Losing Wife

[Fzatf]

A little backstory: I became ill and had to quit working and am on temporary disability. My wife and I switched roles and now I am the stay at home parent while she is working. I've been on medication that makes me very lethargic and haven't been my best for over 6 months now. My wife has had it with me and wants me to move out. I've tried to change her mind but she says her mind is made up. It's looking like I'll have to move back in my with my mom until I can get my job and illness under control.

Obviously a lot is going through my mind right now, but I'm looking for advice on the situation.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

but I'm looking for advice on the situation.

Nobody can give you advice unless it's clear on what you want.

So, what do you want?

And what are you willing to DO in order to make that happen?

Nobody can give you any magic words that will change your wife's mind. When a woman says "I've had it" she's been THINKING that for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time. It's pretty set in her mind.

The best advice is the most obvious.

Man up, get off meds, and get back to work.

If that's not possible, make friends with mom. You and her will be spending a lot of time together.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My wife has had it with me and wants me to move out

The marital home is half yours, and assuming you are in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia, she has no right to kick you out of it. Tell her to get out if she wants out. Since you are primary caretaker of the children, you can go for full custody and possession of the home, as well as alimony and child support. The first step is getting her to move out. You are in the position to royally screw her over in this divorce, and I think you should go for it.

 

[Fzatf]

Nobody can give you advice unless it's clear on what you want.

So, what do you want?

And what are you willing to DO in order to make that happen?

Nobody can give you any magic words that will change your wife's mind. When a woman says "I've had it" she's been THINKING that for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time. It's pretty set in her mind.

The best advice is the most obvious.

Man up, get off meds, and get back to work.

If that's not possible, make friends with mom. You and her will be spending a lot of time together.

Well I'm looking to finish my degree so some time with mom may give me an environment where I can focus on my studies before I man up and go back to work.

As far as what I want, I want the wife back but since that's looking like a no go, I wanted to see if taking a year or two to self improve via gym, education, and taking time off women while I don't have my own place would be a good idea under the circumstances.

My wife has had it with me and wants me to move out

The marital home is half yours, and assuming you are in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia, she has no right to kick you out of it. Tell her to get out if she wants out. Since you are primary caretaker of the children, you can go for full custody and possession of the home, as well as alimony and child support. The first step is getting her to move out. You are in the position to royally screw her over in this divorce, and I think you should go for it.

In order to keep things amicable I was shooting to let her keep the house and having shared custody so I don't have to pay child support. My soon to be ex-wife is down for shared custody so long as I watch our daughter or help out with daycare.

I could see going gungho with a custody and house battle but I think working with my wife might make things easier. Do you think it's a bad idea to avoid a house battle if I can avoid child support?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I wanted to see if taking a year or two to self improve via gym, education, and taking time off women while I don't have my own place would be a good idea under the circumstances.

Sounds like a plan. Tell your soon to be ex you're sorry you f'd up and you need to get your shyte back together. Move back with your mom forget girls until you have your own place and are back at some kind of work making money.

Tell your ex your plans so she knows there's no ill will. Work together to keep your kids good and safe. She can fvck your shyte up if she chooses to. Don't give her a reason.

No reason to make this more complicated or dramatic. Life took a wrong turn, step back and fix it.

Then move on.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She's the one with the job and the money. Why would you have to pay child support? Kick her ass out to a hotel, get an attack dog lawyer, and you'll get the kids, the house, and half her pay check for the next 15 years.

 

[Fzatf]

She's the one with the job and the money. Why would you have to pay child support? Kick her ass out to a hotel, get an attack dog lawyer, and you'll get the kids, the house, and half her pay check for the next 15 years.

While an appealing prospect, I don't want to hurt her. Things have been mostly amicable so far. I don't want the battle. I figure I get through this without too much damage I can restart and get back on track sooner.

Even if I won custody, the house, alimony, and child support, I wouldn't feel right about it. If I lose I get child support, a hectic battle, and lost peace between soon to be ex-wife and I.

 

[Billtx49]

While an appealing prospect, I don't want to hurt her. Things have been mostly amicable so far. I don't want the battle. I figure I get through this without too much damage I can restart and get back on track sooner.

Even if I won custody, the house, alimony, and child support, I wouldn't feel right about it. If I lose I get child support, a hectic battle, and lost peace between soon to be ex-wife and I.

Get your finances in order first. It's one of her reasons for leaving you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She took a vow to love you in sickness and health, for richer and poorer. Now she is leaving you because you are sick and poor. It's no wonder things have been "amicable." She is screwing you, and you are letting her. That's why she's being so friendly.

 

[RalphaWreck]

, I don't want to hurt her.

Then she'll be the one to hurt you. I don't see a middle ground. Let your kids see you crawl back to mommy.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

If you can't defend and provide for the cave that's what happens.

 

[Desdinova]

I don't want to hurt her.

What a cvnt. Seriously. She's kicking you while you're down and has decided to 5hit all over you. I have absolutely no respect for people who do that kind of thing.

I became ill and had to quit working and am on temporary disability.

Imagine your wife taking a person in a wheelchair and rolling him down the stairs. That's essentially what she's doing to you. You're on disability because of your illness, and now she's throwing you down the stairs.

What kind of a bytch does that? A woman is supposed to take care of his warrior when he's sick so he can get back up and keep on protecting her. This bytch decided to just leave you to die. Lemme guess... She grew up without a father in her life. Am I correct?

 

[jimjam]

Dude, my experience is that she didn't just decide to leave your marriage cuz of your illness. Bet she's been thinking about it for a while and this is just the last straw.

