The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Reboot2017]

I slipped and broke no contact guys. She sent me an email yesterday asking me why I hate her and she is coming over to see me today to pass me my things. This is after calling me 15x times over the past two days and leaving a crying voice mail. I guess I was feeling really sorry for her and lost frame this morning when I read the email. So I replied and asked to throw away the things, asked her to leave me alone and I needed time for myself. She replied after 4 hours non nonchalantly to take care and she is there for me if I need her. I feel that I gave her the validation that she was after. I feel 10x worst now. Sigh. Why on earth did I break NC. Stupid move...

Day 1 of NC again. Feel really down in the dumps. First reaction is to message her back etc. But I know it is the wrong thing to do. Really depressed now. Damn stupid thing to do. Never break NC.

 

[Roober]

I slipped and broke no contact guys. She sent me an email yesterday asking me why I hate her and she is coming over to see me today to pass me my things. This is after calling me 15x times over the past two days and leaving a crying voice mail. I guess I was feeling really sorry for her and lost frame this morning when I read the email. So I replied and asked to throw away the things, asked her to leave me alone and I needed time for myself. She replied after 4 hours non nonchalantly to take care and she is there for me if I need her. I feel that I gave her the validation that she was after. I feel 10x worst now. Sigh. Why on earth did I break NC. Stupid move...

Day 1 of NC again. Feel really down in the dumps. First reaction is to message her back etc. But I know it is the wrong thing to do. Really depressed now. Damn stupid thing to do. Never break NC.

Women and their covert communications. Doesn't sound like the text you sent was that bad if that was all you said. Regardless, now you know she has no reason to come see you to drop off your stuff, so you resolved that. You followed with leave me and alone and needing time for yourself... Now, you have absoluetely no reason to contact her, so that is gone. Don't beat yourself up, it happens. Just stay strong with no contact.

IF you ever feel the urge to break it, just go journal, or send the text to a friend or family member that you console in. Sounds like you need to block her phone number, so the calls and texts won't come through. I think you can block emails too? Just report it as spam

 

[5chm1dd1]

Women and their covert communications. Doesn't sound like the text you sent was that bad if that was all you said. Regardless, now you know she has no reason to come see you to drop off your stuff, so you resolved that. You followed with leave me and alone and needing time for yourself... Now, you have absoluetely no reason to contact her, so that is gone. Don't beat yourself up, it happens. Just stay strong with no contact.

Agree 100%. Restart your NC, and don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us that we have weak moments.
As I said in a post above: It's normal, it happens and it'll pass. Don't worry.

IF you ever feel the urge to break it, just go journal, or send the text to a friend or family member that you console in. Sounds like you need to block her phone number, so the calls and texts won't come through. I think you can block emails too? Just report it as spam

Or post here instead of writing a message to a friend/family member.

Yes you should normally be able to block certain mail adresses, depends on your provider though. But normally every provider offers this possibility, maybe check in your mail-settings or privacy settings.

 

[Reboot2017]

Thanks for the heads up guys. I said very little in the message but i guess the wording was enough to give her the validation she was looking for. Her change in behavior caught me a bit by surprise... In any case, I have blocked her phone number permanently and filtered her email to spam. It was hard to do that but I think given this weekend's event, it is the right thing to do. I remind myself that NC is for me and has nothing to do with her.

Day 2 of NC: Unlike the first time I did this, it feels more real and permanent. I have broken all communication channel with her as of yesterday. It is odd but it feels like I am grieving.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Thanks for the heads up guys. I said very little in the message but i guess the wording was enough to give her the validation she was looking for. Her change in behavior caught me a bit by surprise... In any case, I have blocked her phone number permanently and filtered her email to spam. It was hard to do that but I think given this weekend's event, it is the right thing to do. I remind myself that NC is for me and has nothing to do with her.

You're welcome, that's what the forum is for.
Exactly, she was only looking for your validation, which is why she changed her behavior in the first place. Don't fall for that, AWALT.

It's hard, we've all been there, but it's the only right thing to do. Well done!

Day 2 of NC: Unlike the first time I did this, it feels more real and permanent. I have broken all communication channel with her as of yesterday. It is odd but it feels like I am grieving.

Good.

