Ran into my ex gf yesterday...

[mattyt]

Hey guys, bit of background info. My ex girlfriend and myself were high school sweethearts. We started dating when we were both 19, and had a strong 7 nearly 8 years together. We broke up in 2015 after being stuck in a rut for sometime and not really progressing forward.

Our breakup hit me hard and took me a longtime to get over it. I am fine now.
Anyway, in the past 2 years, her mother had gotten sick and passed away, and she has a boyfriend and lives with him.

I ran into her last night, I haven't seen her since her mothers funeral nearly a year ago, she was with her work friends and I asked her if she wanted to hang around for a couple of drinks with me and my friends which she did.

In that time she had told me that she is not happy with her new partner, and she is always getting in trouble for doing things she likes to do etc. she was telling me that she is really unhappy with where her life is at the moment, and continued to tell me that it was a mistake, is breaking up. Now I knew that all of this would eventually come out. Keep in mind that I still care very much for this woman, she was the second woman I truely loved after my own mother. And it really upsets me that she is feeling like this. I cut off all contact when we broke up and only spoke to her when I really had to because it truely did hurt too much.

I think out of all of what she said last night, she was implying that she is planning on giving the bloke the flick and was more or less asking if I'd give her another chance. Now I know that it's all good and well to assume that, but until she does or if she does get rid of the bloke it is all neither here nor there. I don't know whether I'd give her another go, she would definately have to put in some decent ground work and prove herself to me befor I'd give it thought.

Some of your opinions as to why she has said all of this now, especially the female dj's. I get the feeling that I will hear from her again sooner rather than later.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys, bit of background info. My ex girlfriend and myself were high school sweethearts. We started dating when we were both 19, and had a strong 7 nearly 8 years together. We broke up in 2015 after being stuck in a rut for sometime and not really progressing forward.

Our breakup hit me hard and took me a longtime to get over it. I am fine now.
Anyway, in the past 2 years, her mother had gotten sick and passed away, and she has a boyfriend and lives with him.

I ran into her last night, I haven't seen her since her mothers funeral nearly a year ago, she was with her work friends and I asked her if she wanted to hang around for a couple of drinks with me and my friends which she did.

In that time she had told me that she is not happy with her new partner, and she is always getting in trouble for doing things she likes to do etc. she was telling me that she is really unhappy with where her life is at the moment, and continued to tell me that it was a mistake, is breaking up. Now I knew that all of this would eventually come out. Keep in mind that I still care very much for this woman, she was the second woman I truely loved after my own mother. And it really upsets me that she is feeling like this. I cut off all contact when we broke up and only spoke to her when I really had to because it truely did hurt too much.

I think out of all of what she said last night, she was implying that she is planning on giving the bloke the flick and was more or less asking if I'd give her another chance. Now I know that it's all good and well to assume that, but until she does or if she does get rid of the bloke it is all neither here nor there. I don't know whether I'd give her another go, she would definately have to put in some decent ground work and prove herself to me befor I'd give it thought.

Some of your opinions as to why she has said all of this now, especially the female dj's. I get the feeling that I will hear from her again sooner rather than later.

If you wanna try to be with her for real, let someone else be the rebound. Layback off of her and let her work through her relationship issues from the last relationship. A good question is how was SHE responsible for the problems they had? You never hear them admit this.

 

[mattyt]

Well she is still in the doomed relationship, and I am going to lay off. I have spoken to her maybe 4 times In nearly two years. She admitted some fault from our relationship, but this new bloke just sounds like a boring nazi, I have heard that from mutual friends as well.

 

[Julian]

she's playing you son

shes getting dikked down by her new bf and wants to monkey branch back to you, after she dumped you. wtf is wrong with you boy

get your head out of your ass, unfukk yourself and get out there and get some new broads! You spent the majority of your prime with 1 sloot who left you anyway! This bish wants a chance with you? a second chance? What? she better be begging on her hands an knees an bend over backwards for you. fk that hoe

 

[mattyt]

I wouldn't say she's playing me, her intentions aren't all that subtle. And believe me in the past two years I've had my fair share

 

[Infern0]

Messing around with an ex, especially one who did lasting damage to you, AND is in a relationship is dangerous.

The fact you have come on sosusve to ask for advice on this situation just leads me to further belive that this is not a good move for you.

