i just cant believe women would really want me

[foreverAFC]

after over a decade of spending most of my friday nights alone at the gym and training hard in martial arts during the week after work, i think ive finally reached the point where women find me attractive. but i just cant get over the mental block, i cant just turn off the switch and forget all the years of being alone and feeling unwanted. i see women staring hard at me sometimes and giving me IOIs but i just cant actually bring myself to believe they could truly find me attractive or want me. i also have a lot of women at work who show interested but then go cold because they are married or in a relationship already, and it just makes me think im being teased or fcked with so now im even more guarded around females. i hate talking about myself and making an issue out of a problem that shouldnt really be a problem, but id appreciate any advice at all. i just cant deal with the mental part of all this and cant get over it at all. the last time i had a real gf was in the late 90s when i was a senior in highschool lol, and every single woman ive been with since was a stripper or hooker that i paid for. have any of you more experienced guys out there had a mental block like this, and how were you able to get over it or deal with it? i just cant stop telling myself that women would prefer a different type of guy or that they are already with someone, and it makes me avoid interacting with most of them. i feel like a caged lion, but i just dont know how to really break free. do i just need to try to lighten up and not take myself so seriously?

 

[wifehunter]

The wall of text is not helping your case.

Every person has value. If you think yours is low...work on it. If the things you are doing are not getting you the results you want...you could be trying too hard...or, you may need to find something else.

Something that involves women is a good start...cooking, health, music, etc. The list goes on. Practice Practice Practice!!!

Being smooth with the ladies, is a learned skill.

 

[Infern0]

You have been on this site for 5 years and have been given all the right advice.

Im sick of helping you, YOU are the problem. Get off your ass and help yourself.

 

[PatientOne]

I shattered my leg, it is scarred up, and I currently have to walk with a cane, and I still exude confidence. In fact, I may use the situation to my advantage. It is all about attitude, man. I have value that I see in myself. Look for value in yourself, and make it a part of your psyche. Approach women; because you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. You have to be happy with yourself.

 

[phil2015]

i think ive finally reached the point where women find me attractive

i see women staring hard at me sometimes and giving me IOIs

i also have a lot of women at work who show interest?

Three times in your post you state you have incoming female attraction. This tells me that your probably a decent looking chap and that whatever you're working in in the gym or other self improvement is working.

I think you're over complicating and undoubtedly over-thinking the situation. I think you need to stop being as hard on yourself, chill out and take things easy.

Concentrate on asking for a number and arranging a definate date, get one out with the intention of making her laugh and smile as much as possible.

 

[homie]

Too much red pill lol
What to do - communicate with your female co-workers or whatever women you have around, let yourself be bitter and AFC, eventually you will be better, there is no easier way.

And stop thinking about SMV, those women boyfriends, how you look and all crap. Just act, you are ready

 

[AlphaNate]

You need therapy.

 

[Derek Flint]

Simple truth.

If you are happy and like yourself, others will too.

If not, identify what's lacking and fix it but don't overanalyze as you are probably ahead of a vast majority of other guys.

Also, you will never be perfect.
There will never be a perfect moment to approach and the perfect thing(s) to say.

 

[wifehunter]

I shattered my leg, it is scarred up, and I currently have to walk with a cane, and I still exude confidence. In fact, I may use the situation to my advantage. It is all about attitude, man. I have value that I see in myself. Look for value in yourself, and make it a part of your psyche. Approach women; because you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. You have to be happy with yourself.

Excellent!!!

Reminds me that being a "one man party" is really the way to go!!!

Hope you get better soon!!!

 

[PatientOne]

Excellent!!!

Reminds me that being a "one man party" is really the way to go!!!

Hope you get better soon!!!

Thanks! I will get there. It was a high impact motorcycle accident. I will never be 100%, but my attitude will always be 110%. I will get myself back to just about where I was.

I can use the issue to trigger nurturing emotions from women, while maintaining my frame. Maybe that is why the chick from my thread brings me food.

