hurt you anyway they can, especially if their life is not so exciting (is the case with the girl above). Stay away from people who belong to your past. Nothing beyond a quick salutation and the random chit chat "How's it goin'? Goin' well overall". In ways you cannot imagine, they will try and infect you with their negative energy and will do so especially if they are bitter towards you.

Meet new people, leave ex-es of any kind to the past world.

 

[resilient]

Listen, guys, energy is a real thing. Every person you meet has an aura of energy in them and they give that out to anyone near them.

It's all in interactions. Some give energy to the set, others take away. You did well to pick up on the negative aura with her trying to use a jealousy plotline of your ex and the new boy toy to satisfy her ego. It's good not to react, yet just a genuine classy short and brief sanguine interaction and a quick exit.

What I wanna say with this is that I think we should carefully choose the people we spend our time with....

You want to be around people that challenge you to become stronger and become a better man. If the person is vindictive or wants to punish you in any sort of manipulative way, you're smart to keep your distance.

One way or another, a lot of these people become bitter towards you and believe it or not, will try to hurt you anyway they can, especially if their life is not so exciting (is the case with the girl above). Stay away from people who belong to your past.

True. After the ego boost from the dumping/breakup they may often parade the new branch on social media, her friends, and family to broadcast her upgrade. It's shallow and doesn't serve a purpose (except to feed her ego), especially if she didn't introspect at all in what failed in the previous relationship and just carries on like it's just another day.

Meet new people

Agreed. New people are a new clean slate. It can quickly become a tainted pool if you bring in the negative energy from the breakup of past negative interactions. Better to forgive, smile, laugh, and be open to new experiences. It's also a great time to grow and learn new things about yourself and enjoy hearing new people's experiences.

 

[lizardking82]

It's good not to react, yet just a genuine classy short and brief sanguine interaction and a quick exit.

I reacted cooly, although my inner reaction was a bit more fierce. I don't know if she saw my ex with a boy, I don't know if she saw my ex at all. That is not the main point, though. I left in 2 minutes, said I gotta catch up with some work. I will make sure to stay away from her from now on. Just the casual hi and what's up, that's it. I am saying this because there are guys here who see hooking up with ex-es as a normal thing to do. That is an OK thing to do if you're living a superb life and/or got someone close to you that fulfills you. If you're single, avoid people from the past.

 

[Alvafe]

Sometimes I feel like you guys don't live in the real world.

You've never gotten a text from a girl you used to date lonely and wanting to fūck?

The answer is the same reason we spin plates. As options. Its only a problem if she's exclusive with someone. If not, she's just living like everyone else is encouraged to do in our promiscuous and hedonistic society.

depends you belive you can use something again after you toss it in the garbage?

break ups are never friendly, one side will get hurt, if they don't there was something really with that relationship, its will be a complete lack of respect with any future LTR you start, I also disagree on the whole the other person was part of who you are, you can't be that weak to let someone define who you are, she should add to your life not being your life

girl wanting to keep friends are just 2 things, first they prefer to evade confrontation, so its a mechanic thing she says lets just be friends, and then never talk with the "friend" again, or she jsut wans you as a back up plan for the new boy she are having hots, becasue she know at least if it fails she will have that loving dude back and she will jsut then notice how much she miss him

 

[devilkingx2]

Just to illustrate further why guys, in my opinion, should not keep in contact with even ex-plates. Listen, guys, energy is a real thing. Every person you meet has an aura of energy in them and they give that out to anyone near them. Why I am saying this?

I dated, for about a month, a virgin girl, 23 years old. After noticing that she had no attraction whatsoever to me physically, I ended things and we stopped seeing each other. However, since she works as a receptionist at my cousin's hotel and I sometimes go meet my cousin, I meet her as well since we're not in unfriendly terms overall. Here is the thing: I met her today afternoon and since she was jobless for about half an hour and I had some time to kill after a tiresome day of work, we talked for a couple of things and amidst something I was telling her, she goes "I think I've seen your ex with another guy, holding hands".

