Should I go with three strikes on her? Did she cancel because I said I'm only seeing her?

[Rambo92]

We've been on two dates and she initiates contact with me a lot.

We were supposed to go on date three last Tuesday but she had to stay extra at her work placement so we rearranged for today (Wednesday).

Now I've been posting stuff on Facebook and tagging myself in locations in which other girls have liked the statuses I put.

On Monday she sent me this: "Morning so what did you get up to last night? Can I ask a serious question; because I'm new to all this dating stuff. Are you seeing other girls apart from me? X"

I told her that she was the only girl I was seeing at this moment.

Anyway fast forward to this morning, she texts me "Morning old man...I'm not well , been up all night being sick and not slept. Having the day off work and going to try and sleep it off. So I'm going to say I won't be able to come tonight so sorry! No idea what is wrong with me...I will try to make it up to you. Xxx"

The last time she was active on Facebook was when she text me and she's usually very active in the morning. Now there is a bug going around as I've just had one of my most loyal and hard working staff who works for me phone in sick.

Do you think it's because I said I'm just seeing her? Or could she be legitimately ill? I want to give a three strikes chance, but at the same time I'm tempted to remove her from Facebook and move on.

 

[Konada]

Too much overthinking. Since she has already been proven to initiate contact, let her reach out to you.

Send another ping text a week after if she doesn't reach out. Another flaky/non response and you should move on.

Also, two dates is too early to be asking these kind of questions. Go with either "I don't kiss and tell that early" or "Well, what do you think? "

 

[Rambo92]

Too much overthinking. Since she has already been proven to initiate contact, let her reach out to you.

Send another ping text a week after if she doesn't reach out. Another flaky/non response and you should move on.

Also, two dates is too early to be asking these kind of questions. Go with either "I don't kiss and tell that early" or "Well, what do you think? "

Damn, I like those quotes. Wish I used them, would have kept her guessing. Now she thinks I'm just seeing her now so she probably thinks she can do what she wants with me.

She's still not been active on FB for a few hours now so there's a possibility she's sleeping it off. I did reply back "Hope you get better. Are you free tomorrow night?" as thats my only night off this week, busy the rest. I probably should have said to her let me know when your schedule frees up instead and let her get back to me. Meh.

If I don't hear back from her today then i'll remove her from Facebook and move on.

 

[Glassguy]

Too much over thinking. Let her get better, then pick up where you left off.

"Hey no problem and I hope you feel better. If you need anything let me know hun...."

 

[Rambo92]

So she replied a few hours later and said she only just woke up but wasn't feeling better. I suggested tomorrow night but she said she couldn't, imo probably because she'd still be ill and wouldn't want to commit to plans then, but I knew that would be the case, I was just testing her to see if she'd reschedule.

She said "Sorry just woke up still not feeling right. I'm not free tomorrow only free Saturday now. Oh my god, I'm so ****! Sorry x"

So I replied after work suggesting Saturday at 8:30pm, but I would need to know today incase I make other plans. Balls in her court. I sent it 15 minutes ago and it's 5pm, if I don't hear from her by the time I go to sleep tonight then I'll delete her off facebook.

Going with a mate to a restaurant tomorrow now, so I could have some fun with tagging myself there.

 

[Rambo92]

I'm getting the impression that you're too eager to see her again, rather than on the verge of tossing her for not being available.

1. You're over-thinking this.
2. You have obviously studied her "typical" FB activity and keep checking her page waiting for something to change.
3. Despite the fact she may be sick, you want her to go out with you the next day because your schedule will not allow you to see her again for a while if she doesn't.
4. You've already committed your next available day off to see her, despite nothing changing to warrant it.
5. Your counting the hours waiting for her response.
6. You've told her you're not seeing anyone else (she may have asked not because she wants to be exclusive, but to see if you're too focused on her).

You may not have to "next" her. With behavior like that, she will be the one to next YOU. In fact, she may actually be in the process of doing this already by reducing her availability.

I think she did that now..

She sent:

"Can't do half 8, just spoke to my dad and he wants to take me out for a celebration tea for me getting my job.
Sorry...I am just so busy at the moment, going back to my teaching placement and SATS coming up etc. I might have to cool this off for a while. I don't want to be messing you around because your a gentleman and I don't want to come across a *****, because I'm not like that.
Hope that makes sense? Xx"

I guess it was because I seemed too available, but then she commented on how busy I get and that I'm a workaholic. I'd have hoped if a girl was interested she'd be fine with agreeing to a day I suggest, even if I was a bit too available.

