Oneitus strikes again. But I think I got the cure for your sickness.

[shesabranchswinger]

Well a little background here and I hope you guys point out if I made any mistakes. I'm sure I made many in the months up to the finally. Please feel free to point those out as well so myself and anyone else can learn in the future.

I'm in my early 40s and thought I was truly cured of the first love Oneitus. I wrote her completely off in 2006 after our last contact. Towards the middle of last year I was contacted by an old friend who said my oneitus 1st love kept asking about me. He and his wife thought I should contact her. So my dumb rass thought it would be nice to catch up (1st mistake). It would have been nice if that's all that happened just catch up.

So I contacted her through social media (second mistake) and we got up to speed and messaged each other a few times. That lead to her inviting me to hang out, I turned her down the 1st time cause I was busy. Also I really did not know if I wanted to see someone I have had little contact with and no sex through out the last 25 years. Up to that point I had only thought about her at most a couple of times a year if that much.

If you have been there then you know the drill. Hanging out with Oneitus in person
(third mistake) leads to treating her better than other girls. Flirting with each other. Asking yourself if she likes you. Thinking her words means she likes you. She will tell you she loves you and that she misses you. Text you all the emojis in the book answer all your calls and texts within 15 minutes. And call you all the time, Talk on the phone for long periods(4th 5th & 6th mistakes).

So you begin to start Telling yourself she's special. She's on the team, she might be able to understand partnership it could be us against the world. Ignoring all the red flags of her actions (major sloot) wants a older rich guy to father her baby, dating multiple guys, trying to get pregnant, thinking she's still a 10 like in her 20s but she's a wrinkled and weathered beaten loose mid 40s 6) in reality. All without telling you this stuff outright but if you can read the signs they are there.

Next thing you know your thinking about her everyday all day and you haven't even bent her over and slipped the panties down and you never will. If you have not hit it by the 3rd time of seeing her in person head for the hills fellas it's a lost cause trust me. You realize your heading into the friend zone with someone your starting to have feelings for again and you can't do a thing about it unless they feel the same way. 9 times out of 10 they don't They just want you to make them feel better about themselves. She will say she wants you back in her life as friends 1st and maybe something in the future. How it happened in my low to mid interest level case since I'm not a unicorn. Puck that chit cause I ain't the one.

So I started to plan my escape on about my 6th meeting with oneitus about 2 months into reconnecting. I reconnected with one of oneitus's friends that had a crush on me back in the day. I bedded down that chick the 1st night and it was effortless. Because I treated her like I treat every other woman and how every other guy treats your Oneitus, keep that in mind at all times fellas. My Oneitus found out about her friend I was smashing and started asking me questions and started flirting with me even more up until the last time we hung out. So I clipped my Oneitus's wings and gave her her walking papers. I told her I view her as more than a friend and not to contact me unless she feels the same in the future. I'm at peace with my decision as hard as it may be some nights, but friend zone is not an option for me with oneitus. Me willing to walk away means I may never see her again in this life time but that choice is up to her. It's only been a week but as the days go by I think about her a little less each day and can't wait till it's back to twice a year.

Did I do the right thing? Or should I have kept her around and tried to hook up with her in the future we were starting to get to close for my comfort, she was real comfortable with me and the chemistry was like it was when we were dating all those years ago. I could see myself starting to catch more feelings again if I stayed any longer.

PS: I'm still banging balls on taint with her friend.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[RangerMIke]

Only way to avoid what you call 'oneitis' is to date multiple women, otherwise you become emotionally invested in one chick. If you think you need to get into an exclusive relationship, then you can avoid this by making sure she is no where near the top of your priority list. First is you. Second your career or school, next your immediate family, then her.

 

[Milano]

It wont work when you have oneitus imo cause at that point you respect her more than you respect yourself, and a woman cant respect or love something which does not love itself. Not being able to control your feelings is a nightmare and unless she is head over heels for you which she obviously wasnt then you did the right thing.

