How to handle negative guy friends

[lizardking82]

I have been living with this guy for 2 and a half years now in the same room and I will describe my situation with him so you get a clearer picture of him

- 26 years old
- Muslim, prays 3-4 times a day but closes the room curtains because he's afraid other people might look at him doing that and he doesn't wanna be known as a Muslim
- Hates Albania, our homecountry, often speaks massively bad of Albanians and our history and our people
- Does not deal with young chicks, only 30 and above and goes up to 60 year old disgusting (to me) women
- Has two life "loves" with which he has ****ed up way too much because he got way too emotional; he kept writing letters to this first love of his life for 5 years, talking to her cousins and everything while she could not give a single **** about him and apparently proceeded to get engaged a couple of months ago; on the other hand, his second love of life is a 31 year old, very mysterious and weird unmarried woman which he considers as a "flesh burner" LOL but she got mad at him because one night he told her he cannot have a drink with her because he had stuff do so everything completely went south after that. He still has hopes for this one, too.
- Hates homosexuals, thinks they should be all exterminated
- Hates scientists and guys who dress up on suites and business-looky, thinks they can't get it up and thinks that scientists are scientists because they never knew how to deal with women
- Is very nasty in conversations, directly turns to quite miserable irony whenever you're having a convo with him and he happens not to agree. Several times has he mentioned to me the fact I stole something in my high school back when I was 16 (I told him the story in the sense that I was kinda happy I got caught since it made me change course 100%) in conversations totally unrelated to this one, kind of like personal attack. Mentioned to me some of the relationships that did not work out for me in kind of an attacking way
- Thinks women are evil and his religion says that hell will be full of them because they are ungrateful
- Thinks work is for suckers while the pimps just cruise and enjoy
- Blames his parents for everything that happens to him, especially his mom which he says "forced" him to go for economics in university. He says she "lied to him when she told him there was practically no maths involved in economics university" so he feels "betrayed" by her. When she calls to ask him how he is, he talks to her with a feeling of disdain and kinda "sends her packing from the convo" in 1-2 minutes.
- Says he is destined for great things and it is unfair that he lives in a ****hole like Albania yet cannot really tell what specific things is he destined for. In a lot of cases says that he should be a jigolo or a stripper or sth in US
- Praises himself loudly in the room often times, praises his **** LOL takes very little life accomplishments and makes them out to be huge things that he, with his "greatness", was able to achieve
- Likes to put other people down so he can feel better, literally says this often times and does it, too (on me, too)
- Does not take any kind of advice from me since I am "younger than him and someone younger cannot give him any kind of advice"
- Only wants to talk about women. Talks to several women during the day, faps minimally 3-4 times a day. Any woman that doesn't **** him is stupid, according to him.

My problem is that I live with this guy since some good time now. It eases the burden on the payments cause everything is halfed and he is kinda rock'n'roll guy, something I enjoy in him. However, it is close to impossible to have a normal conversation with him because the moment he disagrees with you, he will try to put you down. I cannot talk to him about religion, sciences, politics and almost not even sports. The only thing he wants to talk about is women. But I cannot ****in' talk about women all the time. I wanna talk about other things, too.

I have greatly reduced the talking about any topic with him, but sometimes, it just happens and we end up fighting LOL and I hate that since it takes up my time, my energy and my positivity.

My question is (to some of the more experienced DJs who have probably had similar stuff happen to them in life): how can I avoid this guy for a couple more months? I ask this because he will be moving out in a couple months. Greatly appreciate any advice.

 

[GT40]

I think you should move man. You may wake up one day soon with a knife plunged into your chest. That clown is a saddest.

 

[speed dawg]

I'd move, dude sounds like a radical terrorist wannabe. Those guys are all AFCs.

 

[FwoGiZ]

Such a long text for such a small problem with easy solutions...
Just spend your time elsewhere... -_- you don't need to have to interact with him much... do your own sh1t

 

[KingBeef]

Move out man. Find someone within your age range with a similar single bachelor lifestyle.