Have you read the DJ bible? Have you been practicing?

Based on the situation yeah most likely you will hear from her again and she probably is scoping out a monkey branch.

Its just SOP from your side, easy work, but i am not sure you even know what that is.

 

[soulforge]

Its a very risky move..

Your the back up plan.. and there is always the possibility she will dump you again, and just go back to him, if things turn a little sour..

If you have completely healed from the breakup, then your better off just moving along.

End of day, your decision son!

 

[Desdinova]

Our breakup hit me hard and took me a longtime to get over it. I am fine now.

No you're not.

I asked her if she wanted to hang around for a couple of drinks

If you were fine, you wouldn't have asked her to go out for drinks. You'd let her rot in her own self-made hell.

In that time she had told me that she is not happy with her new partner,

Women are never happy when they throw away the guy at the top of her high score list (or fvck up the relationship so bad that he leaves). The problem she has right now is she has absolutely no clue that she's NEVER going to find that "one true love" again. Women are great at sabotaging their own chances at a satisfying 'forever after' because they always want the bigger, better deal. They usually don't appreciate what they have in front of them. They will release their stallion so they can search for a non-existent unicorn.

This is something that you cannot fix. The woman either realises what she has in front of her, or she doesn't. Your ex currently does not. In 20 years when she's ugly and single (and possibly a mother as well), that's when she'll realise that she fvcked up. By then you should have moved on to better women and forgotten all about her droopy cvnt.

I think out of all of what she said last night, she was implying that she is planning on giving the bloke the flick and was more or less asking if I'd give her another chance.

Every man should live by the 'one chance per lifetime' rule. The stuff that went wrong with the relationship before will show up again. There are two major reasons for this:

1) People (especially women) generally don't improve themselves to the point where they genuinely change
2) YOU haven't changed because you're still infatuated with her.

These are the ingredients for repeated failure if you happen to get back together with her.

 

[dude99]

Hey guys, bit of background info. My ex girlfriend and myself were high school sweethearts. We started dating when we were both 19, and had a strong 7 nearly 8 years together. We broke up in 2015 after being stuck in a rut for sometime and not really progressing forward.

Our breakup hit me hard and took me a longtime to get over it. I am fine now.
Anyway, in the past 2 years, her mother had gotten sick and passed away, and she has a boyfriend and lives with him.

I ran into her last night, I haven't seen her since her mothers funeral nearly a year ago, she was with her work friends and I asked her if she wanted to hang around for a couple of drinks with me and my friends which she did.

In that time she had told me that she is not happy with her new partner, and she is always getting in trouble for doing things she likes to do etc. she was telling me that she is really unhappy with where her life is at the moment, and continued to tell me that it was a mistake, is breaking up. Now I knew that all of this would eventually come out. Keep in mind that I still care very much for this woman, she was the second woman I truely loved after my own mother. And it really upsets me that she is feeling like this. I cut off all contact when we broke up and only spoke to her when I really had to because it truely did hurt too much.

I think out of all of what she said last night, she was implying that she is planning on giving the bloke the flick and was more or less asking if I'd give her another chance. Now I know that it's all good and well to assume that, but until she does or if she does get rid of the bloke it is all neither here nor there. I don't know whether I'd give her another go, she would definately have to put in some decent ground work and prove herself to me befor I'd give it thought.

Some of your opinions as to why she has said all of this now, especially the female dj's. I get the feeling that I will hear from her again sooner rather than later.

Are you the prize or is she? She is unhappy. That isn't your problem. Whether she broke it off with you or you broke it off with her isn't important at this moment but what is , is her actions.

She is setting her next branch swing up with you.

 

[dude99]

Well she is still in the doomed relationship, and I am going to lay off. I have spoken to her maybe 4 times In nearly two years. She admitted some fault from our relationship, but this new bloke just sounds like a boring nazi, I have heard that from mutual friends as well.

Remember this is her side of the story. She is showing disloyalty to him with her actions. Why is he "a nazi?"

You can't judge him when you don't know his side of things. You may be one of many dudes she is working to do that branch swing

 

[soulforge]

Remember this is her side of the story. She is showing disloyalty to him with her actions. Why is he "a nazi?"