I had a feeling that telling her I was just dating her was a mistake, just when she said she was new to this dating. I didn't want to scare her off and make it sound like I was screaming the word player to her, but guess I did that already by making it seem like I was focusing too much on her.

I really wish I went with my plan and said "Let's just do this another time when your schedule is more definite" after she cancelled, then back off completely. I think pressuring her into committing to a date put her off, oh well.

Least with the next girl I know to say that if they don't offer to reschedule.

 

[lizardking82]

Number 1 advice to keep in mind forever: you invite a chick out, she accepts, you arrange a date -> before the date, chick tells you she cannot come because [insert reason] -> you NEVER, NEVER propose another day/time. She does the counteroffer if she's interested. Your answer is a cool and composed "it's OK, sugar, hope you get well soon. Talk to ya later, gotta run". That's it. And you don't contact her AGAIN until/if she does.

Number 2: ****test questions are to be answered face to face or on the phone with something striking and rerouting, not straight answers and before she is your girlfriend, you are ALWAYS seeing other girls. Mystery and doubt make her ***** wet.

 

[Rambo92]

Number 1 advice to keep in mind forever: you invite a chick out, she accepts, you arrange a date -> before the date, chick tells you she cannot come because [insert reason] -> you NEVER, NEVER propose another day/time. She does the counteroffer if she's interested. Your answer is a cool and composed "it's OK, sugar, hope you get well soon. Talk to ya later, gotta run". That's it. And you don't contact her AGAIN until/if she does.

Number 2: ****test questions are to be answered face to face or on the phone with something striking and rerouting, not straight answers and before she is your girlfriend, you are ALWAYS seeing other girls. Mystery and doubt make her ***** wet.

Screenshotted this advice on my phone for the future. Solid advice. This is what lets me down every time.

When she postponed our first two dates, she'd reschedule so I guess it felt easy and didn't test me. I then got onetis and got too invested into her. Annoying because I started off solid, then when she slipped away I got worse. I even said to myself let her go and pursue other girls, but nope.

So just be more mysterious. Annoying because she kept calling me that and intriguing from the get go, I always let it slip and get too comfortable.

Anyway I sent the worst ever text then removed her from Facebook:

"It's cool, you can just say to me that you aren't interested.. makes life easier. I'd have appreciated if you'd have told me a couple of weeks ago though. Confuses me when you're saying your friends want to meet me, asking if I'm seeing other girls, etc. But I don't see you in a bad way, maybe you've met someone else and want to pursue that, maybe that drunk text was meant for someone else. As long as it makes you happy, that's fine with me. Shame as I thought there was something potentially good between us, but I guess we see this differently. Glad we got to know each other in the time we did but your work is much more important than me and I'd rather you put that first. If your schedule ever frees up sometime, you know where I am. Anyway, good luck with your future x"

Ugh. Wish I just kept it simple and said "Good luck with your work, we can do this some other time" but it did make me feel better. I just acted emotionally and need to stop now. Suppose you go through enough rejections to change. Plus I knew there was NO chance with her in the future and didn't want to live on hope.

She has a very active social life in the evenings and works during the week day. I work a lot of lates as well as most weekends. That with the 25 mile distance between us, eh.. I think it would have been a massive long term problem. It was like a puzzle trying to arrange our first two dates, finding times we were both free. Busy people make it work and we did at that point, but I honestly think it's the 30 minute drive to our date and the 30 minute drive back that she'd have to keep on doing, would be stressful doing that with her new job and social life. She probably wanted something more local, my gut says. When I suggested 8:30pm she said that was late on and asked if I was working. I don't think our work schedules work with each other.

She looks better in her photos too than in person and I guess maybe the chemistry wasn't there too much either, felt like it was more over text. She seemed quite sarcastic in person, not had great experiences with that in the long term (my ex).

I nearly didn't respond to her due to the distance, but we clicked really well on POF so thought I'd give it a chance.

Well this all happened for a reason and it was meant to be. I've taken some solid advice and experience that I can use on an even better girl.

 

[Rambo92]

Your busy schedule is precisely why she may have started to become weary when you started to become too available, which in turn may have prompted her to ask if you're dating others. It makes you look even more eager when you start devoting your every next free moment to her. And yes, you would think that a woman with high interest will take up that offer, but if a woman isn't available that same moment you are, you're forcing her to shoot down your offer even if she is interested in seeing you. Asking for immediate confirmations in such situations makes it even worse.



