Red flag: When she's a little too "into you" too quick.

[9Volt]

Whenever you don't keep your ego in check and meet some hot chick that has you riding high off not only her looks but how she gushes all over you etc. Keep your ego in check and beware.

Doesn't mean you get paranoid but just beware and stay grounded. Realize right off the bat even if things don't work out no matter how good things seem to be going she could always flip the script on you. Always be the type of person that is whole and complete with or without someone.

Why? Because no matter how good she looks, seems, the sex is, a person who tries to blow your ego up and seems a "little too into you" could have a history of doing the exact same shyt to other dudes she's dated.

pay attention to if she trashes exes to you. or she keeps trying to tell you how much "better" you are than every ex. Especially if you haven't known each other a long time.

If you let a chick like that gas your head to the clouds and she feels she's got you where she wants you, you'll most likely end up in the shyt list of her exes one day.

it's like just meeting some dude who acts as if you're the best friend he ever had and slowly trash talks his previous "friends" to you. He's most likely done the same shtick to them too. And anyone with common sense would see that as a red flag. A chick doing that is no different.

keep that ego of yours grounded and play "dumb" never calling them out on it. See if they slowly change on you. If you happen to mention things that seem to not be as "great" as they were and the person not only ignores but doesn't change to make things work, be ready with one foot out the door giving them enough rope to hang themselves with.

Ignore this at your own expense.

 

[resilient]

The phrase/expression I read on here recently has been echoing in my mind loudly that resonates with this post:

"People will tell you who they are if you just listen."

People may put a front, best foot forward or a social mask in the beginning to game you, if you stick around long enough, they will reveal their true selves. Pay attention, use your DJ intuition and plan accordingly.

 

[El Payaso]

Very, very, very true. As they say, pride goes before a fall. Always remain humble and don't buy into her praises.

 

[logicallefty]

Good post. The bashing of the ex being a red flag is a big one I have experienced first hand. What she is doing there is setting up some psychological manipulation that she will eventually try and use to exploit your ego and use it to her advantage. It will start out as "My ex is a d|ck, jerk, etc." Then eventually it will shift to ""My ex never put gas in my car when I was short on cash" or "My ex never cleaned my gutters for me". Then if you fall for it your ego is supposed to kick in and start doing the stuff for her that her ex didnt, thus, being "better" than him. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

 

[Roober]

My current plate is somewhat like this. Was really into me after about a month or two, gives me compliments, says I miss you, blah blah blah... She does back it up with actions, but I have to be careful not to respond. She doesn't talk poorly about her exes though, she just attached pretty quick in my eyes. If there is one thing I have really learned here is that...

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE'S THE ONE MOVING TOO FAST.........
If you go along with it......YOU'RE THE ONE who's gonna get punished.

 

[9Volt]

Good post. The bashing of the ex being a red flag is a big one I have experienced first hand. What she is doing there is setting up some psychological manipulation that she will eventually try and use to exploit your ego and use it to her advantage. It will start out as "My ex is a d|ck, jerk, etc." Then eventually it will shift to ""My ex never put gas in my car when I was short on cash" or "My ex never cleaned my gutters for me". Then if you fall for it your ego is supposed to kick in and start doing the stuff for her that her ex didnt, thus, being "better" than him. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

My last ex didn't actually bash her exes but tried to gas my head up. "I wonder what our kids would look like" etc. Right away I started sensing she was a little too in fantasy world and digging me a little too much pretty quick.

And eventually shyt changed big time. Mentioned things that were toxic that got pretty much ignored. At that point I said nothing more and let her hang herself. Just dropped the chick period.

 

[lizardking82]

My last ex did this sometimes. She did not go on and on about it, but she told me that the sex is crazy better with me and while I think that as well (LOL we used to go to this hotel and she moaned so load and was shakin' and shivering uncontrollably all over the place), I still completely agree from my firsthand experience that girls who are into you too quickly...when it seems to good to be true, it usually is. I had a lot of fun with her for 2 years, but when I was really starting to think long term, just like that, she left.