Let all the emotions out, no matter how. Cry, rage, whatever helps is alright. Just don't give her or any other b#tch the pleasure to witness this.
Don't keep those emotions inside, as they will pile up, up until the moment you can't hold them in anymore and explode. Process the feelings, and you'll see that you'll do better in no time.
Just stay NC now for good. From here on out, she never existed.

 

[Roober]

Thanks for the heads up guys. I said very little in the message but i guess the wording was enough to give her the validation she was looking for. Her change in behavior caught me a bit by surprise... In any case, I have blocked her phone number permanently and filtered her email to spam. It was hard to do that but I think given this weekend's event, it is the right thing to do. I remind myself that NC is for me and has nothing to do with her.

Day 2 of NC: Unlike the first time I did this, it feels more real and permanent. I have broken all communication channel with her as of yesterday. It is odd but it feels like I am grieving.

When a relationship ends, you go through much of the same emotions as grieving. If this is someone you care about deeply and they are suddenly not a part of your life, it hurts. It hurts even more knowing they are not dead. In some ways, grieving is easier than breakups. Regardless, just let those emotions out. After about a month of no contact, the clouds will begin to clear if you are doing everything you need to be doing for yourself. For the first couple weeks, the key is distracting yourself...

 

[Reboot2017]

I am trying to keep my busy. Pulled a muscle in the gym today. I think I was trying to hammer out the emotions on the weights and overdid a particular shoulder exercise. A bit of a bummer especially now but what you going to do...

In any case, rationally I see it. It is going to hurt and I would just have to power through. Its been a quiet day without messages/calls from her. Considering everything is blocked, I am getting a bit of relief from there as well. Keep strong as well guys and stay NC.

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 4 of NC. I was surfing my facebook and the friend request list popped out at the side. I could not help notice that her friend request that she sent to me just last Friday was no longer there. Guess she cancelled it. Felt a huge prick in the side. Feels like she has moved on as well after the validation I gave her. Damn. Should not have checked that.

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

 

[resilient]

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

Let yourself grieve for as long as you feel necessary. In the meantime, get awesome. Did you have goals before she consumed your time? Get busy doing those again. You keep your mind straight by focusing on you. How's your weight gain going? Did you end up getting Cyto Carb2 or Cyto Gainer?

Day 16
Had my first solid study session for hours last Sunday night after not being able to concentrate or focus enough to study longer than 30 minutes without protruding thoughts of the ex. This was a breakthrough in the healing because I realized I'm finally starting to move on with life.

Weight gain is pacing well. I'm up to 146 from 136. Arms are feeling bulkier which feels great. I jumped up fast in weight, yet over the next eight weeks I want to keep it at 1 pound gain per week and the bf% not exceeding 10%. I noticed my confidence is picking up.

Yesterday, I went for my first electric guitar lesson at this place. The door wouldn't open and this chick saw me from inside the window that I was struggling standing there with my guitar case so she opened up the door for me with a nice smile and eye contact. Right away, I ask her if she's there for guitar lessons. She said no, she was there for her daughter's guitar lessons. I had a few more comments about the lesson, guitar, etc. and stopped interacting with her. I opened up my guitar case and was sorting through my guitar pics. Out of the corner of my eye I kept seeing her look at her phone and then back at me a few times in between her texting someone.

 

[soulforge]

Near to 3 months of EXTREME NC

Blocked her on everything.. I had a pretty good day today.

As the love drug is wearing off, i'm starting to think more logicaly about my relationship with her..

I am beginning to realise, how difficult this woman was to be with..

Also i don't believe i would have got a healthy relationship out of her in the long run..

The pain comes in waves.. some good days, some bad days..

I think because I struck her with a dumping first and immediately went 100% NC that has somewhat cushioned the blow!

If it where her who had dumped me, then went complete NC on me... I reckon I would be hurting heaps more, and would have crushed my self esteem.

Being the dumper, has somewhat empowered me!!

 

[Roober]

Day 4 of NC. I was surfing my facebook and the friend request list popped out at the side. I could not help notice that her friend request that she sent to me just last Friday was no longer there. Guess she cancelled it. Felt a huge prick in the side. Feels like she has moved on as well after the validation I gave her. Damn. Should not have checked that.

