To the women of sosuave..

[SteR]

I remember reading somewhere in the book of Pook I think, that women fear missing out on the great catch?

There's also talk of the best revenge being living a good life etc.

But it just got me thinking. is there any truth to that? Have any of you passed up a guy only to regret doing so later on?

This has never happened to me with women. The quality of women only seem to be getting better and better as I age, but I wonder whether women really do regret passing up on certain men when they were younger? ie. the ones who went on to become something..

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Great question!

BUMP

 

[fastlife]

I honestly think it's just a social convention to appeal to the egos of men to secure them as potential back up plans down the road. Girls these days have sooo many options they're just as much likely to forget you or assign whatever negative qualities best enable them to move on without much introspection. Of course, women will never tell you that since that would make you less likely to get involved with them in the first (or second) place.

The best revenge is when another person's validation no longer means anything to you. They have no power over you at that point.

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree this is true for some women. Women who may not think about it deeply. It is not true of me.

The problem is we can't know what someone else is made of.

When you are young you don't have discernment about people like you do when you are older. You have to pick based on who you like/who likes you & compatability. Really that is how anyone should always pick. Even if you wanted to pick based on outcome nobody has a proverbial crystal ball.

There was a guy who I had one or two dates with in high school who is now a doctor...

There was a man I dated 5 years who never could get his act quite together who is now a private wealth angel fund manager...

There was a guy who I had a date with in college who is now a recognizable TV star...

But I don't look back with wishful regret or anything. There is no way to predict what someone else's trajectory would be had they been with me for example instead of manifesting to where they are today.

Would the professional model still be alive today had things worked out between us? Maybe. That one haunts me a tiny bit from time to time but I am not responsible for the choices leading to his demise any more than I am responsible for the choices leading to the success of the other three I noted above.

They weren't with me since it didn't work out and so the path of their lives took its course. It would be horrendously self absorbed to think their lives would be just the same, except with me in it for example.

It's an interesting rabbit hole to think about. My friend in Vegas and I have turned this very conversation over before & ruminated about it.

After I left him he became a success because of the course of his life that carried him to Vegas combined with his ambition. I didn't recognize his drive at 22 when we were lovers. I was the "one who got away" for him. He still thinks so 25+ years and two ex wives later.

I became a success out of my own ambition and out of having to stand in the breach and shoulder the responsibility for my family.

We have watched one another struggle fiercely, unable to help. Those struggles built us into who we each are today and neither of us would do differently because we would then have become different people. What if we had married? We can't say. That isn't how life has gone so far.

We joke once in a while maybe we will get old together.

But we'd have so much history and assumptions about one another to overcome it would not be easy. We mirror each other in many ways. But we would neither one be where we are had we been together.

Because we have seen one another struggle & overcome we respect each other immensely. We know we are both winners from way back. It's reverent. We also trust each other deeply because we have watched potential in one another become manifest over time and through great obstacles. We want to see each other experience joy.

But the roads from the past that were not manifest cannot be known. There is only what is here today and what is possible tomorrow.

The rest is self absorbtion and conjecture.

 

[9Volt]

I agree this is true for some women. Women who may not think about it deeply. It is not true of me.

The problem is we can't know what someone else is made of.

When you are young you don't have discernment about people like you do when you are older. You have to pick based on who you like/who likes you & compatability. Really that is how anyone should always pick. Even if you wanted to pick based on outcome nobody has a proverbial crystal ball.

There was a guy who I had one or two dates with in high school who is now a doctor...

There was a man I dated 5 years who never could get his act quite together who is now a private wealth angel fund manager...

There was a guy who I had a date with in college who is now a recognizable TV star...

But I don't look back with wishful regret or anything. There is no way to predict what someone else's trajectory would be had they been with me for example instead of manifesting to where they are today.

Would the professional model still be alive today had things worked out between us? Maybe. That one haunts me a tiny bit from time to time but I am not responsible for the choices leading to his demise any more than I am responsible for the choices leading to the success of the other three I noted above.

