Men are attracted to helpless women

[lizardking82]

You see, I don't get this "boring" thing.

I COULD start another thread on this...I always see this advice giving out where the ONUS is on the man on the "how to's" to make himself interesting...when really, it's a woman who just gets bored easily.

I have not been through more than 15 women in my life in total, but I have noticed that those ones I have been with, get bored easily. Maybe it's all women, maybe it's most women, but one thing I can tell you for sure is that it is a whole lot of women who get bored easily. It does not even matter what you try to do to make it exciting, when a woman is entitled to thinking that you, as the man, HAVE to make the whole thing interesting because she WILL NOT move a finger to do so... You're ****ed, no matter if you build a second Eiffel Tower for her and fill it with fun rooms all over. That is why it is so hard to find a woman that is OK with routine and understands that life is not some carousel ride through fun times only LOL

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I always see this advice giving out where the ONUS is on the man on the "how to's" to make himself interesting...when really, it's a woman who just gets bored easily.

You've clearly got completely the wrong end of the stick. The onus is most definitely not on the man to be some sort of entertainer.

This is where all the criticism of women causes major confusion for some, because the ethos and message of the forum is lost in the fcking cesspool of whinging by certain, might I say, 'highly regarded' members and former members.

I am minded to write a thread of my own on the topic.

 

[ThisNThat]

I have not been through more than 15 women in my life in total, but I have noticed that those ones I have been with, get bored easily. Maybe it's all women, maybe it's most women, but one thing I can tell you for sure is that it is a whole lot of women who get bored easily. It does not even matter what you try to do to make it exciting, when a woman is entitled to thinking that you, as the man, HAVE to make the whole thing interesting because she WILL NOT move a finger to do so... You're ****ed, no matter if you build a second Eiffel Tower for her and fill it with fun rooms all over. That is why it is so hard to find a woman that is OK with routine and understands that life is not some carousel ride through fun times only LOL

Right, I hear these stories where a man who's been married 20 years to the same woman, he comes home and she has her bags packed...and he's scracthing his head wondering why.

Mainly because they "Grew apart", which is another set of words "she got bored" "things got stale" , etc. Then you hear these "experts" onthe radio saying that the man got complacent or a little TOO comfortable in the marriage after X amount of years.

Let's say they used to travel a lot in their single digit married years, but then he didn't care for it much, but...she still wants to travel.

Apparently, I think women accuse some men stopping the courtship process after so many years into the marriage...and I'm like....Yeah, I kind of thought that was typical.

That is why it is so hard to find a woman that is OK with routine and understands that life is not some carousel ride through fun times only LOL

LOL...yeah, I mean, things in a marriage don't have to be entertainment all the time....there WILL be lulls in a relationship or marriage.

 

[The Duke]

I have not been through more than 15 women in my life in total, but I have noticed that those ones I have been with, get bored easily. Maybe it's all women, maybe it's most women, but one thing I can tell you for sure is that it is a whole lot of women who get bored easily. It does not even matter what you try to do to make it exciting, when a woman is entitled to thinking that you, as the man, HAVE to make the whole thing interesting because she WILL NOT move a finger to do so... You're ****ed, no matter if you build a second Eiffel Tower for her and fill it with fun rooms all over. That is why it is so hard to find a woman that is OK with routine and understands that life is not some carousel ride through fun times only LOL

According to your profile, you are also 23yo. I'd expect women in this age group to become bored easily. That will change as you age.

 

[lizardking82]

According to your profile, you are also 23yo. I'd expect women in this age group to become bored easily. That will change as you age.

Yes, we agree on that and I am aware of that. But the thing is, it can quite **** up with your head when you are being a fun guy, you're not mistreating her, you're makin' convo, hangin' out, you're giving advice when requested and a bunch of other things (not to impress her, just when it feels like) and after 1 or 2 years she gets bored because she cannot grasp the idea that when you're with someone for some time, you will not have new and exciting things to do ALL THE TIME? I mean, a lot of them are so ****in' shallow, man.