 

[derricklerrick]

MOVE OUT? Looks like you're answering his question without even having read the whole message of his. If he's moving out in a few months, why would you bothering wasting your time shifting when it's a temporary problem? Ignore him and find a place to spend your time elsewhere. Go to the library to study and return home late at night so that when you come back he will be asleep or at least won't have time to give you ****.

 

[Fruitbat]

Am I the only one who thinks the answer to this douchbag is immediate physical violence followed by expulsion to Saudi Arabia?

 

[Reykhel]

He's bullying you because he can.

Something in your boundaries needs immediate addressing. Physically and emotionally.

Would he be this lippy with you if he thought he might get a slap because of it? He does not fear this repercussion.
Would he be this lippy with you if he wasn't able to push your buttons? He knows he can.

Avoiding the apartment and counting the time down until he leaves would be a passive solution that will have a detrimental effect on your self-esteem.

This needs an aggressive solution.

Mentally you can't be the submissive one. If he offers "advice" in his manner, you got to assert yourself and put him on the spot......say something like "oh you're my fvcking guru now, eh? Well come on guru, let's hear more of your sage advice" . The key is to not let his crap get under your skin. Throw it straight back at him. Again, you cannot afford to be the submissive one in these exchanges.

As far as saving money on the rent goes.....what fvcking price are you paying for that now. There's always a price to pay.

 

[Roober]

You have to remove yourself from that environment man. Find a way, just do it!

Part of being a DJ is surrounding yourself with high value, good quality people

 

[lizardking82]

He's bullying you because he can.

Something in your boundaries needs immediate addressing. Physically and emotionally.

Would he be this lippy with you if he thought he might get a slap because of it? He does not fear this repercussion.
Would he be this lippy with you if he wasn't able to push your buttons? He knows he can.

Avoiding the apartment and counting the time down until he leaves would be a passive solution that will have a detrimental effect on your self-esteem.

This needs an aggressive solution.

Mentally you can't be the submissive one. If he offers "advice" in his manner, you got to assert yourself and put him on the spot......say something like "oh you're my fvcking guru now, eh? Well come on guru, let's hear more of your sage advice" . The key is to not let his crap get under your skin. Throw it straight back at him. Again, you cannot afford to be the submissive one in these exchanges.

As far as saving money on the rent goes.....what fvcking price are you paying for that now. There's always a price to pay.

I am never the submissive one in any kind of confrontation. I don't want it to escalate physically, that's all. Verbally, it has escalated everytime and I have told him very similar stuff, if not heavier than "you're my ****ing guru now, huh?". The thing is, if it gets to slapping and fighting, it would mean one of us would have to leave the house immediately. It is an avoidable situation, that's all. But I never let him dominate me verbally, although you are very right when you say he knows he can push my buttons. It is just that his bull**** level and the bull**** he does with his life everyday just kinda burns my ears and eyes cause the level is sooooo high it's insane. I will work on not letting him push my buttons anymore and he is due to move out in September/October. If he is not moving out by that time, I am for sure.

 

[Derek Flint]

One of the best decisions I ever made was to rid myself of all the negative people in my life.

They will only drag you down to their level.

 

[Reykhel]

I am never the submissive one in any kind of confrontation. I don't want it to escalate physically, that's all. Verbally, it has escalated everytime and I have told him very similar stuff, if not heavier than "you're my ****ing guru now, huh?". The thing is, if it gets to slapping and fighting, it would mean one of us would have to leave the house immediately. It is an avoidable situation, that's all. But I never let him dominate me verbally, although you are very right when you say he knows he can push my buttons. It is just that his bull**** level and the bull**** he does with his life everyday just kinda burns my ears and eyes cause the level is sooooo high it's insane. I will work on not letting him push my buttons anymore and he is due to move out in September/October. If he is not moving out by that time, I am for sure.

I get where you're coming from. You're living with a person who's very presence irritates you.

At least you know he's going in September/October so there's light in sight. However, if I were you I'd
try use the situation to practice frame control:

1. Control your emotions: always stay in control and never allow him to get to you. Remember no person can get to you without your permission. No person can actually make you lose control, it's your reaction that does that.