You can't judge him when you don't know his side of things. You may be one of many dudes she is working to do that branch swing

I agree on this.. Every woman i ever met, claimed her ex was a monster, a Nazi blah blah blah

Turns out later, it is her own fuked up unreasonable behaviour that probably lead to the breakdown of the RS..

I know for a fact my recent ex will be telling the next dude, what a complete assshole i was...

But i know better.. more than likely this girl has ruined her most current relationship, and is looking to branch swing back to you.. then more than likely dump you again..

If you feel you have healed, and are over her... then dude just stay away from her. Whats the point..

 

[sazc]

what sucks is that she had to try and create a second nest with you before she broke up with Nazi. if what she is saying is true, she is with someone who doesn't like her for her and thinks he can change her by controlling her with his moods.

It sounds like you guys are in your mid to late 20's. For me, that is a time when relativity sane people start to realize what their responsibility in a poor relationship is. WHY did she pick nazi? How is she not going to make the same mistake ever gain? OR is it just all Nazi's fault? If it is, she's not very introspective, and may have a problem taking responsibility for situations she has liability in, inside of a relationship. Be careful.

Why is she coming back to you? Because, as we have discussed before here, she is living in a bit of a scarcity mentality thinking "If I break up with Nazi am I going to find anyone who treats me better? Oh yea @mattyt treated me better and I tossed that into the trash, maybe i should revisit that" My personal opinion has always been that is is incredibly unhealthy to need someone waiting in the wings for you. If you are in a bad relationship, why the HELL dont you want OUT, even if that manes being single?!

The question is - what are you looking for at this point in your life? A day to day LTR or creating a relationship with someone that may lead to a string union?

Good rekindled relationships occur when two people REALLY know what they have lost in each other and are committed to forever, forgiveness, and working things out.What is it about your past relationship with her that needs to permanently change? That is an honest conversation you both need to have with each other, make decisions about what went wrong and how you are going to avoid the same pitfalls in the future - if you are looking for long term.

What I am saying goes a bit against the traditional DJ advice - except that, if you are looking for a string union, what I am suggesting is that you step very much into the leadership role and lead yourself and she into a solid relationship. Be VERY honest about your expectations from her, what you will and wont put up with. Lay your standards and boundaries from the outset and let her know you will accept nothing less then her compliance. And be sure to communicate new standards and boundaries as they reveal themselves. If she really wants you happy, she should be happy to be the woman you are looking for. She may balk at your requests. This doesnt make her a lesser quality female, it just means that her ideals dont align with yours and that you would both be happier with someone else.

If it happens, good luck.

 

[El Payaso]

Well she is still in the doomed relationship, and I am going to lay off. I have spoken to her maybe 4 times In nearly two years. She admitted some fault from our relationship, but this new bloke just sounds like a boring nazi, I have heard that from mutual friends as well.

Bro, stop falling for this sh!t. Women talk sh!t about their exes or someone they're planning to dump. Sounds like you're really desperate to get back with her so you would believe her if she even told you the sky was pink. Once he buys her a diamond ring, all her opinions of him will suddenly change to Prince Charming. That's how fickle women's opinions of men are.

Move on from this woman and stop getting in contact with her.

 

[lizardking82]

No you're not.



If you were fine, you wouldn't have asked her to go out for drinks. You'd let her rot in her own self-made hell.



Women are never happy when they throw away the guy at the top of her high score list (or fvck up the relationship so bad that he leaves). The problem she has right now is she has absolutely no clue that she's NEVER going to find that "one true love" again. Women are great at sabotaging their own chances at a satisfying 'forever after' because they always want the bigger, better deal. They usually don't appreciate what they have in front of them. They will release their stallion so they can search for a non-existent unicorn.

This is something that you cannot fix. The woman either realises what she has in front of her, or she doesn't. Your ex currently does not. In 20 years when she's ugly and single (and possibly a mother as well), that's when she'll realise that she fvcked up. By then you should have moved on to better women and forgotten all about her droopy cvnt.

THIS. Read this, dude, and keep it in mind. Sometimes, like in my last ex-es case, they do it because they wanna dedicate to career and to themselves. Of course that means she has made her mind up that YOU are not the one she wants right now and she thinks she will find someone better. Desdinova put it like I was saying it from my own mouth when he says "they have no clue they are never going to find that true love again and they self sabotage their happiness by letting their stallion go for a non-existent unicorn". Dude, it's not worth it. Leave the past to the past, look ahead of you.

