"We don't always have to have sex... "

[Dingo]

That's the line my paramour gave me last weekend. Need some insight...

We have been together for five years... We enjoy each other's company, we have fun and do a lot for each other but I'm also there mostly for sex. I have always expected it... it became a mutually enjoyable routine.

Now I sense she feels used and in our type relationship she kind of is right. Last weekend she just wasn't in the mood...She was upset and said the "We don't always have to have sex" line... I laughed it off and stopped escalating even though I was very frustrated. She has been kind of cold all week but out of the blue she invited me to dinner at her place tomorrow.

Assuming she isn't going to shoot or dump me over pasta.... How not to be needy or overly aggressive yet still try to score ? Do I just play it cool... not expecting anything... not try to initiate ? Do I give her time ?

Hard for me to explain.

 

[Dingo]

OK... I guess I should have done a Search....

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/is-tonight-just-dinner-and-bootycall.210109/

 

[Dingo]

Yup... should have done a Search...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/what-is-a-shyt-test.239162/#post-2407086

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/thread...want-to-be-seen-as-sluts.234022/#post-2338323

 

[alx]

How do you be unpredictable/demonstrate that you are unpredictable? Everyone is kind of predictable. Especially me.

 

[Desdinova]

She was upset and said the "We don't always have to have sex" line...

When women say stupid 5hit like this, I enjoy making them stick to it. Kiss her neck, bite her shoulders, rub her near her vagina, get her all horny, and then go to sleep. You need to have a LOT of self-control to do that, but it'll work.

You'll command her in the bedroom if YOU are the one who can reject sex.

 

[bigneil]

Five years and you haven't passed the no sex test yet?

Example: On our second date (after we had sex on the first date), after taking a bath together my date got up from bed, went to the bathroom and came back and said she just had her period. Although I was naked in bed at full attention and ready to go, I just shrugged and she cuddled up next to me. That may have actually been the closest we ever felt to this day. She clung to me like no other woman ever did. That was when I realized we had something. She felt it too and at the time we described it as two magnets clicking together (versus holding two rocks together that don't click). Seven months later, that was the only date when we didn't have sex, minus one time when she felt sick.

The moral: Women need to know you're not just there for sex so they WILL throw this test at you. You either pass and she loves you for it, or you are in the doghouse.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Two comments that are slightly OT but a good follow-up to Neil's post.

First, imagery like that does wonders for a woman's feelings toward you. I do this all the time. When you paint word pictures like that, they stick in women's minds forever and they consider it reality.

Second, I think we should all get away from the idea of "passing" sh!t tests. We aren't here to pass tests. They should be passing OUR tests. I prefer to say "handle" sh!t tests.

That's not directed at you, Neil. The idea of passing sh!t tests is ingrained in the community. Passing a test implies that the tester is superior and in judgment of the testee. For an actualized man, he is the one who is in ultimate judgment and although these tests will come, he handles them one by one.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Five years and you haven't passed the no sex test yet?

Example: On our second date (after we had sex on the first date), after taking a bath together my date got up from bed, went to the bathroom and came back and said she just had her period. Although I was naked in bed at full attention and ready to go, I just shrugged and she cuddled up next to me. That may have actually been the closest we ever felt to this day. She clung to me like no other woman ever did. That was when I realized we had something. She felt it too and at the time we described it as two magnets clicking together (versus holding two rocks together that don't click). Seven months later, that was the only date when we didn't have sex, minus one time when she felt sick.

The moral: Women need to know you're not just there for sex so they WILL throw this test at you. You either pass and she loves you for it, or you are in the doghouse.

What would you do if she repeated this every week even if she wasn't on her period? Or maybe almost every day for a few weeks? Then how would you handle it? I ask because married men go through this, and was wondering how others would deal with this.

 

[kronreiff]

When women say stupid 5hit like this, I enjoy making them stick to it. Kiss her neck, bite her shoulders, rub her near her vagina, get her all horny, and then go to sleep. You need to have a LOT of self-control to do that, but it'll work.

You'll command her in the bedroom if YOU are the one who can reject sex.

^^^This! I'm on week 2 with a plate that wants me to ask her for sex instead of her asking me. (sh*t test) Meanwhile, I'm spinning two other plates. So, the plate that wants me to ask for sex 1st has a long wait ahead of her with me. Once you control the bedroom, you disarm most female ploys and b$ since that's where their power is. Just like Desdi said, takes a tremendous amount of self control, but it's worth it.

 

[bigneil]

What would you do if she repeated this every week even if she wasn't on her period? Or maybe almost every day for a few weeks? Then how would you handle it? I ask because married men go through this, and was wondering how others would deal with this.

If she cuddled the way my girl does? I'd almost prefer it.

