Back again, my GF is adding people from her past

[dude99]

Most of you know I made a post about this weeks ago. I've recently noticed that it's still continuing. Before people tell me to stop "stalking" her social media, I'm already aware of your advice, so no need to continue badgering me about that.

It's so strange. Over these last few months, my girlfriend has been re-adding a bunch of people from her past on FB. Some of them were strictly platonic friends (one is even a female), but she's also been re-adding former flames/FWB? Why? I just noticed this morning that she added ANOTHER former flame of hers from like a year or two ago. What is the point of this? What is the psychology?

Also may be worth mentioning that she followed an ex BF on IG a while back. Which seems convenient because (to her knowledge) I don't use IG. But I really do.

What is this all about? Attention seeking? Wandering eyes? Monkey branching? But shes even readded former platonic friends, which is the head scratcher. What is this?

When women aren't happy with the present they always look back. They get curious about exes. They wonder if breaking up with them was the right move or the wrong one.

Adding them and following them is them being nosey.

Is it curiosity. Yes.
Wandering eyes. Yes.
Monkey branch. If she gets a better offer yes.

By the sounds of it, you are not mr. Right. You are mr. Right now.

 

[ThisNThat]

Please educate me what Cluster B is. If it's something relative to BPD. She may have that. She has a promiscuous past and a dysfunctional upbringing. She has always been adamant about cheating, but she enjoyed her freedom when she was single. But she's 30 now and claims to want stability. And I really do love her man. I just hope she doesn't join my list of crazy psycho exes that I've endured..

Cluster B? This forum seems to have its own verbiage/language. lol

When women aren't happy with the present they always look back. They get curious about exes. They wonder if breaking up with them was the right move or the wrong one.

So true...I've seen women do this, but not while in a relationship though. I saw this one woman get back together with an X from 2000. It didn't last due to his same patterns.

I know of some women that would have this on again off again relationship with a guy...when they'd be "off" they'd date a slew of men, get sick of the selection and dating fatigue, and just go back to the "old reliable" no matter how wrong he is for her.

It's the familiarity of what they've been with that keeps them going back.

 

[Juanto]

Troll alert again here

 

[ThisNThat]

Troll alert again here

To whom are you referring? The OP?

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Please educate me what Cluster B is. If it's something relative to BPD. She may have that. She has a promiscuous past and a dysfunctional upbringing. She has always been adamant about cheating, but she enjoyed her freedom when she was single. But she's 30 now and claims to want stability. And I really do love her man. I just hope she doesn't join my list of crazy psycho exes that I've endured..

"...Promiscuous past and a dysfunctional upbringing. "

Full stop.

Leave her now. Go no contact. If you don't, you will eventually regret it.

-Augustus-

 

[Juanto]

To whom are you referring? The OP?

Yes OP

 

[sazc]

It sounds like she's a bit immature in the way she handles relationships. Deleting bunches of friends (why?) only to add them back later.

I do think you should casually mention you noticed her friend count had increased and that she added past friends back, and ask her what motivated her to do that.

Given what you said about her Mom, her childhood, her upbringing, don't be surprised if things go south between you two. Does she blame her ex"es for the relationship failures? If she doesn't take any real ownership of the past failures, that's a red flag.

If this does fail you need to take real inventory and stock of your role in the choices and decisions you made to be with her. Otherwise you will repeat the pattern

 

[ThisNThat]

It sounds like she's a bit immature in the way she handles relationships. Deleting bunches of friends (why?) only to add them back later.

I do think you should casually mention you noticed her friend count had increased and that she added past friends back, and ask her what motivated her to do that.

Given what you said about her Mom, her childhood, her upbringing, don't be surprised if things go south between you two. Does she blame her ex"es for the relationship failures? If she doesn't take any real ownership of the past failures, that's a red flag.

