Dealing with a women when she is depressed.

[00Kevin]

Ignore it or tell her off?

Yes, those are the only two options.

Coddling her is the worst damn thing you can do.

Pounding her ***** isn't going to work either because she doesn't want you to fix her problems.

The best option in my opinion is to just not give a ****.

 

[logicallefty]

Tell her "You seem like you need some space, and I am going to give it to you. If I can help let me know. Otherwise give me a hollar when you are ready"

 

[greatsnake]

Nothing good comes out of this mess--they will pull you down with them.

 

[Glassguy]

Ignore it or tell her off?

Yes, those are the only two options.

Coddling her is the worst damn thing you can do.

Pounding her ***** isn't going to work either because she doesn't want you to fix her problems.

The best option in my opinion is to just not give a ****.

I like logicallefty's line.

Let her know, in a nice way, that you aren't about the emotional drama and you are walking. Its her job to fix herself and keep you from doing so.

Its not your job to fix her. It is however your choice to put up with it or not.

Life is short. Dont waste it on some whacked out emotional fruit loop. There are billions of other women out there. Pick another one.

I wonder what men did before all of these anti depression drugs were needed by crazy women. Oh yeah, they acted like men and told them to straighten the fvck up or hit the road. That usually solved 99% of their problems.

 

[SteR]

I find threads like this funny: I've seen guys on these boards before complaining about how women left them when they were struggling.

How can guys be angry about this, when the same advice is being given by guys here?

 

[Fzatf]

I prefer positive reinforcement. Some gentle encouragement doesn't have to be coddling. If you ask her what her goals are and then encourage action such as exercise or self improvement, it can take her out of her funk.

If it's a long lasting depression and encouragement and exercixe doesn't work, there's no reason you can't recommend her try a therapist.

 

[SteR]

I prefer positive reinforcement. Some gentle encouragement doesn't have to be coddling. If you ask her what her goals are and then encourage action such as exercise or self improvement, it can take her out of her funk.

If it's a long lasting depression and encouragement and exercixe doesn't work, there's no reason you can't recommend her try a therapist.

I agree. I accept that at some point, you may find you have to break it off. But I don't believe in just dropping someone you care about, just because they're going through a rough patch - that's not what relationships are about imo.

 

[The Duke]

If she is depressed because of her own mental health issues that she has never dealt with then she needs professional help. No matter how willing she is to correct them and how good of a counselor you might be, you will cause the bond to lose adhesion. I've been there done that. I spent 2yrs helping my exgf get thru her issues. But it took a huge toll on our relationship. It killed attraction. It put me in a place where I was her counselor, not her lover anymore. My role was gradually redefined to the point she was more like my child. She still saw me the same, but I didn't see her the same anymore. Its like I friend-zoned my own girlfriend.

If she is depressed due to loss of a loved one, etc then just be there for them, be patient, and create distractions that help get her mind off what she is depressed about.

 

[dude99]

Well we know what she will do in the reverse situation.

Exactly.

 

[kingvavy]

I went through a similar situation with my LTR a few months ago...basically it was a giant **** test. The way to deal with it is firm, firm boundaries. I told her that if she wants to be with me, she needs to learn to figure out how to help herself, because I have my own **** to deal with. When I say firm, I mean you gotta be firm...you can't fake it. If you don't believe that you can walk, she will see right through it. Shortly afterwards, she suddenly "snapped" out of it...

 

[Reykhel]

I find threads like this funny: I've seen guys on these boards before complaining about how women left them when they were struggling.

How can guys be angry about this, when the same advice is being given by guys here?

There's a double standard in society which men on this website are probably more aware of than the average man on the street:

Weak men are generally disdained by women and society. If you are a man and you are weak, depressed or broke......generally speaking you'll receive no sympathy from women nor from society. A woman's love comes from respect and adoration. If she cannot respect you, she cannot love you. If you are not enhancing her life i.e. is she's not gaining a benefit from you, she cannot love you. She'll step over your fallen body in the street and her hypergamy will have her searching for a man that she can respect i.e. a man that is fundamentally "better" than her.

If you are a man, you have two choices: you sink or you swim. If you sink you will fvcking sink. Nobody will come running to pay your mortgage. If you end up on the streets maybe someone will throw you a sandwich. As a man you've got to deal with those dark moments and keep on going. You swim through those muddy waters.

Contrast that to women. If they fall they have the safety net of all the white knights and captain save a ho's coming to their rescue. Only too eager to pay their rent and car payments. Only too eager to listen to their problems and be their emotional tampon. They are more likely to have other women to support them (gender bias, that men don't have). They have big daddy government to look after them.

They generally have a safety net, while men generally don't.

 

[SteR]

There's a double standard in society which men on this website are probably more aware of than the average man on the street:

Weak men are generally disdained by women and society. If you are a man and you are weak, depressed or broke......generally speaking you'll receive no sympathy from women nor from society. A woman's love comes from respect and adoration. If she cannot respect you, she cannot love you. If you are not enhancing her life i.e. is she's not gaining a benefit from you, she cannot love you. She'll step over your fallen body in the street and her hypergamy will have her searching for a man that she can respect i.e. a man that is fundamentally "better" than her.