 

[The Duke]

Yes, we agree on that and I am aware of that. But the thing is, it can quite **** up with your head when you are being a fun guy, you're not mistreating her, you're makin' convo, hangin' out, you're giving advice when requested and a bunch of other things (not to impress her, just when it feels like) and after 1 or 2 years she gets bored because she cannot grasp the idea that when you're with someone for some time, you will not have new and exciting things to do ALL THE TIME? I mean, a lot of them are so ****in' shallow, man.

That's all valid. Instead of letting it get to you, realize what you are up against and adjust your thinking. Or date older women that aren't so fickle.

The more you understand the nature of women, the less frustrating they are. Enjoy them for what they are, stop worrying about what they aren't. A zebra can't change it's stripes.

 

[lizardking82]

That's all valid. Instead of letting it get to you, realize what you are up against and adjust your thinking. Or date older women that aren't so fickle.

The more you understand the nature of women, the less frustrating they are. Enjoy them for what they are, stop worrying about what they aren't. A zebra can't change it's stripes.

Well, that is already clear. Takes some deep personal reform time to go from believing in "true love" to this kind of reality

 

[Roober]

My exgf was like this... said she "was used to being alone", "didn't need anyone else", and blah blah blah... She had an okay job (60k a year), but still lived at home with parents who helped her out a ton financially. When women say this, they are often trying to find a way to justify why they can't find a meaningful relationship. With my ex, it was because she is still hung up on baby daddy. With this girl, it may or may not be the same thing.

Men are not turned off by independent women, they are turned off by wannabe independents who only look out for themselves. Do you want a woman, who will cook, clean, and cater to you, or an "independent" woman who is more focused on herself and her child? Looking back now, I see exactly why baby daddy left her. She is not wife material (doesn't cook, clean, sleeps in, and the list goes on).

I am willing to bet this girl is the exact same way. Jsut wait for her to say.. "I am a terrible girlfriend"... becasue it is probably true.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My exgf was like this... said she "was used to being alone", "didn't need anyone else", and blah blah blah... She had an okay job (60k a year), but still lived at home with parents who helped her out a ton financially. When women say this, they are often trying to find a way to justify why they can't find a meaningful relationship. With my ex, it was because she is still hung up on baby daddy. With this girl, it may or may not be the same thing.

Men are not turned off by independent women, they are turned off by wannabe independents who only look out for themselves. Do you want a woman, who will cook, clean, and cater to you, or an "independent" woman who is more focused on herself and her child? Looking back now, I see exactly why baby daddy left her. She is not wife material (doesn't cook, clean, sleeps in, and the list goes on).

I am willing to bet this girl is the exact same way. Jsut wait for her to say.. "I am a terrible girlfriend"... becasue it is probably true.

Independent women usually means they are "out for themselves" like he said. It means they usually won't help them and will use any help you provide as a man to support their cause.

 

[Roober]

Independent women usually means they are "out for themselves" like he said. It means they usually won't help them and will use any help you provide as a man to support their cause.

Exactly! It is just funny how they try to flip the script like the guys are the problem... It's a bit pathetic actually, since women like this actually believe it...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Exactly! It is just funny how they try to flip the script like the guys are the problem... It's a bit pathetic actually, since women like this actually believe it...

These are some of the major gaslighters and blame re-directors in women. The "independant" kind. They will USE a man in a heartbeat, but never help or give a man credit.

 

[Roober]

These are some of the major gaslighters and blame re-directors in women. The "independant" kind. They will USE a man in a heartbeat, but never help or give a man credit.

Three women I have gotten to know well...
exgf - said she was "independent" and was okay being alone, etc etc, yet still lives with parents and they pay for her son's private school, and got in another relationship immediately after we broke up
Main plate - been divorced for 2 years, owns a condo, completely supports herself, her two girls, and helps parents... never once has said "independent"
Side plate - Lives on her own with a roommate. Works for Tesla, and supports herself... hasn't ever claimed to be "independent"

If these "independent" women were legit, they would offer to pay at restaurants, go out of their way to see you, offer to help you with random $hit, buy random gifts or show random affection, etc etc

Long story short... always judge a woman by her actions, not her manipulative words...

