How to overcome bad sexual experiences?

[casanova_goat]

Moments ago, I was having sex with a chick I met this past Saturday (she approached me at a local coffee shop the other night). I'm 32 years old and lightly experienced ('lightly' used generously) and she was a freshman at a local college. The last time I had sex was Memorial Day weekend of last year, a girl I had sex with several times who ultimately (after the fact) said she never enjoyed having sex with me. Before her, there was a gulf of 5 and a half years, the chick who took my virginity.

So if you can count, this was my third woman and worst experience. All three have been college aged, 21 at the oldest. Which could be part of the reason the experiences have been ostensibly bad but would I want to have sex with someone older who has had more encounters by which to compare me?

Anyway, onto the chick of the moment, the one I just slept with. She texted me this evening and, to my surprise, proposed hanging out late. She came over then she and I nuzzled on my couch (for a good while) before I initiated and it was on instantly. While my briefs were still on, I fingered her and she seemed into it. I said she was "tight" and she, with a grin, rejoined "think you can fit?" to which I said, "I'm sure I can."

Here lies the other problem. I'm a tall, lanky guy but I'm packing like a little boy. I have to scour the internet for the thinnest condoms to accommodate my manhood/boyhood.

I had a lot of apprehension leading up to her coming over but a few drinks really did the trick and during the act I was "relatively" confident. In fact, I had lasted for several minutes and I was thinking to myself, this will, at last, be a good experience to boost my ego.

So I thought. While I had her at the edge of the bed, she exclaimed she was "too dry" then got up mid-sex. I offered to further finger her. She said she should go. I asked her why. She hemmed and hawed then, at the door, she said told me she was "into someone else and thought it would be a good idea coming here." That may have been the real reason and not necessarily an indictment against my sexual prowess.

I never expected a future with this woman so her opinion of me, in particular, matters little. But what does this and all my other possibly bad experiences portend for my further with other women? Honestly sex doesn't matter "that" much to me but it is an integral part of any relationship and who wants to be a lousy lay. Ugh.

 

[AlexKaiser]

How many inches?

 

[casanova_goat]

It's not so much the length but the girth. I am 5 inches in length but my penis is thin. I have been using the Iron Grip condoms and assortment of others, the former is the snuggest. But, with chick I had sex with several times last year, they all would roll off at points during the act.

I know nobody wants to hear these details but they're pertinent to the topic at hand. And I don't really care what people think of me over the internet.

 

[AlexKaiser]

Really, one of the best things you can do is talk to yourself and KNOW, not think, that its not a problem.

Like, I can supplicate you all day, tell you its not your fault, that there are girls who don't care, that you have adequate equipment etc, but it won't mean anything unless you believe it yourself.

Hangups in the bedroom happen to A LOT of people. There MIGHT be meds that can help with thin penis (not sure if it's not filling up completely or your narrowness is blood-related). However one of the main things you should remember is that you shouldn't let this make you anxious or insecure at all.

 

[casanova_goat]

Thanks for the response and I know what you're saying. I've confided this insecurity in my friends who always emphatically insist penis size does not matter.

Regardless of what my frame of mind may be, I really don't feel I showed an insecurity with it tonight. Once again, I apologize for the details but I had a far harder erection than I'm accustomed to during masturbation. I am sure it was bigger than how it has been when I have measured it. Still, the Iron Grips were not tight by any stretch of the imagination.

Do you think it was just that she was not comfortable or it just reeks of bad performance on my part?

 

[Chev.Chelios]

if dykes can get off with each other scissoring.. a guy with at least an inch can even do more! hahahah

Iv slept with several girls, and one had the dry thing going on, kind of pissed me off.. that was a few years ago.
I think about it time to time, "wtf did that chick go so dry and why did it suck so bad?"
my last 3 year LTR, the girl never ONCE gave ****ty sex and we boned 1-3 times a day..
she was always dripping wet man, was friggin awesome..

- It depends on the chick
- The sexual chemistry wasnt there
- She probably had certain sexual triggers i didnt know
kind of an odd ball fair skinned blonde hippie girl. I look italian..
maybe she loves black c0cks pounding her caveman style.. idk??

Wasnt even awkward, just got boring and stopped.. said something like
gawd wtf you so dry girl? damn i love you tho, she left and never hung out again
hahahahh

 

[casanova_goat]

The thing was, I didn't even think she was that dry when I fingered her. The chick I slept with last year seemed to always be wet though.