 

[xstang77]

Good advice,these are usually the same chicks that will worship you then literally dump you the next day.as was already mentioned here and one of my favorite sayings pertaining women these days,give them just enough rope and they all self destruct sooner or later doesn't matter if there a damn nun lol.

 

[lizardking82]

Good advice,these are usually the same chicks that will worship you then literally dump you the next day.as was already mentioned here and one of my favorite sayings pertaining women these days,give them just enough rope and they all self destruct sooner or later doesn't matter if there a damn nun lol.

Exactly LOL my last ex literally worshipped me then dumped me like it was nothing serious LOL

 

[xstang77]

Exactly LOL my last ex literally worshipped me then dumped me like it was nothing serious LOL

Don't feel alone I certainly say that from hard earned repeated experience.

 

[sazc]

building on what @logicallefty said... I dated a guy who explained all the 'horrible' things his ex said to him for a long time before they actually broke up. He basically pinned her with the demise of the relationship because she wouldn't stop telling him why she was unhappy. I felt bad for him because it was obvious that she could have been a LOT gentler in the way she approached some sensitive topics. One time he told me that, among other things, his ex was never happy with any present he gave to her, and she always told him so, after receiving the gift. About 6 months later it was xmas. I asked for a reasonable priced pair of earrings and was stunned to unwrap a pace heater. I hadn't asked for it, didn't need one, didn't want one. His comment to me after opening it was "so you can heat up the bathroom in the morning" which I understood to mean HE wanted the bathroom warm in the morning. Given that he had told me that his ex was so unhappy about his presents, there was no way I could ask for the gift receipt without causing major hurt feelings.

After exiting the relationship I realized, he set me up. He told me all the horrible ways his ex would treat him and, the minute I started trying to express myself about things that i didnt like, he would immediately revert back to "you're treating me like my ex did" "you're starting to sound like my ex" He used that to silently warn me that, if I didn't shut up about it, he was going to get really pissed. It killed all honest communication we could have had. He did it on purpose.

When I date I DO ask about the ex wife, longest ex LTR relationship, etc. I ask what happened, why it went south. Thru the answers I can gauge - have you really thought about what caused the demise? Are you taking any responsibility in the situation? Have you grown from it?

This is where, if you listen, the person will tell you who they are.

I will also share with you that it is my opinion that, if you are chatting with someone who takes ZERO responsibility in the demise of their last relationship, you should consider that a red flag. Even if the other person cheated, ideally the person you are chatting with should have contemplated why they picked the cheater, and how to avoid cheaters in the future.

Just my .02 cents.

 

[9Volt]

building on what @logicallefty said... I dated a guy who explained all the 'horrible' things his ex said to him for a long time before they actually broke up. He basically pinned her with the demise of the relationship because she wouldn't stop telling him why she was unhappy. I felt bad for him because it was obvious that she could have been a LOT gentler in the way she approached some sensitive topics. One time he told me that, among other things, his ex was never happy with any present he gave to her, and she always told him so, after receiving the gift. About 6 months later it was xmas. I asked for a reasonable priced pair of earrings and was stunned to unwrap a pace heater. I hadn't asked for it, didn't need one, didn't want one. His comment to me after opening it was "so you can heat up the bathroom in the morning" which I understood to mean HE wanted the bathroom warm in the morning. Given that he had told me that his ex was so unhappy about his presents, there was no way I could ask for the gift receipt without causing major hurt feelings.

After exiting the relationship I realized, he set me up. He told me all the horrible ways his ex would treat him and, the minute I started trying to express myself about things that i didnt like, he would immediately revert back to "you're treating me like my ex did" "you're starting to sound like my ex" He used that to silently warn me that, if I didn't shut up about it, he was going to get really pissed. It killed all honest communication we could have had. He did it on purpose.