First of all, there was no need for her to say that. However, I think she's bitter towards me because I stopped dating her and didn't become desperate or clingy, so I think she kinda tried to "get back at me" and hurt me by telling me about my ex. I had a momentary rush of ego agression since this is the first time someone tells me about my ex and some other, but it is OK overall, it bothers me just a bit and I am aware anyways I am not completely over my ex yet.

What I wanna say with this is that I think we should carefully choose the people we spend our time with and I believe ex-es or even ex-plates are people who either don't want you in their life anymore or that you left and don't want. One way or another, a lot of these people become bitter towards you and believe it or not, will try to hurt you anyway they can, especially if their life is not so exciting (is the case with the girl above). Stay away from people who belong to your past. Nothing beyond a quick salutation and the random chit chat "How's it goin'? Goin' well overall". In ways you cannot imagine, they will try and infect you with their negative energy and will do so especially if they are bitter towards you.

Meet new people, leave ex-es of any kind to the past world.

wait, why was she salty if she wasn't attracted to you? how did you know she wasn't attracted?

 

[lizardking82]

wait, why was she salty if she wasn't attracted to you? how did you know she wasn't attracted?

I have no idea, man. It was strange with her. On the phone, a couple of times, she used to get wet and everything. However, live, we did not go further than kissing and when I tried to kiss her neck and work my way down, she said it tickles her and almost never "let" me. I mean, I ain't got time to play like that. You either are down to fvck or not. Waited a while longer, but nothing changed so I ended it. I figured she's not attracted to me or whatever.

On the other hand, it felt to me like she said this about my ex to kinda try and sting me. There was no reason she would say that and she accentuated that she was not sure it was her, but maybe it looked like her. If you're not sure it was my ex, why would you go around telling me that? Again, she has no way of knowing in what level finding out about my ex maybe holding hands with another guy affects me, but I think she had a go at it to kinda make me feel bad.

 

[JonnyD123]

It is disrespectful to your relationship, IF you were in one.

If you are not in one, then you care too much.

Logic does apply, because they know what they are doing, but they will use every shaming weapon they can to have their cake and eat it too.

While they are plates, the only way to address it is to spin more plates, raise your value, or walk away.

When they request a commitment from you then you can address it with what your expectations are of her in a commitment.

We have been exclusive for about 4 months, dating/hooking up for 7. It wasn't until AFTER we were exclusive that I found out she had previously been FWB w/ this guy who she is still "friends" with. After I found that out, my spidey senses started kicking it.

I didn't say anything before because she seemed genuinely happy in the relationship. She was sweet and affectionate and would do things for me (cook, clean my apt, etc). Idk why but when he called at 1am the other night it really triggered something in me. Mainly because he's only doing what SHE allows him to do. To me, that's disrespectful.

 

[devilkingx2]

I have no idea, man. It was strange with her. On the phone, a couple of times, she used to get wet and everything. However, live, we did not go further than kissing and when I tried to kiss her neck and work my way down, she said it tickles her and almost never "let" me. I mean, I ain't got time to play like that. You either are down to fvck or not. Waited a while longer, but nothing changed so I ended it. I figured she's not attracted to me or whatever.

On the other hand, it felt to me like she said this about my ex to kinda try and sting me. There was no reason she would say that and she accentuated that she was not sure it was her, but maybe it looked like her. If you're not sure it was my ex, why would you go around telling me that? Again, she has no way of knowing in what level finding out about my ex maybe holding hands with another guy affects me, but I think she had a go at it to kinda make me feel bad.

to be fair, the only way a woman is a virgin as an adult is if she's adept at being a tease or abnormally frigid/prudish, it's entirely possible she did like you but sex wasn't anywhere close to being on the table because she's not a sexual person

 

[MrAddiction]

Why do they keep friend with past lovers? Apart from the staff stated above all regarding the womans motivation, there is another plain simple and very sad fact: they stay friends with their past lovers because way to many man let them. If man would have more backbone and the power to walk away, this question would not be necessary.
But only few man understand that there is no use to be Friends with an ex. I do see this in my everyday life and all the guys around. It would be ridiculous if it wasn't that sad.

