Odd experience after dating for a bit...

[hockeyfreak79]

When we were out she told me that her best friend/ housemate had just broken up with her boyfriend of a year. Texting was normal last night and this morning added with a few snapchats. Then she dropped it.

Sent me a text saying that she had been thinking about it, and says She really loves hanging out with me, And she really values me, but she doesn't feel anything more than friendship.

Tinder & OLD in general is the land for ONS and short term flings.

Now that her best friend/ housemate is single the 2 of them can go out and slvt it up together.

Like espi said don't bother trying to wrap your head around tho, but here's my 2 cents. Maybe it will help.

 

[Reykhel]

Who fvcking cares. Bottom line is that her interest level is fvcking not there. You do not need to think about a girl
that has low interest in you.

Now, it could be a multitude of reasons.....but what difference does it make. No interest level, no fun for you. No fun for you, move on.

You must remember that women are fickle creatures, they like you for a while and then the interest level is gone. In some cases it will
be something you've done to lower her interest level but in other cases it will be nothing to do with you. Something else has caught their fancy. Bottom line their interest level via their actions.

Listen, you're on fvcking Tinder man. You've one of a thousand faces that she's swiped. This is the type of game you've chosen to play. In my opinion, when you play OLD there is already a hidden undercurrent of condescension. She already feels by intuition "this dude has to use online dating, he must have no skills etc" yes, even though she is doing the very same thing. If she has any self awareness at all she will be feeling a bit of a loser in the game for having to use tinder and she will be projecting that self loathing on to you. That's the way it is.

 

[AttackFormation]

I slept with her on the second date

So you fvcked her once, or more?

It is true, there's multiple reasons why females flip the switch.

Yes, there's two: that she doesn't want you on top of her anymore, or that she does not need your provision anymore. When a guy starts thinking more to it than that, he's playing her game.

The most important thing is to understand that this can happen. We get so freaking happy about the possibility in front of us we forget that we have no control over the other person and we get invested too soon.

Yes, and because men are told that women want relationships and that relationships are good, they think it's all-clear to give off that vibe. You see what happens when you do. Especially somewhere like tinder.

date more than one

Well said, just like she's doing.

get to know them well before you over invest.

I go a step further and say let them invest. If you are a man and you invest more and/or earlier in a woman, you're setting yourself up to turn her off immediately or in the future.

@AttackFormation is it me or are you feeling a little caustic this evening....typically not your style........sup?

Probably my brain's sense of empathy reacting to what it thinks is a man being deceived.

 

[sazc]

@AttackFormation I support the message here. I just try to add to it

 

[mattyt]

Wow you guys are really going ham at each other!
If it was a simple as her getting bored I wouldn't be here asking questions, she was definitely not bored. She was rediculousley keen even on our last date. I'm taking in what you are all saying but I still think it's either because her friend is now single and she wants to slvt it up. That could just be a coincidence tho. Or because things were escalating and she was getting a bit scared. There was no boredom, if there was she wouldn't be initiating the dates, she would have called it earlier.

 

[lizardking82]

That is why you should take @Reykhel advice and not wonder too much about what it is because the choices are very colorful and most of them do not have anything to do with you and are completely beyond your control.

 

[AttackFormation]

Wow you guys are really going ham at each other!
If it was a simple as her getting bored I wouldn't be here asking questions, she was definitely not bored. She was rediculousley keen even on our last date. I'm taking in what you are all saying but I still think it's either because her friend is now single and she wants to slvt it up. That could just be a coincidence tho. Or because things were escalating and she was getting a bit scared. There was no boredom, if there was she wouldn't be initiating the dates, she would have called it earlier.

Look, my main point was don't think she stopped seeing you for a sentimental reason. Women are moody, but also more pragmatic and calculated than you want to think. Odds are, she stopped seeing you simply because something she'd rather fvck turned up or you gave off a boyfriend vibe.

You might say "but she was initiating!" and think I'm talking out of my @ss with the boyfriend vibe, but the thing is (aside from her being on tinder) you were available for her with your time and more importantly with your emotion, and that's the key.

 

[mattyt]

I understand completely what your sayin man, but at the same time that I was giving off the boyfriend vibe, she was 100% giving off the girlfriend vibe. The types of dates etc she was suggesting she was definitely giving off the "girlfriend vibe"

 

[sazc]

Now you go no contact. Date other women. Focus on moving forward.