When I date I DO ask about the ex wife, longest ex LTR relationship, etc. I ask what happened, why it went south. Thru the answers I can gauge - have you really thought about what caused the demise? Are you taking any responsibility in the situation? Have you grown from it?

This is where, if you listen, the person will tell you who they are.

I will also share with you that it is my opinion that, if you are chatting with someone who takes ZERO responsibility in the demise of their last relationship, you should consider that a red flag. Even if the other person cheated, ideally the person you are chatting with should have contemplated why they picked the cheater, and how to avoid cheaters in the future.

Just my .02 cents.

Oh it's the SAME shyt with dudes. Doesn't matter. Female to male, Male to Female, Male to Male, Female to Female, friends etc. Anyone that tries to be "B.F.F's" too quickly, "You're the bestestest thing to EVER happen to me" etc and tries to fill your head up with "greatness" while not really knowing you for a while is trying to "lull" you to sweet dreams and get you where they want you. These types usually will at times bash their exes, ex-friends, other current friends etc. If you let your ego go into overdrive these types will smile sweetly to your face while the devil lurks behind their eyes.

IMO I IMMEDIATELY consider them SUSPECT because I'm grounded enough to know I'm not the "bestestestest" person they've ever met. And I'd be willing to bet they've done the SAME shyt to others, said the same shyt etc.

I look at them though with the same mirrored "sweet" look back playing dumb as a box of rocks and WATCH. "I got my eyes on you suspect".

Soon as the "bestestest" starts to flip and they slowly try to degrade me and I mention twice TOPS toxic things in the relationship and they ignore it? I'm already planning to leave. Till I've had: "Enough of this one"

 

[sazc]

I will also add, this same guy read "The Art of Seduction" and a few other books designed to increase game. I caught on to the tactics early on, and he honestly disclosed this to me. I asked him why not just meet someone without all the extra fanfare designed to emotionally push/pull at them. He got mad and said the book wasnt intended to deceive.

I read that article on here today, the one about how men can learn all the gimmicks in the world to game females BUT if they dont change who they are at their core, gaming is essentially a mask and, eventually that mask is going to fall off, and the female will see them for who they are. If they are nervous, unsure, etc.

My ex, the one who read the book, he wore his mask for about 2 months based on the book. Eventually that mask came off. It has to. The charade is impossible to keep up, it takes too much energy to be someone you are not.

Be a DJ - but do the work to feel it inside because you dont want to have to wear a mask, you want that to be who you are.

 

[9Volt]

I will also add, this same guy read "The Art of Seduction" and a few other books designed to increase game. I caught on to the tactics early on, and he honestly disclosed this to me. I asked him why not just meet someone without all the extra fanfare designed to emotionally push/pull at them. He got mad and said the book wasnt intended to deceive.

I read that article on here today, the one about how men can learn all the gimmicks in the world to game females BUT if they dont change who they are at their core, gaming is essentially a mask and, eventually that mask is going to fall off, and the female will see them for who they are. If they are nervous, unsure, etc.

My ex, the one who read the book, he wore his mask for about 2 months based on the book. Eventually that mask came off. It has t. The charade is impossible to keep up, it takes too much energy to be someone you are not.

Be a DJ - but do the work to feel it inside because you dont want to have to wear a mask, you want that to be who you are.

Exactly. I could have told you the bolded when I was 19.

 

[sazc]

Oh it's the SAME shyt with dudes. Doesn't matter. Female to male, Male to Female, Male to Male, Female to Female, friends etc. Anyone that tries to be "B.F.F's" too quickly, "You're the bestestest thing to EVER happen to me" etc and tries to fill your head up with "greatness" while not really knowing you for a while is trying to "lull" you to sweet dreams and get you where they want you. These types usually will at times bash their exes, ex-friends, other current friends etc. If you let your ego go into overdrive these types will smile sweetly to your face while the devil lurks behind their eyes.

