Have I just red pilled?

[Fruitbat]

I think I understood red pill a few years ago. I've reached a new level at the age of 34.

I had some terrible luck with women and recently got a bit depressed and overweight. I am just getting off the weight and training so in approx 2-4 months I'll be somewhere near dating standard again and I just renewed match.com. Before you say it, I have 0% chance of finding women in real life. My job is 100% men and the few available women I know socially are in no way compatible and the ones that were basically caused me trouble, one was pretty insane game player.

Now, the thing is, I don't want to date anymore. I've had a think and here are my reasons.

- it's a lot of hastle actually getting to dates and it costs money.

- I tend to have to work at it for a while to get dates, averaging about 2 a month best, with mostly rejections. This is a lot of effort and having to think of witty ****.

- some dates don't show up.

- Most women are playing the field when you are first together so it's literally like being on trial. I ****jng hate that more than anything.

- lies, bull ****, tests and the huge number of women who just want attention. These succubusses are the worst.

- knowing deep down I view most women as being devious and treacherous and not worthy in the main.

Also, I can't be bothered to:

- chase women
- get emotionally involved as some kind of game will emerge with all of them to bring you down in some way.
- have to bother worrying about other dudes and always being on guard.
- knowing modern women of my age have a very relaxed attitude to fidelity and family.

I just can't be bothered with the BS. I do want a family though. This is the issue.

I just look at the profiles, all the effort so they can attempt to snag the best possible man they can. Some even sexualising themselves massively. Nearly all with pictures of them drinking champagne or appearing luxurious, winning that prince. Most, but not all, make me sick in their superficial view of the world. Empty vessels.

So I think I am red pilling. I don't even really want sex although I am not depressed. I just don't want the BS work to get there and if I like her, it's into the mill of emotions and worry again.

If only I could find some way to have my immortality project and a happy family (I never had one really), but I just find all the women are taken and the stuff that's left is the dregs. How the hell is it this hard just to get a wife? I expect our ancestors are laughing at us, taking steroids and getting waxes. It's ridiculous.

 

[Urbanyst]

Just have fun and "spin plates" as some say.

If its not fun, its not worth it. But women are a lot of fun and a good way to challenge yourself. I've learned to love the games and challenges they throw at me. Its all in fun and I don't take it too seriously anymore.

When they get annoying or push me too far I just disengage and spend time with friends or a hobby or work.

 

[SuckItUp]

I think I understood red pill a few years ago. I've reached a new level at the age of 34.

I had some terrible luck with women and recently got a bit depressed and overweight. I am just getting off the weight and training so in approx 2-4 months I'll be somewhere near dating standard again and I just renewed match.com. Before you say it, I have 0% chance of finding women in real life. My job is 100% men and the few available women I know socially are in no way compatible and the ones that were basically caused me trouble, one was pretty insane game player.

Now, the thing is, I don't want to date anymore. I've had a think and here are my reasons.

- it's a lot of hastle actually getting to dates and it costs money.

- I tend to have to work at it for a while to get dates, averaging about 2 a month best, with mostly rejections. This is a lot of effort and having to think of witty ****.

- some dates don't show up.

- Most women are playing the field when you are first together so it's literally like being on trial. I ****jng hate that more than anything.

- lies, bull ****, tests and the huge number of women who just want attention. These succubusses are the worst.

- knowing deep down I view most women as being devious and treacherous and not worthy in the main.

Also, I can't be bothered to:

- chase women
- get emotionally involved as some kind of game will emerge with all of them to bring you down in some way.
- have to bother worrying about other dudes and always being on guard.
- knowing modern women of my age have a very relaxed attitude to fidelity and family.

I just can't be bothered with the BS. I do want a family though. This is the issue.

I just look at the profiles, all the effort so they can attempt to snag the best possible man they can. Some even sexualising themselves massively. Nearly all with pictures of them drinking champagne or appearing luxurious, winning that prince. Most, but not all, make me sick in their superficial view of the world. Empty vessels.