They weren't with me since it didn't work out and so the path of their lives took its course. It would be horrendously self absorbed to think their lives would be just the same, except with me in it for example.

It's an interesting rabbit hole to think about. My friend in Vegas and I have turned this very conversation over before & ruminated about it.

After I left him he became a success because of the course of his life that carried him to Vegas combined with his ambition. I didn't recognize his drive at 22 when we were lovers. I was the "one who got away" for him. He still thinks so 25+ years and two ex wives later.

I became a success out of my own ambition and out of having to stand in the breach and shoulder the responsibility for my family.

We have watched one another struggle fiercely, unable to help. Those struggles built us into who we each are today and neither of us would do differently because we would then have become different people. What if we had married? We can't say. That isn't how life has gone so far.

We joke once in a while maybe we will get old together.

But we'd have so much history and assumptions about one another to overcome it would not be easy. We mirror each other in many ways. But we would neither one be where we are had we been together.

Because we have seen one another struggle & overcome we respect each other immensely. We know we are both winners from way back. It's reverent. We also trust each other deeply because we have watched potential in one another become manifest over time and through great obstacles. We want to see each other experience joy.

But the roads from the past that were not manifest cannot be known. There is only what is here today and what is possible tomorrow.

The rest is self absorbtion and conjecture.

Any dude you passed up on ever grow up to become a Buffalo Bill and wear your friends as a high fashion skin suit?

 

[BeExcellent]

Any dude you passed up on ever grow up to become a Buffalo Bill and wear your friends as a high fashion skin suit?

I've no idea.

 

[Young_Don]

@BeExcellent

That is some deep shyt. I feel like that is going to be me in 30 years time lol..

 

[SteR]

I agree this is true for some women. Women who may not think about it deeply. It is not true of me.

The problem is we can't know what someone else is made of.

When you are young you don't have discernment about people like you do when you are older. You have to pick based on who you like/who likes you & compatability. Really that is how anyone should always pick. Even if you wanted to pick based on outcome nobody has a proverbial crystal ball.

There was a guy who I had one or two dates with in high school who is now a doctor...

There was a man I dated 5 years who never could get his act quite together who is now a private wealth angel fund manager...

There was a guy who I had a date with in college who is now a recognizable TV star...

But I don't look back with wishful regret or anything. There is no way to predict what someone else's trajectory would be had they been with me for example instead of manifesting to where they are today.

Would the professional model still be alive today had things worked out between us? Maybe. That one haunts me a tiny bit from time to time but I am not responsible for the choices leading to his demise any more than I am responsible for the choices leading to the success of the other three I noted above.

They weren't with me since it didn't work out and so the path of their lives took its course. It would be horrendously self absorbed to think their lives would be just the same, except with me in it for example.

I agree with you completely here. My goal in this discussion wasn't really to discuss whether success would still have happened without the drama leading up to it, but rather whether women ever did feel any remorse about their selection process when they were younger.

I've seen it a couple of times personally. In fact I thank God I didn't get involved with particular girls, having seen the state they're in nowadays. I just wonder how it affected them? I think @fastlife is bang on the money when he says their validation shouldn't mean anything to you. I think if you're still clinging to the whole 'Wait till she sees me now..' mentality then the other person still has power over you, and you've lost.

It's an interesting rabbit hole to think about. My friend in Vegas and I have turned this very conversation over before & ruminated about it.

After I left him he became a success because of the course of his life that carried him to Vegas combined with his ambition. I didn't recognize his drive at 22 when we were lovers. I was the "one who got away" for him. He still thinks so 25+ years and two ex wives later.

This is the part that worries me. Going back to what @fastlife said, this guy should've moved on and should've been exploring pastures new with his new success. The fact that he still clings to memories of you makes me feel that his efforts have been wasted ie. he's still handing over his power to you.