IMO I IMMEDIATELY consider them SUSPECT because I'm grounded enough to know I'm not the "bestestestest" person they've ever met. And I'd be willing to bet they've done the SAME shyt to others, said the same shyt etc.

I look at them though with the same mirrored "sweet" look back playing dumb as a box of rocks and WATCH. "I got my eyes on you suspect".

Soon as the "bestestest" starts to flip and they slowly try to degrade me and I mention twice TOPS toxic things in the relationship and they ignore it? I'm already planning to leave. Till I've had: "Enough of this one"

Just to clarify, my post wasnt intended to bash men, it was more of a narrative about what could happen with the person (any person) you are dating.

Alarm bells go off and I feel smothered when a guy falls for me quickly. In all seriousness, how the F can he know who I am, we haven't known each other that long.... it's bizarre. I figure he must be really lonely, and that's not attractive!

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I don't get this. She gets into you really quickly and then loses interest super fast. How does that affect you? If she were to lose interest slowly it wouldn't hurt as bad? Someone explain this to me.

 

[xstang77]

I don't get this. She gets into you really quickly and then loses interest super fast. How does that affect you? If she were to lose interest slowly it wouldn't hurt as bad? Someone explain this to me.

Imo when your blindsided it doesn't give you the chance to eject first,you go from good to done overnight without warning,it sucks.

 

[9Volt]

I don't get this. She gets into you really quickly and then loses interest super fast. How does that affect you? If she were to lose interest slowly it wouldn't hurt as bad? Someone explain this to me.

I'm talking about dudes who let their egos get the best of them when they meet some hot chick who immediately fawns over them and gets their head even more gassed up than it already is. Due to them not being grounded and living through that person's "praise".

Then slowly as that same person who praised them as "the best they ever had" starts to devalue them the same person who's ego wasn't grounded from the beginning starts getting torn down because they truly weren't confident etc in themselves to begin with. it was an over-compensatIing act that in fact relied on their own ideal of "perfection" in the chicks looks and praise.


it happens a lot. these same types will play to those who aren't grounded ego and watch to see them fall to their wolf in sheep's clothing game. they'll trash exes and see if you are dumb enough to actually believe they won't do it to you.

narcissists favorite targets.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Imo when your blindsided it doesn't give you the chance to eject first,you go from good to done overnight without warning,it sucks.

How can you drop your guard though? And even if you do, shouldn't you have a stronger inner game than outer game so that if you actually drop your guard, she gets faced with something Mitch stronger and tougher than she ever thought?

I'm talking about dudes who let their egos get the best of them when they meet some hot chick who immediately fawns over them and gets their head even more gassed up than it already is. Due to them not being grounded and living through that person's "praise".

Then slowly as that same person who praised them as "the best they ever had" starts to devalue them the same person who's ego wasn't grounded from the beginning starts getting torn down because they truly weren't confident etc in themselves to begin with. it was an over-compensatIing act that in fact relied on their own ideal of "perfection" in the chicks looks and praise.


it happens a lot. these same types will play to those who aren't grounded ego and watch to see them fall to their wolf in sheep's clothing game. they'll trash exes and see if you are dumb enough to actually believe they won't do it to you.

narcissists favorite targets.

So if you are always levelheaded and never let your ego get in the way do anything (not just in relationships but just overall throughout life), then does that mean that you are equipped to deal with these b!tches for life then? Shouldn't it be a walk in the park with these type of women then?

 

[9Volt]

How can you drop your guard though? And even if you do, shouldn't you have a stronger inner game than outer game so that if you actually drop your guard, she gets faced with something Mitch stronger and tougher than she ever thought?

So if you are always levelheaded and never let your ego get in the way do anything (not just in relationships but just overall throughout life), then does that mean that you are equipped to deal with these b!tches for life then? Shouldn't it be a walk in the park with these type of women then?

toxic people are toxic. Why bother dealing with them when you could find someone better for you.

some people just aren't worth the effort.