 

[BeExcellent]

By definition of the word I'm an independent woman, self sufficient and all that. But I do not go around touting myself as such IRL because it's not necessary to state the obvious when I'm on a date or out socially. Nobody here has that context to observe so I don't mind mentioning it.

Men want to feel needed by women for various reasons. It's sometimes been frustrating to me in life. I've seen men I really liked go off with women who needed rescuing in some way. I never needed rescued; but I've seen men who don't think they can keep a woman who doesn't NEED him in some provisional way.

These are men who lack somewhere and because of their own self loathing do not think they are worthy of being loved for who they are. So they look for some sort of exchange with a similarly complimentarily neediness of her own that addresses his voids. It is co-dependent behavior.

Truly independent people seek interdependence in relationships with other independent people. But truly independent people of either gender are in the minority. To find one you are attracted to and willing to invest in takes a bit of patience...but to my mind is well worth the necessary sorting as well as the wait to find the right fit.

But lots of men think doing the white knight thing is the way to go...and they gravitate to damsels in distress. These terms are cliche because this dynamic has existed forever.

 

[lizardking82]

By definition of the word I'm an independent woman, self sufficient and all that. But I do not go around touting myself as such IRL because it's not necessary to state the obvious when I'm on a date or out socially. Nobody here has that context to observe so I don't mind mentioning it.

Men want to feel needed by women for various reasons. It's sometimes been frustrating to me in life. I've seen men I really liked go off with women who needed rescuing in some way. I never needed rescued; but I've seen men who don't think they can keep a woman who doesn't NEED him in some provisional way.

These are men who lack somewhere and because of their own self loathing do not think they are worthy of being loved for who they are. So they look for some sort of exchange with a similarly complimentarily neediness of her own that addresses his voids. It is co-dependent behavior.

Truly independent people seek interdependence in relationships with other independent people. But truly independent people of either gender are in the minority. To find one you are attracted to and willing to invest in takes a bit of patience...but to my mind is well worth the necessary sorting as well as the wait to find the right fit.

But lots of men think doing the white knight thing is the way to go...and they gravitate to damsels in distress. These terms are cliche because this dynamic has existed forever.

Men have been used to being caretakers and providers for a looooooooong time. Along comes feminism and makes women "independent", mainly meaning financially because a lot of other things stem from that. You are right when you say there are a lot of co-dependant people out there, but it is partially not their fault/responsabilit (****ed up childhood, ****ed up parents relationship play a huuuuge role in this).

Moreover, it is not like men do not want women who need nothing from them, but "independent" women tend to not wanna have babies in general because it messes with their oh so important career, you know. And when you don't wanna have a baby or you wanna have one but let an unknown woman/man raise him/her for you, what is a man supposed to do? Women, in general, are bad handlers of power, especially financial power. When a woman earns more than a man, it is quite usual that she will abuse that fact and either shame him in subtle or direct ways or she will one day leave the ****er. On the other hand, we have had men earn more than women for a loooong time and nothing bad happened and that because taking care of a family, kids and wife, comes naturally to men.

If you don't wanna have our babies or you wanna have them but keep on focusing your career, treating our family and our children and our interests/causes as secondary, why would I wanna be with you long term? What for?

 

[BeExcellent]

Men have been used to being caretakers and providers for a looooooooong time. Along comes feminism and makes women "independent", mainly meaning financially because a lot of other things stem from that. You are right when you say there are a lot of co-dependant people out there, but it is partially not their fault/responsabilit (****ed up childhood, ****ed up parents relationship play a huuuuge role in this).

