Why most of djs can't connect to a woman.

[Desdinova]

When we keep on blaming women if our relations with them never improve, it means we are doing something wrong.

The common denominator theory doesn't work here because women are all over the fvcking scale. If you're telling me that a 32 year old crack wh0re and a 25 year old submissive virgin are both equal candidates for a successful LTR, then I'm going to tell you you're crazy.

If you want a good woman for a LTR, you have to constantly filter out the garbage, and there is a LOT of garbage out there. My previous relationships didn't work because those women were garbage. I've had a few LTRs with decent women, but that's all they were... decent. Sure I could live with them and keep them around for years, but they had some dis-likeable personality traits that I didn't want to deal with for the long haul.

Drop them and look for something better, but don't forget to have fun fvcking the ones that don't make the cut.

There is something to be said about letting her know you won't abandon her no matter what.

Why would I do this? This is what she should be saying to me. She needs to be kept on her toes or she's going to allow herself to follow whatever her emotions tell her because you won't fvcking leave her no matter what she does. If she's certain she's got you 100%, she can fvck anybody she wants and abandon whatever responsibilities she has in your life.

It works better the other way. When she tells you she'll never leave you, you can continue doing manly things and pursuing your pleasures because she will respect you for it. Men are also aware of the fact that if he fvcks another woman, she most likely won't put up with it and if she does, she'll make his life a living hell. When you have a good woman by your side who supports you and submits to you, the last thing you wanna do is fvck it up. You'll be going back to bottom of the barrel bytches if you do.

 

[zekko]

DJs have trouble connecting with women because the community mainly teaches "disconnects".

 

[BeExcellent]

Fear.

Regret.

So much of what I read here boils down to fear.

Fear of rejection,fear of pain, fear of intimacy, fear of love (heaven forbid you undertake love), fear of looking foolish, fear of feeling foolish, fear of cheating, fear of giving a sh1t, fear fear and more fear.

If a sentiment on here about any situation can be characterized as "I'm worried about ......."

That is all fear based.

If a sentiment on here about any situation can be characterized as "I should have........."

That is regret based.

Real men do not act from a place of fear or regret. Real men participate in life, take their lumps (life dishes out lumps to us all), get back up, learn, RESET, and have another go. Real men have the courage to be open to the possibilities before them. Real men get back in the ring.

Carry forward and only wisdom & never baggage (fear). Never allow baggage (fear & regret) to bias you in something new with a new person.

Never get close/never attach/never love/one foot out the door attitudes are based in fear and thus....weak.

There are more than a few fraidy cats here.

 

[sazc]

You need to remember this is 2017.

Most of this romance novel emo stuff has been exposed as feel good Dr. Phil horse sh!t. At the end of the day people are practical and shallow. They care about value and what you can do for them. No one is going to be in a relationship with you for YOUR benefit. Its for their benefit. This is why I teach men to adopt the same mindset.

Give and take is a normal part of human life (obviously). If I was to sum up your post in man language this is how it would read:

"Women require constant and consistent ego-boosting devotion from a man in order to feel secure enough to commit to him long-term. Emotionally distant women have too many options to trust long-term, so avoid them. It takes 6 months for a man to figure out if a woman has no better options than him. If a man finds such a woman, he should consider himself lucky and k!ss her ass by giving into her frame and her priorities. This is how he proves to her that he ALSO has no better options. This gives her the security she needs to relax and stop worrying about her declining fertility/attractiveness and market value with age."

--Sazc (Translated by Poon King free of charge)

Your translation is crap. Based strictly on your viewpoint that females are only good for fvcking and disposing of.

Looks like I stirred somethin up in ya, did I? I bet! SCARY stuff I posted about...being emotionally connected to someone. Leaning on them, for real, until death do you part. That's too far into the rabbit hole for you - completely un-comf-ort-able to think about, isn't it PK?

There are men on these boards that actually want to find ONE female to share their life with, and they are interested in how to screen for quality and, perhaps, some suggestions and thinking points on things to consider while they are in their relationships.

If you are posting about a bpd, an npd, or a chick with general issues, then you got it spot on. But that's not the female I was talking about. A HEALTHY female isn't going to be or need any of the things you mentioned. A healthy relationship isn't going to need constant ego stroking, on either parties part, in order to work. Know why? because everyone IN that healthy relationship can be REAL and HONEST about what they need from the other person and, since both people value the relationship and each other, they are working as a team....and (scary word coming) EMOTIONAL team.