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

Sounds like you need to quit social media for a while! In all honesty, there is absolutely nothing but fake @$$ people pretending their lives are so fvcking perfect on there. It is a time suck and a place to keep you down. Use that time more wisely and go pickup some books... the rational male, the way of the superior man, corey waynes book, read Book of Pook, the DJ bible, etc...

Find a new hobby. Something you have wanted to do... play an instrument? dance? anything!

Keep it up man. It is not easy, but it will get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

 

[Roober]

Near to 3 months of EXTREME NC

Blocked her on everything.. I had a pretty good day today.

As the love drug is wearing off, i'm starting to think more logicaly about my relationship with her..

I am beginning to realise, how difficult this woman was to be with..

Also i don't believe i would have got a healthy relationship out of her in the long run..

The pain comes in waves.. some good days, some bad days..

I think because I struck her with a dumping first and immediately went 100% NC that has somewhat cushioned the blow!

If it where her who had dumped me, then went complete NC on me... I reckon I would be hurting heaps more, and would have crushed my self esteem.

Being the dumper, has somewhat empowered me!!

Looking back, extreme NC is really the only way to go. In reality, this is what no contact means. Guys (like myself) that only partially employ no contact end up dragging out that initial phase of pain.

 

[Roober]

Let yourself grieve for as long as you feel necessary. In the meantime, get awesome. Did you have goals before she consumed your time? Get busy doing those again. You keep your mind straight by focusing on you. How's your weight gain going? Did you end up getting Cyto Carb2 or Cyto Gainer?

Day 16
Had my first solid study session for hours last Sunday night after not being able to concentrate or focus enough to study longer than 30 minutes without protruding thoughts of the ex. This was a breakthrough in the healing because I realized I'm finally starting to move on with life.

Weight gain is pacing well. I'm up to 146 from 136. Arms are feeling bulkier which feels great. I jumped up fast in weight, yet over the next eight weeks I want to keep it at 1 pound gain per week and the bf% not exceeding 10%. I noticed my confidence is picking up.

Yesterday, I went for my first electric guitar lesson at this place. The door wouldn't open and this chick saw me from inside the window that I was struggling standing there with my guitar case so she opened up the door for me with a nice smile and eye contact. Right away, I ask her if she's there for guitar lessons. She said no, she was there for her daughter's guitar lessons. I had a few more comments about the lesson, guitar, etc. and stopped interacting with her. I opened up my guitar case and was sorting through my guitar pics. Out of the corner of my eye I kept seeing her look at her phone and then back at me a few times in between her texting someone.

And you didn't go for the number because...? You just have to do it! It gets easier the more you try and the more you fail.

 

[lizardking82]

Day 4 of NC. I was surfing my facebook and the friend request list popped out at the side. I could not help notice that her friend request that she sent to me just last Friday was no longer there. Guess she cancelled it. Felt a huge prick in the side. Feels like she has moved on as well after the validation I gave her. Damn. Should not have checked that.

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

What you are experiencing is grieving. Whatever feeling that comes up in the coming days or weeks, do not judge it, just let it out. You wanna cry? Cry the **** out, it is OK. Expect these little things to hurt a lot right now. They do hurt because this is first few days you are telling your brain "buddy, we need to change the hardwiring on this *****, we need to let go of her" and your brain will resist that **** because it's gonna go like "but, but...I need that dopamine rush, man! Common, man!". Stick to it. Cultivate your willpower. The most important thing, OP, is not to try and make yourself happy by force during this time. Realise this is a sad time in your life, you gonna be sad, you gonna cry and you gonna go through this moment. Keyword being "through". You not gonna try and bypass the negative emotions by doing other things and keeping busy. Keep busy, but not with the intention of bypassing the emotions you have. Do this now, free yourself of that **** and then start with new ****.

 

[Reboot2017]

How's your weight gain going? Did you end up getting Cyto Carb2 or Cyto Gainer?

I just started working out for a couple weeks. Got a bit injured so have to lay off it for a bit which is a bummer given the circumstances. Yeah, I ordered the Cyto Gainer and it is being delivered. At the moment, I am sticking to protein supplements and creatine.

Sounds like you need to quit social media for a while!