2. Change your perspective/view point of him and the situation: Regard the situation as a game and perhaps regard the situation as something like, he's nothing but a jester there to entertain you the prince (just an example of a situational frame )

3. Find his "hot buttons" and push them. Have fun with it.

4. Banter more and think on your feet. This is to replace stupid arguments. Learn to banter more and take the piss out of him and mock him more.

All the above must be practiced with a self amused wry smile on your face.

By the way, the above example "oh so you're my guru now..." is not to be said in an aggressive way (judging by what you said I'm assuming the "heavier" stuff was said in an aggressive/dominant way. It's not necessary. You can be almost playfully sarcastic, like you're saying it because the situation is in fact amusing you. "ah so you're my guru now? fantastic" all the while smiling, hands on hips, nodding the head knowingly..........

 

[GT40]

One of the best decisions I ever made was to rid myself of all the negative people in my life.

They will only drag you down to their level.

Yes me too. I was friends with this guy for 15 plus years. He was the best man on my wedding day. But he became very negative about life. Everything was ****. Went from job to job. It was always everyone's fault except his. Complained about his woman her kids etc..... it drags you down. I don't associate with him anymore and it's a good life positive

 

[btownbuck2012]

Such a long text for such a small problem with easy solutions...
Just spend your time elsewhere... -_- you don't need to have to interact with him much... do your own sh1t

I'll echo this. OP - he's just some guy you happen to live with. He doesn't define you or your life or where you're headed in life. Ironically, you made a post the other day about external validation and where does that need come from. You're describing this guy you live with like he's preventing you from being cool. Who cares what this guy does? Unless he's preventing you from getting enough sleep, eating, and just being able to relax at home, who cares? He's not an extension of and you two aren't joined at the hip.

While the guy sounds like a complete as&hole, he's his own person and so are you, the two of you just happen to live together.

He's gone in a few months anyway. That should be enough to bring you solace in this situation.

 

[lizardking82]

I'll echo this. OP - he's just some guy you happen to live with. He doesn't define you or your life or where you're headed in life. Ironically, you made a post the other day about external validation and where does that need come from. You're describing this guy you live with like he's preventing you from being cool. Who cares what this guy does? Unless he's preventing you from getting enough sleep, eating, and just being able to relax at home, who cares? He's not an extension of and you two aren't joined at the hip.

While the guy sounds like a complete as&hole, he's his own person and so are you, the two of you just happen to live together.

He's gone in a few months anyway. That should be enough to bring you solace in this situation.

No, nowhere did I state that he is stopping me from being cool. It's just that his stupidity in a lot of cases "shines" so bright it's disturbing LOL

 

[btownbuck2012]

No, nowhere did I state that he is stopping me from being cool. It's just that his stupidity in a lot of cases "shines" so bright it's disturbing LOL

Yeah I feel ya. People are like him are just hard to be around, period.

 

[BeExcellent]

I get where you're coming from. You're living with a person who's very presence irritates you.

At least you know he's going in September/October so there's light in sight. However, if I were you I'd
try use the situation to practice frame control:

1. Control your emotions: always stay in control and never allow him to get to you. Remember no person can get to you without your permission. No person can actually make you lose control, it's your reaction that does that.

2. Change your perspective/view point of him and the situation: Regard the situation as a game and perhaps regard the situation as something like, he's nothing but a jester there to entertain you the prince (just an example of a situational frame )

3. Find his "hot buttons" and push them. Have fun with it.

4. Banter more and think on your feet. This is to replace stupid arguments. Learn to banter more and take the piss out of him and mock him more.

All the above must be practiced with a self amused wry smile on your face.

By the way, the above example "oh so you're my guru now..." is not to be said in an aggressive way (judging by what you said I'm assuming the "heavier" stuff was said in an aggressive/dominant way. It's not necessary. You can be almost playfully sarcastic, like you're saying it because the situation is in fact amusing you. "ah so you're my guru now? fantastic" all the while smiling, hands on hips, nodding the head knowingly..........

^^^This. A 1000 times over. If you master your emotions and handle him with amused detachment or with unconcerned disdain it will actually discourage his behavior.

But first you have to calibrate yourself internally to get there. See it as a practice field for your life. People like this are everywhere. Do not give away your personal power to these ding bats.