 

[wifehunter]

There is no cure!!! One can only pray!!!

 

[shesabranchswinger]

More cow bells

 

[wifehunter]

More cow bells

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Only way to avoid what you call 'oneitis' is to date multiple women, otherwise you become emotionally invested in one chick. If you think you need to get into an exclusive relationship, then you can avoid this by making sure she is no where near the top of your priority list. First is you. Second your career or school, next your immediate family, then her.

Thanks for the reply Ranger Mike,
The only issue with the first part of your response for me personally is that I have dated about 90 to 100 women since her and within months bam was back to semi beta. Keep in mind she is from 25 years ago With limited contact between the years. I think the only way to avoid it is No Contact. Not a true cure but a hell of a lot better than the alternatives. I agree with the rest of what you say but right now in my life I'm in a MOE stage (money over everything).

For anyone about to go through anything like this my advise is if you are thinking about becoming anything more than friends with them. Make It known from the first contact so you know where you and her stand from day one. That's only if you have or think you will have feelings for her. If you don't then play it standard.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Ok I walked right into that

 

[shesabranchswinger]

It wont work when you have oneitus imo cause at that point you respect her more than you respect yourself, and a woman cant respect or love something which does not love itself. Not being able to control your feelings is a nightmare and unless she is head over heels for you which she obviously wasnt then you did the right thing.

Your rite and might I add they rarely earn the respect you are giving them at least she did not in my case. What a fickle creature they are, at the end before I clipped her when I was dating her friend and treating oneitus like nothing special. She was more into me and showing higher levels of interest major flirting, hugging, lite kissing etc... but I had mentally given up on her at that point. But like you say not being able to control your emotions with a 5'10 120lb woman is crazy. Yeah she is nowhere near head over heels for me like her friend is. When your mind says treat them like a sloot and your heart tells you to treat them like wifey, for sure listen to your mind and pump and dump for old time sake if you can handle that emotionally. I could not with this one but have in the past with others.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

There is no cure!!! One can only pray!!!

Death from above is the only cure

 

[wifehunter]

Death from above is the only cure

That, too.

 

[RangerMIke]

Thanks for the reply Ranger Mike,
The only issue with the first part of your response for me personally is that I have dated about 90 to 100 women since her and within months bam was back to semi beta. Keep in mind she is from 25 years ago With limited contact between the years. I think the only way to avoid it is No Contact. Not a true cure but a hell of a lot better than the alternatives. I agree with the rest of what you say but right now in my life I'm in a MOE stage (money over everything).

For anyone about to go through anything like this my advise is if you are thinking about becoming anything more than friends with them. Make It known from the first contact so you know where you and her stand from day one. That's only if you have or think you will have feelings for her. If you don't then play it standard.

Okay... you have chronic infatuation. The first step to getting over this is to understand WHY it happens. You have to have four components, it has to be a relationship that is early your adult life, she has to be close to what you might consider a perfect match for you, you would have shared a lot about yourself (warts and all and you have to believe she accepted you anyway) and finally there has to be events in the relationship, where you believe that if different decisions had been made you could have been together.

Full disclosure, my infatuation was Stephanie.... we were in college. She was my ideal women, beautiful, smart (Summa Cvm Laude) went to grad school at Oxford, we were completely in sync politically, philosophically, sexually, emotionally... she was awesome. I carried that torch for years... not nearly as long as you, but like you during that period I dated and hooked up with several chicks, and none of them stood up to her. So yea.... this sh!t happens to all of us, BTW it happens to chicks as well.