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree with @sazc here. But there isn't a clear picture why exactly you guys broke up in the first place.

Did one want marriage & the other didn't? 7-8 years together is quite a long time for two people so young. Were y'all each other's first and thought somehow you were missing out on playing the field (you or her)?

Why you broke up matters. Whatever the issue is must be solved/resolved and dealt with or it will surface again.

Also you both would need to enter the relationship with a sense of knowing where things are going. There is no point getting back with someone like this unless you are both clear about what the goal is at the beginning. There is too much history there so you can't completely start over like with someone new.

You as the man would need to be prepared to really lead the relationship AND continue your own life as it is going. You must focus on your life & she comes along for the ride, whatever the ride is.

Obviously you both cared for each other. She needs to break up with the BF and move out. Only if she does that will there be a chance for y'all. I'd tell her straight up to call me if you get out of the live in arrangement and that situation ends. Then let it lie until she gets out of that situation.

Under no circumstances should you get involved with her otherwise. If she won't break up she's looking to cheat & nobody benefits with a cheater.

You can lay that requirement down (that she break up with him & move out), but beyond that there is nothing more to discuss at this time.

Then you go about your life & date others. You never know who you might meet.

 

[nismo-4]

TL;DR!

I couldn't stomach that long ass wall of text.

But I will tell you is that she wants you to take her back so she can f**k you up the exact same way she did before. Flaws remain.

She is an ex for a reason. I never get back with my exes. I forget I ever had them. When I lose a girl, I go play Zelda.

I have a strong one chance policy. When it's over, I don't let the girl anywhere near me. All platforms are blocked. Why the f**k should I hang around and be an orbiter?

When I run into a woman I dated before, I say nothing, except maybe a cordial hi. No attention otherwise.

Try using this model. You'll be better off.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

OP, why exactly did you two break up? High school sweethearts lasting together for that long surely seems like quite a feat in my opinion. It's definitely rare to say the least. If you two couldn't come to a resolution, then there definitely is something big going on here.

Also, who was the one who initiated the breakup? Was it you or her?

 

[mattyt]

She initiated it. We hit a brick wall In Our relationship and weren't progressing forward, probably more my fault than hers. We would never have got out of that rut if we had of stayed together. We were both at fault why it ended the first time round. We were together young and I guess it was good it happened because we didn't really know what it was like to be an adult and have fun, sleep around and do the crazy **** that single people do. In the last 2 years I have learnt and grown a lot and I have her to thank for being the one that got the courage to end it I guess. I wouldn't take her back at all unless I was 100%, it might not even come to that. I guess I'll see how I feel if it does come to that.

 

[17 shots]

If you mess with her again, you have to act differently then you did back in the day with her. You have to treat her like ****. You're going to have to down play her for a while, like ignoring most of her calls and texts, and sometimes initiate and then leave her hanging. It will drive her crazy that she can't get you to act how you were before. Then she'll do everything she can to get the "old" you back. But you can't pull this off if you're gonna be a ***** and care too much about her. You might just want to move on

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok so perhaps you didn't know how to lead her in the relationship then...ergo the rut due possibly to your lack of understanding about male/female dynamics. You were quite young & perhaps had no idea. Glad you found your way here.

Lack of leadership by the man kills attraction for the woman in time. This (if that's the essence of what happened) is something you'll have to grow through to have a successful relationship in the future, whether it's with her or anyone else. The DJ Bible and Book of Pook are good read/review materials. There are lots of useful threads in the forum too.

She may have stayed with you hoping things would improve but she may have been just as clueless as you were about how the dynamic was affecting you both. So if neither person understands why things are the way they are then neither person knows how to fix the situation.

How it goes from here is up to the two of you. We can give you insight based in experience that is statistically accurate but only you & she were in the relationship & know each other as individuals. So you have to proceed in the best manner for yourself that only you can know in the end.

There are plenty of men here who figured out they had a good girl they lost (the ones who got away) before they understood male/female dynamics, often when they were very young but not always.

The main thing, whatever ends up happening, is that you grow and become a better man and cultivate your leadership ability. This will empower you in your future interactions with women, whether her or someone else.