Now, my Russian girl 4 years ago in NYC who I lived with used to come home every night from work raging mad for some reason. I would instantly flee the apartment and go for 2 beers. She would text "Where are you?" exactly 90 minutes later. I would return to find her showered, wearing lingerie, laying in bed and eager to please me. Sometimes you need to just find the right groove with your girl.

 

[Dingo]

I'll update you guys...

Going to take it slow... try to read her... expect **** tests... Escalate...

Hope for the best plan for the worst... No expectations... not going to be bothered...

Kind of liberating in a way.

 

[Von]

I'll update you guys...

Going to take it slow... try to read her... expect **** tests... Escalate...

Hope for the best plan for the worst... No expectations... not going to be bothered...

Kind of liberating in a way.

Well she obviously want more than sex....

I think its time for her to know where she is in your life... and you to her...

 

[Dingo]

Well she obviously want more than sex....

I think its time for her to know where she is in your life... and you to her...

You have no idea how ****ed I am...we are.... lol

Anyhow, I'm thinking I'll get a good movie to watch.... If nothing happens at least I'll get dinner and a movie...

 

[Trainwreck]

Five years and you haven't passed the no sex test yet?

Example: On our second date (after we had sex on the first date), after taking a bath together my date got up from bed, went to the bathroom and came back and said she just had her period. Although I was naked in bed at full attention and ready to go, I just shrugged and she cuddled up next to me. That may have actually been the closest we ever felt to this day. She clung to me like no other woman ever did. That was when I realized we had something. She felt it too and at the time we described it as two magnets clicking together (versus holding two rocks together that don't click). Seven months later, that was the only date when we didn't have sex, minus one time when she felt sick.

The moral: Women need to know you're not just there for sex so they WILL throw this test at you. You either pass and she loves you for it, or you are in the doghouse.

this

 

[Dingo]

Great ravioli dinner but no sex....

Played it cool, tried to close but got shot down hard...

"We need to redefine our relationship"....

Yeah, I kind of knew it was coming.... **** !

 

[SmooveMooves]

You shouldn't have pushed for sex again. She already said no before and has been acting cold. Getting shot down twice makes you look like a clown. Whenever a woman (established plate) turns you down for sex ONCE you need to immediately become aloof and stop all escalation. Sex from then on has to be initiated by HER, in which you reject. This teaches the lesson that YOU are in control of when sex happens and you don't NEED to have sex with HER.

You guys need to get better at picking up signals. If I tell you you can't keep borrowing my lawnmower all the time. Would you ask again just because I invited you out to dinner? Its the same idea.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Great ravioli dinner but no sex....

Played it cool, tried to close but got shot down hard...

"We need to redefine our relationship"....

Yeah, I kind of knew it was coming.... **** !

You've lost the frame here. Will be hard to recover from. You want to be with a woman who wants to F your brains out. Sounds like she's no longer aroused by you. Unfortunately, by the time it reaches this level, it's usually over.

You need to be prepared to move on.

You should consider backing off from her and spinning some plates.

-Augustus-

 

[lizardking82]

Now you tell her "OK, honey, I totally agree. I will take some space for myself and clear some things in my head." And you really do that. She is leading to a break-up, take the handle and drive the "car". Do not let her do it, she's gonna be ruthless.

 

[Konada]

Two comments that are slightly OT but a good follow-up to Neil's post.

First, imagery like that does wonders for a woman's feelings toward you. I do this all the time. When you paint word pictures like that, they stick in women's minds forever and they consider it reality.

Second, I think we should all get away from the idea of "passing" sh!t tests. We aren't here to pass tests. They should be passing OUR tests. I prefer to say "handle" sh!t tests.

That's not directed at you, Neil. The idea of passing sh!t tests is ingrained in the community. Passing a test implies that the tester is superior and in judgment of the testee. For an actualized man, he is the one who is in ultimate judgment and although these tests will come, he handles them one by one.

Agreed 100%. If you aren't testing your woman consistently, you aren't in control of your own frame. Regularly evaluating a woman's worth in your life is the most consistent way of maintaining your frame, she will subconsciously feel that you're evaluating her. Of course, such tests are preferably need not be over but covert in nature. What you will be doing is just observing their reactions.. For example:

1. You get sick. Tell this to her and observe her reaction. Does she dismiss you? Or does she make an effort to show concern and nurture you back to health?

2. She is extremely late. Does she acts entitled or truly sorry that she messed up with a legit excuse? Subsequently for dates, does she make an effort turn up on time?

3. Does she consistently look pretty for you?

4. If you guys are splitting bills, get her to pay upfront and 'forget' to split the bill. Does she make a fuss out of it or continues enjoying your company?

5. Of course the biggest test of all and one that every man should be doing is: What does she bring to the table other than sex?

 

[wifehunter]