Quality of MAN or quality of PERFORMANCE?
Both.
What
@Reykhel says is quite true. Women want good sex, otherwise why bother? Why expose yourself to the risk involved and why settle for a ho hum lover? Women also want an accomplished man. If you attract accomplished men you sort for one who will be a good lover...if you attract good lovers you sort for who is also an accomplished man.
I personally routinely meet accomplished men. However finding one who is also a good lover is much more difficult. You can tell a great deal about how a man will be in bed by how he kisses, how he moves, how/if he dances...there are lots of little cues a woman learns to read and interpret very quickly. I've run into I can't tell you how many accomplished guys who are also good looking who I can tell are not going to be what I want in bed. I need more of a rascal type man or I'm going to get bored quickly. I had my first relationship with a man who was both ambitious/intelligent as well as a good lover & I was also married to such a man.
The biggest issue I observe is that so few men have the courage to connect with a woman in a genuine way that they are incapable of being a good lover. Men who are good in bed are not the "well just use her for sex and worry about yourself" type men. Rather they are men who are willing to be engaged in the bedroom, who are attentive to the woman as well as open about their own desires. That does not mean supplicating. Attentiveness and engagement with your partner sexually is NOT supplication.
The man I dated recently since my divorce was a curious example. While he was quite handsome, a success, a leader, quite genuinely alpha etc...and I found him very sexy & attractive, once we got into the bedroom there were some roadblocks. He worried about size, he had issues with staying hard (the condom tended to kill the erection) and he was in his head too much about both of those things. No amount of understanding seemed to help. I liked HIM but he was still insecure about those two things. He was passionate and a great kisser but didn't know his way around a woman's body really which was surprising to me. Maybe his ex wife faked her orgasms a lot, who knows WHY but he was unsure there and seemed to get frustrated if I wanted to gently show him what would work well for me. I found myself wondering if I could date someone long term who was disappointing (the ultimate end result) in bed.
And I really respected and admired him in so many ways. We have parted amicably and I am quite fond of him...perhaps our sexual expectations were not well matched...who knows.
I actually think so many men think they are good lovers when they actually are not. If a guy thinks just pound her hard for a long time and that makes a good lover without otherwise interacting too much or worrying about her pleasure then that man is likely to be seen as selfish and inattentive. If a girl sleeps with a man and then she never responds again it's a high percentage bet she didn't like the sex.