So I think I am red pilling. I don't even really want sex although I am not depressed. I just don't want the BS work to get there and if I like her, it's into the mill of emotions and worry again.

If only I could find some way to have my immortality project and a happy family (I never had one really), but I just find all the women are taken and the stuff that's left is the dregs. How the hell is it this hard just to get a wife? I expect our ancestors are laughing at us, taking steroids and getting waxes. It's ridiculous.

It's good that you've taken the red pill, but you need to expend the metaphor further and plunge down the rabbit hole.

I'm not a big of MGTOW for the simple reason that being angry at women for how the system enables them and their bad behavior still doesn't change the fact you don't have a woman. You can't control the behavior of others, only your own.

It does you no good just unplug and say I'm out of here.

Part of becoming good with women is accepting that many are low cailber. Taking the red pill doesn't change that, you're just more cognizant of it.

It's also about understanding that their inanities and obnoxious behaviors are weapons for men.

Now, in order to find a wife you need to let go of the idea of needing a wife and start at the beginning, which you have done by taking care of you. The better life you create for yourself will increase the quantity and quality of women that appear in your life.

Does it sound hippy dippy? Sure, but it's how many things in the world work.

Finally get off the internet dating sites, they are fecking useless. Ask yourself if good looking women and even regular women get hit on repeatedly in the real world on a daily basis then what is a woman doing online? Cluster B, daddy issues, AW'ing, slut, doesn't take care of themself, etc.

It's not to say you can't meet a quality woman online, but why fish from a pond when you can network your "streams" and "rivers" into a lake or ocean and actually have excellent choice.

First get comfortable with who you are fix things that you can and then network through friends and push your comfort levels. Enjoy life and you find that women will be coming to you.

 

[btownbuck2012]

It's good that you've taken the red pill, but you need to expend the metaphor further and plunge down the rabbit hole.

I'm not a big of MGTOW for the simple reason that being angry at women for how the system enables them and their bad behavior still doesn't change the fact you don't have a woman. You can't control the behavior of others, only your own.

It does you no good just unplug and say I'm out of here.

Part of becoming good with women is accepting that many are low cailber. Taking the red pill doesn't change that, you're just more cognizant of it.

It's also about understanding that their inanities and obnoxious behaviors are weapons for men.

Now, in order to find a wife you need to let go of the idea of needing a wife and start at the beginning, which you have done by taking care of you. The better life you create for yourself will increase the quantity and quality of women that appear in your life.

Does it sound hippy dippy? Sure, but it's how many things in the world work.

Finally get off the internet dating sites, they are fecking useless. Ask yourself if good looking women and even regular women get hit on repeatedly in the real world on a daily basis then what is a woman doing online? Cluster B, daddy issues, AW'ing, slut, doesn't take care of themself, etc.

It's not to say you can't meet a quality woman online, but why fish from a pond when you can network your "streams" and "rivers" into a lake or ocean and actually have excellent choice.

First get comfortable with who you are fix things that you can and then network through friends and push your comfort levels. Enjoy life and you find that women will be coming to you.

I see you've been registered since 2015, but haven't posted too much. I think that needs to change. Everything you've been posting lately is 100% spot on, excellent stuff!

 

[Serenity]

Well, don't chase women then. Don't prove yourself to them. Don't try to "win" one. You've been getting too little to care less when you do get a date.

So find women, no matter how few. Go on the dates, but expect walking home alone. Prioritize evaluating them more than you trying to fit (what you think is) their evaluations. Even hypothetically if 99% of available women was complete sh!t, you should only even register the remaining 1%. That's your target, that's where your focus gotta be. The rest are just background noise, women you'll pass up because they don't fulfil YOUR criteria.

 

[resilient]

Solid post man. I agree with btown, your perspective is welcome here.

