"You are too blunt"

[IBreatheSpears]

A few girls have said this to me. I never paid it much mind because I saw it as a shít-test to be ignored. But today I had a needless argument with a girl over meeting up. She flaked on our plans but offered another day, so I said "<day> is fine but it will have to be evening. Kind of inconsiderate though tbh" because I wanted her to apologise for cancelling at the last minute. She came back saying she didn't want to see me if I would speak to her like that and I told her "Ok. But you should at least apologise". She did call a bit later and she did apologise, so that's all good, but during the conversation she said she had taken my message the wrong way because I'm "violent with words" when I text (she's foreign and this was the best way she could think to put it).

Looking back, I've had a couple of arguments start over a text I sent being interpreted as aggressive or snarky so it's not just her misunderstanding. I probably am doing something wrong. I don't mind being seen as blunt or aloof, but I don't want to have arguments because of it. I try to keep my messages short and sweet, but apparently I'm failing on the "sweet" part. What should I do differently? Just try to be less to-the-point?

 

[17 shots]

Don't listen to what she says, look at her actions. She apologized, and rescheduled. That attitude got you results

 

[Billtx49]

Keep in mind when you text that most sentences in a text can be interpreted in more than one way by the receiver.

 

[SuckItUp]

A few girls have said this to me. I never paid it much mind because I saw it as a shít-test to be ignored. But today I had a needless argument with a girl over meeting up. She flaked on our plans but offered another day, so I said "<day> is fine but it will have to be evening. Kind of inconsiderate though tbh" because I wanted her to apologise for cancelling at the last minute. She came back saying she didn't want to see me if I would speak to her like that and I told her "Ok. But you should at least apologise". She did call a bit later and she did apologise, so that's all good, but during the conversation she said she had taken my message the wrong way because I'm "violent with words" when I text (she's foreign and this was the best way she could think to put it).

Looking back, I've had a couple of arguments start over a text I sent being interpreted as aggressive or snarky so it's not just her misunderstanding. I probably am doing something wrong. I don't mind being seen as blunt or aloof, but I don't want to have arguments because of it. I try to keep my messages short and sweet, but apparently I'm failing on the "sweet" part. What should I do differently? Just try to be less to-the-point?

HB: You're being too blunt
Me: **** you (with a giant smile on my face)

Lots of way too handle that statement. It could be that you aren't calibrating to certain women and you're not teasing, or as mentioned, it is a **** test.

Texting sucks for this very reason as nuance, subtlety, and context are often lost in text.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Don't listen to what she says, look at her actions. She apologized, and rescheduled. That attitude got you results

Good point but I'm wondering: if I had been a bit more tactful, could I have gotten those results without arguing? I know girls like drama; I like it too and I'm pretty good at manufacturing it, but rescheduling a date isn't the time for negative feelings. It's hard to get someone to agree to something when they're in "argument mode".

Keep in mind when you text that most sentences in a text can be interpreted in more than one way by the receiver.

That's very true and I don't think I've ever had this come up with a man. That probably says it all.

 

[Trump]

Good point but I'm wondering: if I had been a bit more tactful, could I have gotten those results without arguing? I know girls like drama; I like it too and I'm pretty good at manufacturing it, but rescheduling a date isn't the time for negative feelings. It's hard to get someone to agree to something when they're in "argument mode".

Bro being a little dramatic. You are not arguing with her, just conversing. If you think that's arguing wait until you get in the real world, it will blow your mind.

The problem with changing your ways is they will come back and say 'You're too sweet.' I'm sure they wouldn't care about bluntness if you were a rich actor with a private jet.

 

[Billtx49]

That's very true and I don't think I've ever had this come up with a man. That probably says it all.

Yes, women usually imagine into your statements their own interpreted meanings that don't exist in your reality.

 

[wifehunter]

She's trying to make the rules + bad behavior.

I'd walk.

 

[The Duke]

A few girls have said this to me. I never paid it much mind because I saw it as a shít-test to be ignored. But today I had a needless argument with a girl over meeting up. She flaked on our plans but offered another day, so I said "<day> is fine but it will have to be evening. Kind of inconsiderate though tbh" because I wanted her to apologise for cancelling at the last minute. She came back saying she didn't want to see me if I would speak to her like that and I told her "Ok. But you should at least apologise". She did call a bit later and she did apologise, so that's all good, but during the conversation she said she had taken my message the wrong way because I'm "violent with words" when I text (she's foreign and this was the best way she could think to put it).