I don't think your mistake was telling her you were just dating her. I think your mistake was to imply you two are dating. You may be going on dates with her, but you two are not dating. Normal people who are single going on first and second dates typically leave their options to meet other people open until they've seen someone enough times to pursue a it at higher level. That doesn't make you a player, especially if you've only been out with a girl 2 times. Women look at this no differently. They are not your girl after 2 dates. You're not their man after 2 dates. It's a question that warrants an indifferent answer to. You're single, not committed to anyone and going on dates to find a person you're compatible with, just like everyone else in the world.




Yeah, simple and open-ended is best. Give them a chance to deliver on promises to make it up to you. Don't force it.

Just to note, I DIDNT tell her we were dating. She asked if I was seeing other girls apart from her. I replied "you're the only girl I'm seeing right this moment". I only mentioned the word seeing as she did too. But okay, so I should just tell a girl that I'm dating a few people to see where it goes. I nearly did that but someone said I might scare her off. I even thought that if she had a problem with it, then I had every right to. Didn't stick to my guns.

Yeah, I got over eager and too persistent asking when she was free. I asked her out already for Wednesday, she gave me an excuse about being ill and I should have just accepted it and said
"We'll do this another time when your schedule is more definite" or something similar enough to allow her to get back to me.

It's so annoying because I feel I had that part of the texting correct, i.e letting her initiate a lot then I'll end the texting and back off, letting her reach out to me. I was doing that and she was, but soon as I pushed for a date, I ruin it.

Do you think me saying "let me know by today incase I make other plans" ruined it? It did seem as if I was forcing it. I wasn't begging her, just being too persistent. She said she was free on Saturday, dunno why she'd mention that. Annoyingly I was going to tell her to let me know when her schedule is more free but I listened to my sisters advice and went into panic mode, bad move lol. Suppose I've wasted so much of my time before I just wanted a quick answer.

Anyway like you say, even if I did push her for a date, a girl with high interest would have suggested another day that she was totally free on.

 

[Rambo92]

No. I am saying this is not a question that warrants a yes or no answer to begin with, especially when you're only 2 dates in. You answer just as any normal person would: You're single and out there looking for someone you're compatible with, just like everyone else. Let her guess the rest. This way, if she responds out of line in some way, you can straighten her ass out on it.

"Oh, so you're seeing other women?"

"No. But do you consider me to be your man after 2 only dates?"

"No."

"OK, well, if you're too busy for me and an opportunity for me to meet someone else comes up, I would probably take that opportunity at this stage."

Ah okay, I see now. Basically making it look like you'd be happy with either outcome. I'm actually annoyed at myself that I didn't use that or ask on here what to say. Only thing that's helping me get past it is the 25 mile distance and our conflict of work/social schedules. Then again my friend did end up messaging her on POF last Saturday (without my say so) and he found out she was busy like she said on that Sunday, but was having a "chilled night in" on the Saturday she told me she definitely could not do. This was after she had agreed to our Wednesday date though. I noticed she started using POF after when I was making facebook statuses about going out with friends, which looked like I was dating others. Not seen her online since she asked me that question.

So she's probably free a lot of the time, she just wasn't interested. And I KNOW she was in the first two weeks because she would initiate nearly every day and the texting would be upbeat and mysterious. The moment I started "making it seem real" made her run off obviously. I think I mostly did this because of the LARGE amount of time between our dates, I'd be running out of witty and mysterious things to text back but I'd be cutting the texting short after 4 or so replies.

Also, at least with removing her off Facebook she isn't going to know unless she goes looking for me which suggests curiosity on her part.

She also has her facebook profile set so you can't add her, only she can add you (she told me on first date) but for some reason it says "add friend" on there, probably because we've been "facebook friends" before and that option is available. That's what I noticed after deleting her anyway, but I'm not adding her back. If she wants to add me back in the future then cool, but I'll be dating other girls.

 

[Rambo92]

I think on reflection, I know why I told her that I wasn't seeing anyone else. I noticed she seemed distant last week compared to the previous weeks and that was down to her postponing last tuesdays plans, so I tagged myself at the cinema watching the EXACT same movie me and this girl was going to see so she was thinking I was taking another girl, hence her going back on POF and using it. Then I kept tagging myself at other locations that I was going to with friends which got her wondering enough to ask me.

Obviously I destroyed that jealousy and mystery, but I had a bad experience with a previous girl where it was going well but she kept assuming I was going out with girls most nights and had 10 on each arm and broke it off with me. So I have insecurities from that, but then she was a very insecure girl so I shouldn't assume all girls will act that way.

Lessons learned.

 

[KingBeef]

Too busy to be with you is nonsense. If someone is truly into you they make time.
My suggestion: Don't contact her until she does and find hotter women worthy of your time...