...start at the beginning, which you have done by taking care of you. The better life you create for yourself will increase the quantity and quality of women that appear in your life.

This is so true. Women have an amazing radar for picking up on the emotional states of others, especially us guys. If a guy is withdrawn, bitter/cynical, insecure, low energy, never smiles, low confidence, and doesn't love who he is, she'll be turned off. When we DJs have our ducks in order, our net pulls in more fish (potential plates) naturally. Being active socially increases our self-confidence, social acuity, and our options for natural connections. Much much better than online dating attention games IMO.

That awareness also goes for relationships. The hard "red pill" truth is that if a guy goes through a period of depression, her interest level takes a hit (most often it's a lack of empathy). A bad day or a bad week is OK. If it's a string of bad months or years, she thinks "wtf, DJ, get your act together" and will look elsewhere for attention, validation, or a side fling (with potential to eject the current relationship in favor for the new man).

A woman wants to know a man follows his compass in life, has passionate hobbies, career, strong friendship/family ties and is respected by others and is willing to walk away at any time. Her desirability to stay in a relationship is interchangeably linked to his ability to sacrifice for his own goals and provide for the nest. When a DJ is not all the above things, you start seeing more sh!t tests, push/pull, disrespect, avoidance, flaking/canceled plans, drop of interest in sex. In other words, the woman rewards the man for being a master DJ and punishes him when he starts failing to live up to his own expectations of himself.

First get comfortable with who you are fix things that you can and then network through friends and push your comfort levels. Enjoy life and you find that women will be coming to you.

Always be tinkering with your life. Be curious, explore, question your environment, try new hobbies. Increase your efficacy: Adapt, learn, and have fun that it doesn't matter if a plate flakes, bails, or doesn't meet your needs. That way you rebound much quicker after a breakup or not landing the date 2,3,4,5,6+ with a plate. In other words, abundance mentality.

Detach your validation of a sh!ty dating life. Fewer fs given.

Turn the tables around and ask yourself "why should I date this plate?", "what does this plate have to offer me that I can't get elsewhere or from another plate?" or "why should this plate deserve more of my valuable time when I could be doing x,y,z."

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

There is no mythical line "before" and "after" whatever people mean when they say "red pill."

Ostensibly it's a metaphor for "seeing things the way they really are," but that isn't possible. The older you get, the more experience you get, the more you'll understand. It never ends. As soon as you think you've got things "figured out" that's when you are almost always "proven wrong." Usually by being hit in the face of an aspect of "reality" that you hadn't considered. The rabbit hole NEVER ends.

If finding a wife and starting a family is a high priority, then you've got to MAKE it one. Meaning you need to start spending as much time as you would building a career if THAT was a main priority.

Build solid communication skills, interpersonal skills, financial skills, and INTERACT with as many people as you possibly can.

All the while fine tuning your "wife and family" criteria.

If you're 31, then give yourself FIVE FULL YEARS to make it happen.

If it really is a priority, and not some passive wish you think will happen on its own, you will find a way to make it happen.

For those that like to argue, this is NOT about finding a "unicorn" this is about finding a woman to build a family with that satisfies your MOST IMPORTANT criteria, not all of them. Only the three or four most important ones. (hint: if looks are one of them, reconsider, as looks are only "good" for the first year or so of a family based relationship. After that she'll have to spin your propellers on an emotional level).

Generally speaking, you CAN get what you want (so long as what you want is realistic) BUT you have to be willing to pay the costs.

 

[btownbuck2012]

The older you get, the more experience you get, the more you'll understand. It never ends. As soon as you think you've got things "figured out" that's when you are almost always "proven wrong." Usually by being hit in the face of an aspect of "reality" that you hadn't considered. The rabbit hole NEVER ends.

This has been true in my life every. single. time. I'm in awe of this aspect of life. It never fails.

 

[logicallefty]

My job is 100% men.

This is a blessing, not a curse. Women are nearly impossible to work with anymore.