Moreover, it is not like men do not want women who need nothing from them, but "independent" women tend to not wanna have babies in general because it messes with their oh so important career, you know. And when you don't wanna have a baby or you wanna have one but let an unknown woman/man raise him/her for you, what is a man supposed to do? Women, in general, are bad handlers of power, especially financial power. When a woman earns more than a man, it is quite usual that she will abuse that fact and either shame him in subtle or direct ways or she will one day leave the ****er. On the other hand, we have had men earn more than women for a loooong time and nothing bad happened and that because taking care of a family, kids and wife, comes naturally to men.

If you don't wanna have our babies or you wanna have them but keep on focusing your career, treating our family and our children and our interests/causes as secondary, why would I wanna be with you long term? What for?

I disagree that women are defacto bad at handling power. However I strongly agree that within the context of a marriage it is wise for the woman to have the subordinate role. This is why you'll see me actively advocate men to lead their lives and lead their women here.

My story is elsewhere here but the short version is that the roles got flipped unexpectedly in the marriage, I wasn't going to see my family go down in flames financially, and there was an abdication of the leadership role by the man.

This idea that women need to be helpless or needy to be a good life mate is silliness. But for men who are not themselves fully developed this idea makes sense.

However to be able to lead a woman who has her own life well in hand a man needs to himself be solid, steady & stable. She needs a man she can view as worthy of leading her; to such a man she will naturally defer. And the man will benefit from her talents and abilities that she brings to the table.

 

[lizardking82]

I disagree that women are defacto bad at handling power. However I strongly agree that within the context of a marriage it is wise for the woman to have the subordinate role. This is why you'll see me actively advocate men to lead their lives and lead their women here.

My story is elsewhere here but the short version is that the roles got flipped unexpectedly in the marriage, I wasn't going to see my family go down in flames financially, and there was an abdication of the leadership role by the man.

This idea that women need to be helpless or needy to be a good life mate is silliness. But for men who are not themselves fully developed this idea makes sense.

However to be able to lead a woman who has her own life well in hand a man needs to himself be solid, steady & stable. She needs a man she can view as worthy of leading her; to such a man she will naturally defer. And the man will benefit from her talents and abilities that she brings to the table.

You misunderstood me. I did not say women should be completely helpless and talentless at all. I think in a lot of areas, society profits well from the work of women. However, there is a point where that starts being distorted, especially as you have women being brought up to believe they were always suppressed with NOTHING offered in return so in whatever chance they get now, they not only wanna surpass men, but they devalue men altogether and if they happen to be important people, it is quite hard for them to find a man to submit to. Even when they do, they still got this "I am an independent *****" attitude on that is simply frustrating. Not to me personally because I do not deal with those type of women at all, but I am positive to other men.

 

[BeExcellent]

You misunderstood me. I did not say women should be completely helpless and talentless at all. I think in a lot of areas, society profits well from the work of women. However, there is a point where that starts being distorted, especially as you have women being brought up to believe they were always suppressed with NOTHING offered in return so in whatever chance they get now, they not only wanna surpass men, but they devalue men altogether and if they happen to be important people, it is quite hard for them to find a man to submit to. Even when they do, they still got this "I am an independent *****" attitude on that is simply frustrating. Not to me personally because I do not deal with those type of women at all, but I am positive to other men.

That's fair. I agree completely that when women try and out man men in interpersonal relationships it's not a good outcome for the relationship.

I further agree that when a woman becomes quite successful in her own right it substantially narrows the field of men who she can submit to. I don't find this hampering me however. I find that high powered men are happy to find an accomplished woman to support & compliment them.

Successful people congregate together. Water seeks its own level.

Women who are just out there trying to put men down/outdo men for the sake of outdoing them etc. are radical feminists who are agenda driven.

I'm a traditionalist at my core. I'm raising my son & daughters to be traditionalists also. And I emphasize leadership and results with my son & I emphasize support and nurturing in my daughters (although I expect academic excellence and dedication to all their pursuits.)

I know the market is murky at best for young people. So I hear ya!