 

[Reykhel]

I think on reflection, I know why I told her that I wasn't seeing anyone else. I noticed she seemed distant last week compared to the previous weeks and that was down to her postponing last tuesdays plans, so I tagged myself at the cinema watching the EXACT same movie me and this girl was going to see so she was thinking I was taking another girl, hence her going back on POF and using it. Then I kept tagging myself at other locations that I was going to with friends which got her wondering enough to ask me.

Obviously I destroyed that jealousy and mystery, but I had a bad experience with a previous girl where it was going well but she kept assuming I was going out with girls most nights and had 10 on each arm and broke it off with me. So I have insecurities from that, but then she was a very insecure girl so I shouldn't assume all girls will act that way.

Lessons learned.

You need to get tougher.......with yourself.

You lack self discipline and you care too much about what they think.

If she thinks you are going out with other women?? Good. Fvck her, it's not your job to reassure any woman.

Play your fvcking game and roll multiple dice. It's the zero or two rule. Have at least two options or don't play the game. You only role the dice with one option and you're screwed.

What the fvck is some random bytch from pof doing on your Facebook? Ask yourself that question again. And again.

Ask her out. She accepts or she counters. Fvck excuses. She accepts or she counters. Do not rationalize for her, which you are doing a plenty. She accepts or she counters. She doesn't counter, tell her "well it's been nice chatting to you. I got to go. Take care" Then immediately pursue your other options.

It all boils down to her interest level.

No counter offer no interest level. It's really simple. Go silent then hit it back up in a week again if you feel like it. No counter again? Delete the number, it's a dead lead. We don't chase dead leads.

As for the questions about you seeing anyone else?? As the good Old Doc used to say "Silly answers to silly love questions" Do not entertain stupid fvcking questions. You immediately put yourself into her frame.

A silly answers "am I seeing anyone else? Oh God no, sure I'm totally devoted to you, after all we've already been seeing each other for........two whole dates. I've got the ring picked an all" ...."you mean this week?"

Stupid answers. Agree and exaggerate. If she giggles that's a good sign. If she tells you "you're not funny" you know you have a hard headed cvnt who will never be much fun and you can cut her loose.

Fella, get used to letting them go and accept when they are not interested.

Do you see the note that you sent that girl? Give yourself a little slap and promise never to do that again. Never.

A simple "cool. take care" is all you need to respond to any rejection or lack of interest.

Bottom line her actions always, never analyze her fvcking words they don't mean ****e. Her interest level is revealed via her actions.

 

[Rambo92]

Too busy to be with you is nonsense. If someone is truly into you they make time.
My suggestion: Don't contact her until she does and find hotter women worthy of your time...

No I agree. She postponed our first two dates but there was always a definite date. There was great kino from her in person and I reciprocated. Her kissing was passionate and she would be reaching out a lot to me kissing at the end. Her texting went up in intensity after the dates.

Sure she should make it work if interested, but the 25 mile distance doesn't help (her having to drive 30 mins to the city centre and then 30 minutes back). She has to do evening dates due to work and I tend to work a lot of lates (in retail). I also have to work a lot of weekends too. I reckon if I had a 9-5 job maybe the flexibility would be better. We'd both certain evenings free that we weren't spending with friends.

Anyway, what's done is done. I did have doubts with the distance so least it's done now.

 

[guru1000]

We've been on two dates and she initiates contact with me a lot.

We were supposed to go on date three last Tuesday but she had to stay extra at her work placement so we rearranged for today (Wednesday).

Now I've been posting stuff on Facebook and tagging myself in locations in which other girls have liked the statuses I put.

On Monday she sent me this: "Morning so what did you get up to last night? Can I ask a serious question; because I'm new to all this dating stuff. Are you seeing other girls apart from me? X"

I told her that she was the only girl I was seeing at this moment.

Anyway fast forward to this morning, she texts me "Morning old man...I'm not well , been up all night being sick and not slept. Having the day off work and going to try and sleep it off. So I'm going to say I won't be able to come tonight so sorry! No idea what is wrong with me...I will try to make it up to you. Xxx"

You respond with, "Let's see" and delete her number.

I find it disrespectful if a girl flakes (irregardless of the excuse), having wasted MY time, and I don't give second chances. Last month, I made an exception, and gave a flake a second chance, after she sent me her dentist's note on her own accord, as I was ignoring her following the flake.

These days, my guideline is no chances, as "chance" suggests she has already exhibited imperfect behavior, and thus continued relations implies I have elevated her above my standards.