If this does fail you need to take real inventory and stock of your role in the choices and decisions you made to be with her. Otherwise you will repeat the pattern

You know it is interesting. Even though some people don't take FB seriously or advise not to take it so seriously, some of these behaviors online do seem to give accurate indicators of things to come.

 

[sazc]

You know it is interesting. Even though some people don't take FB seriously or advise not to take it so seriously, some of these behaviors online do seem to give accurate indicators of things to come.

People WILL absolutely show/tell you who they are. You need to be astute enough to watch/listen, healthy enough to understand that people very rarely change, and confident enough to NOT ignore/dismiss red flags.

@randalljohnson hasn't learned all of this yet. It's cool tho, maybe this will work out for him OR become his learning vehicle

 

[randalljohnson]

It sounds like she's a bit immature in the way she handles relationships. Deleting bunches of friends (why?) only to add them back later.

I do think you should casually mention you noticed her friend count had increased and that she added past friends back, and ask her what motivated her to do that.

Given what you said about her Mom, her childhood, her upbringing, don't be surprised if things go south between you two. Does she blame her ex"es for the relationship failures? If she doesn't take any real ownership of the past failures, that's a red flag.

If this does fail you need to take real inventory and stock of your role in the choices and decisions you made to be with her. Otherwise you will repeat the pattern

I'm not sure if she was the one who deleted them in the first place or vice versa. Things ended poorly between most of these people. For example, the FWB was a jerk who screwed her over. The platonic male friend was a guy who wanted her sexually but she only liked him on a platonic level. So he cut her out of his life, this bothered her, and now (a year or so later) She re-adds him. Discreetly follows an ex on IG (I think she thinks I don't use IG because I never post on there.) And just randomly adding other former flames and/or friends. Such as this female she used to be friends with. The fact that a couple of these were platonic friends makes me wonder if she's just trying to reconcile with her past? Maybe I'm fooling myself

She does blame her exes for her past relationship failures. From what I gather, her exes fell in one of two categories. They were either bad boys, or guys who were super aloof to the point where it seemed like they were just using her for sex. Idk if she just had a bad time finding a good guy or if these guys didn't really want her because of her baggage, therefore she attracted these types of guys in the past..

 

[sazc]

Eyes wide open @randalljohnson

Iirc you are both in your 30s. She just doesn't sound like a very introspective person. Then again, most people are not introspective. The main problem with that it's that, of you can't see/admit your role in how your life plays out, you will never lean or grow from it.

Have you asked her WHY did she pick/stay with these past guys? Have you asked her how she changed her "picking pattern" so that she doesn't find the same guy again? Has she given you an introspective response to those two questions.

This is the type of conversation that will let you know if your relationship with her is truly different, or simply a matter of convinience for her.

(Rhetorical) what about your relationship patterns? What behavior/choices have caused you issues and how did you change that so you don't repeat it?

Good luck

 

[cityboy989]

This is my summation. Based on this thread and your previous threads, you were a safety net for her a few weeks after her first choice didn't pan out. She was craving love and a relationship, and although you're not really her type, you looked good to her on paper. You've been her Captain Save-A-Ho. The problem with this, is that once these women start to fill up emotionally off of you, most times they will end up dumping you once they are well off to be on their own and sleep with the guys they actually WANT to sleep with. So I believe she tried you out because she was vulnerable and you seemed like the type of guy who was right for her ON PAPER. Thus she tried something different, dating you. Also, some people are just not capable of attaining stability in their life. I believe that once this relationship runs its course, that "craving for a relationship and stability" will be temporarily out of her system , and she will bounce right back to sleeping with her male "friends" for a while.

All in favor?