It took me 4 years to get over her.... for me it was being in the desert waiting for the Iraq invasion to start in 1991. I was a liaison with the French forces since all air assets were being managed by the US. They thought it was a good idea (and it was) to have Americans embedded with allies to minimize air support friendly fire incidents. Anyway, I was with the French and I watched these French soldiers getting letters from chicks dumping them... then I realized "Dr. John" letters are NOT an American only phenomena.... this sh!t happens all over the world. But the way the French dealt with it, was very different for Americans... Americans often just keep it to themselves, and internalize everything, maybe meet wit the chaplain. The French, well they realized that all chicks are like this... it isn't some exceptional thing it is a volcano waiting to erupt. They read the letters out loud and all their buddies take turns ridiculing her. They force the guy getting the letter to recall things he did not like about her. Then they joke about it then they move on refusing to ever talk about her.

So what you do is that you realize that your life is more important that any one chick.... keep telling yourself there is really nothing special about her... her sh!t stinks just like everyone else... all chicks are the same, and when you find yourself thinking about her, think about the negative, then stop thinking about her. Get rid of anything that might remind you about her.... pictures, letters, block her on social media. You have to make the following statement part of your belief system:

"All women are the same, they have different personalities and values, but they are all driven by the same instincts and respond to the same things. There are no special snowflakes. Nothing happens with women unless they are attracted to you, if they are not interested there isn't a freaking thing in the world you can do to change her attitude. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING you do will make her want you... if she does not like you or falls out of love with you... you are done, and the only rational thing to do at that point is get off the ride and give the next dude his turn... you go find another ride."

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Okay... you have chronic infatuation. The first step to getting over this is to understand WHY it happens. You have to have four components, it has to be a relationship that is early your adult life, she has to be close to what you might consider a perfect match for you, you would have shared a lot about yourself (warts and all and you have to believe she accepted you anyway) and finally there has to be events in the relationship, where you believe that if different decisions had been made you could have been together.

Full disclosure, my infatuation was Stephanie.... we were in college. She was my ideal women, beautiful, smart (Summa Cvm Laude) went to grad school at Oxford, we were completely in sync politically, philosophically, sexually, emotionally... she was awesome. I carried that torch for years... not nearly as long as you, but like you during that period I dated and hooked up with several chicks, and none of them stood up to her. So yea.... this sh!t happens to all of us, BTW it happens to chicks as well.

It took me 4 years to get over her.... for me it was being in the desert waiting for the Iraq invasion to start in 1991. I was a liaison with the French forces since all air assets were being managed by the US. They thought it was a good idea (and it was) to have Americans embedded with allies to minimize air support friendly fire incidents. Anyway, I was with the French and I watched these French soldiers getting letters from chicks dumping them... then I realized "Dr. John" letters are NOT an American only phenomena.... this sh!t happens all over the world. But the way the French dealt with it, was very different for Americans... Americans often just keep it to themselves, and internalize everything, maybe meet wit the chaplain. The French, well they realized that all chicks are like this... it isn't some exceptional thing it is a volcano waiting to erupt. They read the letters out loud and all their buddies take turns ridiculing her. They force the guy getting the letter to recall things he did not like about her. Then they joke about it then they move on refusing to ever talk about her.

So what you do is that you realize that your life is more important that any one chick.... keep telling yourself there is really nothing special about her... her sh!t stinks just like everyone else... all chicks are the same, and when you find yourself thinking about her, think about the negative, then stop thinking about her. Get rid of anything that might remind you about her.... pictures, letters, block her on social media. You have to make the following statement part of your belief system:

"All women are the same, they have different personalities and values, but they are all driven by the same instincts and respond to the same things. There are no special snowflakes. Nothing happens with women unless they are attracted to you, if they are not interested there isn't a freaking thing in the world you can do to change her attitude. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING you do will make her want you... if she does not like you or falls out of love with you... you are done, and the only rational thing to do at that point is get off the ride and give the next dude his turn... you go find another ride."

Ranger Mike,
Thank you for your reply and thank you for your service to this country.