True this. I think I am taking a break from Facebook after yesterday's burn. Although, in the light of a brand new day, I am feeling a whole lot better. Have picked up at dancing again and socializing with the people there. Helps a lot. No plate spinning yet. That is going to be a long term plan.

Realise this is a sad time in your life, you gonna be sad, you gonna cry and you gonna go through this moment. Keyword being "through". You not gonna try and bypass the negative emotions by doing other things and keeping busy.

I think I am struggling with this one. It is a sad period of life and I do crave the dopamine hit. It is a hard realization when you know that she could be indifferent to you. Then again, I want to be indifferent to her as well... Time, I imagine..

Day 5 of NC. After a tough few days, I think I am getting my head back again. Nights and mornings are still hard but the urge to reach out to her has gone away for the moment... Blocking her completely has helped reduce the need to check my phone. Overall feeling down but at least I can rationalize it out. Here is to another 55 days. Cheers guys.

 

[Reboot2017]

Had my first solid study session for hours last Sunday night after not being able to concentrate or focus enough to study longer than 30 minutes without protruding thoughts of the ex. This was a breakthrough in the healing because I realized I'm finally starting to move on with life

This is heartening to note... Keep it up man!

 

[soulforge]

Been doing a little risk assessment today, of the very unlikely event of the Ex and me getting back together..

I think this is partially why I feel extreme NC is the way forward for me..

THE POSITIVE

01. She is attractive, good sexual chemistry
02. She is career driven, good job, nice house, and car
03. We have things in common, interests, music etc
04. Her kids are grown, i don't want other mens little brats around me

THE NEGATIVE

01. She was a regular bar girl at the age of 50 (risky)

02. She was on several occasions rude and direspectful towards me

03. She dismissed my feelings several times

04. She doesn't seem to aknowledge or accept responsibility for her actions

05. We lived together for 3 months.. she moved back out as soon as things got a little tough

06. We can never live together again, as we are long distance (1 hour drive) and I would not risk moving towns to be with her.. plus she would never move back down to my town again

07. Marriage is out of the question

08. I don't trust her, to be a loyal partner in the long run

09. She has previously put her career before her relationship with me

10. She is immature, passive aggressive, and communication with her is not good

11. She dresses some what tarty like a young girl (attention *****)

As you can see, the negative vastly out weight the good with this woman.. I would recommend you guys make a list like this about your exe's.. it will help you logically think about how you might be better off without her.

I am using this list to encourage me to stay extreme NC, as going back to this mess, would be a complete head fuk

 

[soulforge]

What do you think of my list of positives and negatives guys!!

 

[Reykhel]

Out of curiosity, do you always go for older women? A 50 year old bar girl. What are you late 30's?

You put as a negative that she put her

What do you think of my list of positives and negatives guys!!

She's 50 and you're late 30's? Have you always gone for the older women?

Your boundaries are slightly confused. You name the fact that she's career driving as a positive yet you put as
a negative that she put her career before you. One of these is a boundary preference the other is an indicator of slightly immature boundary.

Would you every put your career before your "relationship"? You shouldn't. And you shouldn't really expect her to do the same.

Ironically, when you lose some of these expectations they sometimes start to happen by themselves as if by magic. The key is letting of the expectation.

Strengthen your boundary and make a firm final decision on this old gal (in your mind you haven't quite done that yet)

 

[soulforge]

Out of curiosity, do you always go for older women? A 50 year old bar girl. What are you late 30's?

You put as a negative that she put her


She's 50 and you're late 30's? Have you always gone for the older women?

Your boundaries are slightly confused. You name the fact that she's career driving as a positive yet you put as
a negative that she put her career before you. One of these is a boundary preference the other is an indicator of slightly immature boundary.

Would you every put your career before your "relationship"? You shouldn't. And you shouldn't really expect her to do the same.

Ironically, when you lose some of these expectations they sometimes start to happen by themselves as if by magic. The key is letting of the expectation.

Strengthen your boundary and make a firm final decision on this old gal (in your mind you haven't quite done that yet)

No man i'm 42 years old.. wish i was 30's

Its true a career should not be put on hold.. she was expecting me to put mine on hold for her... While she persuade her own..

This is what i meant.. sorry for mix up..