 

[zekko]

I look at it this way: Just because we decided we weren't right together as "significant others" doesn't mean we suddenly dislike each other. Chances are, there was some common ground there somewhere. I still think of ex-girlfriends when certain subjects come up, and think "Oh, so-and-so would like to hear about that". Doesn't mean I think of her as an option, but I mean I don't hate her, you know? Why should I?

The problem is that when exes want to stay in your life to a certain degree, they can hold you back because the next LTR may not understand or want to put up with them being around, and I think that's understandable.

 

[bigneil]

Why do females remain friends with people they were 99% close to? (Ask men who they are 1% close to).

 

[marmel75]

Potential random sex when they break up with whoever else they are seeing and so they have guys that will help them out with various things if need be.

 

[JohnChops]

The problem is that when exes want to stay in your life to a certain degree, they can hold you back because the next LTR may not understand or want to put up with them being around, and I think that's understandable.

I've run into that issue a few times. I keep in contact with a girl I used to hook up with in the past, because we do have common ground, and I like talking to her, and her to me. However, every girl I dated after her always questioned if I was fvcking this girl or not. Great for competition anxiety, not so great when the current girl I'm dating goes bat **** crazy over it.

 

[Milano]

(1)
They are all like that to some extent no matter their age. It's a catch 22 A woman who truly thinks your high value to her will not keep men around in fear of losing you. But if you are truly high value then her having men around would not bother you cause she is more replaceable then you are.

I've never been the type of person to reignite old flames, even on a dry spell. Maybe it's just my view of sexuality and crossing that boundary between friend and lover. A woman gets one chance with me, and even if I may have f*cked it up, that's it.
(2)
That's your view and I share some parts of it but there are seven billion other views on this planet. Obviously she has a different one either accept it or get to stepping or I see heartache in your future.

The woman I've been dealing with lately however, has two guys who she keeps around.
(3)
Because those are her branchs to swing to if you fail in her eyes. She's got her double back up plan.


Logic and reasoning doesn't work obviously, so how would I address the fact that this is not something I prefer in order to establish healthy relationship?
(4)
You really can't. Would you change your views to the views she has ? Her views are what they are. You may be able to persuade her for a bit but in the end she will do what ever she wants. So you gota love it or leave it alone. And find another woman with views more in line with yours good luck with that though, have you seen all the desperate ladies OLD.
I hate to say it but you might want to change your views on the matter with women you bed down until you find one closer to your views. But get in line and theirs a long line waiting for that woman for an LTR


Before the criticism comes with the 'spin more plates' mantra, I have no problem walking away, and she knows that.
(5)
So then walk away if it really bugs you. If not then pull up a chair like Nero and watch Rome burn with me.

I'm not insecure about these men, I know I hold far more value then both of them combined.
(6)
Maybe you do maybe you don't. I've seen a lot of lesser valued men then me score with women that made me scratch my head. Remember your dealing with a women, sometimes logic flys out the window.


I also know showing any form of weakness/insecurity to her would only make things worse, but here I am posting about it. I guess it's more a form of disrespect I feel. Thoughts?
(7)
It's only a form of disrespect if you mentioned it too her and she chooses them over you. Other than that she's just being a woman.

Depending on how close she keeps them is how much of a back up plan second string they are to her. If she is just casual with them then I would relax. Every HB will have men around them till they pass their prime some more then others either learn to deal with it or prepare for headache, heartache and drama.

This is all just my opinion from my experiences so take it how you want to take it.

Great post. I would add a story from my sister were orbiters started giving up only after she got babies, it took several years with orbiters being secretly in love with her. I was shocked, men are incredibly desperate and if she is attractive they might stick around for years on Fakebook even though you two are serious. Imo babies is the best way to scare orbiters away but then again we have a new problem lol

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Yeah some of these women can be heartless. I have been in a few situations where the woman who I picked up and was banging had guys come by crying literally crying and banging at the door while I was up in her. I'm like who's that you said you were single? I am single ! Well that guy banging at the door has a different opinion on the matter. They would be laughing at the men while this guys world is falling apart 20 feet away. Theses hoes ain't loyal. Sneaky scoundrels for the most part if they want something.