Looking back, I've had a couple of arguments start over a text I sent being interpreted as aggressive or snarky so it's not just her misunderstanding. I probably am doing something wrong. I don't mind being seen as blunt or aloof, but I don't want to have arguments because of it. I try to keep my messages short and sweet, but apparently I'm failing on the "sweet" part. What should I do differently? Just try to be less to-the-point?

Any time you call a chic out for bad behavior like you did there will likely be an argument! By nature, they have a difficult time owning up to their actions/words. Its always someone elses fault as to why they do what they do.

Using text messages to discuss an issue isn't a good practice. Too much room for interpretation. Most of communication is non-verbal.

I'm pretty straight forward and can be blunt as well at times. I've had to temper this. So what I've done is used "softer" language and tell them my displeasure at more appropriate times. But definitely don't change who you are, just dial it back a bit. You will also score points by putting people in their place. I've had many women praise me for it regardless of how they felt the moment I was calling them out.

I'm guessing this girl has low interest and that's the real reason she flaked at the last minute. Decent girls will apologize without being prompted. This is all bad manners/low interest on her part.

 

[Urbanyst]

Blunt is usually code for desperate.

Moving too fast. Trying too hard. Caring too much.

 

[lizardking82]

Blunt is usually code for desperate.

Moving too fast. Trying too hard. Caring too much.

So you're suggesting he be careless? Cold? Calm?

I mean, we're men, but we have emotions, too.

 

[Billtx49]

So you're suggesting he be careless? Cold? Calm?

I mean, we're men, but we have emotions, too.

I think of it as being overly direct and lacking charm with spoken and texted language.

 

[Urbanyst]

So you're suggesting he be careless? Cold? Calm?

I mean, we're men, but we have emotions, too.

Don't put words in my mouth.

 

[lizardking82]

Don't put words in my mouth.

I am not putting words on your mouth. I am asking you. Intent on giving an answer?

 

[Urbanyst]

I am not putting words on your mouth. I am asking you. Intent on giving an answer?

Asking me what? I don't mean anything more than the words I posted. Not sure why you are trying to add more meaning.

 

[The Duke]

Blunt is usually code for desperate.

Moving too fast. Trying too hard. Caring too much.

I don't agree with that at all. Blunt is being too direct, candid, forthright. He called her out for being rude in a direct manner. So are you telling me you let that kind of schitt fly for fear of coming across as trying too hard or caring too much?

 

[Roober]

A few girls have said this to me. I never paid it much mind because I saw it as a shít-test to be ignored. But today I had a needless argument with a girl over meeting up. She flaked on our plans but offered another day, so I said "<day> is fine but it will have to be evening. Kind of inconsiderate though tbh" because I wanted her to apologise for cancelling at the last minute. She came back saying she didn't want to see me if I would speak to her like that and I told her "Ok. But you should at least apologise". She did call a bit later and she did apologise, so that's all good, but during the conversation she said she had taken my message the wrong way because I'm "violent with words" when I text (she's foreign and this was the best way she could think to put it).

Looking back, I've had a couple of arguments start over a text I sent being interpreted as aggressive or snarky so it's not just her misunderstanding. I probably am doing something wrong. I don't mind being seen as blunt or aloof, but I don't want to have arguments because of it. I try to keep my messages short and sweet, but apparently I'm failing on the "sweet" part. What should I do differently? Just try to be less to-the-point?

Your texts come across as a bit passive aggressive and weak... It is also the way women communicate (covertly).

Telling her...
"kind of inconsiderate though tbh"
"But you should at least apologize"

Shows that you are weak. A man should be completely unphased by a flake. Would a prince care if one of his minions didn't show up to work? No, he would find a replacement!

 

[Trunks]

I think of it as being overly direct and lacking charm with spoken and texted language.

Yeah, being direct in itself is generally not a bad thing. It's the lack of tact, empathy, or social awareness that women find off-putting.

 

[FwoGiZ]

You can accept women as is and work around em, or ***** n whine.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Your texts come across as a bit passive aggressive and weak... It is also the way women communicate (covertly).

Telling her...
"kind of inconsiderate though tbh"
"But you should at least apologize"

Shows that you are weak. A man should be completely unphased by a flake. Would a prince care if one of his minions didn't show up to work? No, he would find a replacement!

Lol you kidding me? What he did is EXACTLY the type of thing a king would have done. Just letting it pass like that shows that the ruler can be disrespected and he will not do anything about it. What you are suggesting is weak behavior, not the way OP handled it. And it was by no means at all passive aggressive. If anything, he actually WAS too blunt. That's the whole point of this thread. He wants to know if he was being too direct. I'd say it wasn't too blunt though. He just pointed out what happened and said it was rude and that he wanted an apology. Not passive aggressive at all.