Odd experience after dating for a bit...

[mattyt]

hey guys! First time post but I have lurked the forums quite a bit! Anyway.....

I met this girl off tinder about a month ago, first date went really well and she initiated the second date and we caught up a few nights after. Crashed at her place and slept with her that night. Caught up with her again a few times since then, and once again yesterday. I was under the impression everything was going smoothly, all dates went really well, had stayed at her place 2 or 3 times in the past few weeks. Texting and snapchats and the usual were very mutual.

We have initiated dates fairly evenly, as well as yesterday's one. When we were out she told me that her best friend/ housemate had just broken up with her boyfriend of a year. Texting was normal last night and this morning added with a few snapchats. Then she dropped it.

Sent me a text saying that she had been thinking about it, and says She really loves hanging out with me, And she really values me, but she doesn't feel anything more than friendship.

Usually I would just take it on the chin and not let it bother me, but at this stage I am really confused, because when we were hanging out she was really into me, and she was the one that was initiating catching up. I got the feeling when she told me her friend is newly single that this may be the reason of her backing off, but I'm not sure. Would love some input!

 

[mattyt]

I couldn't agree more, after my LTR split, I have dated enough girls to figure out their game a little. But this one just threw me way off. She wasn't being fake, either that or se is really good and I mean REALLY good at playing the game!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I couldn't agree more, after my LTR split, I have dated enough girls to figure out their game a little. But this one just threw me way off. She wasn't being fake, either that or se is really good and I mean REALLY good at playing the game!

Playing the game would be fake...

 

[mattyt]

I didn't say she was playing the game. I highly doubt she was. I should have made that last post a bit clearer haha.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Tell her: ok no problem bye.
Start swiping Tinder again.

She'll come back.

 

[lizardking82]

Did you have sex with this girl? You say you have stayed at her place a couple of times which means you'd be a fool not to have gotten laid already. If you haven't, that is the answer to all your problems. If you have indeed gotten laid and she still did this, than just drop the ***** because you will most probably never know what is wrong in her head anyways.

 

[mattyt]

Yes I did sleep with her...

 

[Trunks]

Tell her: ok no problem bye.
Start swiping Tinder again.

She'll come back.

Or she won't.. Either way, go after other women.

 

[The Duke]

I had two in the past year pull the same thing. Women get caught up in emotions and ride the roller coaster of new relationships. At some point they figure out it wasn't what they wanted and get off. It happens. You can't take any of them too seriously, even the ones you think you can. They live in the moment rarely thinking very far down the road.

I had a girl a while back that I ended up fuhking on the second date at her house. Girl was totally sober too. Next morning we wake up, she tells me how great the sechs was and I'm thinking ok cool I got this one in the bag. A few days later I get a text saying the "sechs was great, but I didn't feel any spark". WTF?????

Fast forward 9months and she is sending me endless messages on a dating site begging to get with me again. Fuhkin Nut.

 

[CMNILS87]

I had two in the past year pull the same thing. Women get caught up in emotions and ride the roller coaster of new relationships. At some point they figure out it wasn't what they wanted and get off. It happens. You can't take any of them too seriously, even the ones you think you can. They live in the moment rarely thinking very far down the road.

I had a girl a while back that I ended up fuhking on the second date at her house. Girl was totally sober too. Next morning we wake up, she tells me how great the sechs was and I'm thinking ok cool I got this one in the bag. A few days later I get a text saying the "sechs was great, but I didn't feel any spark". WTF?????

Fast forward 9months and she is sending me endless messages on a dating site begging to get with me again. Fuhkin Nut.

Only way you can combat it is to always have a good out the door. Until you know she's initiating, tell you her schedule, hitting you up for a quickie here and there I just expect it's still the early game. She could disappear at any second.

Think about the mating rituals of those exotic birds. Female gets closer and closer and the male struts and offers her something/shiny objects. All that work and one small minor thing is off and she bolts. Is it really any different? Onto the next make of equal or better value

 

[AttackFormation]

I had a girl a while back that I ended up fuhking on the second date at her house. Girl was totally sober too. Next morning we wake up, she tells me how great the sechs was and I'm thinking ok cool I got this one in the bag. A few days later I get a text saying the "sechs was great, but I didn't feel any spark". WTF?????

Wow. What the f*ck? that's outright bizarre. Only agreeing & amplifying would save your sanity here. "I'm so glad you said that, I've been thinking so the whole time we've been together but I didn't know how to say it without hurting you"

 

[mattyt]

Only way you can combat it is to always have a good out the door. Until you know she's initiating, tell you her schedule, hitting you up for a quickie here and there I just expect it's still the early game. She could disappear at any second.

Think about the mating rituals of those exotic birds. Female gets closer and closer and the male struts and offers her something/shiny objects. All that work and one small minor thing is off and she bolts. Is it really any different? Onto the next make of equal or better value

The thing is she was adjusting her schedule around mine, initiating a lot of the things we'd do, that's why I find it very strange. I am almost certain it's because her bestie is now single.