 

[lizardking82]

So what that she gave the girlfriend vibe? Did she ask you to be exclusive? Apparently not. You're a man. You don't give boyfriend vibe just because a girl is giving girlfriend vibe. Can you wait just a bit longer and judge the situation WITH YOUR BRAIN rather than your emotional center? Running on emotional center is her job and she cannot stop doing that, she reacts to the environment you create around her. On the other hand, you're supposed to be a creature with an environment inside of you that does not change and adapt to fit any vibe that may be coming from the outside world!

Leave the girl alone, if she really wants to be your girlfriend, she will come to you. This is exactly why I am telling you to cut off this vibe bull****, girlfriend vibe, boyfriend vibe. This is **** women act based upon, not us. Judge based on her actions. Her perceived as girlfriend vibe by you means **** if she is walking out on you now and going to hang around with her newly single friend.

 

[mattyt]

Now you go no contact. Date other women. Focus on moving forward.

That's 100% this was only a month, I turned my back and never looked back on an 8 year relationship! I was just hoping that someone could have some reasoning for this very odd behaviour!

 

[lizardking82]

That's 100% this was only a month, I turned my back and never looked back on an 8 year relationship! I was just hoping that someone could have some reasoning for this very odd behaviour!

There is no reasoning. This is the only reasoning "there is no reasoning" to her actions. She acts based on her emotions, therefore women often do **** we cannot understand and have no reason involved whatsoever other than her ***** telling her sth in her ear and the environment around her changing so much it scares her and she wants to get away.

 

[mattyt]

She sent me a snapchat today of the socks I lost under her bed with the caption "I'm keeping these for ransom haha". ***** is fvcked. I never responded, I guess she was looking for a reaction.

 

[sazc]

She sent me a snapchat today of the socks I lost under her bed with the caption "I'm keeping these for ransom haha". ***** is fvcked. I never responded, I guess she was looking for a reaction.

She's trying to set you up to be a friend, aka 'male orbiter' your job is to not let that happen. She needs to understand, when you handle a man's feelings the way she did, you deserve to be forgotten about. No contact.

 

[mattyt]

Bit of an update on this! I posted something on my Facebook that she thought I was against, long story short we ended up agreeing on it, but I said something sarcastic to her. She then called me after not speaking to her since she dropped the "let's be friends". After she told me she wasn't happy with my sarcasm, conversation agent onto us not hanging out anymore and I told her that I perceived the text as She is not interested. She then said it was more of a text to not put pressure on our situation and she wanted to still hang out and see where things went. She was contradicting herself and seemed that she was regretting sending it and was trying to change it around. I ended the convo with I might hear from you, I might not. I did say something about her getting scared and running and I think she agreed but she didn't really comment on it.

 

[youngprodigy]

Forget about her. Do your own ****, **** couple other girls and if she comes she comes, if not you'll be over her. Stop thinking about her, you're setting yourself up.

 

[The Duke]

Girls that are truly interested don't create confusion!......and you can take that to the bank.

 

[SuckItUp]

There are million and one reason why a girl may pull the chute even after having sex with a guy.

Typically the reason tends to fall into two categories

1) Something more shiny came across her path or her high score man has re engaged

2) She felt something off between the two of you.

Notice the use of the word felt in the second reason. It's an emotional response that could be affected by the most trivial thing and doesn't even have to be logical.

Maybe she didn't want to get involved because her friend was single and they cheer each other up by going out and flirting with men, which would be incompatible with a serious relationship.

 

[mattyt]

She wants to catch up next week... I said sure because really what will I lose? It's like she wants to test the waters again and maybe I can hit her up on what was the reason behind the initial text and then the drunk phone call. I'll see if it actually happens.

 

[ubercat]

Small things like your self respect and your sanity. For gawd sake s it's a tinder girl. Vodka jellies and arse fvcking should b your plan not D&Ms. Whether you believe it or not it's true that you have a lot of work to do you should stick around here for a bit.

And I can't believe nobody's mentioned the Sacred 3 month rule. Until you've gone out with the chick for 10 dates or three months whatever comes first and she's initiated the exclusivity talk doesn't mean s*** and she can disappear at any second.

I have no idea why it happens that way but for most women this behaviour is Regular like an atomic clock