 

[stovepipe]

I'm not sure if she was the one who deleted them in the first place or vice versa. Things ended poorly between most of these people. For example, the FWB was a jerk who screwed her over. The platonic male friend was a guy who wanted her sexually but she only liked him on a platonic level. So he cut her out of his life, this bothered her, and now (a year or so later) She re-adds him. Discreetly follows an ex on IG (I think she thinks I don't use IG because I never post on there.) And just randomly adding other former flames and/or friends. Such as this female she used to be friends with. The fact that a couple of these were platonic friends makes me wonder if she's just trying to reconcile with her past? Maybe I'm fooling myself

She does blame her exes for her past relationship failures. From what I gather, her exes fell in one of two categories. They were either bad boys, or guys who were super aloof to the point where it seemed like they were just using her for sex. Idk if she just had a bad time finding a good guy or if these guys didn't really want her because of her baggage, therefore she attracted these types of guys in the past..

It doesn't matter what your girl suffers from. You have said enough for us to know she is not worth your time. The longer you stay, the more you will regret it. Just up and leave, delete any way she can get in touch with you. She will try to suck you back into her vortex. They are good at that, but mainly do it for the sole purpose to punish you and then break up with you. They hate to lose and hate to be the one being dumped. You are merely a pawn in her chess game.

All her behavior is constant with my ex HPD. Same can be said for BPD or NP. They are unable to form healthy emotional attachments. She had zero stability in her life, even relationships with their own family and friends is never consistent. Its a constant roller coaster ride of "I love you, I hate you, I care for you, I hate you". She would always delete people including her family from her FB, then later friend them again. Her constant obsession with social media quickly made me disgusted with it, that I ended up deleting my account. There wasn't a day in two years she wasn't on there for hrs in a day. The whole FB thing annoyed me to the point I wanted to break her phone on the daily. She even once admitted that its causing her depression.

 

[randalljohnson]

This is my summation. Based on this thread and your previous threads, you were a safety net for her a few weeks after her first choice didn't pan out. She was craving love and a relationship, and although you're not really her type, you looked good to her on paper. You've been her Captain Save-A-Ho. The problem with this, is that once these women start to fill up emotionally off of you, most times they will end up dumping you once they are well off to be on their own and sleep with the guys they actually WANT to sleep with. So I believe she tried you out because she was vulnerable and you seemed like the type of guy who was right for her ON PAPER. Thus she tried something different, dating you. Also, some people are just not capable of attaining stability in their life. I believe that once this relationship runs its course, that "craving for a relationship and stability" will be temporarily out of her system , and she will bounce right back to sleeping with her male "friends" for a while.

All in favor?

So essentially you're saying she's just using me for the meantime, and that she will eventually dump me and go back to banging her FWBs for a while?

 

[randalljohnson]

It doesn't matter what your girl suffers from. You have said enough for us to know she is not worth your time. The longer you stay, the more you will regret it. Just up and leave, delete any way she can get in touch with you. She will try to suck you back into her vortex. They are good at that, but mainly do it for the sole purpose to punish you and then break up with you. They hate to lose and hate to be the one being dumped. You are merely a pawn in her chess game.

All her behavior is constant with my ex HPD. Same can be said for BPD or NP. They are unable to form healthy emotional attachments. She had zero stability in her life, even relationships with their own family and friends is never consistent. Its a constant roller coaster ride of "I love you, I hate you, I care for you, I hate you". She would always delete people including her family from her FB, then later friend them again. Her constant obsession with social media quickly made me disgusted with it, that I ended up deleting my account. There wasn't a day in two years she wasn't on there for hrs in a day. The whole FB thing annoyed me to the point I wanted to break her phone on the daily. She even once admitted that its causing her depression.

I looked up HPD and that scared me honestly. She could really fit with that category. It said HPD victims try hard to seek attention/validation from others. Which I think she may have been doing when she kept Liking a few particular guys pics.

I'll admit, I knew her family life, or lack thereof ,was a bad sign. She has a good relationship with one of her sisters, but that's about it.

I've read online that the early years of a person's life molds them into the person they become. Unfortunately, her whole life has been dysfunction pretty much
And yeah, if she ultimately does throw this all away I would be very disappointed with her to be honest. For a woman who claimed that she wanted stability, calling me her soulmate, etc. etc.