 

[sazc]

@mattyt (im a female) when things are going great between a man and myself, we're vibing, we seem to have a lot in common, and it suddenly feels like a switch has been flipped, I assume that either they were just looking for sechs (because, no, I dont put out early) or they were feeling me and they got fearful of the potential of letting someone 'in' and being vulnerable.

I really feel that last part applies more so to females then men realize. Allowing someone to know who you are, and know you on an intimate level, takes courage - because you are opening yourself up to being hurt, again. When things are going great, you're both having a great time, etc, and she bails without warning, im willing to bet sometimes it's about her not ready to let someone in on that level. It sucks and is REALLY confusing because you look back and dont understand where things went wrong (because nothing went wrong). She's just not ready to get close to someone and you were offering her that possibility. The takeaway is - it's not you, it's her.

 

[mattyt]

@mattyt (im a female) when things are going great between a man and myself, we're vibing, we seem to have a lot in common, and it suddenly feels like a switch has been flipped, I assume that either they were just looking for sechs (because, no, I dont put out early) or they were feeling me and they got fearful of the potential of letting someone 'in' and being vulnerable.

I really feel that last part applies more so to females then men realize. Allowing someone to know who you are, and know you on an intimate level, takes courage - because you are opening yourself up to being hurt, again. When things are going great, you're both having a great time, etc, and she bails without warning, im willing to bet sometimes it's about her not ready to let someone in on that level. It sucks and is REALLY confusing because you look back and dont understand where things went wrong (because nothing went wrong). She's just not ready to get close to someone and you were offering her that possibility. The takeaway is - it's not you, it's her.

Hey sazc, I also thought that this could be the case! I have spoken to a couple of my girl friends and they assume from my reply to her, saying no hard feelings thanks for letting me know, and that's all I said, is that she will more than likely reach out after a bit. I'm not holding on to that, but everything was going well and it probably would have gone to the next step fairly soon.

 

[AttackFormation]

Hey sazc, I also thought that this could be the case! I have spoken to a couple of my girl friends and they assume from my reply to her, saying no hard feelings thanks for letting me know, and that's all I said, is that she will more than likely reach out after a bit. I'm not holding on to that, but everything was going well and it probably would have gone to the next step fairly soon.

Don't listen to her bullsh!t female "advice"

Here's what happened:

- You met a girl who was out on the prowl and looking for guys who also are (from tinder none the less, so she can't even pretend to "be serious" and see if you're chump enough to wait and beg for the goods)
- You didn't fvck her ASAP
- She stopped seeing you as a man and started seeing you as a girlfriend
- She kept swiping her tinder for guys who weren't gonna waste her time and give her what she wanted (doggystyle on the first or second date and being led to a secluded room to suck your d1ck)
- She moved on

The fact that in this post you listened to a female's explanation of how game works is something you should take much worse than that you didn't escalate sexually with some girl. You've got work to do.

 

[sazc]

@AttackFormation re read his original post, he did fvck her ASAP. And they were having a really fun time hanging out.

My explanation is completely reasonable. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it is bullsh1t. What I described DOES happen, with both men and women. Did it happen in this case? I don't know, and neither do you. Did she monkey branch? I dont know, and neither do you.

Your' explanation breaks down because of the no sechs assumption - care to re think your 'advice'?

 

[sazc]

@mattyt the truth is that no one knows what happened. She could have been dating other people and decided to not see you anymore, she could have met someone and decided to give him her full attention, she could have gotten scared of the impending relationship talk because she wasnt ready to get that serious with someone. Whatever happened, it's confusing and it sucks. Know that, especially in the initial stages of dating, anything can happen. Dont get too invested too quickly. Take a wait and see attitude. It helps to keep dating so you dont get too fixated on one female.

 

[AttackFormation]

@AttackFormation Your' explanation breaks down because of the no sechs assumption - care to re think your 'advice'?

No it doesn't, she dumped him because she didn't want to fvck him. That changes my explanation from he didn't escalate to she got bored which makes perfect sense because she is on tinder. He also didn't say how many times after the first time they had sex. She probably got the vibe that he was looking to be her boyfriend, while she wanted to keep using tinder, which would have turned her off sex with him.

Bored + turned off. "Not ready to let him in" my @ss, haha

 

[mattyt]

I slept with her on the second date, I consider myself fairly attractive and am very confident. She has seen my confidence first hand so I know for sure there was no way she thinks I'm anything less than man.

 

[sazc]

No it doesn't, she dumped him because she didn't want to fvck him. That changes my explanation from he didn't escalate to she got bored, which makes perfect sense because she is on tinder. He also didn't say how many times after the first time they had sex. She probably got the vibe that he was looking to be her boyfriend, while she wanted to keep using tinder.

He said he slept over 2-3 times over the course of 2 weeks. It is true, there's multiple reasons why females flip the switch. One doesn't necessarily negate the other. The most important thing is to understand that this can happen. We get so freaking happy about the possibility in front of us we forget that we have no control over the other person and we get invested too soon. General rule around here to understand that anything can happen. Take it slow, date more than one, and get to know them well before you over invest. @mattyt Im sure there have been situations where you have dated a female or two a few times and then thought "neh, im not into it" same shiz here.

@AttackFormation is it me or are you feeling a little caustic this evening....typically not your style........sup?