 

[Serenity]

I missed out on a woman in a way that pains me to think about. We were about 14 so it probably wouldn't have worked out in the long term anyways. At that age I basically didn't know sh!t about the opposite sex.

I had walked past her and just straight up given her an honest compliment, attracting her wasn't even on my mind. After that I just moved on thinking nothing about it, apparently she didn't stop thinking about it. I went to odd places at recess with my friends, places where other kids normally didn't go. She obviously stalked me, because she popped up there and several times just held my body. Even then I was too stupid to realize she was into me. Some time after this I started liking her, but by then it was too late. It took me a very long time to not feel bothered by how this went down.

Not sure if I'd call it regret, I didn't know better at the time so I couldn't have done better. Later there has been other opportunities I passed up because I was too nervous/beta, but that was the pain I needed to not repeat my past cowardice.

I was pretty successful with girls before my teenage years, this event marks the end. Apart from having a girlfriend for a couple of months at 16 and getting rid of my virginity, I didn't have any success until age 21. I woke up and wondered what the hell happened.

 

[The Duke]

I've got two ex's in my past that have felt huge regret/remorse for ending our relationships. One is my exwife who has struggled for years and always hoped she could get back with me. She went to counseling to try and deal with putting me in the past. I still hear from her from time to time....even though she is married.

The other one left me a year ago because I wouldn't marry her. She also has huge regrets and wishes she wouldn't have left and has tried to get back with me. She fears there will never be another one like me. Its funny that as much as I had the upper hand in our relationship and listened to her complain how I didn't care, she still puts me on a pedestal.

Both of these girls made short-sighted emotional/irrational choices that guided their decision making and now have to deal with the effects.

If these two girls had strong, more alpha men, I don't think they would regret leaving me as much as they do.

-Both of these girls are currently with really decent guys, but they don't bring much to the table.
-These guys don't have many alpha qualities either.
-They haven't accomplished a whole lot in their life.
-They don't lead the relationships.
-These guys are clueless when it comes to women.
-Both of these guys pushed for marriage with these girls. It wasn't the girls which says a lot.
-These guys are "safe bets" that pose little threat and this kills sechsual tension. Sechsual tension is always important to keep a woman attracted. It goes right along with remaining a challenge. A challenging man is a man with options and value. A man with options & value will always make the vagina tingle.

I am 100% confident that I could call up either of these girls and make a plea to take them back and both would come running. And that's really fuhking pathetic, especially for the one that is married.

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree with you completely here. My goal in this discussion wasn't really to discuss whether success would still have happened without the drama leading up to it, but rather whether women ever did feel any remorse about their selection process when they were younger.

I've seen it a couple of times personally. In fact I thank God I didn't get involved with particular girls, having seen the state they're in nowadays. I just wonder how it affected them? I think @fastlife is bang on the money when he says their validation shouldn't mean anything to you. I think if you're still clinging to the whole 'Wait till she sees me now..' mentality then the other person still has power over you, and you've lost.



This is the part that worries me. Going back to what @fastlife said, this guy should've moved on and should've been exploring pastures new with his new success. The fact that he still clings to memories of you makes me feel that his efforts have been wasted ie. he's still handing over his power to you.

He doesn't give his power to me at all, although I understand what you are saying.

That is what is fascinating. I don't give my power to him either.

I think we both find it interesting. We both have abundance, we both have lots of options. He's drowning in hot 20 somethings but finds the constant sex wearing thin. I'm patient as I've always been.

When you have sex or the option for sex on speed dial at all times (which he does & attractive women always do if they choose that route), then it becomes a given & you start looking at what besides sex is the other person is bringing to the table.

Regrets come from settling as @Howiestern suggests. If his two exes had not settled they would not have their regret.

But plenty of people get tired of being patient. They settle. But they know deep down they did and so regret comes creeping in.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

It's all too rational... this trying to find a 'success' business. There are plenty of successes that turn out to be psychos. Something to do with toooo much ambition. Whatever happened to just plain old falling in love??