Yes my ex fits into the category from early in my life in our formative years. If I met her today in my life and she was on fire I would not even piss on her to put the flames out. She is a low quality woman in my book who acts like a child and has a mentality of a teenager at 40 years old. Its strange because she somewhat had her **** together as far as her career and stuff but now has been knocked down a level. I'm pretty sure she's going through a mid life crisis. She became so use to living off her looks and getting everything she wants in life (men, jobs, attention, instant love from all, because of her youth and beauty. Now reality is kicking in not as many high quality men are beating down her door, jobs and clients are harder for her to secure and close the deal, she's dipping into her savings instead of building it etc...

Please keep in mind I did not carry the torch for her all these years. I had moved on from her within a few years in the 90s and only thought about her once in a while mainly when she tracked me down. She has always tracked me down and tried to stay in touch with me. I just allowed myself to be sucker fished back into believing her words and falling prey to her manipulative actions this time. If she would have acted like a friend from the beginning then that's what I would have gave her.

Mine is more of a cautionary tale to the fellas to not be reconnecting to much with a woman from your past because feelings of love can rekindle where you thought the embers were out. And if you do reconnect do not do it deeply unless your looking for some drama and confusion to spice up your life. She was showing me off to her family her close friends her business partners solo dates etc... basically had me back in her life before I knew it. All to string me along and try to put me in her second choice option category. If she did not act that certain way when we reconnected I would have been fine being friendly with her every now and then and would not have gone down the rabbit hole with her for months. I know she loves and misses me her words and actions show it. It's just her princess mentality wants to give up the stallion for a unicorn and the stallion never was and never will wait around for her.

You are rite women see the world in a completely different light then men do but every now and then even the strongest men fall prey to weakness it's human nature. Be it alcohol, drugs, food, health, whatever. But when you catch yourself falling it's important to correct the behavior. Fall down seven times get up eight. Places like SS if you can sift through the BS and get to the nuggets of truth and connect with guys like you are priceless and free.

Yeah I got off that ride and got on another it's helping to make her a memory again. I could make it go faster if I was spinning more plates but at this stage I'm happy enough with this other one till it explodes. Simply because I'm more focused on making money than spinning plates at this point I'm thinking long haul retirement game and I travel a lot for business. My experience is if I'm investing the correct amount of time needed in spinning plates that takes away from time need in operating my business paperwork, rules, regulations, insurance, fees, clients etc... I just don't have the time to truly spin plates correctly the way I use to at this point. Spinning plates alone was a full time job in hours invested but I do miss those days. I'll leave that to the young studs and rich old guys for now. Thanks again for your reply Ranger.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

I've failed in many other things, but in this I've never failed. Once they are out of the door, I miss them and everything, but it's like when someone dies, they don't exist anymore. If I happen to see then or hang out is like it's another person, even if I'm still grieving for the break up.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

I've failed in many other things, but in this I've never failed. Once they are out of the door, I miss them and everything, but it's like when someone dies, they don't exist anymore. If I happen to see then or hang out is like it's another person, even if I'm still grieving for the break up.

I've failed in many other things, but in this I've never failed. Once they are out of the door, I miss them and everything, but it's like when someone dies, they don't exist anymore. If I happen to see then or hang out is like it's another person, even if I'm still grieving for the break up.

I've failed in many other things, but in this I've never failed. Once they are out of the door, I miss them and everything, but it's like when someone dies, they don't exist anymore. If I happen to see then or hang out is like it's another person, even if I'm still grieving for the break up.

I'm trying and I believe this time I will succeed since I put my foot down. I truly believe that our last date or whatever you want to call it was the last time I will see her on this planet. And I'm glad for that because We both had a great time and that's how I want to remember her. I will never contact her again and if she contacts me I'll evaluate what I'm feeling and see with clear eyes how I will proceed but friendship is off the table for me.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Yeah with her the only role I'll accept in the future is companionship, team player, partner mentality with a stiff vetting period.

With all others women it's standard operating procedures. They get nothing but the D and a good time from me till they proven they deserve and earned it through responsable behavior.