Unfortunately, more often than not, you guys find the warped females. The warped females are definitely abundant, and they are easy marks. And they leave blisters.

 

[sazc]

@bigneil you can say "I wont abandon you" all you want. Until that marriage certificate is signed, she's not believing it. Nope, a marriage certificate is no guarantee, but it's better than the hot air you exhale with those words.

She's a fool to believe just because you say it you mean it. I guarantee it, she doesn't believe you.

 

[AttackFormation]

Unfortunately, more often than not, you guys find the warped females. And they leave blisters.

Unfortunately the problem with what you're talking about is that there are probably more "warped" females than so-called "healthy" ones because of the politics in the 2nd half of the 20th century that normalized and encouraged removing kids from their fathers. Most men are here in the first place probably because they did like you're saying and thought they had "the one".

 

[sazc]

Unfortunately the problem with what you're talking about is that there are probably more "warped" females than so-called "healthy" ones because of the politics in the 2nd half of the 20th century that normalized and encouraged removing kids from their fathers. Most men are here in the first place probably because they did like you're saying and thought they had "the one".

agreed. I edited the post to include that. I get it. you guys are exposed mostly to the sh1tty ones. As children we are not taught to communicate, how to love, how to be supportive, etc. Bullying is one symptom of all of this. I feel for you. I understand that your selection criteria is mainly a cesspool. Of course you see things this way, of course PK has that attitude.

Ill tell you tho, you guys are hard pressed to learn. I've gotten many PMs from members asking me for advice and I am always sad to see that they lean towards going back towards the caustic females. This bulls1t volatile relationship get's turned into 'passionate love' in their minds. Again tho, it's not their fault....no one modeled a good relationship for them.

 

[AttackFormation]

agreed. I edited the post to include that. I get it. you guys are exposed mostly to the sh1tty ones. As children we are not taught to communicate, how to love, how to be supportive, etc. Bullying is one symptom of all of this. I feel for you. I understand that your selection criteria is mainly a cesspool. Of course you see things this way, of course PK has that attitude.

It goes both ways too. I have some limited amount of sympathy for women who complain that there are no men they want around. That's what happens when fathers aren't around to guide guys in the crucial stages of their lives. The part that limits it is that the feminism they have a strong tendency to support is the most immediate reason why it became that way in the first place. Humans are the most vulnerable species on Earth to patriarchal deprivation because of the advanced social and technical education they need. And right at the cusp of a time when medical advances and the end of major wars in developed countries could've introduced the most stable families in human history.

If it weren't for what I went through this new year's eve, I would've still been emotionally open to receiving something like your message. Thankfully I'm not anymore, which means the crash I experienced to reach near the place guys like Desdinova and logicallefty are at came at the cost of things I can move on from rather than things like having kids with someone who takes them away.

 

[devilkingx2]

At first i thought how deep he is into the blue pill but after further thought i realised why i never had any relationship longer than a month or why i see this negativity into the forums about quality women .

well let me ask you this, how many quality women have you actually met that were still quality even once you knew them?

i'm willing to bet that it's damn near zero.

999 times out of 1,000 when you find a "quality woman" you've found a woman you're infatuated with enough to ignore all her obvious flaws until it all comes crashing down, then you look back at the charred wreckage and go "how the fvck did I not see this coming?" that's what your friend will go through when he discovers his LDR is cheating on him, using him for money, a bored dude catfishing, etc.

If you read through my posts since October about mostly one girl, you can observe that at just about every junction, people said dump her.

• She's a stripper? Dump her.
• She didn't write back right away? Dump her.
  
• She got the flu? Dump her.
  
• She slept with someone else the first month we dated? Dump her.
  
• She annoyed me so I broke up with her but I regretted it? Dump her.

I'm still with her. Our first kiss was 6 months ago. There is a comforting feeling knowing that she and I will work out whatever issues arise. I'm tired of one strike and you're out, easy come, easy go relationships - on both sides. There is something to be said about letting her know you won't abandon her no matter what.

the only reason your relationship hasn't crashed and burned yet is because you barely see her, don't live together, aren't married, don't have kids, etc.

no relationship could possibly go wrong under those parameters, she has absolutely no way to do anything to you. and as long as you keep it that way, you'll have no problems with her.

