Do women need time to figure out if they like you?

[ThisNThat]

There's this woman I know, friend of mine, over 50, single never married (which explains a lot). It seems she needs time to figure out if she likes a guy. Claims men move to fast with her.

We got into an argument (not heated), about how "people" are always too busy when it comes to dating. She said she was talking to a single guy who was complaining how some of the women he met online were scheduling dates with him 2 weeks apart. He thought that was way too long, and she defended the ladies saying, "Come on...people have LIVES...they are BUSY!"

I was on the side of the guy. She said something like "Well, when you're starting off dating, 2 weeks is reasonable." I said about one week is pretty reasonable., but even I thought 2 weeks was kind of crazy.

Her issue is she says she's always running into men that want to "move to fast", but this is a pattern with HER so I'm really thinking it's HER.

And...she has no kids, and I asked her, "What could you be POSSIBLY be so busy doing on the weekends?" She said, "Catching up with things that I couldn't do during the week."

And I said, "What things?"

She said, "Doing the laundry, cleaning the house,etc."

Me: "Really? How long does it take you to do the laundry? Why is it so hard for you to take a couple of hours out of your life to meet someone?"

She said, "When I'm out with someone, it could probably take several hours"

At that point , she started making less sense, and I was like "Whatever"

THEN, I finally concluded it with, "Well, you're probably not into the guy then." She partially agreed on that one. But I think she spends too much time trying to figure out if she can GROW on the guy or trying to figure out if she likes a guy...with her it takes a LOT of time.

Men wind up giving up and moving on, while she remains over 50 and boyfriendless.

But I feel that she is making excuses for her own gender really. I hear a lot of situations where men had complained about how these "independent women" are not as "soft" as they used to be, more callous when they date, it's like something is missing from their personality that makes them a REAL woman since the feminist movement.

I knew of one career woman that lives in my small town, but can only online date because she travels a lot for work and on the weekends have time for her kids. She said when she's out on dates, she's noticed men making remarks about her dating style is quite callous. Too calculating. Like a vulcan. Pragmatic?

That something that makes them a real woman...is missing apparently...and can be a turn off for men.

 

[NSX-R]

Walk away . She's not into you dude . It's obvious since your first paragraph. No need for further details.

 

[ThisNThat]

Walk away . She's not into you dude . It's obvious since your first paragraph. No need for further details.

You misunderstand me, she's a friend. I'm not asking if I can win this woman over.

 

[NSX-R]

You misunderstand me, she's a friend. I'm not asking if I can win this woman over.

Women don't need time to figure out if they like a guy or not . They are not men to think about it , but they do it through emotions. Emotion is an instant thing and this is how a woman works . As soon as you are able to do something with her emotions , she will fall emediately for you .

Never believe what a woman is saying.

 

[lizardking82]

Not worth it. I got tired of her bull**** just reading about it. She's 50? She has to lay that ***** on the table and cover it with strawberry juice, dude. Does she know how many hot 20/30 year olds run around with perky tits and firm asses? Her 20th anniversary of hitting the wall and she is playing hard to get? LOL just walk away

 

[The Duke]

Out of all the girls I've been with, the ones that liked me the most never needed time to figure it out. Most knew right away. If they are hesitant, its because there isn't enough attraction there. Women that are really into you, always make it simple.

The language she used is just another way to say keep the attention coming, but not reciprocate. And this woman likely has other problems related to attachment/bonding with men.

 

[Urbanyst]

Women don't need time to figure out if they want to sleep with you.

But they definitely need time to figure out which orbiter job you are best suited for. Therapist? Computer fixer guy? Free meals and drinks guy? Give me a ride home when I'm drunk guy? You know..

 

[devilkingx2]

it depends on what you mean by "like you" and "time"

if a woman needed zero time to figure out if she liked you, that means you could've said "hi, wanna go see a movie with me at 7pm?" as the opening to a cold approach and she'd say yes, but I doubt this is the case for most guys talking to a normal woman.

obviously it doesn't take months to figure out if she wants to have a cup of coffee with you, but it probably doesn't take literal seconds either

likewise there are plenty of women who will need to warm up to you at first, and if you're dating a virign it may take a long time before she likes you enough to have sex with you, etc.

so I say, within reason, yes it may take some time for a woman to like you.

 

[AlexKaiser]

Women don't need time to figure out if they want to sleep with you.

But they definitely need time to figure out which orbiter job you are best suited for. Therapist? Computer fixer guy? Free meals and drinks guy? Give me a ride home when I'm drunk guy? You know..

There are different species of orbiters? I thought those they used were white knights, and the ones they didn't were just orbiters.

 

[Krueg]

"Do women need time to figure out if they like you?"

If a woman needs time to "think" or isnt "ready" they have Medium-LOW Interest in you!

 

[hockeyfreak79]

"Do women need time to figure out if they like you?"

If a woman needs time to "think" or isnt "ready" they have Medium-LOW Interest in you!

Yup, it's their natural instinct for spinning orbiters. They can easily have 3-5 in rotation.
And you know half the old dudes are buy dinners and gifts, thinking they are "dating".

Pretty much what Urban said.

