Frustrated, lonely, and feeling down

[ubercat]

Kinda I'm curious is Latin dance a big thing in Asia?

 

[Konada]

Kinda I'm curious is Latin dance a big thing in Asia?

Not really. Idk I get girls pvssies wet when i tell them I do latin dance, they probably associate it with being able to fvck well or some sh!t.

 

[ubercat]

Damn Asian girls r ma thang and I salsa. I was hoping it was a retro trend or something

 

[Tenacity]

At this current situation, I want you to discard having success with women and focus on developing your relationship with yourself while reducing your dating frequency. To be honest, you are not ready for women yet.

Konada this is good advice, but I think you guys need to stop promoting this advice where you tell these folks to "stop dating women" and go workout or some shyt.....then come back and they will be "ready" for women. There's nothing to be ready for.

When he comes back off his 3 months break from working out, women are STILL going to be bat shyt crazy and difficult to deal with. When he comes back from a 1 year break of getting his financial house in order or building up confidence, or whatever....women are STILL going to be bat shyt crazy and difficult to deal with.

The PROPER advice is to:

* Continue to work on yourself
* WHILE continuing to play the numbers game with women
* WHILE learning how to just "deal/handle" the bullshyt that women throw at you (I know that's stupid to have to do, but there's no other choice)

Now, if you need to take a break from women in general (cause you are tired of their bullshyt), that's different than taking a "break" to go get "ready"....you guys have got to stop promoting this advice because it makes no sense.

Here's what the OP needs to do:

- Continue to work on his looks, personality, and finances. Strive to be a 6 out of 10, which will make him attractive to women and the world in general.

- Continue playing the numbers game with women. Approach 80 women, get 48 numbers, get 24 dates, and fvck 12 of them. Of the 12 you fvcked, 1 of them should be "decent enough" for a relationship. So yes, you will need to run through about 100 women to get to 1 "decent enough" relationship. That's how FVCKED UP women are today.

- Your confidence, comfort, etc., with women will come from playing the numbers game with women while continuing to work on yourself at the same time. If you STOP playing the numbers game (like these guys keep recommending about taking 3 - 6 months off to go "work on yourself") you will find that you are WORSE off than before when you come back to the dating market 3 - 6 months later.

 

[Konada]

Konada this is good advice, but I think you guys need to stop promoting this advice where you tell these folks to "stop dating women" and go workout or some shyt.....then come back and they will be "ready" for women. There's nothing to be ready for.

When he comes back off his 3 months break from working out, women are STILL going to be bat shyt crazy and difficult to deal with. When he comes back from a 1 year break of getting his financial house in order or building up confidence, or whatever....women are STILL going to be bat shyt crazy and difficult to deal with.

The PROPER advice is to:

* Continue to work on yourself
* WHILE continuing to play the numbers game with women
* WHILE learning how to just "deal/handle" the bullshyt that women throw at you (I know that's stupid to have to do, but there's no other choice)

Now, if you need to take a break from women in general (cause you are tired of their bullshyt), that's different than taking a "break" to go get "ready"....you guys have got to stop promoting this advice because it makes no sense.

Here's what the OP needs to do:

- Continue to work on his looks, personality, and finances. Strive to be a 6 out of 10, which will make him attractive to women and the world in general.

- Continue playing the numbers game with women. Approach 80 women, get 48 numbers, get 24 dates, and fvck 12 of them. Of the 12 you fvcked, 1 of them should be "decent enough" for a relationship. So yes, you will need to run through about 100 women to get to 1 "decent enough" relationship. That's how FVCKED UP women are today.

- Your confidence, comfort, etc., with women will come from playing the numbers game with women while continuing to work on yourself at the same time. If you STOP playing the numbers game (like these guys keep recommending about taking 3 - 6 months off to go "work on yourself") you will find that you are WORSE off than before when you come back to the dating market 3 - 6 months later.