 

[devilkingx2]

And as for LaRaiders saying "someday she will vindicate the naysayers" - that is known as double jeopardy under the law. We have something called the statute of limitations.

no it isn't, double jeopardy is trying you twice for the same instance of the same crime.

double jeopardy in this context would be if we evaluated your relationship as a success, so we moved the goalposts and re-evaluated to determine it to be a failure

Just wanted to say: it takes 4 years to know someone.

the average person is not so deep and complicated that it takes years to get to know them unless you only see them once a week.

I've had a few LTRs with decent women, but that's all they were... decent. Sure I could live with them and keep them around for years, but they had some dis-likeable personality traits that I didn't want to deal with for the long haul.

nobody's perfect and unicorns don't exist, that's probably the best you can hope for. you can't exactly expect to find a woman who is perfect in every way, that's about as realistic as holding out for kate upton to marry you.

DJs have trouble connecting with women because the community mainly teaches "disconnects".

from a pragmatic standpoint, it'll be harder to game girls correctly with your feelings in the way, and it'll be harder to spot red flags

Real men do not act from a place of fear or regret. Real men participate in life, take their lumps (life dishes out lumps to us all), get back up, learn, RESET, and have another go. Real men have the courage to be open to the possibilities before them. Real men get back in the ring.

Carry forward and only wisdom & never baggage (fear). Never allow baggage (fear & regret) to bias you in something new with a new person.

Never get close/never attach/never love/one foot out the door attitudes are based in fear and thus....weak.

There are more than a few fraidy cats here.

that's like saying that real men would tackle an armed criminal who tried to rob the convenience store they were in because self preservation and wanting to live is for the weak (though to be fair, yesterday a woman expressed that exact sentiment to me, lmao.)

being emotionally connected to someone. Leaning on them, for real, until death do you part.

the weakness that every supervillain in history has used against every single hero?

If you are posting about a bpd, an npd, or a chick with general issues, then you got it spot on. But that's not the female I was talking about. A HEALTHY female isn't going to be or need any of the things you mentioned. A healthy relationship isn't going to need constant ego stroking, on either parties part, in order to work. Know why? because everyone IN that healthy relationship can be REAL and HONEST about what they need from the other person and, since both people value the relationship and each other, they are working as a team....and (scary word coming) EMOTIONAL team.

I agree, no true scotsman would do those things

@bigneil you can say "I wont abandon you" all you want. Until that marriage certificate is signed, she's not believing it. Nope, a marriage certificate is no guarantee, but it's better than the hot air you exhale with those words.

She's a fool to believe just because you say it you mean it. I guarantee it, she doesn't believe you.

that doesn't sound like a healthy mindset for any female to have, what was that about healthy females you were just saying?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

My best friend is into a ldr and i was trying to explain to him why what he's doing is wrong and about how many chances he misses with the local women ( he is a blonde body builder) while he spent hours and hours in front of a computer screen talking with this hb 6 . While i was trying to convince him he said this to me :

He: What do you know about relationships and connections , the most you have talked to a woman is for an hour , you fck them and then forget about their existence.

At first i thought how deep he is into the blue pill but after further thought i realised why i never had any relationship longer than a month or why i see this negativity into the forums about quality women .

I mean , every time i see a post about somebody who has issues with his woman , the only answer is to dump her and spin more plates . We always blame the women when something isn't working like most of men are perfect beings. I like to think that ss is still a self improvement site and that's why I'm saying, sometimes it's our fault when something isn't working.

When we keep on blaming women if our relations with them never improve, it means we are doing something wrong.

We keep on advising people in here , when we find a difficulty, we should dump the woman and look for something else. Normally, the higher the difficulty, better the quality. That's why we always end up with low quality women , because we can't deal with the good sh!t.

Yes, there is definitely an element of ego protection here. The woman is difficult, dump her.

It really comes down to not only the particular woman, but also ourselves. If we want the quality, we have to be the quality.

I think, like government, we deserve the women we get.

 

[ubercat]

Getting back to the original post. The respective age groups of posters explains a lot. Men and women LTR more as they age. Relationship skills build over time. Look in the MM forum and u ll find plenty of LTR posts. OP has had the pre-requisite amount of ONS and now is frustrated and is projecting on SS. I d suggest a little bit of digging below the surface. Myself, Zekko, Motu, Primebeef, etc. r all experienced guys who r normally found in LATE.