 

[cityboy989]

It doesn't matter what your girl suffers from. You have said enough for us to know she is not worth your time. The longer you stay, the more you will regret it. Just up and leave, delete any way she can get in touch with you. She will try to suck you back into her vortex. They are good at that, but mainly do it for the sole purpose to punish you and then break up with you. They hate to lose and hate to be the one being dumped. You are merely a pawn in her chess game.

All her behavior is constant with my ex HPD. Same can be said for BPD or NP. They are unable to form healthy emotional attachments. She had zero stability in her life, even relationships with their own family and friends is never consistent. Its a constant roller coaster ride of "I love you, I hate you, I care for you, I hate you". She would always delete people including her family from her FB, then later friend them again. Her constant obsession with social media quickly made me disgusted with it, that I ended up deleting my account. There wasn't a day in two years she wasn't on there for hrs in a day. The whole FB thing annoyed me to the point I wanted to break her phone on the daily. She even once admitted that its causing her depression.

I know some here don't like us nonprofessionals classifying people with these mental illnesses, but it's funny how these women with these types of women are all the same

 

[Plums]

When I get a new address book. I copy all my contacts into it even if I haven't seen or heard from them in years. The only people I remove are dead people unless they have a surname that begins with a V, I,J or X. Because surnames beginning with those letters are quite rare and it saves having blank pages.
Probably she is doing the same. You could always ask her.
Do you not have any contacts from the past in your FB list?

 

[soulforge]

I looked up HPD and that scared me honestly. She could really fit with that category. It said HPD victims try hard to seek attention/validation from others. Which I think she may have been doing when she kept Liking a few particular guys pics.

I'll admit, I knew her family life, or lack thereof ,was a bad sign. She has a good relationship with one of her sisters, but that's about it.

I've read online that the early years of a person's life molds them into the person they become. Unfortunately, her whole life has been dysfunction pretty much
And yeah, if she ultimately does throw this all away I would be very disappointed with her to be honest. For a woman who claimed that she wanted stability, calling me her soulmate, etc. etc.

Wether she is HPD, Cluster B or a ****in Narcissist.. this is all irelevant...

The question is.. do you consider this acceptable behaviour?

Are you willing to take the risk and chance of emotionaly investing in someone, who is rounding up all her exe's and all the previous ****ks she has been gagging on?

This is a red flag son.. and if this woman eventually screws you over..

You know what will be your biggest regret? Yup why oh why did i ignore the red flags...

Some of us guys on here have made these mistakes.. and now we completely regret it, and wish we had walked away so much sooner..

I hope you do not make this same mistake, as it could leave you a damaged man!

Be wise...

 

[randalljohnson]

Wether she is HPD, Cluster B or a ****in Narcissist.. this is all irelevant...

The question is.. do you consider this acceptable behaviour?

Are you willing to take the risk and chance of emotionaly investing in someone, who is rounding up all her exe's and all the previous ****ks she has been gagging on?

This is a red flag son.. and if this woman eventually screws you over..

You know what will be your biggest regret? Yup why oh why did i ignore the red flags...

Some of us guys on here have made these mistakes.. and now we completely regret it, and wish we had walked away so much sooner..

I hope you do not make this same mistake, as it could leave you a damaged man!

Be wise...

Some are former sexual partners but some were also former platonic friends which is the headscratcher for me. And she doesn't really "hide me" either on facebook. If we go out and do stuff with the kids she'll upload an album on facebook and include us all in the pics. I just don't understand the reason for re-adding these people who USED to be in her life, but still showing on her facebook that she has a boyfriend

I always wondered why she never included me in her profile pic even tho she did for her ex. Mainly because she's the typical "showy" type of young woman on facebook, she likes to flaunt her happy moments etc. etc. Idk if me not being in her profile pic is due to a lack of commitment on her part or if she doesn't wanna scare off her orbiters, etc.

 

[Juanto]

Op is the male version of a attention wh0re of the forum