 

[C00lAF]

If you can use your tongue and fingers efficiently then u wont need a **** lmao

 

[El Payaso]

It's not only about size. The sex was bad as well. If you have no clue what you're doing in bed, she's not going to like sex with you.

 

[casanova_goat]

It's not only about size. The sex was bad as well. If you have no clue what you're doing in bed, she's not going to like sex with you.

Well, I'm always trying to become more experienced. It hasn't exactly been a picnic meeting women, especially if you have some standards. I don't know what I could have done differently. I was humbled by my lack of oral skills, I would need a map to find the ****oris but that was about it. Neither of the past two chicks I slept with would let me go down on them. Probably because they were insecure about their nether regions. I feel my fingering technique is good. I do the come-hither motion.

 

[casanova_goat]

If you can use your tongue and fingers efficiently then u wont need a **** lmao

I don't really buy that. Those are very important but eventually women want to get past the high school stuff and consider intercourse to be sex.

 

[Krueg]

I myself had a bad sexual experience once with a girl I was dating. She freaked out on me saying bullsh!t I was only focused on my needs and neglecting hers or something stupid and insecure. And this happend during the first time we had sex. I thought she was crazy or something.

Anyways the next day she invited me over, I acted like nothing ever happend the night before then she apologized about her behavior. Though not too long after that I noticed other red flags about her and had to move on.

P.S. Its not really about the size. Its more about the overall experience with women - touching, kissing, teasing, foreplay, biting, licking ect.... The leading up to the big bang!!

Just my two cents

Good Luck!

 

[homie]

The only thing you can do is stop giving a f*ck.

 

[Bingo-Player]

ive had two bad experiences in the past thankfully both were with girls whom i had no real interest in progressing with

the first was the cousin of a female friend , i wasn't attracted to her but we where drunk at a party we where left alone and it almost became a "well theirs nothing better to do" situation , she was very inexperienced and drunk and it ended up turning me completely off i got up and left both her and the party , caused some issues in the social circle but it was way better than just waiting around for it to get awkwarder

this did knock my confidence for a couple of weeks ,but i just got over it

the next came last year with a plate i was dating ....initially she claimed to be "like a pornstar in bed" i stupidly bought into it and put a lot of pressure on myself to perform like one too

when the act actually came to fruition and i got her into bed , she laid there like a dead fish and completely killed my erection in the process i thought it was me being silly at first and she just wanted me to take control

but after a few more attempts i realised this girl didn't have a fvcking clue what she was doing i was struggling to keep or even get an erection with her and on top of this she was one of them girls that dont make a sound when being fvcked

she was binned shortly after that , but it did leave me wondering if there was something wrong with my d1ck
i even went to see the doctor who told me he thought it was all in my head

my d1ck isn't massive by any stretch of the imagination when fully erect i can just about touch 5" which i guess is average but theres conflicting opinions on the "does size really matter debate"

the baseline of it all is that i had zero chemistry with the 2 girls mentioned above and i didnt even belive in " sexual chemistry"

the girl im seeing now is 100% compatible with me , she always makes me hard and shes always wet for me plenty of moans and screams which is great for my confidence

i would just put it down to a bad experience and try some more girls out some are good in bed but most are awful and theres just too much pressure these days for the male to "perform"

 

[bigneil]

Learn to go down on women and they won't mind.

OP, you need to focus on your diet and start working out to get on a winning streak. Try a detox fast.

 

[lizardking82]

One thing you got to understand about sex is that sex is not simply sticking a cok inside a pussi. It is much, much more than that. In fact, that is the finalizing act, there is quite a lot leading up to that. Did you talk dirty to her? Did you tell her what you wanna do to her? Did you describe in detail how much you wanna snatch that wet snatch of hers? Like, it has to be movielike, man. You have to go berserk on her. Foreplay has to be long. Lick her, kiss her everywhere, bite her, go to her *****, just stay there, don't touch it at all, it will drive her nuts; Smell her *****, eat her thighs, kiss her again, play with her boobs, make her ****in' wet as **** before you've even made contact with her cherry. If you do that, no matter how big your **** is, she gonna be your ***** for a long time.

If you do all that and it doesn't work, tell her to go home since there is no chemistry or her mind is just not there.

 

[casanova_goat]

The only thing you can do is stop giving a f*ck.

I mean, yeah, to an extent. But c'mon. I'm sure any guy here would be letdown by a woman's unfavorable appraisal of his performance. Sex is an experience between two people. I want the experience to be as exhilarating for me as it is for my partner. Otherwise, I'll just service myself. There I know all parties are satisfied.

