When she doesn't mention her boyfriend...

[Quick_Isk]

So I met this girl that seems to be very in to me. A lot of flirting, smiles, texts, asking questions, invading personal space, staring, and so on and whenever we are out with common friends she seems to be giving me a lot of attention. I know from Facebook that she has a boyfriend who lives abroad and from what I have understood things are not exactly perfect between them. I recently asked her out for a sort of date, we had a great time but the boyfriend was never mentioned. She also seems to be always available to hang out with me and is very enthusiastic of planning stuff together. I know that women usually do not say that they have one because they like the attention, but this one seems to be demonstrating a lot of signs of flintiness.

I don't like the idea of being used as a guy-friend or just for attention, so how do you propose I approach this? Currently I am going very slow trying to gauge the situation. Should I go for it and see what happens? I know this is not an ideal situation since I could get mixed up in her own personal affairs but I am pretty sure I can be quite detached about and just have some fun.

 

[Juanto]

Sh|t or get off the pot. Create a situation where sex can happen, if she rejects just move on and date other women. This is of course if you REALLY want to get involved with a taken woman and all that might come with it

 

[Quick_Isk]

You should never ever mention the borefriend

That is a sign of your own unease. Escalate.

Be understanding of her situation, and don't invade on that space. That is her own responsibility/plate-management, not yours.

Yep, I agree. I didn't plan to mention or ask. Was just curious as to why she hadn't and if it is a sign that she may be interested.

 

[btownbuck2012]

So I met this girl that seems to be very in to me. A lot of flirting, smiles, texts, asking questions, invading personal space, staring, and so on and whenever we are out with common friends she seems to be giving me a lot of attention. I know from Facebook that she has a boyfriend who lives abroad and from what I have understood things are not exactly perfect between them. I recently asked her out for a sort of date, we had a great time but the boyfriend was never mentioned. She also seems to be always available to hang out with me and is very enthusiastic of planning stuff together. I know that women usually do not say that they have one because they like the attention, but this one seems to be demonstrating a lot of signs of flintiness.

I don't like the idea of being used as a guy-friend or just for attention, so how do you propose I approach this? Currently I am going very slow trying to gauge the situation. Should I go for it and see what happens? I know this is not an ideal situation since I could get mixed up in her own personal affairs but I am pretty sure I can be quite detached about and just have some fun.

Guys like you enable sh*tty female behavior.

 

[RangerMIke]

I don't like the idea of being used as a guy-friend or just for attention, so how do you propose I approach this? Currently I am going very slow trying to gauge the situation. Should I go for it and see what happens? I know this is not an ideal situation since I could get mixed up in her own personal affairs but I am pretty sure I can be quite detached about and just have some fun.

Go slow and miss an opportunity. If you fail to escalate she will assume you do not like her, women can not be interested in men that are not interested in them. She can be ATTRACTED to a man that does not shows her not romantic interest, but she can not fall for a dude that does not indicate he wants to fvck her. Chicks give you a window of opportunity to take action, wait too long and that window closes and will not reopen.

 

[Quick_Isk]

Guys like you enable sh*tty female behavior.

Sorry, but I disagree. She initiated most advancements. If it was not me it would someone else in my place.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Stop being silly.

I'm not. You've gotta think about the greater good once in a blue moon. Even here on SS.

 

[lizardking82]

I know from Facebook that she has a boyfriend who lives abroad and from what I have understood things are not exactly perfect between them.

**** her as soon as possible. It is the perfect situation. He lives abroad, they're not goin' well since LDR are hard to maintain so she wants to jump on some new ****. You can learn from this and you can make that penis of yours have some fun. What you waitin' for?

 

[derricklerrick]

Just stop contacting her at all. Tell her you're uncomfortable with her advancements until she is still officially with her boyfriend.

You don't want to be that guy who ruins someone else's relationship.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I was seeing a girl last year who appeared to have a boyfriend on social media. I called her out on it only because she had given me a bunch of grief about various other things, including other seeing women.

Long story short, she wanted to carry on, I couldn't be fcked because her double standards pushed my own too far. Had she given me space to do what I want, I would have reciprocated. Alas, she made her own bed, so to speak.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

It is a double standard, but one that I've just come to expect. So much so that I don't consider it any sort of dump-able offence.

First thing women do when you don't give in to their moaning about seeing other people is try to use other people to make you jealous. Suddenly the hidden becomes unhidden, and you find that they've been on dates with other guys. Slept with women while seeing you (girl-play "doesn't count"). Or they show you some crafty Facebook messages. Reveal their orbiters. Or whatever.

Women believe themselves entitled to monogamy on a whim.

Yeah. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have called her out, but she was just b!tching at me for so many different things, quite clearly using me while denying sex. I just wanted to see her squirm a bit; quite unlike me. She was like 'lemme know if you wanna talk....'. That was three months ago

I ain't got time for bullsh!t like that. Equally, never pulling people up on their bullsh!t means they'll never learn. She was only 21 so maybe there was an opportunity to make a lasting impression.