If you are a man, you have two choices: you sink or you swim. If you sink you will fvcking sink. Nobody will come running to pay your mortgage. If you end up on the streets maybe someone will throw you a sandwich. As a man you've got to deal with those dark moments and keep on going. You swim through those muddy waters.

Contrast that to women. If they fall they have the safety net of all the white knights and captain save a ho's coming to their rescue. Only too eager to pay their rent and car payments. Only too eager to listen to their problems and be their emotional tampon. They are more likely to have other women to support them (gender bias, that men don't have). They have big daddy government to look after them.

They generally have a safety net, while men generally don't.

It's true, but unfortunately that's just one of the burdens of being a man IMO.

Speaking from the point of evolution, it makes sense for a woman to abandon the man. Back in caveman days, if a woman couldn't find a strong protector/provider then that would've been the end of her. It's your role as a man to be the strong one, not the other way round. I don't blame women for that.

The down side is, if you're struggling it's hard and there's nobody to help you. The plus side is, if you are the strong/successful one, you'll have the pick of the girls.

IMO complaining about this "double standard" is no different from girls complaining about how it's "unfair that guys can sleep with lots of girls and guys shouldn't". The bottom line is there are differences between the genders, and this is just one of them.

 

[Reykhel]

It's true, but unfortunately that's just one of the burdens of being a man IMO.

Speaking from the point of evolution, it makes sense for a woman to abandon the man. Back in caveman days, if a woman couldn't find a strong protector/provider then that would've been the end of her. It's your role as a man to be the strong one, not the other way round. I don't blame women for that.

The down side is, if you're struggling it's hard and there's nobody to help you. The plus side is, if you are the strong/successful one, you'll have the pick of the girls.

IMO complaining about this "double standard" is no different from girls complaining about how it's "unfair that guys can sleep with lots of girls and guys shouldn't". The bottom line is there are differences between the genders, and this is just one of them.

Nobody is complaining about it.

I'm explaining why you'll receive the advice that you'll receive from men on this site.

More informed.

The advise to not get dragged than into it is coming from enlightened self interest.

It seems to me like you were the one complaining about the double standard.

 

[wifehunter]

Is maybe chocolate timez?

 

[EverSure75]

Ignore it or tell her off?

Yes, those are the only two options.

Coddling her is the worst damn thing you can do.

Pounding her ***** isn't going to work either because she doesn't want you to fix her problems.

The best option in my opinion is to just not give a ****.

If you're referring to clinical depression (in someone I'm in a LTR with)...what I call real depression...compared to laziness/entitlement/spoilt behavior...she can only be helped professionally. Either with meds or some kind of focused and regular therapy.

If she's actively seeking out professional help...I'd stick around but ask her what she needs from me AND give her space.

If she's not seeking help...and is trying to get over it on her own and saying she needs me around....I'm running in the opposite direction.
Depression is no joke. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before one seeks help. There's often very little someone can do to truly help.

 

[exhausted]

I went through a similar situation with my LTR a few months ago...basically it was a giant **** test. The way to deal with it is firm, firm boundaries. I told her that if she wants to be with me, she needs to learn to figure out how to help herself, because I have my own **** to deal with. When I say firm, I mean you gotta be firm...you can't fake it. If you don't believe that you can walk, she will see right through it. Shortly afterwards, she suddenly "snapped" out of it...

I don't know I see this as a justification for girls cheating or finding another man to connect with as they blame us for not being there for them when they needed us, even when they are being mean and ****ty and unbearable.

Not my justification mind u. There fake bs excuse to be a dishonest hag

 

[Billtx49]

If she's not seeking professional psych help and has a GP giving her endless scripts for Lexapro or something else, whatever caused her problem you have a female that cannot experience the emotional highs and lows of a normal well adjusted woman, as well as the lower libido mentioned above. You are not getting the real deal.… and it's time to walk away.

 

[Gold]

In long term relationships and especially in a marriage, dealing with a woman who is depressed is destined to happen. A close family member will pass away, even giving birth to a child may trigger depression in women. Depression is not something that she wants to have. It's a chemical condition caused by certain chemicals in her body, which doesn't produce enough of happy hormones. Telling her she has to deal with it herself definitely won't strengthen your relationship; it may actually destroy it.

I am talking to lots of Russian women in relationships and they need a man's support when something bad happens. It's not your responsibility "to fix her", but it's your responsibility to be there for her when she needs your strength. Otherwise, what's the point of having a partner, if in any problem he will just say, "Bye, sort out your **** yourself"? You stick for each other and fix things together; that's what makes life with a partner better than without one.

 

[Fruitbat]

Depression is best fixed by diet and exercise, and keeping her moving. Telling her off or being nice won't help. People don't choose to be depressed.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Unless it's a serious mental illness, the following applies:

A man leads a woman. The woman follows the man that has the resources she needs. Following a man who has the resources she needs makes the woman happy. This is basic biology.

If your woman is depressed for no good reason, then it's time to eject. You don't have what she needs resource-wise. Not a big deal though, because in today's world of feminism, women get all their resources on their own and they don't need men. According to recent surveys, women are more unhappy than they have ever been, and at the peak of feminism when they can "have it all".

Find the rare woman who sees you as the one that has the resources she needs, lead her, and you will have a happy woman for life. Another name for it that you are more familiar with is "soulmate".

This woman is not your soulmate.