 

[casanova_goat]

ive had two bad experiences in the past thankfully both were with girls whom i had no real interest in progressing with

the first was the cousin of a female friend , i wasn't attracted to her but we where drunk at a party we where left alone and it almost became a "well theirs nothing better to do" situation , she was very inexperienced and drunk and it ended up turning me completely off i got up and left both her and the party , caused some issues in the social circle but it was way better than just waiting around for it to get awkwarder

this did knock my confidence for a couple of weeks ,but i just got over it

the next came last year with a plate i was dating ....initially she claimed to be "like a pornstar in bed" i stupidly bought into it and put a lot of pressure on myself to perform like one too

when the act actually came to fruition and i got her into bed , she laid there like a dead fish and completely killed my erection in the process i thought it was me being silly at first and she just wanted me to take control

but after a few more attempts i realised this girl didn't have a fvcking clue what she was doing i was struggling to keep or even get an erection with her and on top of this she was one of them girls that dont make a sound when being fvcked

she was binned shortly after that , but it did leave me wondering if there was something wrong with my d1ck
i even went to see the doctor who told me he thought it was all in my head

my d1ck isn't massive by any stretch of the imagination when fully erect i can just about touch 5" which i guess is average but theres conflicting opinions on the "does size really matter debate"

the baseline of it all is that i had zero chemistry with the 2 girls mentioned above and i didnt even belive in " sexual chemistry"

the girl im seeing now is 100% compatible with me , she always makes me hard and shes always wet for me plenty of moans and screams which is great for my confidence

i would just put it down to a bad experience and try some more girls out some are good in bed but most are awful and theres just too much pressure these days for the male to "perform"

Thanks for being so bold as to recount your bad experiences and own up to your size. I will, however, say with regards to size, folks are only caught up in length, while girth is way more important. If you're 5 and you have average girth you are fine, if you're 5 and have well below average girth, you're no better than shorter guys.

I have to say, among the three women I have slept with, two-thirds of them have been on the more laconic side during sex. I didn't think anything of this because they both had quiet dispositions out of the bedroom. On the contrary, the chick who took my virginity was Meryl Streep.

The thing is with this chick from last night, she's merely 18 year old and could possibly have even less experience than I do. She didn't strike me as the rollicking, frat house bicycle type. I wonder if she was out of her element having a one-night stand. There could be a myriad of reasons for why she left, perhaps it had little to do with my sexual prowess and more to do with her emotional attachment with another guy and once we consummated the act she realized we were doing something she associated with the other guy. At the door, she cited her reason for coming over was to escape her feelings for a guy and it was a mistake. She goes to a local liberal arts college and had expressed to me her wish to transfer out after this year, perhaps this guy ****ing her around has had a hand in it.

 

[casanova_goat]

One thing you got to understand about sex is that sex is not simply sticking a cok inside a pussi. It is much, much more than that. In fact, that is the finalizing act, there is quite a lot leading up to that. Did you talk dirty to her? Did you tell her what you wanna do to her? Did you describe in detail how much you wanna snatch that wet snatch of hers? Like, it has to be movielike, man. You have to go berserk on her. Foreplay has to be long. Lick her, kiss her everywhere, bite her, go to her *****, just stay there, don't touch it at all, it will drive her nuts; Smell her *****, eat her thighs, kiss her again, play with her boobs, make her ****in' wet as **** before you've even made contact with her cherry. If you do that, no matter how big your **** is, she gonna be your ***** for a long time.

If you do all that and it doesn't work, tell her to go home since there is no chemistry or her mind is just not there.

Yes I know this and I, perhaps, haven't mastered it.

When she came over we sat on my couch nuzzling for like an hour+ watching A Bronx Tale before I initiated kissing. It was on instantly. She straddled me right then and there and we eventually went to the bedroom. I fingered her a good bit and made a feckless attempt at oral before we actually had sex.

My friends stridently insist that I need to pound hard and fast. In their collective experience, that is how ALL women have wanted it. Now -- I've heard a lot of women, sexperts, speak out against the jackhammer. What do you guys say?

 

[casanova_goat]

Learn to go down on women and they won't mind.

OP, you need to focus on your diet and start working out to get on a winning streak. Try a detox fast.

I know I said lanky but I am actually in good shape. I was fat (240 pounds on a 6'1" frame) in high school and first half of college but I quickly shed it. I'm like high 170s now and I've been in this territory for more than a decade. I actually work in a gym and, at times, train individuals. I'm no roided out bodybuilder but I have some muscle and I work out all the time.