Girl calls out "mixed signals" from me

[Goksjrr]

Hey,

So I have known this girl for little over a month now and we've had sechs few times. She's been very active from the start and have messaged me via whatsapp nearly every day. But I have only started the conversation maybe once or twice, and my response times have been from 30mins to 30 hours, because I'm pretty busy with my studies and other passions so I don't have time to chit chat all the time.

While I know that this is a good thing for keeping her pursuing even more wanting to solve this puzzle, I'm wondering if I should anyway tell her that I'm so busy that I don't think I'm looking for anything time consuming (read: LTR), even though she clearly wants it. Recently she messaged me wanting to know what is going on with these mixed signals from my part. So should I just tell her something like "guess you'll have to stick around and find out " or that "I'm not in hurry for anything because I'm busy doing a lot of things and that she can see me once in a while but I won't be available all the time", or what..?

What do you guys think?

 

[AlphaNate]

Option A.

She's intrigued by your mystique. If you explain yourself, you'll blow that.

 

[dude99]

Hey,

So I have known this girl for little over a month now and we've had sechs few times. She's been very active from the start and have messaged me via whatsapp nearly every day. But I have only started the conversation maybe once or twice, and my response times have been from 30mins to 30 hours, because I'm pretty busy with my studies and other passions so I don't have time to chit chat all the time.

While I know that this is a good thing for keeping her pursuing even more wanting to solve this puzzle, I'm wondering if I should anyway tell her that I'm so busy that I don't think I'm looking for anything time consuming (read: LTR), even though she clearly wants it. Recently she messaged me wanting to know what is going on with these mixed signals from my part. So should I just tell her something like "guess you'll have to stick around and find out " or that "I'm not in hurry for anything because I'm busy doing a lot of things and that she can see me once in a while but I won't be available all the time", or what..?

What do you guys think?

Just keep doing what you are doing. This is challenge to her. She loves challenge.

I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[wifehunter]

There's no need to "call girls out"...just WALK!

 

[El Payaso]

In my opinion silence is often the best route. I wouldn't even respond to her asking about mixed signals.

If you're busy then you have no time or desire to explain yourself. Busy guys live abundant lives and are focused on accomplishing things. They aren't often compelled to explain or clarify. Busy guys attract women to THEIR frame.

This. Don't acknowledge her. Especially over text. B!tches over analyze every little text you send.

"I wonder why he didn't put a period at the end. Maybe he only uses periods for the women get really in love with. What if he's using periods with another woman. She's probably sucking him off now. I should text him and ask him where he is."

 

[Goksjrr]

What would you tell her once you meet her in person? I wouldn't think you'd get away with just ignoring the question and trying to change the subject or even if you said that "you'll have to stick around and find out". She will want to know why I'm so "distant" or don't initiate contact. Would you then tell her that you're so busy doing a lot of stuff, without elaborating any further?

 

[dude99]

What would you tell her once you meet her in person? I wouldn't think you'd get away with just ignoring the question and trying to change the subject or even if you said that "you'll have to stick around and find out". She will want to know why I'm so "distant" or don't initiate contact. Would you then tell her that you're so busy doing a lot of stuff, without elaborating any further?

Just smile and say "hey why so serious?"

 

[Initiatedindenial]

I would ignore her question. You are doing good, when women starts direct communication it means that they are out of resources. Keep going like you are and she will crumble soon (Asking if you are dating others, exclusivity, etc).

 

[Urbanyst]

Never explain yourself. Pretend you have no idea what she is talking about.

 

[Carpathian]

If what you're doing is working then keep doing it. Don't attempt to fix what is not broken as we say in Slovakia.

 

[Goksjrr]

Okay, so now that we met again and had sex like all previous times, she got a little emotional and told me that last year she broke up with her ex and that she’s been in a relationship pretty much her whole teenage years (now 21), and doesn’t really know how to be without being in a relationship. She also said that in the end of their relationship, before their relationship ended, her ex didn’t always answer her texts because he didn’t feel like answering to her, and thus it bothers her that I don’t text her much.