 

[Skyline]

She clearly offers something that you do not have. What does she have that you want?

My current oneitis offered me a connection. But she's a liar and has low self esteem. I'm approaching and pumping messages on Tinder to get over her.

What does she offer?

 

[shesabranchswinger]

She clearly offers something that you do not have. What does she have that you want?

My current oneitis offered me a connection. But she's a liar and has low self esteem. I'm approaching and pumping messages on Tinder to get over her.

What does she offer?

We both offer each other many things on many levels. She offers me a connection as well she offers me love the chemistry is perfect. But we both want different things at this point is how I see it and that's ok with me. She wants me as a friend or friend with benefits till her unicorn comes along (not said by her but felt from me) or else she would have been on me from day one like her friend is now. And if her unicorn never shows up well hay I got this second string in the pinn all warmed up (me). I want a teammate from her a partner that I can trust and respect or I'll just be banging around and qualifying other women and her out of my life.

When we are together it's great she loves it loves me said it many times I love hanging with her too but she wants her cake and eat it too. If she were any other woman I'd stick around with her and run it into the ground while spinning plates at the same time because it would all be fun and games without emotions from my side. I have even tried to picture her as someone else and treat her a certain way it just doesn't work for long. And if I went any deeper I'd start having negative thoughts about her since people have to change on their own.

Be careful with yours. In today's hookup culture they all lie and they all have low self esteem specially mine or they would be happily married by now. That's why they can't pick a stallion and stick with him. To many choices to choose from till they get curbed and end up as cat lady's. If a woman's not happily married by the time she's 25 in my opinion she has major flaws that will last a lifetime.

As for tender and approaching women that helps but you better come correct or it could leave you frustrated as well. What works for me is focusing on myself and then work because without those two things nothing else is possible. Then that builds my confidence to a spot that when I am approaching women I really could careless what the outcome is and that makes it stress free for me personally but to each his own.

 

[Skyline]

We both offer each other many things on many levels. She offers me a connection as well she offers me love the chemistry is perfect. But we both want different things at this point is how I see it and that's ok with me. She wants me as a friend or friend with benefits till her unicorn comes along (not said by her but felt from me) or else she would have been on me from day one like her friend is now. And if her unicorn never shows up well hay I got this second string in the pinn all warmed up (me). I want a teammate from her a partner that I can trust and respect or I'll just be banging around and qualifying other women and her out of my life.

When we are together it's great she loves it loves me said it many times I love hanging with her too but she wants her cake and eat it too. If she were any other woman I'd stick around with her and run it into the ground while spinning plates at the same time because it would all be fun and games without emotions from my side. I have even tried to picture her as someone else and treat her a certain way it just doesn't work for long. And if I went any deeper I'd start having negative thoughts about her since people have to change on their own.

Be careful with yours. In today's hookup culture they all lie and they all have low self esteem specially mine or they would be happily married by now. That's why they can't pick a stallion and stick with him. To many choices to choose from till they get curbed and end up as cat lady's. If a woman's not happily married by the time she's 25 in my opinion she has major flaws that will last a lifetime.

As for tender and approaching women that helps but you better come correct or it could leave you frustrated as well. What works for me is focusing on myself and then work because without those two things nothing else is possible. Then that builds my confidence to a spot that when I am approaching women I really could careless what the outcome is and that makes it stress free for me personally but to each his own.

Wait, so you're sleeping with her? And she says she loves you? I think you're thinking too hard on this man. Listen to ACTIONS. My current oneitis would say stuff like that but she never backed it up with actions. I naturally have an insecurity for stuff like that so it was like an automatic lie detection.

If your girl is telling you via actions, then that is all you need. Women don't know how to be smooth or upfront with themselves but their actions do.

The whole cake and eating it thing... Give her a slice. Give her 4 slices. Just don't give the entire thing to do her.

And the girl I'm talking to is 18, I'm only 21.