No way am I advocating stopping dating women entirely. Imo that's a cop out. OP should reprioritize and just date enough to keep the rust off while he does the real work

 

[GoodOne123]

THE GAMEPLAN

At this current situation, I want you to discard having success with women and focus on developing your relationship with yourself while reducing your dating frequency. To be honest, you are not ready for women yet. The entire objective of this game plan is to set yourself up to be able to emotionally support yourself with the help of your friends and family because you will face a lot of rejection in-field and will need a safe haven to recover.

What I have found to work for me is to fulfill my various personal needs through different avenues so I will not dump these needs onto women I'm dating. (Its unhealthy to do so anyway) Note that this process will be extremely uncomfortable at times because it requires you to reconnect with old demons (which means calling up ex-girlfriends, having a talk with your psycho mom etc.)

1. Take some time off, really ask yourself what fulfills you that has nothing to do with women. If you have to summarize your life in one sentence or word, what will it be?

From what I gather, you have let go some of the things you enjoy and rather have stagnated in getting your own needs met. Sit down, reflect and ask yourself what new things have you been wanting to try but haven't, this is your first step in breaking your comfort zones.

2. Reflect on your experiences which have made you the way you are today

Are you harbouring any resentment towards friends or families for things they have done to you in the past? More often than not, such experiences impact how we behave in life and the key to rewiring such behaviors is to solve the root issues.

For example, I always had a problem with needing approval from my dad. As such, I thought the answer I really needed to hear was that my dad was proud of me. It took alot of guts for me to ask that question and his answer was 'no'. Granted it hurt like a motherfvcker, it was then I realized the resolution was not in the answer but the proactive approach to ask the question. Basically standing up for myself.

Maybe you have experiences with family that have shaped the way you are, ask the questions you need answers to. Reconnect with them, we cannot love ourselves if we do not fight for ourselves. Most importantly. develop relationships with them because everyone needs love and the best avenue to get it is through family.

3. Pick up an activity where you need to interact with women

I recommend latin dance/ballroom/salsa because you are expected to lead in these situations. Placing yourself in a situation where you constantly interact with women will definitely help you in overcoming your awkwardness around them. Note the key here isn't to fvck these women, but rather get yourself accustomed to feminine energy.

Hope whatever I wrote here helps, let me know if you have any questions through PM.

Thanks for the feedback.

I am doing quite a lot of self reflection at the moment. I'm trying to find that particular moment in my past where I experienced something bad which made me lose my confidence, particularly with women. I'm sure it's multiple things, and I plan to rationalize them, and work though them like you said.

Dancing is something that I was looking into. I just realise that I'll be one of few guys there, so I might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. I've also heard some women find Latin dancing a bit effeminate, and I don't want to be called that so I'm a bit hesitant because I don't want to be seen in that way. But otherwise it does seem like a great way to meet women.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks for the feedback.

I am doing quite a lot of self reflection at the moment. I'm trying to find that particular moment in my past where I experienced something bad which made me lose my confidence, particularly with women. I'm sure it's multiple things, and I plan to rationalize them, and work though them like you said.

Dancing is something that I was looking into. I just realise that I'll be one of few guys there, so I might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. I've also heard some women find Latin dancing a bit effeminate, and I don't want to be called that so I'm a bit hesitant because I don't want to be seen in that way. But otherwise it does seem like a great way to meet women.

Don't worry about women "calling" latin dance "effiminite". In Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia, etc the MAN IS THE MAN and he leads. It is very masculine and sexual...

 

[GoodOne123]

Konada this is good advice, but I think you guys need to stop promoting this advice where you tell these folks to "stop dating women" and go workout or some shyt.....then come back and they will be "ready" for women. There's nothing to be ready for.

When he comes back off his 3 months break from working out, women are STILL going to be bat shyt crazy and difficult to deal with. When he comes back from a 1 year break of getting his financial house in order or building up confidence, or whatever....women are STILL going to be bat shyt crazy and difficult to deal with.