It sounds to me like you have swallowed the red pill or are making darn good progress in doing it. Wanting a family is your biggest issue IMO and I would never try to discourage a man from wanting one. But at your age, though, I would think about doing one or the other of these two paths if a family/marriage is your goal:

1) Find yourself a woman who is 18-19 maybe 22-23 yo at very oldest. Keep a diamond strength frame with her to where she respects you up to the borderline of fearing you. Then your chances will be at least better that your relationship will survive her mid 30s.*

or

2) Find yourself a woman who is in her early 40s and can still have kids. Also keep a diamond strength frame.

* So what do I mean about "surviving the mid 30s"? You DON'T WANT is to hook up with a woman before she reaches her mid 30s unless she thinks you are the next thing below God himself. She must almost be afraid of you and respect you so much that she would lick your boots clean if you asked her to. Otherwise, women in their mid 30s are pure pieces sh|t. I say that from my own experience as well as from watching couple after couple, family after family that I know get torn up because of the woman and her crazyness in her mid 30s. Something happens to women at that age and between about 33-38 they dont make good wives or girlfriends. They get a big ego/independance trip or something. They get this big thing going on in their head and cheat and/or end relationships in sickening numbers. Again, I say this from first hand things I have seen.

 

[resilient]

Something happens to women at that age and between about 33-38 they don't make good wives or girlfriends. They get a big ego/independence trip or something. They get this big thing going on in their head and cheat and/or end relationships in sickening numbers. Again, I say this from first hand things I have seen.

Makes sense to me and what I personally experienced when my marriage dissolved at age 33. We were both the same age.

At age 35, congenital birth disorders go up the wazoo. Sensing the impending doom of hitting the wall, a woman's hypergamy strategy goes into overdrive while they do a blitzkrieg to secure better resources: biologically, financially, etc. See: Sexual Strategies Theory: An Evolutionary Perspective on Mating.

From the abstract:

Adaptive problems sensitive to context include sexual accessibility, fertility assessment, commitment seeking and avoidance, immediate and enduring resource procurement, paternity certainty, assessment of mate value, and parental investment ​

 

[MrAddiction]

A woman wants to know a man follows his compass in life, has passionate hobbies, career, strong friendship/family ties and is respected by others and is willing to walk away at any time. Her desirability to stay in a relationship is interchangeably linked to his ability to sacrifice for his own goals and provide for the nest. When a DJ is not all the above things, you start seeing more sh!t tests, push/pull, disrespect, avoidance, flaking/canceled plans, drop of interest in sex. In other words, the woman rewards the man for being a master DJ and punishes him when he starts failing to live up to his own expectations of himself.

Spot on, she only will keep "loving" you or staying with you if you do not make her the center of your life.

 

[MrAddiction]

Always be tinkering with your life. Be curious, explore, question your environment, try new hobbies. Increase your efficacy: Adapt, learn, and have fun that it doesn't matter if a plate flakes, bails, or doesn't meet your needs. That way you rebound much quicker after a breakup or not landing the date 2,3,4,5,6+ with a plate. In other words, abundance mentality.

Detach your validation of a sh!ty dating life. Fewer fs given.

Abundance mentallity, be the prize always. Why care if she does not want to be with you. Her loss. But to get to this conclusion first of one must internalize: there is no ONE, no soulmate or other bullshxt.

 

[Fruitbat]

OP back here. Thanks for the responses all food for thought. I like the idea of tinkering. I don't meet any women in real life except hotel employees and waitresses and these are difficult circumstances to hook up with women - when they are at work. Also, most are a bit too young for what I want.

I've had a few other things worthy of debate in this transition. I see hot women now and instead of gawping I look at their clothes and how they are presented. Those who are just cute without a massive act I may glance at.