 

[lizardking82]

No counter offer no interest level. It's really simple. Go silent then hit it back up in a week again if you feel like it. No counter again? Delete the number, it's a dead lead. We don't chase dead leads.

Exactly. This is what I told him back up there. You remember my negative roommate? This is one of the things he does LOL with this woman lately, he added her on OLD, wrote to her once, invited her out, she said she was budy, he let her alone for about a week, wrote to her again, invited her out again, she was again "busy", LOL and he gets mad and tells me I don't know shiat because I tell him "let it go, dude, she is not interested" and he's like "no, I will go to her workplace"

 

[Juanto]

A silly answers "am I seeing anyone else? Oh God no, sure I'm totally devoted to you, after all we've already been seeing each other for........two whole dates. I've got the ring picked an all" ...."you mean this week?"

This is very good. Or just " a gentleman doesnt kiss and tell" with a smirk on your face. Dont worry sounding a bit playerish, it seems like that is exactly what you should be sounding more like at this point, Rambo92

 

[KingBeef]

No I agree. She postponed our first two dates but there was always a definite date. There was great kino from her in person and I reciprocated. Her kissing was passionate and she would be reaching out a lot to me kissing at the end. Her texting went up in intensity after the dates.

Sure she should make it work if interested, but the 25 mile distance doesn't help (her having to drive 30 mins to the city centre and then 30 minutes back). She has to do evening dates due to work and I tend to work a lot of lates (in retail). I also have to work a lot of weekends too. I reckon if I had a 9-5 job maybe the flexibility would be better. We'd both certain evenings free that we weren't spending with friends.

Anyway, what's done is done. I did have doubts with the distance so least it's done now.

You need more options man, better options.
Stop settling for girls that are 25 miles away that are a chore for you to get to.

You need to spin local girls that accomodate you first and foremost. Don't make it hard for yourself, start easy. Once you have a "rotation" of girls to pick from then you get to choose who is worth your time and whose not....then you keep adding to the list. There is no more of this "I'm too available" vibe you give off, YOU ARE GIVING AWAY TOO MUCH OF YOUR ATTENTION FOR FREE... SHE HAS TO WORK FOR IT... She don't like it? What does the baseball manager do when a pitcher doesn't perform? Takes the ball from her hand and goes to the pen for a replacement. You need options...

 

[Rambo92]

You need to get tougher.......with yourself.

You lack self discipline and you care too much about what they think.

If she thinks you are going out with other women?? Good. Fvck her, it's not your job to reassure any woman.

Play your fvcking game and roll multiple dice. It's the zero or two rule. Have at least two options or don't play the game. You only role the dice with one option and you're screwed.

What the fvck is some random bytch from pof doing on your Facebook? Ask yourself that question again. And again.

Ask her out. She accepts or she counters. Fvck excuses. She accepts or she counters. Do not rationalize for her, which you are doing a plenty. She accepts or she counters. She doesn't counter, tell her "well it's been nice chatting to you. I got to go. Take care" Then immediately pursue your other options.

It all boils down to her interest level.

No counter offer no interest level. It's really simple. Go silent then hit it back up in a week again if you feel like it. No counter again? Delete the number, it's a dead lead. We don't chase dead leads.

As for the questions about you seeing anyone else?? As the good Old Doc used to say "Silly answers to silly love questions" Do not entertain stupid fvcking questions. You immediately put yourself into her frame.

A silly answers "am I seeing anyone else? Oh God no, sure I'm totally devoted to you, after all we've already been seeing each other for........two whole dates. I've got the ring picked an all" ...."you mean this week?"

Stupid answers. Agree and exaggerate. If she giggles that's a good sign. If she tells you "you're not funny" you know you have a hard headed cvnt who will never be much fun and you can cut her loose.

Fella, get used to letting them go and accept when they are not interested.

Do you see the note that you sent that girl? Give yourself a little slap and promise never to do that again. Never.

A simple "cool. take care" is all you need to respond to any rejection or lack of interest.

Bottom line her actions always, never analyze her fvcking words they don't mean ****e. Her interest level is revealed via her actions.

Thanks, this means a great deal and makes a lot of sense.

I didn't add her on Facebook though, well I never go searching for them. She added me after our first date.

But next time I'll go care-free and date multiple girls.

 

[Konada]

Things like taking hours to respond etc are poor indicators of interest levels. Heck, women even f*ck you if they are not that into you. The prime indicator of interest in my opinion is how willing she is to submit to your frame, barring her non-negotiables. Examples include: agreeing to dates, molding herself to fit your ideals.

One thing that Poon King said that really resonates and I apply in my dating life:
No submission, no attention.