Either way, they see me going out and having a good time. I'm scheduling jam sessions where there will be chick hang-arounds. Things are really looking up!

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Simple truth.

If you are happy and like yourself, others will too.

If not, identify what's lacking and fix it but don't overanalyze as you are probably ahead of a vast majority of other guys.

Also, you will never be perfect.
There will never be a perfect moment to approach and the perfect thing(s) to say.

Forget therapy, think education. If you are having an 'inner game' problem you need to sort this out with some moral philosophy. Now the moderns are hopelessly inadequate in this regard [hence all the inner game problems], so I recommend you to the ancients; read some Stoicism for the education of the mind, and some Epicureanism for the education of your aesthetic sense and the passions. Happy reading!

 

[Derek Flint]

Forget therapy, think education. If you are having an 'inner game' problem you need to sort this out with some moral philosophy. Now the moderns are hopelessly inadequate in this regard [hence all the inner game problems], so I recommend you to the ancients; read some Stoicism for the education of the mind, and some Epicureanism for the education of your aesthetic sense and the passions. Happy reading!

I never suggested therapy.

Basically, if you are happy with your life and self you will naturally attract quality people into it.

If someone is not, they will come across as being needy.

It's the difference between desiring a woman for sex, friendship, companionship as opposed to needing a woman for validation, self-worth, boosting their fragile ego, etc...

 

[greatsnake]

You'd be surprised that most of the fears we live with are actually our own fabrications based on life experiences. Work on yourself, be proactive, put yourself out there and lose that fear that's holding you back.

 

[AlexKaiser]

after over a decade of spending most of my friday nights alone at the gym and training hard in martial arts during the week after work, i think ive finally reached the point where women find me attractive. but i just cant get over the mental block, i cant just turn off the switch and forget all the years of being alone and feeling unwanted. i see women staring hard at me sometimes and giving me IOIs but i just cant actually bring myself to believe they could truly find me attractive or want me. i also have a lot of women at work who show interested but then go cold because they are married or in a relationship already, and it just makes me think im being teased or fcked with so now im even more guarded around females. i hate talking about myself and making an issue out of a problem that shouldnt really be a problem, but id appreciate any advice at all. i just cant deal with the mental part of all this and cant get over it at all. the last time i had a real gf was in the late 90s when i was a senior in highschool lol, and every single woman ive been with since was a stripper or hooker that i paid for. have any of you more experienced guys out there had a mental block like this, and how were you able to get over it or deal with it? i just cant stop telling myself that women would prefer a different type of guy or that they are already with someone, and it makes me avoid interacting with most of them. i feel like a caged lion, but i just dont know how to really break free. do i just need to try to lighten up and not take myself so seriously?

First off, change that username. How can you take pride in yourself with a stupid name like that? Calling yourself a loser, a semi-beta, or anything even remotely negative will put you in that same mindset. You should be able to look in the mirror and go "I like this person enough not to **** on them, because I KNOW their value. I'll leave the negativity to the jealous idiots outside."
You have to come here for advice, not supplication. From what I've felt from your post, you have hang ups from external validation.

As somebody who came here and BELIEVED my value was decided for me by those I perceived more valuable than me (pretty girls, and the men who got them) I can tell that you're hung up on this and should stop right now.

You need to evaluate these girls and think if they're good enough for YOU, not the other way around. You have improved yourself a lot, and they are coming to you, YOU ARE THE GOODS.

If a girl is laughing at you or negging you, its because YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE THAN HER. She is negging you because she's Sour Grapes, she's a Crab in a Bucket, not because she knows your value more than you know your own. Don't let insecurity make you believe otherwise. Many people live their entire lives believing the negative bull**** stuck in their head because it "FEELS" true: AKA I can't be valuable unless somebody desires me, I shouldn't aim outside my league, you know, the basic negative thoughts.

What one man can do, another can do.
What one man can do, another can do.
What one man can do, another can do.