I used to look at women and just think "do I like what I see?". Now, I asess how she has achieved her look and how she presents herself. Now, I know all women like to dress up and go out and I wouldn't judge women on what they wear to a nightclub (within reason). However, my eyes have been opened:

Half the women I would ogle aren't actually that special. They just aren't fat, wear revealing clothes and do their make up and hair. Skin tight everything and perfect straightened hair can make all but fat women fairly pretty.

The other thing is, hot or not, I am looking at girls thinking "you sat at home this morning and decided you were going to prepare for an hour for a trip to the shops. You chose clothes that definitely show something to men and have sexualised yourself somewhat". I then question why she does this? To **** guys like me or anyone else isn't one of them, it's to garner attention and admiration. This attitude to me is so pathetic I hold a special contempt. All that effort just so you get a few glances.

The girls near me dress up in skin tight rubbing gear and amazingly run not on side roads but drectly by traffic queues in rush hour. Lots of men sat in trucks and cars all with time to stare. It's just ridiculous with the fumes but they're all there with their make up on and skin tight leggings.

See, now my eyes are open it just feels like women putting lots of effort in are running constant game - not because she's so sexy or what, it's game to get preferential treatment in life and manipulate you, and also to get an ego boost.

It's totally changed my opinion on what's attractive. A special woman can wear all of that stuff for you when it matters but I do not see the hot girl at work as hot anymore, she's generally the most motivated and ambitious, and these I see as unattractive traits in a potential mother and partner. They are the lady macbeths and I have learned to tread carefully.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

it's game to get preferential treatment in life and manipulate you, and also to get an ego boost.

When I was younger I would sometimes see women as beautiful flowers. Now I can't help but think of a Venus fly trap sometimes....

 

[Fruitbat]

When I was younger I would sometimes see women as beautiful flowers. Now I can't help but think of a Venus fly trap sometimes....

I just think "they are always going to try to **** with you in some way". Sometimes it's the most bizzare thing out of left field, sometimes you figure out months later why she spun things the way she did.

I think mermaids are a good analogy. All the seductive grace but ultimately leads you to your demise.

I think it just goes back to the fact we were out on a mission getting food or fighting and they had kids back at camp caveperson. Their only way to advancement was to run social situations and the tribe hierarchy to their advantage. They don't see life as things, creations to be made (these are on the whole assumptions with many exceptions), things to be built. They see it as a web of social interactions and the power that lies within manipulating them as their speciality.

To many men, this appears deeply cunning and troubling. Men who act this was are despised and generally the manipulation of others by outright deciet is banned and frowned upon. A lot of women I know have no qualms about this and can only do things like this and can't talk straight to anyone.

Bottom line is, it's difficult to have a good relationship if one party has a constant need to manipulate or wants an understanding from someone who was built to value things and achievement over bonding related social value and social hierarchy.

Again, good ones and bad ones and many men are similarly devious. More of a minority though and we have a criminal justice system to stop them.

 

[exhausted]

This is a good thread. For most of us in our thirties we feel this way, run down from the bs and had enough.

 

[corporate_sellout]

Definitely relate to this pretty strongly, and it doesn't get any better in a relationship.

they are always exploring opportunities. it is like job interviews. you get one more easily when you already have a job!

 

[redskinsfan92]

You can meet women in real life. I'm working on that myself. I have discovered that I am afraid of in person rejection. Reading The Rational Male currently. It helped me realize that.

I think I understood red pill a few years ago. I've reached a new level at the age of 34.

I had some terrible luck with women and recently got a bit depressed and overweight. I am just getting off the weight and training so in approx 2-4 months I'll be somewhere near dating standard again and I just renewed match.com. Before you say it, I have 0% chance of finding women in real life. My job is 100% men and the few available women I know socially are in no way compatible and the ones that were basically caused me trouble, one was pretty insane game player.

Now, the thing is, I don't want to date anymore. I've had a think and here are my reasons.

- it's a lot of hastle actually getting to dates and it costs money.

- I tend to have to work at it for a while to get dates, averaging about 2 a month best, with mostly rejections. This is a lot of effort and having to think of witty ****.