The PROPER advice is to:

* Continue to work on yourself
* WHILE continuing to play the numbers game with women
* WHILE learning how to just "deal/handle" the bullshyt that women throw at you (I know that's stupid to have to do, but there's no other choice)

Now, if you need to take a break from women in general (cause you are tired of their bullshyt), that's different than taking a "break" to go get "ready"....you guys have got to stop promoting this advice because it makes no sense.

Here's what the OP needs to do:

- Continue to work on his looks, personality, and finances. Strive to be a 6 out of 10, which will make him attractive to women and the world in general.

- Continue playing the numbers game with women. Approach 80 women, get 48 numbers, get 24 dates, and fvck 12 of them. Of the 12 you fvcked, 1 of them should be "decent enough" for a relationship. So yes, you will need to run through about 100 women to get to 1 "decent enough" relationship. That's how FVCKED UP women are today.

- Your confidence, comfort, etc., with women will come from playing the numbers game with women while continuing to work on yourself at the same time. If you STOP playing the numbers game (like these guys keep recommending about taking 3 - 6 months off to go "work on yourself") you will find that you are WORSE off than before when you come back to the dating market 3 - 6 months later.

I am starting to just get back into going to bars/clubs and parties. I go there to work on approaching and improving my confidence, and play the numbers game as you said.

I recently went out and had a fair few approaches. I plan to share my experience with the community very soon.

 

[Konada]

Thanks for the feedback.

I am doing quite a lot of self reflection at the moment. I'm trying to find that particular moment in my past where I experienced something bad which made me lose my confidence, particularly with women. I'm sure it's multiple things, and I plan to rationalize them, and work though them like you said.

Dancing is something that I was looking into. I just realise that I'll be one of few guys there, so I might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. I've also heard some women find Latin dancing a bit effeminate, and I don't want to be called that so I'm a bit hesitant because I don't want to be seen in that way. But otherwise it does seem like a great way to meet women.

People have the notion only gay guys join but really it takes alot of balls to shrug off that social stigma. You're expected to lead always, a great insight of how masculine and feminine polarity should feel like and how your relationships should be as well.

 

[resilient]

True. A woman will never enjoy the dance if she has to backlead a song in whatever smooth or Latin dance. It completely kills the mood and the guy loses frame every time. IL drops through the floor, lol...

 

[Magpul301]

I have also been told I'm a 9-10, I work out regularly, have a good body with low body fat percent, I'm pretty successful. But I also have had issues with my self-esteem and confidence, and lean more on the introvert side. Which I know is because I was bullied in middle school and high school as well and I didn't have the balls to stand up for myself at the time. I also had very bad cystic acne and was scrawny as ****. There's no doubt that some of that has followed me into my adult life. My ex recently broke up with me and got back with her ex days after (she has BPD, literally can go down the list and check off every single tick for signs of it), after 5 weeks of hell I'm finally coming out of it. Got back in the gym and am starting to eat healthy again.

I also don't have any friends where I live. But something has changed in me, after what my ex put me through I have been talking and connecting with people like I have never done before. I'm putting myself out there and not giving a **** what others think of me. I decided to start volunteering, that starts tomorrow. I go to bars and clubs by myself and I don't give a single ****. I'm genuinely interested in others' lives and have already met some great people in the weeks since my breakup and was able to talk to them about my ex and our breakup and they heard me out and gave input into the situation. That has helped immensely with dealing with my breakup and life after my ex (whom I genuinely did love and wanted a future with).