If you looked over all of our back posts you would find us wrestling with issues and plenty of good advice.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

If your goal is a quality LTR both parties need to know how to connect and work their way towards being ready, willing and able to do so. This isn't the Disney/white knight fantasy, it is a truthful and honest relationship where you are committed to dealing with the good, the bad and the ugly.

If you are a male that is looking for an LTR who doesn't think you need to reciprocate and connect emotionally, you are going to find a female who is comfortable with emotional distance. No bueno. This female has daddy issues. This female isn't going to take the relationship seriously (even tho she will model that she is) because there's nothing to tie her to you on a deep level. This is the b1tch who cheats and lies. These are some of your classic BPS, NPD, etc.

To be clear, I'm not advocating full on beta in any form. Def still be an alpha, and have her see you as a strong man who can lead, but you are going to have to also know how to provide her with the emotional fulfillment she craves, if you want that long term pair bonding that promotes loyalty. The kind of feelings for you where a woman will say to herself, he's not perfect but he's my man and he's there for me.

Be sure to qualify the female. 6 months of qualification at the least. Sometimes it takes a year. I was reading a few days ago, someone said, if you make it, 2 years is where everyone really starts to show who they are. That can be really true. Once you have qualified her, and you know she is someone that is in your corner, you need to contemplate this idea. Yes, it does mean exposing yourself a bit, and with exposure comes the possibility of getting hurt. It is what it is.

Good luck fellas.

Yep, men have to take a long hard look at themselves. Any addictions such as alcohol, drugs, sex and pornography, means you have an 'inner game' problem, and are probably incapable of a relationship.

Night Watch

Give me the night-watch any day,
Over the dark undulating grass,
Under the silent circling stars,
My sole company whilst I guard
Against that which seeks its prey.

I hear its rustle from afar,
Then again now coming near,
And stand alert with pointed spear,
Or perhaps in paralyzing fear,
Yet spared I am from the spar.

I held my ground, it slunk away
To some yawning underground den,
To savage dreams beyond my ken.
I lift my head to day.

 

[sazc]

@devilkingx2 if there is one thing I have learned from sosuave it IS to have that 'one foot out the door' mentality. To know that your coveted relationship could change on the whim of the other person. To understand that, just when you were feeling secure, safe, coveted, the other person might pull the rug out from under you. I give for real. I have my flaws, I am not perfect. I expect that the other person will fail me and am okay with that AS LONG as I have communicated my standards and expectations. This gets back to KNOWING that parents are horrible role models and coaches for their children. On that note, I (myself) understand that this is a possibility with any relationship and that, if I decide to 'go in', I need to do it understanding that I am giving unconditionally and understand that, if the other person doesn't receive what I have to give, it IS a character flaw on their part.

it's far too easy for anyone to say "im ready for a *real* relationship" without understanding what their role in that really is.

 

[devilkingx2]

@devilkingx2 if there is one thing I have learned from sosuave it IS to have that 'one foot out the door' mentality. To know that your coveted relationship could change on the whim of the other person. To understand that, just when you were feeling secure, safe, coveted, the other person might pull the rug out from under you. I give for real. I have my flaws, I am not perfect. I expect that the other person will fail me and am okay with that AS LONG as I have communicated my standards and expectations. This gets back to KNOWING that parents are horrible role models and coaches for their children. On that note, I (myself) understand that this is a possibility with any relationship and that, if I decide to 'go in', I need to do it understanding that I am giving unconditionally and understand that, if the other person doesn't receive what I have to give, it IS a character flaw on their part.

it's far too easy for anyone to say "im ready for a *real* relationship" without understanding what their role in that really is.

well at least you're a realist, I won't fault you for that, good on you.

seems like a hell of a risk to take though, but I guess that's why society has to socialize us to think we should so hard.

 

[sazc]

well at least you're a realist, I won't fault you for that, good on you.

seems like a hell of a risk to take though, but I guess that's why society has to socialize us to think we should so hard.

I'm willing to take the risk. I realize it's not for everyone

 

[9Volt]

Most "DJS" aren't connected upstairs to begin with.

 

[wifehunter]

Feminism destroys any connection with a quality man.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Feminism destroys any connection with a quality man.

Yes, just as any ideology destroys community.

 

[ubercat]

And in fairness to the young guys I wouldn't like to be in their shoes. I see all the young woman walking around as iPhone zombies messaging their orbiters all day long. I only Hunt women in their late thirties upward nowadays due to my age. By that age if they r still addicted to that social media crap I just walk on by.