Though agreed, ordinarily I'd either let it slide or walk away in silence.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Your post made me realize how defiled I've become for a minute, to be honest. Crazy how people change. My behavioral expectations are completely different than they were.

You were well entitled to a bit of mischief

Weirdly enough, I was just watching Frat Star on Netflix before going out, and I thought of this conversation as well. Conversely, I shouldn't deny that I've become a bit of a square occasionally. Finally started loosening up again in the last few months and it's paying dividends; long may it continue.

Something that probably passes most of us by is that this is quite a turbulent journey and we all ebb and flow between different stages at different times.

 

[dude99]

So I met this girl that seems to be very in to me. A lot of flirting, smiles, texts, asking questions, invading personal space, staring, and so on and whenever we are out with common friends she seems to be giving me a lot of attention. I know from Facebook that she has a boyfriend who lives abroad and from what I have understood things are not exactly perfect between them. I recently asked her out for a sort of date, we had a great time but the boyfriend was never mentioned. She also seems to be always available to hang out with me and is very enthusiastic of planning stuff together. I know that women usually do not say that they have one because they like the attention, but this one seems to be demonstrating a lot of signs of flintiness.

I don't like the idea of being used as a guy-friend or just for attention, so how do you propose I approach this? Currently I am going very slow trying to gauge the situation. Should I go for it and see what happens? I know this is not an ideal situation since I could get mixed up in her own personal affairs but I am pretty sure I can be quite detached about and just have some fun.

You are the other side of the branch swing. Normally we hear from the guy the girl swang away from, and he is wondering what happened.

You can look at it one of two ways. Dive in and have your 15 minutes of fun, because the branch swinger will always be looking for the next branch.

Or

You can not reward a disloyal girl with your time and attention because she is waving red flags before you even begin.

Choice is yours.

 

[MrOctober]

You should never ever mention the borefriend

That is a sign of your own unease. Escalate.

Be understanding of her situation, and don't invade on that space. That is her own responsibility/plate-management, not yours.

Signed in just to like this lol "borefriend" I'm dead

 

[Serenity]

Boyfriend living in another country? She must be desperate for some c0ck, seriously.

 

[AlphaNate]

I see a sexy 22-year old a couple mornings a week before work. She's hot for me, but she's married. Know how many times she's mentioned her husband? Zero.

@deesade is correct - if I ever mentioned her husband, she'd see it as insecurity and IL would drop to nothing.

 

[Quick_Isk]

You are the other side of the branch swing. Normally we hear from the guy the girl swang away from, and he is wondering what happened.

You can look at it one of two ways. Dive in and have your 15 minutes of fun, because the branch swinger will always be looking for the next branch.

Or

You can not reward a disloyal girl with your time and attention because she is waving red flags before you even begin.

Choice is yours.

Yep, I see the red flags. I never said I was thinking of her as girlfriend material, more of a fling thing.

 

[Quick_Isk]

So, update!

Made my move after 2 dates and got some action. She confessed of having a boyfriend and that their relationship is not going well. Told her it is none of my business, don't care at all, and got to fourth base within a 30 minutes.

The issue is that she has started asking questions about my past, who I went on trips with etc, trying to learn more about my dating history. She also is asking me what I am up to the days we don't meet. Currently I am trying to keep a bit detached mode on but I find it a bit curious that she is poking to find out more about me. Also, she is opening up a lot more, telling me about her life and relationship with parents etc. Is this a **** test or is she trying to gauge my interest level towards her? From past experiences I have learned that it is good to keep an air of mystery so I am not revealing too much or contacting her very frequently.

 

[bigneil]

The Dishonesty Spectrum - Where do you lie? (And where does she?)

Bad extreme: She says she has a boyfriend when she doesn't!
Good extreme: She says she is single and has sex with you, but is actually married!

-----------------------------------------------------------

These days they all have boyfriends. We have to take them away from him and hope we have more to offer lest we suffer his fate. How guilty she is, IMO is in direct proportion to what percentage of the household she is paying for.

The Cheating Spectrum - Where is your girl?

Worst extreme: A kept woman who doesn't work at all is cheating on her husband who is at work, and she is cheating with someone who doesn't have a job (she is a man).
Best extreme: She has a freeloader boyfriend who she wants to get rid of (he is a woman).

 

[Quick_Isk]

Maybe considering you for a boyfriend.

Sounds like you are in a good place in the set. If you deny the exclusivity, she still has the provider.

At the moment I am taking things slow. Not blowing up her phone with texts etc since I am sure what happened between us also caused a stir in the relationship with her boyfriend. On the other hand I don't want to seem too aloof and disinterested since she may see it as a sign that I was only in for the chase. It is a thin line to walk on and it is quite difficult since I don't know about the expectations that each individual may have. I don't want to give her the impression that I am going BF mode, and also trying to remain detached myself. What would be a good rule of thumb for a number of dates? About 2/week? I am also trying to keep my feelings in check and not go AFC on her or end up too invested since these situations usually are quite complicated.