Even so, it's still a sh1tty way to do things. But....tnat's women for you. Other posters are correct. You are in the perfect position to walk away with everything here. As far as your gentile attitude about not wanting to hurt her.....may sound harsh but grow up. Look what she's doing to you...abandoning you essentially. Ask yourself if she'd hesitate to put the screws to you if the shoe was on the other foot.

Good luck

 

[switch7]

My wife has had it with me and wants me to move out

The marital home is half yours, and assuming you are in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia, she has no right to kick you out of it. Tell her to get out if she wants out. Since you are primary caretaker of the children, you can go for full custody and possession of the home, as well as alimony and child support. The first step is getting her to move out. You are in the position to royally screw her over in this divorce, and I think you should go for it.

Hahaha awesome response. The sweet taste of equality.

 

[Fzatf]

What a cvnt. Seriously. She's kicking you while you're down and has decided to 5hit all over you. I have absolutely no respect for people who do that kind of thing.



Imagine your wife taking a person in a wheelchair and rolling him down the stairs. That's essentially what she's doing to you. You're on disability because of your illness, and now she's throwing you down the stairs.

What kind of a bytch does that? A woman is supposed to take care of his warrior when he's sick so he can get back up and keep on protecting her. This bytch decided to just leave you to die. Lemme guess... She grew up without a father in her life. Am I correct?

She and her dad really dislike each other

I do see how she's screwing me and it's true that's likely what's keeping things amicable. I'm going to talk to a lawyer before I move out.

 

[switch7]

She and her dad really dislike each other

I do see how she's screwing me and it's true that's likely what's keeping things amicable. I'm going to talk to a lawyer before I move out.

Usually if she doesn't get on with her father it means the relationship with her will be hell.

How long have you been married for? You are 28 that's young to be married.

 

[dude99]

A little backstory: I became ill and had to quit working and am on temporary disability. My wife and I switched roles and now I am the stay at home parent while she is working. I've been on medication that makes me very lethargic and haven't been my best for over 6 months now. My wife has had it with me and wants me to move out. I've tried to change her mind but she says her mind is made up. It's looking like I'll have to move back in my with my mom until I can get my job and illness under control.

Obviously a lot is going through my mind right now, but I'm looking for advice on the situation.

You're the stay at home dad. She is telling you to get out.

Perfect. Tell the courts you're accustomed to this lifestyle she provided for you and your a stay at home house husband, and enjoy the support and alimony she must pay.

 

[dude99]

Well I'm looking to finish my degree so some time with mom may give me an environment where I can focus on my studies before I man up and go back to work.

As far as what I want, I want the wife back but since that's looking like a no go, I wanted to see if taking a year or two to self improve via gym, education, and taking time off women while I don't have my own place would be a good idea under the circumstances.

In order to keep things amicable I was shooting to let her keep the house and having shared custody so I don't have to pay child support. My soon to be ex-wife is down for shared custody so long as I watch our daughter or help out with daycare.

I could see going gungho with a custody and house battle but I think working with my wife might make things easier. Do you think it's a bad idea to avoid a house battle if I can avoid child support?

You

She's the one with the job and the money. Why would you have to pay child support? Kick her ass out to a hotel, get an attack dog lawyer, and you'll get the kids, the house, and half her pay check for the next 15 years.

Didn't see this earlier BB. My thoughts exactly

 

[sazc]

Lol, ahhhh to dream, right guys?

If I am reading this correctly, he is on TEMPORARY disability... not permanent disability.
This means he was an able bodied male for a very long time and is expected to return to being an able bodied male at some point.

They didn't switch roles because he wanted to be the stay at home, they switched because he got hurt. I'm guessing that there are many, many years of her staying at home that out weigh his temporary situation. Given the circumstances, his temporary situation isn't going to be enough for spousal support in court, esp if her years at home outweigh his

He states that the medication makes him LETHARGIC. It must be a side affect. What judge do you know that it's going to say "I award custody of these children to someone whom is taking medication that crates a situation where they can't be an alert and invested parent?" No judge.

All she had to do is prove the situation surrounding the medication and the kids are hers. Oh, you say he will stop the medication? If he can stop the medication then he won't be lethargic. If he's no longer lethargic, he can be more invested in the household and/or work. Any judge will see that, esp when her divorce attorney points it out.

@Fzatf do you have an opiate addiction? If not opiates, which prescription med are you on? What's the nature of your disability? When are you expected to recover. Are you making an honest attempt at recovering?

If you want your wife and family back, first step is to get off the medication. My guess is that she needs you to hit rock bottom so you will realize what's important.

Good luck.
Dare to dream fellas....dare to dream.....

 

[dude99]

Lol, ahhhh to dream, right guys?

If I am reading this correctly, he is in TEMPORARY disability... not permanent disability.
This means he was an able bodied male for a very long time and is expected to return to being an able bodied male at some point.

They didn't switch roles because he wanted to be the stay at home, they switched because he got hurt. I'm guessing that there are many, many years of her staying at home that out weigh his temporary situation.

He states that the medication makes him LETHARGIC. It must be a side affect. What judge do you know that it's going to say "I award custody of these children to someone whom is taking medication that crates a situation where they can't be an alert and invested parent?" No judge.

All she had to do is prove the situation surrounding the medication and the kids are hers. Oh, you say he will stop the medication? If he can stop the medication then he won't be lethargic. If he's no longer lethargic, he can be more invested in the household and/or work. Any judge will see that, esp when her divorce attorney points it out.

@Fzatf do you have an opiate addiction? If not opiates, which prescription med are you on?

If you want your wife and family back, first step is to get off the medication. My guess is that she needs you to hot rock bottom so you will realize what's important.

Good luck.
Dare to dream fellas....dare to dream.....

You are probably right. Courts very rarely side with the man.

But ask yourself this. How many able bodied women are being supported and there is no pressure by the courts for them to get to work?