She also said that she understands if I don’t want to be with her but it would be a mistake and that she doesn’t mean that we should rush into relationship but wants to know what’s up because I give her so much mixed signals. To me, it feels like now it has to be the time for me to decide whether I want to take this to the next level towards relationship or just dump her, because it sounds to me that she doesn’t want to be ‘just fb’.

I only told her that “you will find out in time”. This is the first time that I’ve been in this kind of situation, so I am really not sure what I should do here and feel like you shouldn’t play too much with one’s emotions because there should be some respect for one’s value, right? But as I said in the first post, I don’t think I’m looking for LTR right now.

So what would you guys do given my current situation?

 

[ubercat]

IMO not as much of a problem as you think.

At 21 don't expect too much stability.

As Guru 1000 would say time for some beta throws. Tell her it's early days but you really like her and would like to get to know her better. Mix in the odd romantic gesture EG be gone when she wakes up but leave a rose on her pillow.

She shouldn't be getting exclusivity for the first 3 months. She has to earn it or she won't value it. This girl may grow on you so as long as she meets your minimum standards for attractiveness let her audition.

And stay busy and scarce. See her once a week or at maximum twice. Don't fall into the trap of hanging out with her for the entire weekend too early just because you're getting the puss and she wants the instant boyfriend experience.

Every so often drive her crazy by saying but babe you know you're my number one girl.

At 21 she'll be changing a lot so no need to take things too quickly.

 

[Goksjrr]

So what you're saying is that I shouldn't even hint at her that I'm not looking for LTR but if she's willing to stick around she can? Because right now my motivation for investing time for her is pretty low because I have so much other things to do. She keeps texting me but I don't even feel like answering to her every time because I don't want to give her any false signs that I'd want to be with her more.

 

[sazc]

No, you shouldn't play with her emotions. She's been healthy, vulnerable and upfront with you in letting you know what she is looking for. She has been honest and said she wants an LTR.

You have been honest with US and have said you do not want an LTR.

Are you posting here looking for everyone to tell you that it is perfectly okay to string this female along and use her for sex?

FYI people, that is exactly the type of behavior that turns a female into the kind of woman you complain about on here. The females who are so fed up with being honest with me, and still being used, that they monkey branch BECAUSE they can't tell anymore if he's being honest or a lying jacka$$ They decide to play the same game and keep it casual and explore options. Then the shoe ends up in the other foot and the guy gets attached. She can't tell if it's real or not so she treats it casual and he gets hurt. Them he comes on sosuave and calls her a wh0res, slut, attention seeker, monkey branch, tainted by her high score dude...etc fvcking etc...

The ONLY honorable thing to do it's to tell her that, after much thought, you have realized that you and she are looking for different things. You have other items on your plate, that demand time and investment and can't give an LTR as much attention as it deserves. You very much enjoy her company, and want to continue to date her, but are not in a place for commitment.

Anything she invests after that is totally on her. IMO that it's being a real man.

Take active steps not to turn them into crazies boys.....

 

[Reykhel]

Hey,

So I have known this girl for little over a month now and we've had sechs few times. She's been very active from the start and have messaged me via whatsapp nearly every day. But I have only started the conversation maybe once or twice, and my response times have been from 30mins to 30 hours, because I'm pretty busy with my studies and other passions so I don't have time to chit chat all the time.

While I know that this is a good thing for keeping her pursuing even more wanting to solve this puzzle, I'm wondering if I should anyway tell her that I'm so busy that I don't think I'm looking for anything time consuming (read: LTR), even though she clearly wants it. Recently she messaged me wanting to know what is going on with these mixed signals from my part. So should I just tell her something like "guess you'll have to stick around and find out " or that "I'm not in hurry for anything because I'm busy doing a lot of things and that she can see me once in a while but I won't be available all the time", or what..?

What do you guys think?