 

[resilient]

Yup, it's their natural instinct for spinning orbiters. They can easily have 3-5 in rotation.
And you know half the old dudes are buy dinners and gifts, thinking they are "dating".

This. I've been seeing this behavior since I've been back in the game after a ten year hiatus in dating.

Whenever a girl says those two words "[time to] think" or "[I don't know if you, me, or we are] ready" that's almost always an indicator of low-medium interest. At that same point in time, another orbiter could be gaining her interest level over yours if you've giving her any ammunition to lose interest. Those signs are even more obvious if your gut tells you her action/behavior and texts seem off or inconsistent.

Rather than just sitting there and letting the ego take the huge hit; become less available, give less attention, and ramp those engine plates the f up to high gear. Any plate that does this behavior to you deserves to be downshifted from main plate (if she already is one) into standard plate status or better yet, peace her out.

 

[FwoGiZ]

100% with Howiestern and Urbanyst here...
No, they don't need time when it comes to real attraction, real interests.
They only need time when it comes to orbiters... that's what I hear anyways.

In the case of your story though, making a big deal of dating every 2 weeks instead of every week seems kinda silly... Just date and you'll see? Who cares how often you see each others? As long as you're having quality time and you're getting laid and she getting her attention fix...

PS: Not sure how some of you guys are interpreting he's trying to get that women... he clearly isn't. It's only to put his main question in context, which it does poorly imo.

 

[ubercat]

Heheh I go reasonably aggressive kino on the first date. Makes it clear I m not auditioning for an orbiter job. I ve had girls tell me to slow down. Haven't had anyone scream at me or try and pepper spray. Sex is different I'm happy to wait until date 4 as long as the physicality is escalating.

 

[FwoGiZ]

Canadians and Australians... 80ish% ratio **** on first date. Near 95% by 2nd date. Your welcome
I believe in attraction so I just enable it.

 

[penkitten]

They say everyone knows if they are attracted to someone in about 8 seconds.

 

[bigneil]

Women DO need time to figure out whether they like you. Namely a few seconds.

It's whether they love you that takes 3-4 months.

 

[BeExcellent]

Attraction is the easy part. Compatibility is harder to figure out & takes time. It takes emotional investment.

If a woman acts on attraction before she can evaluate compatibility then she risks setting herself up for rejection & failure.

I know some people are going to say I'm pushing female frame, but it's actually wise from a woman's perspective to demonstrate restraint early on ESPECIALLY if she is attracted.

This woman is perhaps herself too afraid to be vulnerable...which is also something many men suffer from. Men want a woman who is feminine and vulnerable. And stable. I don't know this lady. Is she these things?

 

[bigneil]

Although it takes a woman a few months to fall in love, once she does she will say she always loved you.

In the spirit of observing what went right, here were the milestones in my current relationship (now in its 7th month).

1) When we first met, she liked me so much she told her girlfriends after I left that she couldn't stop thinking about me.
2) Her very first text confessed I was making her fall too fast. By that point I had already told her she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. With her, things like that always came natural and she always knew I meant it.
3) The first time I asked for a kiss (I asked her and another girl for a three way kiss actually) she said "okay!" and the other agreed.
4) She texted "I love your shirt" (it contains the words 'I love you') in the first week of texting.
5) She said "I love your tie" on the first date (same thing).
6) We had sex on the first date and she later said I gave her her first orgasm that night.
7) We had simultaneous orgasms the first time we did it.
8) After every date she is always the first to text. This rule has never been broken. I have waited up to 13 days but it's normally 2 days.
9) In our second month of dating, when I randomly asked "Do you still love me?" she said "yes" without hesitation.
10) The first time I woke up next to her she was cuddled up with me and it was the most precious moment of my life. She said she felt the same way.
11) We made love about 3 months after the first kiss.
12) I was the first to say I love you but I used it in a sentence by mistake, saying something like "If you were in a wheel chair I would still love you".
13) (The next date) she was the first to say "I love you" (formal).
14) For the past 3 months, any time I told her I loved her or said anything of the sort, she would say she feels the same way. On our last date we said "I will love you forever".
15) The first two night trip went so well we held hands the whole plane ride back.
16) When I asked if it was love at first sight she said yes.
17) When I asked if she loved me more then or now she said "WAY more now!"
18) When I asked why she loved me more now she said because she knows me.
19) When she met my parents she was beaming.
20) When she met my physical trainer he said he can tell we're in love. Most women can tell we're in love when they see us.
21) We've never had sex just once on a given date.
22) When I brought another girl to her strip club, she was able to figure out which one (out of 90 girls) I was dating just by looking around for the one who seemed like my best match (and she loved her).
23) When I told her she had girlfriends who are in love with me she said "I know".
24) In the past 56 days she initiated on 28 different days (I initiated 7, or 20%). For the first 3 months it was 50/50 in terms of who initiated.
25) Once she started saying "I love you" we went from seeing each other once every 2 weeks to twice every week (she lives 25 miles away).
26) We genuinely love all the same music, movies, foods and types of recreational substances.
27) We had one minor break up 3 months ago and we both agreed we never want that to happen again.