Just put yourself out there man, and do not care about what other people are thinking in any given moment. Be a genuine guy, be nice to people and interested in them and their lives. If you are as good looking as you say and you are a good person people will be receptive of you. Start up volunteer work. Join a club, get on meetup.com and find hobbies you're interested in where you can connect with others. Go to bars and clubs by yourself and talk to people; talk to bartenders (they get paid to interact with others pretty much). I'll give a quick example of this. The other day after work I decided to go to a bar by myself and sit at the bartop. I had anxiety about it before going in. What do I say? How should I act? What will they think of me? What if there is awkward pauses in the conversation? You know what happened? None of the things I had anxiety about happened. I had a good conversation with one of the bartenders, and him and some of the other bartenders and their friends and me are going to a concert this week. That would have never happened if I gave into my fears.

Start up new hobbies (I recently got back into the guitar). If you smoke weed cut that **** out. The right girl will come someday. It might not be today, it might not be next month, hell it might not even be within the next couple of years. But you know what? By developing yourself in your interests and hobbies, putting yourself out there and being a confident person it will happen, attractive and confident people do not stay single for long.

Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to get you on the path you need to be taking in life. Right now, I think my ex breaking up with me has the potential to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

You can do it man, I believe in you. Now you just have to believe in yourself.

Fear is a compass. It points you in the direction you need to go, use it.

 

[GoodOne123]

I have also been told I'm a 9-10, I work out regularly, have a good body with low body fat percent, I'm pretty successful. But I also have had issues with my self-esteem and confidence, and lean more on the introvert side. Which I know is because I was bullied in middle school and high school as well and I didn't have the balls to stand up for myself at the time. I also had very bad cystic acne and was scrawny as ****. There's no doubt that some of that has followed me into my adult life. My ex recently broke up with me and got back with her ex days after (she has BPD, literally can go down the list and check off every single tick for signs of it), after 5 weeks of hell I'm finally coming out of it. Got back in the gym and am starting to eat healthy again.

I also don't have any friends where I live. But something has changed in me, after what my ex put me through I have been talking and connecting with people like I have never done before. I'm putting myself out there and not giving a **** what others think of me. I decided to start volunteering, that starts tomorrow. I go to bars and clubs by myself and I don't give a single ****. I'm genuinely interested in others' lives and have already met some great people in the weeks since my breakup and was able to talk to them about my ex and our breakup and they heard me out and gave input into the situation. That has helped immensely with dealing with my breakup and life after my ex (whom I genuinely did love and wanted a future with).

Just put yourself out there man, and do not care about what other people are thinking in any given moment. Be a genuine guy, be nice to people and interested in them and their lives. If you are as good looking as you say and you are a good person people will be receptive of you. Start up volunteer work. Join a club, get on meetup.com and find hobbies you're interested in where you can connect with others. Go to bars and clubs by yourself and talk to people; talk to bartenders (they get paid to interact with others pretty much). I'll give a quick example of this. The other day after work I decided to go to a bar by myself and sit at the bartop. I had anxiety about it before going in. What do I say? How should I act? What will they think of me? What if there is awkward pauses in the conversation? You know what happened? None of the things I had anxiety about happened. I had a good conversation with one of the bartenders, and him and some of the other bartenders and their friends and me are going to a concert this week. That would have never happened if I gave into my fears.

Start up new hobbies (I recently got back into the guitar). If you smoke weed cut that **** out. The right girl will come someday. It might not be today, it might not be next month, hell it might not even be within the next couple of years. But you know what? By developing yourself in your interests and hobbies, putting yourself out there and being a confident person it will happen, attractive and confident people do not stay single for long.

Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to get you on the path you need to be taking in life. Right now, I think my ex breaking up with me has the potential to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

You can do it man, I believe in you. Now you just have to believe in yourself.

Fear is a compass. It points you in the direction you need to go, use it.

Going out alone is something I want to do a lot. I dont think I'm ready yet though in terms of confidence. I hope to work my way up to it soon after I become more comfortable asking out women and talking to strangers.

Thanks man I'm slowly getting there where I fully believe in myself. Your story helps me to do so. A girl i dated was cluster B as well so I can relate and know how badly they can mess with your head.

Very true in regards to fear and being a compass in life.