Never explain yourself to anyone.

She sounds like an annoying bytch with all that over texting on whatsapp. I tell you what drives me crazy......."good morning". Don't fvcking give in to it.....that's her frame, you set the frame for her by ignoring such texts.

Anyway, call women out when they say stupid ****e like that......for example "what mixed signals would that be?" Push her on it and she'll reveal her agenda.......which in this case is probably that she wants a little texting pal because she's needy...

it's like when they accuse you of playing "games".....call her out...."what game would that be?" Push her on it...........

It always boils down to the fact that you're not following her script......

Again, never explain yourself (you enter her frame and even supplicate yourself)

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Bullsh!t. She's a manipulator, just like many women are. She knows what she's doing, OP even explained it here.

Okay, so now that we met again and had sex like all previous times, she got a little emotional and told me that last year she broke up with her ex and that she’s been in a relationship pretty much her whole teenage years (now 21), and doesn’t really know how to be without being in a relationship. She also said that in the end of their relationship, before their relationship ended, her ex didn’t always answer her texts because he didn’t feel like answering to her, and thus it bothers her that I don’t text her much.

A little emotional means she started crying or at the very least started getting teary eyed, voice cracking maybe, some sniffles, describing how hard it was for her, etc., etc. We all know the usual story. Let's boil this down: -- my hampster is going into overdrive because of your behavior now, and I cant deal with it, so I want you to change to suit me and what I can handle.--

She wants you to respond within a certain timeframe to every dam text, she wants to know where you are and what you're doing ALL of the time. How f*cking hard is it to see she's insecure. Her insecurity is HER problem to deal with, not OP's. She cant deal with it, tough sh!t. OP does not need to let himself be dragged down into misery that this woman will undoubted spread to him. She needs to prove to the OP that she is a mature woman who is worthy of OP's time, attention and commitment. She has not proven this yet. She has only demonstrated she will do like every other woman and b!tch, cry and moan that she isn't getting her way.

She also said that she understands if I don’t want to be with her but it would be a mistake and that she doesn’t mean that we should rush into relationship but wants to know what’s up because I give her so much mixed signals. To me, it feels like now it has to be the time for me to decide whether I want to take this to the next level towards relationship or just dump her, because it sounds to me that she doesn’t want to be ‘just fb’.

I only told her that “you will find out in time”. This is the first time that I’ve been in this kind of situation, so I am really not sure what I should do here and feel like you shouldn’t play too much with one’s emotions because there should be some respect for one’s value, right? But as I said in the first post, I don’t think I’m looking for LTR right now.

So what would you guys do given my current situation?

Aw, that's so nice of her. She has already indirectly told you that if you dont change to meet her demands and expectations she's walking, or at least threatening to. No, she didn't say that exactly, but in another way she did.

I say just tell her you don't think you are ready to take it to the next level of being exclusive to one another and that you need more time. She asks how much time? Forget it you dont owe her an answer, you dont owe her some specific timeline. People cannot rush things or certain deadlines. Again, if she cant deal with that, move on.

My bet is she'll try to move away from you for a while, but end up coming back for more casual comfort sex. So, you may very well have a plate on your hands here.

 

[sazc]

Im not sure why the end summation has to be "she is a manipulative b1tch for expressing her feelings to you". She explained how she is feeling. Done. My takeaway from what she said is that she is looking for commitment and has some baggage from her last relationship. No huge dissection of that necessary. OP simply needs to hear what she is saying and decide what he wants to do. He's already said he's not looking for a relationship. Since that diametrically opposes what she has expressed, the mature thing to do would be to tell her that you are happy to casually date but are not interested in an LTR.

As well, it is beneficial for all men and women to recognize situations where there role in some relationship could potentially be being set up as a 'white knight'. A cognitively advanced person recognizes that situation and has already decided if hat role is where they want to exist within a relationship. If that role is not you, ad you are mature, you can spot the dynamic and exit gracefully. It's that simple.