- some dates don't show up.

- Most women are playing the field when you are first together so it's literally like being on trial. I ****jng hate that more than anything.

- lies, bull ****, tests and the huge number of women who just want attention. These succubusses are the worst.

- knowing deep down I view most women as being devious and treacherous and not worthy in the main.

Also, I can't be bothered to:

- chase women
- get emotionally involved as some kind of game will emerge with all of them to bring you down in some way.
- have to bother worrying about other dudes and always being on guard.
- knowing modern women of my age have a very relaxed attitude to fidelity and family.

I just can't be bothered with the BS. I do want a family though. This is the issue.

I just look at the profiles, all the effort so they can attempt to snag the best possible man they can. Some even sexualising themselves massively. Nearly all with pictures of them drinking champagne or appearing luxurious, winning that prince. Most, but not all, make me sick in their superficial view of the world. Empty vessels.

So I think I am red pilling. I don't even really want sex although I am not depressed. I just don't want the BS work to get there and if I like her, it's into the mill of emotions and worry again.

If only I could find some way to have my immortality project and a happy family (I never had one really), but I just find all the women are taken and the stuff that's left is the dregs. How the hell is it this hard just to get a wife? I expect our ancestors are laughing at us, taking steroids and getting waxes. It's ridiculous.

 

[Killakittie]

It's good that you've taken the red pill, but you need to expend the metaphor further and plunge down the rabbit hole.

I'm not a big of MGTOW for the simple reason that being angry at women for how the system enables them and their bad behavior still doesn't change the fact you don't have a woman. You can't control the behavior of others, only your own.

It does you no good just unplug and say I'm out of here.

Part of becoming good with women is accepting that many are low cailber. Taking the red pill doesn't change that, you're just more cognizant of it.

It's also about understanding that their inanities and obnoxious behaviors are weapons for men.

Now, in order to find a wife you need to let go of the idea of needing a wife and start at the beginning, which you have done by taking care of you. The better life you create for yourself will increase the quantity and quality of women that appear in your life.

Does it sound hippy dippy? Sure, but it's how many things in the world work.

Finally get off the internet dating sites, they are fecking useless. Ask yourself if good looking women and even regular women get hit on repeatedly in the real world on a daily basis then what is a woman doing online? Cluster B, daddy issues, AW'ing, slut, doesn't take care of themself, etc.

It's not to say you can't meet a quality woman online, but why fish from a pond when you can network your "streams" and "rivers" into a lake or ocean and actually have excellent choice.

First get comfortable with who you are fix things that you can and then network through friends and push your comfort levels. Enjoy life and you find that women will be coming to you.

When i first signed up and became red pill aware i would read thing's like what you wrote above and it really angered me. I didn't want to hear it because it sounded so cheesy and simple to a problem i cognitively perceived as a huge existential crisis of being. Maybe it was because as men, we who become red pill aware, usually experience anger as the first reaction to learning the true nature of woman. I'm sure that's why i hated reading stuff like this.

But it's true. After the anger dies down you start to realize certain things that just can't be argued and you notice where your attention and energy should be focused. Everything you mentioned above was solid advice.

To the Op, i am also in my thirties and yes, i am acutely aware that i harbor certain resentments and negative perceptions towards women. Iv'e had three major betrayals in my life and all three were perpetrated by woman who knew it would hurt me and did it anyway. My advice is that we need to work on letting those perceptions go. Being upset at the nature of the beast doesn't change the beast and it actually holds us back as men. It holds us back on our journey to becoming the best versions of ourselves possible. Once we find balance and purpose, happiness will follow. Then women everywhere will notice and you'll be beating them back with a stick but you won't care because you've already found what completes you. A good woman will only add to that existence,a bad one takes away from it.

 

[ubercat]

@Fruitbat this month if you were still posting about your Vietnamese girlfriend. What happened?